I think I'll open another topic about how I found out about empathy and how I started thinking I may as well be a little more empathic than other people, even though I've always lived in a very sceptical family and environment; but now I have one anoying issue and so far I've been telling many friends about my symptoms as I can't keep everything to myself anymore (like I've been doing until now.)
It's about the headaches I'm having, my mood swings, my thoughts and feelings, and everything in my head that got messed up after I returned home from the summer holiday I spent at some relatives in another city (it's bigger, with more posibilities like having an olimpic swimming pool I'm going to every summer, and one biiig group of friends, this last one being the main reason I like spending my holdays there)
Now that the school also started, and with so many activities, events and projects I'm getting myself into, I have so little time for my so-needed meditation routine i used to practice during summer to keep myself centered ( I hope this is the correct word? all I know is that plain meditation and clearing of thoughts eased my head so much after coming from outside) and I started feeling overwhelmed. Actually, this got so strange: picking emotions and thoughts from here and there, that I started to believe i'm going insane. At one point, after returning from a 2-day trip with my class and the other day having to go at school again, I felt so overwhelmed that I felt like abandoning any defense I build and just let these things pass... bad mistake. It actually felt better on the moment, but it became... I don't know, my head became more quiet. And it was like I couldn't anticipate things anymore. I couldn't even detect the negative or positive feelings of friends anymore (episodes of syncronicity and other happenings made me believe that xD) and after a while I became scared. This is the way I feel now. Unable to control things anymore, unable to send positive vibes anymore. And because of a hollow feeling on the inside. Has anyone experienced this kind of feeling, like being drained?Or overwhelmed in a moment and "in total silence" in the next one?
What bugs me the most is that my life was perfectly normal until 1 year ago. O the other hand, no matter how many times i try and negate it... I have to admit that there has always been something happening: I've always had a special relationship with animals, kids, and people in need in general. I have the annoying habbit to help others even though they don't ask for it. Also, I often get asked directions when i'm on my way to school for example. Some children keep staring at me or may come and tell they like me, all of a sudden [than really happened to me twice! and it made me so happy ) ) and even stray dogs may follow me [I had this problem with the dogs from my neighbourhood, but this was before I decided to break any connection with them because people and neighbours thought it was strange. It's not good, I know, but what else could I do?] Because of my kindness i happened to became a prey for those who wanted to take advantage.
I also get feelings (but rarely) about places, and much more frequently about people: i spot the lies with ease (I must say this is one reason because of which I like playing cards, lol) and I've always tried to treat anyone equally, but because I can put myself in the other's shoes and am able to see under their "masks", I happen to attract dislikefrom people who came to despise me for absolutely no apparent reason. Some people are even afraid to approach me, lol, even though my appearances are rather appealing and I display a soft personality: I guess it's because of the habbit of "seeing what's real inside someone" ? Ohoo, and how mnay times didn't I face jealousy... and for stupid reasons. But there are also people who simply adore me and we understand each other without words.
These are just a few of my symptoms so far...
So my questions are: What the hell is going on? Is this real? Should I ACCEPT it? Should I negate it? Has anyone ever experienced things like that? I'm really confused which path I should take... I have to mention again that right now I experience that drained feeling on the inside, and am reluctant to "open". It's just that I'm scared eveything will become overwhelming again.
Did I mention I'm just a 17 (almost) yo high-school girl? Uh-oh...
updated by @kate: 02/16/17 06:36:52AM