Going Highwire!

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Kate
@kate
4 years ago
131 posts

Ok, so i have a set of strange happenings that kind of seem to threaten my health if i don't do something/act while i still can. I wonder if anybody else, as highly sensitive people, go through the same struggles. Sorry of this is a lot, these thoughts are like heavy stones on my heart :(

-I have an issue with my hearth lately, as I've started feeling random aches and i feel it quite blocked somehow as much as the chest area is involed. I also endure a great deal of stress from the environment that i'm in right now, and it breaks my heart everytime to see that here i was not as well undesrtood by people and that they actually don't understand anything at all related to spirituality and co. Very sad people, very stressful environment from which i can actually recover during holidays while i don't meet them, but as soon as the school starts again... well, i just can't help it but start feeling horrible again, absorbing unwanted stuff and being pushed to the limits by some people's behaviour. I've actually always been liek that, but i learned to create a balance of some kind an actually become better and better and less affected by the bad: now that i moved the problem worsened, and my classmates are the last people on earth that could help me, as their wolf-liek behaviour simply drains me of every good feeling and patience that i have.

The stress is becoming more and more evident from my habbits: i go to sleep very late, my hair started falling more than usual, my calcium levels are going lower... and now I have this kind of pain in the heart area that would require so much meditation to find the reason and detach it! The problem is, i've tried somehow lessening the negative effect of the environment that really isn't compatible with the way i am, but things are so much adding up that i leash out at parents, i can hurt people with the way i press the deep realities i feel about them... which i shuldn't do, because of course this is not the point of having access to people's emotions on a more intense level than others! But what could i do? seriously, it is just so hard!

-So apart from the aching area around my chest/heart, and from the fact that there is a great deal of pressure on the crest of my head/shoulders, my stomach also suffers. It has a very high acidity level (stress, again) and i really have t be careful what i eat. The thing is i started feeling it from the start, how the situation wasn't looking so good. Everytime i try to meditate and clean the area though, certain people just come into my mind and it is like i CANNOT detach from them! Or they don't want to...

-The dreams. I do not know what part of me wants to escape so bad, but i had a semi-lucid dreaming occurence that totally left me reaaally dizzy. When my mother woke me up, it was like i was still in another wolrd! I felt so... so strange, i didn't like it, and i felt very tired, and teh dream involved talking to someone i never met with whom i had a link and we exchanged some things (earrings). But i had a very nasty feeling, like i was directly talking with somebody... and i remember everything. What i said, teh other person's name, how she looked like, what i did, teh environment, the colors...

-My power of thoughts are somewhat getting highwire. I simply cannot block them the way i used to: when i formulate a thought, it goes off like a torpile - the person at which is send is guaranteed to feel it! I don't know how to describe it, but i'm pretty certain that the law of sttraction works too better in my case: stuff happens as sure as i wish/think thing. people say somethign in their defense, or situation occur so that my answers are solved... i feel it is really hard, always having to be in control over what you think. I do have very intense eyes and others know me for that... i can literally transmit them what i am feeling, but i cannot open their hearts at all, God dammit, as they're like leeches!

-Coincidences. Literally, in the last month, everywhere ;)) I just think about a thing, like a song, or talk about something, then a friend of mine posts something about it or i opne the tv and there's teh same thing being debated...

-Mixed realities. I don't know what to believe in anymore to make my life happy and balanced. I am slowly integrating in my life the fact that i can feel people and read their aura and the fact that they have always affected me a lot before I learned about grounding, but i am not sure where i should stop with this "integrating process" so that i do not actually go crazy: I mean, i've met people that had such strong bio-energetic fields that small thing would remain glued to their hands (papers, pens...) and other that claimed they could move stuff with their minds (reiki prcaticioners). And how odl I am? not even 18... so everything is pretty crazy looking at this moment. Though i still play my role as a high-school teenage girl with normal friends & co, while deep inside i crave what i feel i'm starting to be pushed away from: spirituality, a compassionate heart and a deep understanding that can, however, bring me happiness, not sadness.

-Flashes about what is going to happen, or about what other think. It is crazy, it happens only about small events that are sure bound to happen in no more than 2 minutes as far as i've observed until now, and are pretty rare, but if something bad is involved... my little angel is there to warn me! (i guess, lol) Like the feeling of pressure and feeling that somethign bad is gonna happen as soon as i entered the elevator. What did i do? I ignored it and told me it's nothing. And the next moment the electricity run out and teh elevator stopped. Imagine how I felt.

-The way i can feel when others are thinking about me, seeing behind lies and everything. It's... it's a lot. I've been misunderstood in the past for that.

So because i see truth in what i've learned, i do not wish to close as i grow up, i cannot even do that to myself, loosing all this intuition, and i am determined to integrate and tell everyone around me about these things, little by little, and rise their awarness... and still keep my down-to-earth goals and live a normal life.

My mind is screwed.


updated by @kate: 05/13/17 06:02:31AM
B
@b
4 years ago
252 posts
I'm no pro but I would not share much with the kids a school kids are unkind for the most part. I was one a long time ago. Think of this the things you thought about 5years ago are not what you think about now and in 5 more years you should be thinking of yet a another bunch of things that you are not thinking about now. Go with your inner voice. It is true. Get your education, most importantly. Find out where you're strong and follow your dreams try to enjoy the simple things and not stress over what others think. We can't be responsible for how others feel but if you do nice things and don't talk trash about others it will iron its self out. I too have been suffering chest pain that is not mine and it dose suck but in time things will get better chin up and check out the survival guide hear its helped me a lot good luck with things.Brent
Kate
@kate
4 years ago
131 posts

Oh, with my kilometric post, i didn't expect to get so many answers :) thank you all for the beautiful suggestions

So for the most part: yes, i'm aware of the fact that i will soon go to college and everything will end, and i know i will miss them because i still have hobbies, and i stil know nice people with who i can talk, and i liek some teachers too which are amazing, but it doesn't change the fact that when i try to "extract" my good energy there's somethign in there, something bad, which led me to an absolute nasty kind of depression from which i hardly put myself together.

Please, does anybody has any idea why this is happening when i meditate? The internal process goes as follows: i meditate/relax/exercise whatever, and i become more and more relaxed and able to "open" and sense the energies flowing in me and around. Next comes the natural balancing instinct: once i am open enough and aware of what i wish for myself, energy starts flowing and i just clean myself, i don't feel like i need an intense thinking process and direct every inch of what is happening with my thoughts, it goes on naturally. But as i start feeling better and enjoying the state in which i become more aware, there comes a horrible influx of stuff that i don't like at all. It throws me off balance and makes me feel tired due to so much fighting against it.

It is coming from the stomach area, and it is like i am able to open the door to a room full of nasty gases, let's say. I think that what i feel are stored bad energies that i can access and read, though such ideas sounds so crazy for me, like, why do i have to be the cleaning sponge of the places i go to?? Sure it is not bad at all to constantly know so much stuff about what's going around, who is feeling what and why and sometimes being able to read if something good or bad is gonna happen, but there's this downside...

So I attribute these nasty things to the classroom i am in right now. I made a stupid, baad choice. These people aren't really compatible with anything "spiritual" because they were never taught to open their mind about such things, and they are completely different from the ore understanding and much more sensible environment i'm coming from. But then there's something... evil ;)) Well, not really maybe, but i don't like it at all, and i feel like nasty stuff is directed towards me for trying to be the good fellow and cut through this fog of illusions, negative thoughts and way too pessimistic about life, because this is what i am and what i do and i do not think it is a bad thing as long as there have been positive outcomes, though after a long period of time when others come to understand the change.

Of course, i blamed myself a lot for feeling what i can feel and being what i am and wondering if it is really good because some people don't respond to my downright way of behaving when teh right time comes at all and it doesn't lead to a nice life at all, refusing what you are given... damn :(

So what is that that negative stuff i can feel coming from my stomach? Could it be my own bad past experiences yet unreleased that block me from healing myself, could it be someone that wants to harm me, or maybe a relationship with someone that still hasn't ended? (physically there has never been anything with anybody as i think i'm yet young for that, so... just emotionally?) Or it could be indeed the energy of a place i go to (my new classroom) ?

I am able to feel the change within myself (and the energies i "filter") because i'm generally peacefull, with lots of energy (i need to go the the gym or prcatice a sport periodically :)) ) i absolutely love animals and nature and i am very sensible and quite caring, but when i direct my thoughts towards an environment in which i am suppoosed to put a lot of thought and energy to build a path in this life... well, this is a biiig source of turmoil and it's throwing me off balance, and hurting me!

The only cure i've got for it is to think about my riding lessons, about the time spent at a ranch and the amazing time around horses/animals... it automatically protects me for a while, but i can't live extracting what i need from other places like that. There's also a lot of buzzing in myhead, and going to the mountains/wilderness/forests is one of the best cures for me too. So... there must be something throwing me off balance in this city/apartment/among my fiends (damn, don;t know anymore!) that shouldn't be there and i don;t wanna let it be :(

B
@b
4 years ago
252 posts
Don't rush your time being up bud you are brilliant this post alone is brilliant I think the key to finding Mrs/Mr right is to not be looking for them . I have been in love a few times. And in the end stages of some one I loved deeply but she isn't right for me so I must move on. I have one last flame burning in me and if Mrs right is not who I think she is I'll be moving to Australia to live out my days as a fun lonely man. But don't rush our time hear is already to short.
Kate
@kate
4 years ago
131 posts

@Tony: i've actually done anything possible so that i ensured there aren't real medical concerns as long as i keep myself on astraight(!!) line and don't overdo things. And stress a little less. I'm somewhat conscious it's all mental, but also that everything starts from the small energetic negative imprints (again, probably generated by the way our brain perceives the things) but then again, i can make the difference between what is good for my system and what is simply not. And this difference in air, atmosphere, strikes me everytime in this environment at school, and it's something that's really hurting me everytime. I'm not the type of person to start complaining about a situation from the very first moment, but when i realise i've made a bad decision... i'm trying to find the correct mindset to be able to cope with it.

I also don't feel good about what i am supposed to do, because i feel like i need to use some energies that i had in store and i was supposed to use in college and later in life when the situation really calls for it. I am generally really conservative with my personal reserves, and after an organised period of receiving i become really active when i feel it is teh time to... but really, right now, it feels like i wanted to force myself into understanding a lesson i knew i was missing in the other environment, and now that i kind of "got it", i feel that having to live with it for another half an year will deplete me of some essential stuff i tried to gather. I had so much more patience and understanding, and desire to do stuff and participate in different things... but now my heart... it feels like it's being scratched. I cannot act like i don't feel responsible for others, i just can't... and when they refuse something that i am convienced they should do because it will make everyone's life better... i feel hurt again. And i am talking about the fact that they should have less moments of verbal impulsivity, less "i don't care" when the situation asks for responsability, less negativity and judgemental tendencies. I just want to show how nice it is embracing a different perspective on things (didi i mention that I live in a country where parents are still scarred by communism and it has been passed down to children in some cases, and fear hasn't been released yet from a lot of places?) I've had the luck to travel to amazing places... abroad, or inside my country, and spend summer in another cities which i found much more full of joy... so i kind of been able to feel and compare the differences. I'm not saying i'm always right, oh my, no, not at all, actually, i kind of agree with Socrates here"As for me, all Iknow is that I don't really know anything" ... but i also feel that we actually are given candles to guide us through the darkness :)

So I'm worried about myself, loosing my "candles" by making the fire too big, or by not maintainng it enough... i wish for real balance, and when i get it, some inner impulses make me desire something better, always... it's so contradictory. I should start wishing to gain enough wisdom to be able to appreciate what it is at the very moment it appears...

Basically, this is one of the 2 unresolved problems from childhood :( to believe or to not believe... :))

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