So now I've came to this point: should I consider myself "clear" enough to actually listen to my presentiments, take them as real and part of my own developement or ignore them, and instead apply the "common sense" and rational logic based on actual facts like for example (during the past 2 months, this has become a "normal conversation" between me and my mother)
"How can you let these sentiments control you? No, you moved to another class, and you shouldn't move back! You say that everytime you think about your old class you feel one with yourself again and get images and glimpses of what could happen or of what an action could take you to? God, are you my daughter? What happened to you? You never had such ideas before... you were stubborn, strong, you were a little big-headed... What have you been reading on that Internet thing? These are just products of your imagination!"
"Imagination? Mom, do you remember the feeling I woke up with on xx/12/2012 -the one I've even WROTE on this piece of paper as you said- and when I got to school i almost broke my neck slipping on the ice, then the teacher gave us a surprise test because my new classmates were behaving like idiots as usual, and I got a 4, then someone from my old class misinterpretated the fact that I came with a friend to give her something while they were working on a project and didn't want anybody to see it and I didn't know and we quarreled and LOTS of - ok, I admit- seemingly MINOR stuff but it isn't the first time I get feelings like these BEFORE something and you know it."
These feelings go in 2 categories: I get good feelings and a wonderful disposition when I feel like I'm one with myself (i.e: when I can "calm down my mind and listen to my heart"), when I feel my head light and my throat "clean" or something/I just know then I can talk and express myself easily and convincingly, I'm creative again (I generally draw and paint for my school magazine too, so I can clearly tell the difference between moments of creativity and the lack of it), and I really see everything from another perspective, and not only metaphorical, but it's like I'm taller or something o.o (Gosh, may i have bipolar disorder or anything like that? I mean, I'm clueless. I never went through such a big emotional upheaval, or hit my head or anything else, lol, I don't know)
And then there are these bad feelings too: when I think about something and for apparently no reason, it starts feeling like I have some strings attached to my stomach or heart and someone pulls them/or absorbs my "energy" through them. After a while I get this feeling of EMPTINESS which is so HORRIBLE and I feel powerless and I may even start to cry in disbelief because I clearly realize how my thoughts change and I become more negative without that energetic support coming from my stomach/without the courage and belief in myself and in my own future.
Now, the second case happens when I think about my new class: I get sad, have an omnious feeling, I just can't "feel" the general perspective of my own fututre and cannot interpret in which direction my actions are taking me.
While in the otehr class, I had a pretty good idea of what everything was taking me to and I liked it.
Of course, I only realized this after moving. So now heres the BIG question: are these pure feelings coming from an imaginary scenario I made or coming from real premonitions? Does anybody else have similar feelings? Uff...
*p.s: sorry, I've posted before but still didn't clarify myself, there are SO many things going through my head. Aaaand I'm not a native english speaker either...;)) Also... do you think that some Reiki courses would help? Just to be around people who believe in the same things and for the sake of calming down my imagination and curiosity
I have no idea why I perceive this thing to be of a SUCH a great importance but I simply feel it is like a turning point in my life... I now know for sure that there ARE persons in my previous class that believe in the same things and are somehwat more "initiated" in such things like empathy/energies/spirituality. Gosh, I was so blind! But still, I'm not sure what I should choose, because apart from the spiritual thing, on a more "earthy" level, I'll also have to "fight" to maintain my image, at least in the first month... I know that not everyone can understand what I'm going through...
updated by @kate: 09/04/18 01:47:07AM