Boundaries & Personal space

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Gigi Miner
@gigi-miner
5 years ago
7 posts

I'm an HSP and an empath. So, maybe this isn't going to gel with as many but I have a question.

How do you establish your boundaries? How do you make it clear to non-empaths/hsps that there is a line and they do not get to cross it uninvited? I've had this problem most of my life and I've made the adjustments assuming since I'm the odd one out that I need to alter my life to fit the world.

Yesterday, I got the message that I do not need to do this. The line exists because I get to establish it. It is crossed when whatever it is makes me feel uncomfortable.

I get to have my safe space and no one gets to cross it withoutpermission. That seems simple enough. But there are so many who don't understand that line, that space bubble.

How do you all deal with such things?


updated by @gigi-miner: 05/16/17 05:41:38PM
Zeca
@zeca
5 years ago
116 posts

It would take pages to fully explain my situation, but where I am now, I have come to see that with some people, love means letting someone cross those boundaries because it is not worth the pain they suffer, to remain closed to them. I will learn to handle it, I can, because affection is crucial.

I am not a huggy person, at all. I have definite space needs. I let my children in and my husband of course, I hug long distance family when I see them, friends when it seems right. But I've learned that in one case, it is wrong for me not to give physical support. It is very individual, and everyone has to decide themselves what needs to be, and what does not. But we are here on earth surrounded by others, and have been given the knowledge of need. Sometimes we have no choice but to deny it, we can't help, but sometimes we definitely can.

Gigi Miner
@gigi-miner
5 years ago
7 posts

Thanks, all. It can be all of those things and more. One example, if someone pushes their way into contact with me without my permission...that can be by touching or by showing up unannounced.

I'm all for helping others and do put my own comfort on hold when I can for someone else. But there are times when people who know better try to push me into a situation they want and if I have not agreed to it, it's violating.

Think manipulation or maybe just pushiness that I guess for "normals" isn't all that noticable. For me, it's very disconcerting. and yes, sometimes the blocking needs to be done and I suck at it. I've taken to asking my guardians to attend to it since I seem unable to keep up any kind of energy field.

My husband, my cats...they have free reign. But in a way they've already been given permission to get in close to me any time they want. It's when others insist on coming into my space uninvited that it gets me.

I've always kept a space between me and anyone else. If they open the space, initiate contact (in whatever form that takes) then I choose whether to give them what they need or if it's not something I can do. And I know to most this will seem an over reaction - but I think too many don't respect the other's physical, emotional, spiritual space and violate them because "it doesn't make sense" to them.

If I were describing a man putting his hands on certain areas of my body, the reaction would be intense and very much predictable. But when its subtle and not as obvious, we tend to overlook it and not think of it as violating the other person. imho.

Gigi Miner
@gigi-miner
5 years ago
7 posts

sparks - glad to be able to provide you with an "in tune" moment. We have so few of them. :)

Yes, fight or flight is rough. It's very much at play with us. And grace can be a tough one under such circumstances. You just want to run away.

My standard "no" goes something like, "Thank you..." or "I'm sorry..." "I'll think about that" or "I'm not comfortable with that right now." I try to lean toward the thinking for the sake of others, but then there's that weight of knowing you have to deal with things in future tense...so usually, I just can't do that right now is how I go. or simply, "no thank you". Most people are so shocked by those words they don't often know what to say.

Thanks bluemoon for answering the question. :)

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