Ok, so i have a set of strange happenings that kind of seem to threaten my health if i don't do something/act while i still can. I wonder if anybody else, as highly sensitive people, go through the same struggles. Sorry of this is a lot, these thoughts are like heavy stones on my heart
-I have an issue with my hearth lately, as I've started feeling random aches and i feel it quite blocked somehow as much as the chest area is involed. I also endure a great deal of stress from the environment that i'm in right now, and it breaks my heart everytime to see that here i was not as well undesrtood by people and that they actually don't understand anything at all related to spirituality and co. Very sad people, very stressful environment from which i can actually recover during holidays while i don't meet them, but as soon as the school starts again... well, i just can't help it but start feeling horrible again, absorbing unwanted stuff and being pushed to the limits by some people's behaviour. I've actually always been liek that, but i learned to create a balance of some kind an actually become better and better and less affected by the bad: now that i moved the problem worsened, and my classmates are the last people on earth that could help me, as their wolf-liek behaviour simply drains me of every good feeling and patience that i have.
The stress is becoming more and more evident from my habbits: i go to sleep very late, my hair started falling more than usual, my calcium levels are going lower... and now I have this kind of pain in the heart area that would require so much meditation to find the reason and detach it! The problem is, i've tried somehow lessening the negative effect of the environment that really isn't compatible with the way i am, but things are so much adding up that i leash out at parents, i can hurt people with the way i press the deep realities i feel about them... which i shuldn't do, because of course this is not the point of having access to people's emotions on a more intense level than others! But what could i do? seriously, it is just so hard!
-So apart from the aching area around my chest/heart, and from the fact that there is a great deal of pressure on the crest of my head/shoulders, my stomach also suffers. It has a very high acidity level (stress, again) and i really have t be careful what i eat. The thing is i started feeling it from the start, how the situation wasn't looking so good. Everytime i try to meditate and clean the area though, certain people just come into my mind and it is like i CANNOT detach from them! Or they don't want to...
-The dreams. I do not know what part of me wants to escape so bad, but i had a semi-lucid dreaming occurence that totally left me reaaally dizzy. When my mother woke me up, it was like i was still in another wolrd! I felt so... so strange, i didn't like it, and i felt very tired, and teh dream involved talking to someone i never met with whom i had a link and we exchanged some things (earrings). But i had a very nasty feeling, like i was directly talking with somebody... and i remember everything. What i said, teh other person's name, how she looked like, what i did, teh environment, the colors...
-My power of thoughts are somewhat getting highwire. I simply cannot block them the way i used to: when i formulate a thought, it goes off like a torpile - the person at which is send is guaranteed to feel it! I don't know how to describe it, but i'm pretty certain that the law of sttraction works too better in my case: stuff happens as sure as i wish/think thing. people say somethign in their defense, or situation occur so that my answers are solved... i feel it is really hard, always having to be in control over what you think. I do have very intense eyes and others know me for that... i can literally transmit them what i am feeling, but i cannot open their hearts at all, God dammit, as they're like leeches!
-Coincidences. Literally, in the last month, everywhere ) I just think about a thing, like a song, or talk about something, then a friend of mine posts something about it or i opne the tv and there's teh same thing being debated...
-Mixed realities. I don't know what to believe in anymore to make my life happy and balanced. I am slowly integrating in my life the fact that i can feel people and read their aura and the fact that they have always affected me a lot before I learned about grounding, but i am not sure where i should stop with this "integrating process" so that i do not actually go crazy: I mean, i've met people that had such strong bio-energetic fields that small thing would remain glued to their hands (papers, pens...) and other that claimed they could move stuff with their minds (reiki prcaticioners). And how odl I am? not even 18... so everything is pretty crazy looking at this moment. Though i still play my role as a high-school teenage girl with normal friends & co, while deep inside i crave what i feel i'm starting to be pushed away from: spirituality, a compassionate heart and a deep understanding that can, however, bring me happiness, not sadness.
-Flashes about what is going to happen, or about what other think. It is crazy, it happens only about small events that are sure bound to happen in no more than 2 minutes as far as i've observed until now, and are pretty rare, but if something bad is involved... my little angel is there to warn me! (i guess, lol) Like the feeling of pressure and feeling that somethign bad is gonna happen as soon as i entered the elevator. What did i do? I ignored it and told me it's nothing. And the next moment the electricity run out and teh elevator stopped. Imagine how I felt.
-The way i can feel when others are thinking about me, seeing behind lies and everything. It's... it's a lot. I've been misunderstood in the past for that.
So because i see truth in what i've learned, i do not wish to close as i grow up, i cannot even do that to myself, loosing all this intuition, and i am determined to integrate and tell everyone around me about these things, little by little, and rise their awarness... and still keep my down-to-earth goals and live a normal life.
My mind is screwed.
updated by @kate: 05/13/17 06:02:31AM