Energetic healing from narcissistic abuse

To post a reply, login or signup

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

About ten years ago, I realized my dad was a narcissist, I'm sure if he ever sought help, which he would NEVER do, he would surely be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. This summer at a family reunion, I suddenly saw his behavior fully and completely and it was so terrible. I am an empath and a healer and a light worker, so I am his scapegoat kid. My brothers he approves of and disapproves of on different levels, but he seems to have a deep resentment and almost hatred for me. I found out that he thinks that I came into his life to wreck it all up and cause trouble and ruin everything that is important to him--I'm not on that list of things that are important to him apparently. It was so shocking and traumatic to realize that he actually truly thinks that, and all my life I've loved him and looked up to him and tried to help him heal and listened to him and believed in him. All while he was filing me with negative devices and bad energy to keep me down so he could look good and not have me mess up his life and make him look bad somehow. I'm not sure what he thinks I'm doing that could make him look bad or ruin his life, but none of this is based in rational thought or reason, so there is no use trying to solve it.

I was very traumatized when I realized what was happening and it took me a month of hard core all day energy work on my own and with some mentors and friends to clear me of the bad things he's done to me. It's been six months since that terrible revelation and I have good days and bad days about it. Part of me is still in shock that a dad could do that to his daughter who loves him and is an empath and a highly sensitive person and a healer. It was terrible to realize how much of my life and my free agency and my choices were not even really mine, they belonged to my dad, and I didn't have a choice about it, and I didn't even really know it was happening. Now I know and can choose for myself and honor myself and not let him or anyone else treat me like that. Still, somedays are hard. Today I got that yucky feeling again like I will never be free of him and his bad behavior toward me. I think it is because some old stuff came up to heal, but I'm not totally sure how to heal it with the tools I have.

Being an empath, I can even sometimes feel his disapproval and hatred of me and anger and need to control and dominate coming to me from him, even though we live in different parts of the country. Sometimes it's just old wounds coming up for healing so it's coming from inside me in my unhealed places instead of him. I feel angry that he never gave me what I needed, never saw me or heard me or valued me, or had any empathy towards me, but pretend he did, so I raised myself the best I could, filled with guilt and shame and anxiety and letting people and institutions take advantage of me and lord over me.

I feel like I don't know enough healing techniques to get all this out of my system and healed. I for sure want to go to therapy. I was going for a few months recently, but found out my insurance didn't cover it, so I had to stop until I can afford it. In the mean time, I use my healing gifts like reiki and being able to remove trapped negative emotions, cutting unhealthy energy chords, healing past lives and things like that. I feel like I need to add another healing gift to address this stuff, but I don't know where to find it. Have any of you had to heal yourself or others from abuse? What methods do you use? Where did you learn them from?


updated by @sarah: 03/23/17 12:37:43PM
Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I'm so sorry. I hope it's okay to realize this and I haven't just opened an incredibly painful can of worms for you. I posted this here because I know narcissists are so very often attracted to empaths, so I figured many of us would know exactly what I was talking about and have some tools to deal with it.

What you said about romanticizing your childhood, I was doing that so hard for so many years. The reunion slapped it out of me, but I think it was pretty much the way I saw my past, and it wasn't real. I'm very sorry you have experience with all of this, too.

Good things have come out of the healing, even the terrible painful parts. I know better how to recognize dark souls--even when they lie that they are good. It's a lesson I'm not necessarily happy to have to learn, but I'm glad to be able to learn it. I'm still pretty new at it.

I've also learned that lots of times when I felt sick or off or anxious around my family, it wasn't me, it was my dad using psychic attack on me, then punishing me for being weak and a mess. Again, not a lesson I asked for or am happy to learn, but it's good to know, because it happens sometimes in life, besides just with narcissistic parents.

I've learned that narcissistic parents usually treat the healthiest and most aligned to love and goodness kid the worst. They lie to the child and treat them like they are trouble and difficult, but really what they are is goodness. That makes me feel better about some of it, even though it wasn't fair.

The real truth is, it totally isn't fair and there is no way to heal, but to address all the painful emotions that the abuse created and release them. I know some ways to do it, but not quite enough yet. I hope you have some tools to help you release the pain you experienced. Ask your angels and guides to help you though this as gently as possible. It won't be gentle, but hopefully, there can be some beauty and love in the process for you.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Okay, good! I hope healing is as fast and as painless as possible and that you enjoy your new wholeness. :)

Lily
@lily
last year
1 posts

Reading your post brought back some difficult memories for me. My father was a narcissist also. As we move through life, we remove layers of dysfunction. One of the biggest was this very issue with my father. I appeared to be a threat to him. So he fought me even harder. He totally controlled my mother. I thought I was handling things OK, but being an empath, his dysfunctional attitude towards me moved into physical ailments. One of which was my gallbladder (where anger tends to be stored). After several gallbladder attacks, I went to the ER and was scheduled for surgery. While waiting to be rolled into the surgery suite, I pictured placing my father into my gallbladder, so that when the surgeon removed it, I would be free of my father's will. I felt totally at peace. The next morning, when the surgeon came into my room, he said he was surprised to see how bad my gallbladder was. In fact he said "it looked like an old man's gallbladder". I looked at my husband and smiled. From that point on when I would visit my parents, my attitude was very calm and non-reactive towards him. He didn't push my buttons anymore.

I hope that anyone doesn't let it go to this degree. A psychic friend of mine suggested a book called "Disarming the Narcissist". It helped me understand the narcissist way of thinking and also gave me tools to relate to him without it effecting me in a negative way.

Your answers will come.

Blessings

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Oh wow! That's amazing! I'll have to find some sort of ritual like that to rid myself of my dad. I left the church I was raised in recently. It was a rather agonizing journey because I was taught from childhood that it was the one and only true church and the only way to god and to leave it was to get damned and all that. I officially resigned in November and am no longer affiliated with any church. I had a moment last summer when I had been inactive from my church for a year where I received a spiritual message that if I never left my church, I would have never been free of my dad's narcissism. For me getting out of that church was to have a choice about my life for the first time in this lifetime. It was all tied up with my dad for me--control, abuse of power, threats, intermixed with what seemed like love and safety. It was very confusing, but I'm very happy to be out. I still have layers to heal from my dad, though. I will check out that book. I've heard about it recently, so maybe it would be very good for me.

I also want to see if I can find a ritual where I let something physically go--like you did and put my dad's energy in it and get rid of it for good. Thank you!

AudreeGene
@audreegene
last year
0 posts

I'm very glad you shared your story as I have felt so alone and misunderstood. Sometimes just writing out those feelings and words helps to release that energy so that it may open the door for healing. My mom was the one that singled me out. I knew from a very young age that there was something wrong with her cause other mom's were not like her. My mom grew up with alcoholic abuse parents and spent 3 years in an orphanage. It didn't make my pain any better, but I have been able to forgive her.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I'm so sorry you understand this, too. Writing it out helps me a lot, too. I'm sorry that your parent singled you out like mine did. No one deserves that. I'm glad you have reached forgiveness. I know I can get there, too, but sometimes I'm too fast to forgive. I need to be angry and heal myself for a little bit before I forgive him all the way. I will be very happy when I get to that point, but right now, I just have to keep healing. Hugs to you and I hope you find the peace and love and happiness you deserve.

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

I used to be in a cult. The guru was , through regression, identified as supposedly having been Jesus, Buddha, and a bunch of other famous prophets, philosophers etc., but in the end turned out to be a psychologically, mentally, and spiritually manipulating psychopath.

As I developed CFS shortly after leaving the cult, I feared for years that he was attacking me, and somehow causing my maladies. I did a lot of healing work too, forgiveness, cutting cords, etc, etc. Whenever I saw healers, they usually confirmed my suspicion - even years after I left the cult. One day I realized though that I was giving him far too much power! I had moved country, I had scores of angels helping me - even if he had the life force of his hundred followers at his disposal to attack me, how could scores of angels not protect me sufficiently? (There is even the English Channel between him and me now, so a decent body of, isolating, protecting salt water buffer!). I decided that is neither that smart, nor capable (nor would have the time!)to reach me, and disaffect me that badly. I let it go, and found other more reasonable sources of my unwellness! I kinda swam in not really knowing what was going on for a while longer, but then life started to make a lot more sense

I know my story is slightly different, but believe me, when I did fear that the attacks were coming from him, it felt very real!! What I am trying to say is - do not close the door to considering that what you feel is not coming from the inside, but from the outside! I am not trying to make you feel paranoid, but I my experience, if I e.g. get particular strong, and viscous healing resistance from a client - those energies will try to convince me of just about any other source, but my client. They'll tell me it is because of my diet, a phone call I had earlier, what I saw on TV last night, what I just read on a spiritual blog, a past life etc. It all feels possible, and somehow logic, but falls apart upon closer inspection, applying logic, my past experiences etc. Yes, some traumas cut deep, but it sounds like you have earnestly tried to cleanse out all hurt etc energies, practice forgiveness etc. Our bodies are not that big, to harbor endless amounts of trauma energies (unless we keep topping them up, by believing they are endless)...

I cannot tell you for certain obviously, if your personal healing process (re your father) is finished, but I would recommend to not 'insist' on knowing where your pain comes from. Accordingly pray, and ask for perfect healing of the source, or sources of any pain you get - wherever, whenever, whatever. Leave it up to your helpers to find, see, and heal the source/ sources. Whenever it is possible for them to let you know about some source, I am sure they'll fill you in (sometimes it might takes a while though for them to get that info through to you. Just be patient, and get on with your life,a s best as possible.) And just make sure that, if you have not already - you give the Divine card blanch re the amount, strength, extend, and frequency of help that is necessary, to make your life fulfilled, happy, and effortless.

Hope that helps in some way! Love and Light!

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Interesting! Maybe it's not all that important where the pain comes from--inside or outside, but just that there is healing left to be done.

This makes me realize that I guess I have another issue I didn't realize I had--I guess I don't trust that there is enough healing for me, or that god or the divine or whatever will give me what I need to heal. I believe there is enough healing in the universe for all people to be whole and complete, but for some reason, I just don't think the universe will apply it to me. Hm. I didn't realize I thought that way until I read your comment. I think I probably think that about many areas of my life. Maybe that's what comes of having parents that didn't give me what I needed, but I'm an adult now and have been for a long time, and I guess I'm still stuck in a pattern where I think of the divine like my parents where I can get only what I need if I work super hard and put myself away and, even then, it's only scraps of what I need, so I learn to be pleased with scraps. I guess I think the divine is like that to me, but not to others, to others it is generous and abundant. Yikes! I guess I found some more stuff to work on. Maybe if I work at this level of healing, when that pain comes--either from inside or outside myself, I can learn that the universe is powerful enough to protect me and give me what I need, because I sure don't believe that now.

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

That is interesting, that you say that. I had a narcissistic boyfriend last year, and it took me quite a lot of effort to de-cord, and get rid of all the damage. A good 6 weeks, for a 3 months relationship. One of the things I realized is, that I had been poisoned by his energies to put a limit on divine help. I kept on having these visions of 'limited' divine help, e.g. seeing large negative energy monsters, and small angels - how could they tame, heal or take it into rehab? I only had similar problems in the beginning of my spiritual journey, and then overcame them. Now I had to engage all my learning and mind again - remember that I do not know everything, cannot see everything yet - but I do know that there is enough help, and that ALL negative energies have their effortless, abundant good guys match, to remove them effortlessly. Makes me wonder if that is one of the roots of NPD? They have energies, and are influenced by energies - which tell them that there is not enough for everyone? including divine help?

Regarding de-cording - you might be interested to hear what I found there. I checked and found cords on all chakra levels, not just the solar plexus. Front and back. Sometimes I see side chakras, to the main chakras - and there were cords too. Furthermore where a cord enters our bodies, it can over time grow 'roots', so if we de-cord, those roots have to be healed, so they do not keep festering....

My ex had also given me energetic 'gifts'. At one time when we meditated together, I saw that he actually attempted to give me his soul star, which I returned with thanks though. But there were a few energy bits I found after breaking up, which I then sent back (especially as they were another portal for his thoughts, and energies to connect). (Goes in line with NPD behavior of thinking that whatever they give us, is a major self-less sacrifice, and if we are not their slaves thereafter for eternity, we are evil ungrateful monsters - lol)

Yes, you got it now - you do not have to know. You do not have know everything that happens during a healing, and there is enough help for you too, to achieve perfect healings! You mentioned in your original post that you were desperately seeking therapy. I would just put out there - that every time we receive or give ourselves Reiki - stuff gets healed! Conventional therapy, to my feeling, is comparatively slow. One pretty much looks at one hurtful event at a time, which can take a long time, In contrast with a healing session we expunge hurt from multiple events (and we do not even have to look at them again :)) The main bit we have to remember is (unconditional) forgiveness, to let go and trust in the Light. I believe Spirit is practical - we only have to learn that lesson ones - and then send it into all other remaining past hurt events, without having to spend loads of time viewing them one at a time....

Hope your healing journey is downhill from now :)

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Thanks for telling me about your own healing experience with it. I went back inside my soul today to see if I had that cording in my chakras and blocks to healing so I couldn't get the help I needed. I found a TON. That feels a little discouraging to me because I've been working for a few years now to clear this stuff, and very intensely since last July when I saw my dad for what he really is. I know seven months isn't enough to clear 42 years of deep narcissistic abuse, but it feels frustrating to me that there always seems like there is so much more to heal.

I'm home sick from work today and I'm just going to do Reiki and rest and heal and make a sacred time to get rid of all I can at this point. It seems just unbelievable to me that so much damage could be caused by one selfish, small person. I don't want to make him or his abuse the big looming flavor of my life. I want him to have no power over me and I want my health back and my peace back, and when I say "back" I probably never had it in this life. I expect his abuse of me started in the womb.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I think the creepiest thing I found was a bunch of devises and dark things designed to silence me so I wouldn't tell anyone what he was doing. :(

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Again, not to make you paranoid, but from my past experience with psychopaths and narcissists - only a fraction of their negativity actually sits inside of them. The rest is somewhere in the outside (feeding off the suffering created by the narcissist, psychopath; and backing-up the narcissist/ psychopath energies inside their narcissists/ psychopaths). The actual narcissist or psychopath is rarely clever enough to create all the energetic damage they do - as for much of it they would have to be very competent black magicians, which I doubt most are. What I mean is e.g. if a narcissist tries to offend a person, be hurtful - somehow their offenses (which one might brush off easily from another 'normal' person) are connected to/ charged with so much negative energy, it is virtually impossible to not be offended/ hurt..... As such it can be as well that even if one de-cords - those outside energies will help create new cords (i.e. it is not necessarily your fault, that you are masochistic, inviting it somehow, or else). That is another reason why it can be helpful to pray for the perfect healing of a problem - wherever it's source(s). I.e. in your case, healing narcissist energies inside your father, and or outside your father.... Once I learned about these energy structures, it helped me to become more patient! The nice thing is that once such problems are solved, you can be quite confident that you will have triggered the healing-off of tons of narcissist energies from this planet (and likely help others, connected to the same outside narcissist energies) to free themselves more effortlessly off their perpetrators. I guess that why they sometimes say that Lightworkers are like catalysts!

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

yes, I have experienced such with different psychopaths or narcissists in the past. And some actually did go off, a bit like a bomb on a specific event trigger, when I did something, they did not want me to do. But nothing that could not be healed again! They can be quite nasty things though! Well done for having found them, it should save you some unexpected nasty surprises in the future!

Share This

From Our Sponsors

  • intuitive reading
  • empath book