How do you classify/deal with those sudden shudders?

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Kate
@kate
3 years ago
131 posts

Well, not exactly shudders, but a sudden feeling, as if something electrical just passed thrugh you, and it kind of instantly made you worry what could be going on.

Now although my "sensors" play a primary role in my life, and i kind of trained myself to first let them be and listen to them because life was generally a pain if i did otherwise, i must alsso pass the infrmation i get through a logical/rational filtrer and find a reason. Usually it's there, you just know it. But some other times, like it happens to me and it's become so bugging, it's permanent and there everytime i dare to think or focus about it. It's something I am connected to because it's part of my life right now (ie: school... ) but this other bugging "electrical" feeling is coming frm my deskmate with which i had big problems, even though i tried to solve them countless times and draw clear boundaries.

I know about her that she has a pretty interesting energetic capacity, in the sense that she can make herself felt in this electrical way that I'm talkign about, but she had some huge problems with an abusive alcoholic father and money and her own rather closed native disposition, that she became what you can call an energy vampire, concentrating on extracting what she needs by verbally abusing others and starting fights around to get attention. Of course she ended up being ignored by all her classmates and in my rush of optimism and thinking it won't affect me, i tried to uplift and help her. Aaaah, bad move. The other problem was that i could see through her easily, and she didn't like it, even though i am very gentle generally speaking with these matters, something that i worked with while doing volunteer work with kids and generally towards animals.

But she saw both an enemy and an opportunity in this situation, thus when i started feeling really weird and uncomfortable around her, i wanted to talk with her: no use, she had other bigger problems, like her ego, even though she turned to me for advice a few times, such as why she can't sleep well during night and has nightmares, how accidents happen to her and so on. She clearly does not realise she is provoking these things, or rather, these things happen to open her eyes about what she's doing wrong. or if she did relise, she doesn't really do anything in the behaviour sector... she got some nasty habbits as well, such as lying, making up stories to draw attention, being boisterous, blocking outside influences or advice and other countless things.

But I described this because what bugs me is why do i get these weird feeling from her? I tried a few tricks i read about as being allright, such as imagining myself and her in 2 different "transparent boxes", or just distancing myself from her, well, basically what someone does after someone does a lot of bad things to you and definetly doesn't want your good, and even stealing your work or ideas... and not only that, but she simply made me feel agitated, as if she was giving me her internal state T_T f course, it's not the first time this happens with somebody else for me, but it's the first time i concluded this is being very toxic to myself, while all she does is actually taking adantage of my more composed energy and treating others like crap every time she finds something she thinks she is superior about... the problem is my tricks don't work o_o maybe it's something abut myself too? such as curiosity? something prompting me to help her athough i definetly won't end up with anything, straight away, as far as i've seen; quite on the contrary? I tried mving away from her, but she started behaving so good and finally acting normal that i felt bad for her :)) and decided that maybe she has changed. She definetly changed since i came to know her more (since i moved to her) and i feel good at least that even though she did some bad things to me, she didn't end up being the black sheep of the class and they don't do so many mean things to her anymore...

And yet, now i was watching a video about something, and somehow she crossed over my mind: it was a horrible feeling though, because i was being so peacefulla nd feeling good and with my own stuff and thoughts, and suddenly, i got that "electrical feeling" inside me which totally changed my internal state, and it was as if i saw her: i honestly got pretty agitated, maybe because i couldn't grasp what and why, and tried to distance mysef from her again. Well, in the end i managed to, but i honestly didn't like it. What annoys me is that the mechanism i had befre doesn't get "activated" anymore. I used to be horribly picky about who i let pass certain boundaries, but now I am working with what i can do, what i should do and finding a balance, and integrating the spiritual aspect into the daily life, and it's pretty hard, but the problem is sometimes i don't get the reason behind these feelings that i get from certain people... it's also about the environment at school and the classroom, it's like it's a storm of charged stuff, and i wouldn't even mind a real storm or something overwhelming that is natural, but these feelings about the environment are really, really negative and pressing...

When i tried explaining them the first time i moves there, people wouldn't really believe me, and i naturally tried t change myself a bit and adapt, but soon enough real problems started appearing, such as classmates doing outrageous things and yelling at teachers and being violent and stuff became real. And I knew ages before, the feelings were lingering, but ah, people don't getting it when they should get it and then paying for it is another story...

Now do you get those "shudders" from certain people, suddenly, as well? How do you manage them? What is their cause in your case, generally speaking? :) this is definetly nt the first time it happens to me, but the nature of what i felt earlier alarmed me and i wished to talk about it before it goes away... because i know they are real, but i still don't want to believe that that girl, my deskmate, is going through something really bad, again... we're not even in the same town at the moment, and i can definetly not help her, whatever the cause. One thing I realise is that my curiosity and the fact that i might have been the pushy one in the first place caused this, and i have to stop it ;) But how? Simply by not letting myself think about her anymore? I think i will have to do some "inner work" once school is finished, in 2 months, and put the boundaries in their place... but i don't know, i'm playing on my gut feelings :(


updated by @kate: 02/15/17 11:51:16PM
Kate
@kate
3 years ago
131 posts

Thank you so much guys! I've got to tell the funny thing that happened after i posted this :))

Ever since we started school after the Easter Holiday, she has been behaving really nice and normal, finally. No tantrums or losing control over herself episodes & co, and i don't feel drained the same way i used to feel. Though i realise it still isn't normal to say this. I actually feel how i am drained by other people now, and the problem is that... the problem is in my class, again -.-" I've got no idea what i so wrong with people. I'm literally sick (literally, my immunitary system hasn't been too good in the past year because i felt so stressed and pressed all the time) and these are the first people with which i haven't been able to create something more agreeable and connect and find my place in a way or another. There have been so many negative things going on and I've been the target for so many temper tantrums, that i started wondering how can people even walk through life with so many dark clouds inside them? I imagine itmust be a very heavy feeling they don't even realise, not that i don't have my episodes too...

I'm honestly confused. I don't even understand how i should judge or understand people anymore. The only logical beings in my head right now are children, old & calm people and animals. Way too many people act like stags in rut period, and even worse, actually. I don't know if it is the right place to tell what happens usually in my school environment (which is pretty fallen in morals). People imitate sex scenes on the teachers desk, girls go to some of the boys to be touched everywhere and then start "screaming" like they didn't ask for it, they couldn't care less about their future or non-verbal means of communication except yelling at each other all the time and talking only about 2 principal subjects: nail polish, boys (to name it 'delicately') and gossip and "biting back" the other people they perceive as competition, even though we only have 3 more weeks together and after that we will go to college, they still act like they are bewildered and snap back at teachers and so on. Not to mention the boys still play with a football ball in the classroom, knocking down the flower pots and making the walls dirty and 'head-shot-ing' some classmates in the process :))

I don't even know what to say anymore, other than the fact that they are strange, an di wonder why life doesn't slap them already. Of course, i won't even mention the teachers who couldn't care less about the psychological dynamics of our classroom, those that also hold back the good kids... all in all, i just don't understand it anymore. I struggled so much with them, and tried to change the way things work, but i've constantly been hurt by all kinds of observations, and in the end we all reached the conclusion that i should have done what i felt like, not what others told me to do or not and how to judge people and it would have been better.

Anyway, i feel like i don't understand them. First, there was a problem with me and the lack of confidence in myself. But after i learned and saw how things truly work, and after i went through a series of happenings, i changed a bit and became more accepting with people. yet what they continued doing was... damn, if i may ask, just why are the negative areas and patches so strongly binded together and why do people try to deflect a good energy? What kind of environment/exposures creates these gaps in the human brain?

For example, I know i can sense a series of things. The radio waves inside big hypermarkets (which made me dizzy when i was younger and i really didn't like these places xD but now i learned how to deal with it: it's on a psyhical after all...). I could sense(actually, hear) certain movement detectors in some shops, when something is charging, when a TV is open inside an apartment while walking by the door on the outside and etc... these are just some that i realise i can tell apart on a conscious level. Then I know i can read people and animals generally. When people talk, i learned to pay more attention to the non-verbal signs i got from them and then keep the things i learn about them this way and act like i know less than i do.

This is actually very handy with animals and kids, but i can't understand why many people, again, seem to get so scared about it. They should know deep inside themselves that, wherever they live and whatever a society might be and might do, there are some essential traits that should not be forgotten, such as how to communicate this way, in a non-verbal manner... meh... :( I feel a little alone with these ideas, i don't know. I honestly feel they are right, but why are people so stubborn about what doesn't do them good?

Also, I'm talking from an east-european point of view. Maybe in the States or UK there are other concerns and society on the whole, and maybe the empaths living there have to deal with other things... haha, sorry for responding so late, i tried re-writing this message countless times but everytime i made it kilometric ^^". There is so much i want to say and so many thing i think, but i can't really talk with anyone here about more than a very small part, it would seem strange to people... I mean, when i was younger, my classmates categorized me as weird just because i used to draw a lot and participate in projects of this nature, and because i had quite a few hobbies and been interested in different cultures... honestly, they even excluded me from their groups and such because they could only recognise certain things, and they also saw the fact that i was good with animals as a very strange thing (we were young, 1-8th grades, but even at those ages, they had a lot of mean things stored inside them! i remember i cried a lot when i was younger because of what they were doing, but i still had too much pride to tell my parents about it when I felt i had to deal with it, and not burden them... or anyone at all actually) and i think it's because there have only been 20 years since communism ended and there still are fear-compacted areas... again, too many people that shouldn't be anymore are still numb about such things... um, has anyone came across similar thoughts/observations until now?

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