Ok, I give up. I simply don't know how to interpret this anymore. I'll tell why I'm so concerned about a seemingly unimportant decision and I so hope someone can give me an explanation of what is happening... I mean, are these kind of thoughts/experience common among empaths?
I. So I started going through some strange things and year ago. Headaches, changes in how I perceive the world, like everything became more full of life and people were actualy there. I started to sense things, to become more sensible to those around me... I started feeling lonely again, and very bored. I thought it was because of the class I was in (28 girls, 2 boys...), I thought I was going nuts like 2 of my teachers who instead of doing their job took their time to actually tell us how to create and sense energy balls, the power of precious stones, etc... and there were many classmates who actually listened carefully every time and believed in everything.
So yeah, I freaked out, and decided to move to another class.
II. As I saw later, the "teachings" made their way to my head, in spite of my resistance. For the first time I actually admitted to myself that such things are real and I shouldn't crush my intuition and out-of-nowhere thougts about events and the world around in a corner of my mind anymore. Little by little I started to become so much warmer to the people around, I started to love crowds, although I knew that after intense socialising I needed some time to refresh my heada nd recharge my batteries.
With the good position won among my classmates, I guess I became what one could call a people's person. I finally learned how to control everything so as not to become overhelmed, for teh first time I got rid of fear, my head started to become lighter, I could speak easily... then there came the premonitions, and ability to guess things, discover the lies and one's true intent. I didn't have car/airplane/subay sickness anymore, as I discovered a way of thinking that would prevent that (somehow like visualising the energy circulating from bottom-up). Then I discovered how I could "collect" energy from those around me so as to have more energy, I discovered the power of thoughts, how I could influence one's behaviour right away by directing positive/negative thoughts to him/her. Of course i was a little too proud to use it carelessly, as I saw that there were some people who could somehow detect such "works"... I learned how to be persuasive, went to a lot of gatherings and clubs and I everything was going so well that I decided to move, to "improve" myself.
Oh dear, bad move!
III. Even though I had one beautiful summer holiday, ever since I started school I watched my powers being drawn away. Not only that the psychological tricks were good for nothing among my new classmates who are the most cynical and realist people ever, but I went in there too opened: sensed so much fear, everyone's thoughts about me, be them good or bad, so many new things that overwhelmed me. I didn't want to close again though, and the "wall trick" prevented me to fully "play". It was too good being sensible to everybody around me... it was like i was walking on the safest path ever. I felt like even on street in another city, I somehow had the knowledge to do the right thing and avoid the negativity. But I got overwhelmed by this unexplainable fear. I tried meditation, grounding, going to a psychologist to understand what was happening, maybe it was just my imagination... at first it worked, but after a while, the feeling only got worse. Then I felt like somebody as absorbing my energy every time my brain would get the "good" idea of analysing the situation I got myself into at school... having to build a new status among everyone and the teachers... and this crazy thing about chakras, the meditation that i felt I had to do like there was a countdown or something! Not to mention my daily obligations as a child/sister/student/friend... which I ultimately started to ignore after being so concerned that I ill loose my newly discovered abilities!
My daily premonitions about small but sure things started to become much more infrequent and my sensibility to the people around diminished. I started to become less confident, less persuasive, in fewer words, my empathy decreased so much that right now I'm questioning myself henever everything was an illusion or not: fortunately I actually wrote a dairy with my "premonitions" and weekly thoughts... (Oh, the shock when my mother found it! lol)
And now I seriously want to move back to my old class again.
So I'm asking for an advice: is it safe to make such a decision under the influence of fear? (yes, the subjects taught differ, but the choice for college won't be affected) I know a LOT of what happened is determined by the way I THINK, but there's also some bad influence coming from outside and I'm really afraid of loosing my empathy and there's this thing that i can't apply it at school anymore because my classmates respond to it in a very strange and annoying way. Well most of them, but it's enought )
Is it possible to lose your empathy by the way, and do you know any tricks that don't have any connection with meditation to help me reach my full potential?
updated by @kate: 09/02/18 05:06:48AM