Having a Bad Day

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Karen
@karen
4 years ago
28 posts

My entire body is like tingling. I have asked (told) my boyfriend to leave. He sufferes from untreated PTSD. I have a very hard time living with it. I'm scared. I want him to go, I don't want him to go. I want to ask him to stay, but I'm afraid I will only want him to leave again in a day or two. I am shaking. I want to fix it, but I know I can't. I want someone to tell me what to do, but I know that it is up to me and no one else. I am afraid of making a bad mistake. I am afraid for him. He can not financially afford to be on his own. I can't clear my mind.


updated by @karen: 01/13/17 02:24:31AM
Karen
@karen
4 years ago
28 posts

no kids - we are both 64....I can barely type right now. the anxiety is doing a number on me.

I'm almost ready to tell him to stay. But I don't think it will help him. I think he needs to flounder

before he even considers treatment. I just don't know what to do. Ever have like a hundred

voices in your head all saying different things?

Karen
@karen
4 years ago
28 posts

My gut is telling me ...I don't even know what it is telling me. I don't really want him to go. I want him to get treatment for his PTSD. But I can't make him do that. I'm sorry for being so unorganized in my thoughts today.

Angel
@angel
4 years ago
607 posts

The other options are to tell him that if he is going to stay , he needs treatment otherwise he needs to go or you can continue to live the way you live with him now, which you are not happy with. This situation sucks but like I said before, it's his problem, not yours unless you make it your problem. If he is not willing to meet you half way, how much does he love you anyways? The way I see it, your house, your rules, and all your doing is drawing the line, the rest is his choice, not yours. If he doesn't care about how his issues are effecting you or your relationship that may be an indicator that the love is only one-sided, and you don't want that either. The last option, if he is mentally unstable enough, is to contact the VA if he is a veteran, or your local crisis team to do an evaluation on him. He would have to be pretty bad, danger to self or others, in which case, they could do the eval and see if he qualifies for a 72 hour hold in a ward where they would stabalize him on med, Again, he would have to be a serious risk for the last option.

If it were me, that's what I would do, if I wasn't ready to let go, draw the line, give him his options and have him make the choice. If he chooses neither, then he chooses to leave.

I know it's alot easier said then done, but like I said, I've had to do and it wasn't pretty, in fact, his true colors really showed during that time which only reinforced what I was doing. Your not the bad guy in this and neither is he, it is what it is. There is no mistake, the reality is is that you love him but you can't live with him like that and he doesn't seem to want to change. So give him one last chance to make that change and if he refuses then you need to choose you.

This is the closest I can do with telling you what to do without telling you what to do,lol. Be strong, and don't allow your emotions to cloud what you are trying to accomplish. My thoughts are with you.

Roxanne
@roxanne
4 years ago
1,562 posts

Speak to your doctor, about his problem and how the anxiety is affecting you. I heard a saying once: "..If you don't know what to do don't do anything at all. "
We don't always have the luxury to live that way, but it sounds to me like if you tell him to go tonight you will only ask him back tomorrow. So why don't you just try to hold on, until you can get a doctor to help give YOU advice.
If this is clinical PTSD, medication might be the difference between both of you finding a peaceful solution.
I wish you luck.
If he is a physical threat please call police or domestic abuse hotline for advice.
You are not alone.

Karen
@karen
4 years ago
28 posts

Steven,

Thank you for all the suggestions. I will do my best to follow them. Today I'm much more calmed down.

Karen

Karen
@karen
4 years ago
28 posts

Well, yesterday I told him that he HAS to move out. He had been procrastinating and I really got the feeling he was not actively searching for a place. Yes his PTSD is combat related. But he has been firm in saying he will not get treatment. So I have accepted that. But I also am not going to live with it. He has never done anything to harm me...but I know there could be a first time. He gets so angry and when that happens it goes on for hours sometimes. If he is angry at someone he always says "I want her/her/them dead". Not only does his anger go right through me but statements like that scare me. The other night he started so I just went in my bedroom. He kept asking "where are you?" He saw me go into the bedroom so why ask? But I said "I'm in here where it is quiet" - I have told him over and over that I can't be around the anger. At that time he started in that I am controlling him because I don't want him to yell or get angry. It just seems like its all about him. He never thinks that he is controlling me because I have to walk on eggshells and try to smooth everything out so he doesn't get angry.

Anyway, I think it is for the best that he leave. I'm not happy with the way things are, and he is not willing to at least try treatment (for say 6 months), so there is no other choice.

This will not be easy. I know my emotions are going to go in 14 different directions. I just need to stay strong and not give in.

Karen
@karen
4 years ago
28 posts

Yes he does own a firearm. He does not seem upset at all today, just very confused and depressed. So at this time I feel safe. But I will be very vigilant. You said something in your previous post, comparing it to a snarling dog. Really good analogy. But in his defense he does not actually take anything out on me exactly. Its what I have to hear, the loud voice, the yelling. BUT I will admit that if I get angry about it THEN his anger is aimed at me. Very confusing...

He has told me today he feels lost, confused, scared. Doesn't know where he will live, afraid his car will break down on the trip back, etc. Then he told me he will work the strip as much andas hard ashe can (he used to be an impersonator) so he can save up money to buy a small RV and live in it, where no one will ever tell him what to do again, for the rest of his life.

I'm working very hard today to not fall into his pity pot.

Oh and you are NOT overstepping. I like to here a man's point of view and also someone familiar with vets and PTSD. I am very grateful for that.

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