Presentiments vs Rational Thinking?

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Kate
@kate
5 years ago
131 posts

So now I've came to this point: should I consider myself "clear" enough to actually listen to my presentiments, take them as real and part of my own developement or ignore them, and instead apply the "common sense" and rational logic based on actual facts like for example (during the past 2 months, this has become a "normal conversation" between me and my mother)

"How can you let these sentiments control you? No, you moved to another class, and you shouldn't move back! You say that everytime you think about your old class you feel one with yourself again and get images and glimpses of what could happen or of what an action could take you to? God, are you my daughter? What happened to you? You never had such ideas before... you were stubborn, strong, you were a little big-headed... What have you been reading on that Internet thing? These are just products of your imagination!"

"Imagination? Mom, do you remember the feeling I woke up with on xx/12/2012 -the one I've even WROTE on this piece of paper as you said- and when I got to school i almost broke my neck slipping on the ice, then the teacher gave us a surprise test because my new classmates were behaving like idiots as usual, and I got a 4, then someone from my old class misinterpretated the fact that I came with a friend to give her something while they were working on a project and didn't want anybody to see it and I didn't know and we quarreled and LOTS of - ok, I admit- seemingly MINOR stuff but it isn't the first time I get feelings like these BEFORE something and you know it."

These feelings go in 2 categories: I get good feelings and a wonderful disposition when I feel like I'm one with myself (i.e: when I can "calm down my mind and listen to my heart"), when I feel my head light and my throat "clean" or something/I just know then I can talk and express myself easily and convincingly, I'm creative again (I generally draw and paint for my school magazine too, so I can clearly tell the difference between moments of creativity and the lack of it), and I really see everything from another perspective, and not only metaphorical, but it's like I'm taller or something o.o (Gosh, may i have bipolar disorder or anything like that? I mean, I'm clueless. I never went through such a big emotional upheaval, or hit my head or anything else, lol, I don't know)

And then there are these bad feelings too: when I think about something and for apparently no reason, it starts feeling like I have some strings attached to my stomach or heart and someone pulls them/or absorbs my "energy" through them. After a while I get this feeling of EMPTINESS which is so HORRIBLE and I feel powerless and I may even start to cry in disbelief because I clearly realize how my thoughts change and I become more negative without that energetic support coming from my stomach/without the courage and belief in myself and in my own future.

Now, the second case happens when I think about my new class: I get sad, have an omnious feeling, I just can't "feel" the general perspective of my own fututre and cannot interpret in which direction my actions are taking me.
While in the otehr class, I had a pretty good idea of what everything was taking me to and I liked it.

Of course, I only realized this after moving. So now heres the BIG question: are these pure feelings coming from an imaginary scenario I made or coming from real premonitions? Does anybody else have similar feelings? Uff...

*p.s: sorry, I've posted before but still didn't clarify myself, there are SO many things going through my head. Aaaand I'm not a native english speaker either...;)) Also... do you think that some Reiki courses would help? Just to be around people who believe in the same things and for the sake of calming down my imagination and curiosity

I have no idea why I perceive this thing to be of a SUCH a great importance but I simply feel it is like a turning point in my life... I now know for sure that there ARE persons in my previous class that believe in the same things and are somehwat more "initiated" in such things like empathy/energies/spirituality. Gosh, I was so blind! But still, I'm not sure what I should choose, because apart from the spiritual thing, on a more "earthy" level, I'll also have to "fight" to maintain my image, at least in the first month... I know that not everyone can understand what I'm going through...


updated by @kate: 01/13/17 02:18:26AM
Zeca
@zeca
5 years ago
116 posts

Are both classes equal for requirements, or will you have to take the one you did not choose again? Are they two entirely different paths, like one direction in life or another? Or just classes? I don't know that I'll be of any help. Part of me says rise to your challenge and keep your present class, you chose it and there may be a reason. That there may be a good deal of growth. On the other hand, it may just be that your energies were being confused and you should never have left the first class and the second will be nothing but a waste of time. You see, I struggle too, because there are so many freaking possibilities, always!

I've had premonitions, done what was planned, and had it turn out alright because I was forewarned. So I don't necessarily think it means don't act or go, just be ready to listen and trust yourself when things get weird.

But I also think that we need to act in more ways that will have you feeling one with yourself and powerful. I find it frightening sometimes, so much so that I stop the good action and retreat in fear of change, even very good change. And each time I have to start again, convince myself again that I am meant to thrive and be alive.

So, which class is that?

Nea
@nea
5 years ago
201 posts

You are the only one that can make the decision, but I'm not sure that feeling challenged is a bad thing. Sometimes we need change to grow, just a thought. But really, it might be important what choice you make, or it might not. But I'm pretty sure that the world will not collapse on itself if you choose 'wrong'. It is just a class, dear, and even if you feel later you made a mistake, it's okay, because then you will learn something from it. It's impossible to know our future regrets - we can only hope we do learn from them. So stand tall and make your decision, because nobody can do it but you. It's your life, honey. ;)

Love & light

Nea

Kate
@kate
5 years ago
131 posts

FULL STORY

Well, I am conscious enough to realize this world isn't gonna end if I make a choice or another: the real problem is, HOWEVER, the way I've changed inwardly and I continue to change... it's an amalgam of emotions; lots of mood swings influenced by the people I'm hanging with (friends, classmates, relatives, borther... even animals!) pressure on my third eye and generally on the right side of my head too; stomach tightness, sometimes my heart feels like it's clenching up when I think about a certain person or situation or if I try to negate anything about these energy rushes I'm having or block myself, insomnias, waking up generally between 1:00-3:00 a.m. really hungry, right shoulder pain, in the past (1 or 2 years ago) I had these strange knee and back pains that eventually disappeared [pains due to fast growing (2 cm in 2 years and gained no more than 3 kg in that process, is this fast? like, seriously?-), my Doc said, finding no other explanation...], strangers come and talk to me or make affirmations like [I'll give you a more "normal" one, but generally, it happens daily, everytime I'm going out, but only if I don't control myself at all, you know, block myself, really trying not to think, judge, or anything else rather than simply being conscious of my surroundings: "don't get angry or something but you have a beautiful smile!" or "hello. Do I know you from somewhere? You seem familiar" or people talking to me while I'm walking behind them and then turning back and realising I'm just a stranger and the person they thought they were talking to is behind me or somewhere around.

I can sense and be influenced way too easilyby the negative emotions around. Like, more easily than ever.And I've always been a little more sensible. And it's SO annoying always getting a general idea of what the other is thinking... because there are SO many people thinking bad things or only in preconceived ideas. Also I know many people who like being around me for no reason, and I simply have an affinity for attracting unwanted male attention. I'm not joking. They generally feel much more easily what I'm going through and if they immediately sense (at least the boys I'm haging out with) if i'm not conmfortable at all around their friends/girlfriends. And I sense a lot of emotions and it's so hard to know this stuff and always having to concentrate!

And the problem is that I've weakened myself A LOT by continuosuly thinking about what a wrong choice I made moving to this new class. Yes, it's pretty different, although my choice for college stays the same. It's just that... I simply don't feel right about it!And with so many syncronicities happening too (yesterday: mother starts feeling bad because she has some serious problems with her gall bladder; I immediately get a nauseous sensation out of the blue and yell to my mother "Mom, do you feel allright?"... "No" comes the answer "I didn't say anything though, why do you ask?") and the really nasty feelings I'm getting from my stomach everytime I try to simply picture my new class, I started to question whenever it's my imagination or something beyond that... the thing I've always had,but tried to bury and surpress.

Because in my other class I think there were empaths too. And it was a different background/feeling. Some teachers strongly believed in these things too, and one of them, seeing that we (a.k.a. my previous collective, last year, when I hadn't chosen to move, yet) actually listen carefully instead of making fun like other classes, starting to teach us how we could "create balls of energy by rubbing our hands against each other". There were a few who laughed everytime they heard "such nonsense" of course, and I was a part of them too: back then I didn't want to belive in energy at all.

But I actually became more confident, relaxed, less hot-headed and rigid, and persuasive: I discovered how much influence the power of thought had. I may have abused it, though. I became popular, I was feeling secure, yet I felt like something was missing: we only had 2 boys in our class, there was a lot of envy, I started to find them boring, I wasn't provoked at all, I missed the feeling if competition... so I decided to move to another class thinking "ok, what could happen, let's be serious? I'll only get more fun!"

But then this mere idea became more and more suited fo rmy situation as I started seeing only the bad things: sure i felt confident and developped, again, some kind of intution I didn't really want to admit I still had - because my fellow classmatesmade fun of my sesibility and love for people or animals all my childhood and I wasn't the only victim! - so all that i could think about was that "gosh, these people are making me so sensible, they're strange, this isn't normal, something is happening". So I got really confused, blamed my episodes of sensitivity on my classmates, and moved.

But dear, how much worse it got! I mean, here, EVERYONE puts such a strain on themselves, and no one behaves naturally or let their energies flow how they should. And I felt FEAR. Immense fear of teachers, life, I don't know... but i just got lost and really affected by this predominant feeling of fear. And it feels like it's biting from my soul everytime I think about my "sensitivity" and new class. There's also a girl that i didn't like and she didn't like me from the start, too. But there were so many coincidences between me and her: meeting on street, talking at the same time, and she simply BOMBS me with negative thoughts, sometimes I actually even get glimpses of what she thinks... I guess this could be called a pretty toxic attachment tie, right? How could I get rid of her? I'm also kind of sorry for her though... I sense fear from her too.

And again, it simply doesn't feel right, being in this class. It's feels like I delayed my own evolution, or a similar feeling to the one you get when breaking a promise... and being so stressed (all these realizations, if I may call them so, came during a rather short period of time), I'm starting to have a weak immunitary system... lately I've been having a lot of stomach aches too, I guess due to the extended, rather unexplainable anxiety that I have despite of all the social situations I'm getting into and despite the fact that I talk daily with a lot of people (that I find benefic, more or less; not just "carelessly going to clubs/pubs every day").

On the other hand, when I think about my previous class and my friends there (which I meet daily, but the good feeling doesn't last for long... and they don't always have the good energies to sustain me too), I feel at ease. MUCH more at ease. I do not know any other technique to save me from the depression I may get into if I do not concentarte anough to stop myself ALL THE TIME from feeling everything... but my last chance to move back is almost gone... I only have a few days left... I'm afraid of what could happen next. I'm afraid of getting conrolled by fear and becoming unable to connect with people in the intimate way I always used to, and for which they always liked my company. I'm afraid of becoming numb and not feeling the truth in other persons, or the lies beneath their masks.

I do not know if I should move back, now that I have to take into account ALL THESE THINGS. Reading these things again I think I may sound like a megalomaniac or something, giving myself too much importance... it's just that, without any real confirmation, support or recognition, I'm afraid I'll loose it all and sink again in fear and the materialistic world. Am I too idealistic? Maybe, but boy, what a horrible feeling I had, seeing myself sink and starting to feel FEAR again... [yeah, I mentioned this word countless times!]

I tried telling everyone I trusted about it... but even though it made me feel lighter, I ended up being more and more stressed after finally taking in consideration that these things are REAL... and annoyed because I couldn't figure out a way to deal with these thoughts (blocking them would result in a mass accumulation followed by a pretty unpleasant "eruption" at a certain point) and by actually becoming weaker and weaker I actually lost their trust and my seriosity in their eyes and my grandmother kept joking [huh, more or less] about how strange I got with my energies and all...

And my common sense/normal voice is fighting with the "freaky" one/the thoughts about energies and stuff, and I'm confused, and above everything, I sometimes really don't know which I should follow. If untill now I could maintain a balance, now I reached a point where mot even drawing and gymnastics give me the necessary outlet... and here I am, still awake, after sleeping just an hour, trying to balance myself...

Zeca
@zeca
5 years ago
116 posts

I recommend, if you can, get away from everyone. Try being as much by yourself as you can for a day or two, and then contemplate your decision. Take a shower, do whatever you know how to clear yourself of anyone else's energy, and then see if you can better choose.

And fear not. Let go. Grin.

Kate
@kate
5 years ago
131 posts

I'll try. But today I'll have to go buy food with some friends, then go to the new year party, then the next day I have to meet with anotehr friend, then on the 3rd I have to go by train to another city where I'll have to meet with some more friends... and GOD, it wouldn't bother me, but I simply can't seem to maintain a guard up. I just can't. And my stomach chakra is really blocked. And the heart one too... there's a big gap coming from there in my aura, I would say, although I don't see auras and creepy things like that, I can feel tickles and sensations... and after so much time I've finally been able to see that they tend to follow a pattern... and so I came to the conclusion that auras and chakras REALLY ARE based on true things and happenings.

But it's complicated. Only a few months back I realised I've always had this problem: it's now that I've come to desperately want to put all the pieces together to make my life better. And I succeded.I mean, I've suffered a lot because of people. But then I moved to another class... where I have to adopt a totally different attitude. And I started feeling fear, and it became overwhelming, and memories started coming back, and I blamed myself once again. But I think the Fear isn't mine. I mean, 2 days ago, I was at a local with a friend drinking the best jasmine tee I've ever had, and it relaxed me so much. It was warm, and cozy, and we talked, and I was peaceful, but at one point a girl from my new class came in with some boys and all of a sudden, after looking at her for a few moments, my stomach started to tighten (or this is how it felt) and there was Fear, once again. I personally had absolutely nothing to fear: I've always had a good relationship with that girl, and she doesn't even have a good reputation to say that I was jealous or something... these kind of feelings don't define me.

But there you have. And it is not the first time I start mirroring what others are feeling [they are generally people I met before and with which (probably) I may have created/sustained attachment cords or something]. I really tend to bond with people... because this way not only I can put myself in their shoes better, but the other one feels I'm being sincere, and in return, I can feel if he/she is lying or not. Of course, not many people on which I tried this technique accepted or sustained such a deep relationship: I struggle to understand why THE HELL they prefer to go back and live in their own lies, cramped in a shell with their own thoughts without even trying to sense or hear or see the truth...

I also tend to escape in my own fantasies, and make my own illusions, and I realise that this is how this world works, but I think you get my point...and ok, at this point I may have diverged from the subject, but probably I'm just trying to find people who get the same feelings because I'm still so unsure: I mean, it's real, right? Am I just imagining things and creating my own sensations out of pointless thoughts? And what about the premonitions? I had them written down on paper. And even if they were about small things [when x came home, if something bad/good was going to happen, and while making my homework it just occured to me, more than 4 time, after maaany pages, "hey, I think I'll read this one" [we are four in the group preparing for the Cambridge certificate], and I would put an "x" behind those exercises... and boy, it happened that I read them, indeed! You can't imagine how suprised and happy I was seeing I read exactly those exercises that I "x"-ed back at home!]... but these became more and more rare, and I'm afraid I may be loosing my "touch with myself", because I can't just say "ok, I wish I had a premonition, right now" and "BAM, there you go. Thankyou, and we are looking forward to see you using our services again. Sincerely, God and His fellows."

And my perception is changing on a daily basis. This is scary allright. But instead of evolving and starting to feel that immense love for everything and happiness (like this summer, or these past 2 years), I'm becoming like I was before: kind of without will power, empty on the inside (in my hands/arms especially... I don't recognise this feeling however, what could it mean?), weak root chakra... and I SO want to return to my old class but every psychologist and person I talked to advised me NOT to do it. But I never talked to a person who believes in energies/went through the same experiences. So I'm confused. Should I accept without fighting that I'm loosing my abilities? It is just for a short period of time?...

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