Noone is ever really prepared for death. We can know it's coming and we can even look at it as a gift is the person who is suffering, but death still has a way of making us realize that the person we love is no longer on this same plain of exsistance as we are. You still loved her and your heart still breaks knowing that you will not see her the same ever again. Even when we cross over, though we are reunited, we still change. We are no longer the person we are at that moment. Smudging doesn't help and won't help because most of the pain is your own heart grieving, IMHO I'm sure you are getting theirs as well, but accept your own grief first and then the smudging will help you with theirs.
I'm so sorry , my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.