When you pick up on self-deception, how do you handle it?

Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
4 weeks ago
1,441 posts

As an empath, I often can read  that someone is making decisions or about to make a bad decision based on being very self-deceptive about what is actually going on. This may be a false idea about themselves, a situation, or about someone else. The most common is that they cannot see how dark someone is and that the person is lying to them, but I can see it and could tell them what the other person really thinks.

I've been subjected to "kill the messenger" if I say something, and often this is recurring every time they see me, as they are reminded that they did not listen to me, and now they feel like a fool, and they prefer to see it as my fault. I am also chastised for being "too negative", thinking that people are bad or that some of them cannot change...this even includes Narcs, who really can't change, and I get this from people with none of my psych training, who have decided that they know more about my own profession than I do.

On the other hand, I feel a moral obligation to warn them, especially if the situation is dangerous. My husband says to keep my mouth shut and let them learn the hard way, and this sure works for him. He expresses his sorrow after the fact and everyone loves him, but two people close to him have died when I did not speak up. He says it would have happened anyway, since they would not have listened to me. It seems to me people should love those who actually care enough to warn them and are willing to risk their anger in return to try to save them from pain.

If you see that someone is about to jump into a swimming pool with no water in it, or some other big risk, what do you do? Does it depend upon how close they are to you and/or how serious the issue is?


updated by @cheshire-cat: 11/12/19 09:50:00AM
So_exausted_from_users
So_exausted_from_users
@so-exausted-from-users
4 weeks ago
58 posts
I have been in your shoes and I am no in a same type of situation but it isn't because of my empath abilities, it is because I am a mom who has an 18 year old and a 21 year old. Being the parent has given me such a difference was to look at the exact same type of situation but from with different rules and a different view point. I want to still protect my babies but I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. Think back to just as you were entering the world as a young adult. Did you want your parents telling you every time in their eye you were about to make a mistake or did you want to live your life your way and have their support when things didn't go as planned? My empath abilities are hereditary from my father and he knew who was going to break my heart, he was also face with the same situation I am. I moved 8 hours away so I could live live on my terms and he never gave me another piece of advice unless I asked for it. I made all kinds of mistakes but I realized no matters how much I screwed up one only make a mistake when they don't learn from the lesson involved. As much as we want to protect everyone we love we have to let them follow their own path, so of the greatest rewards and gifts come from picking back up the pieces after that situation turned out exactly as we seen it about to happen. They were set on that path for a reason and if we don't step back and let them find out what will happen then who knows what we will be changing by so called sticking our nose in it. The best then you can do it unless they ask for your help or the person is going to do something again the law or cause harm to others like diving impaired even from something as simple as sleep deprived is stand back and when thing fall apart be there to support them as they pick back up the pieces and as much as you want to say I told you so, instead watch and see just how the experience teaches them and the way they grow from it and realized that everything happens exactly as it should have as without the experience they wouldn't be the person who they were meant to become.
As to why we were given the abilities to see the horrible things that will happen to those we love, I believe that it is us to us to find a place where we can use our abilities where they are needed and appreciated. I am on my path of self discovery to find where I and my abilities are needed. Not exactly sure what or where but that is my journey and I have already had the freedom to stumble and learn, my kids are empaths also and they have been learning how to give me the same freedom and support as I give them.
Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
3 weeks ago
1,441 posts

Hi So-exhausted-from-users,

Thank you very much for your opinion. :-)

I agree when it comes to the small stuff in life and it's mostly small stuff we all deal with, but it reminds me of the Law of Attraction, which my former church teaches. I  see the belief in not interfering due to karma, carried to it's end point, as justification  for walking past starving people in the street, and going home to meditate about how spiritual they are in a fancy house in their $200 yoga pants, which is why I quit my church. I am not saying that you do that! I am saying that I see others doing that and it really scares me about this way of looking at things. It is spiritual bypassing. 

I totally applaud you for letting your kids fall down and pick themselves up from all the screw ups that teach them who they are and how to function. They will be good adults, not snowflakes who cannot handle the real world. Bravo to you! 

My problem with ignoring what I pick up is with the really serious issues, and I take those case by case, like:

1) A friend of mine is literally starving and going w/o any heat, because most of her hard-earned money goes to a religious cult she was brainwashed into. She is a superb human being, but gullible with low self confidence, so was easily sucked in, and if anyone criticizes this cult, they are ordered to cut them out of their lives, so the only way I can ever be there for her is to shut up about it, and it breaks my heart. In this case, I agree about not saying a thing to warn her, since that would do more harm than good, but boy, is it tough.

2) A friend of my husband's who was clearly very depressed had all the signs of impending suicide, and though I was a therapist and maybe could have changed his mind, however small the chance, my husband told me not to interfere. Three weeks later he committed suicide. I'll never forgive myself for not speaking up in this case.

3) A lovely woman at church whom I could "see" had liver cancer. I did not tell her for fear of looking like a nut and because I did not know her well at all, and she died almost one year later of liver cancer. I will always regret this one too. 

I was looking for criteria for how others handle this. For me, it matters a lot how serious the issue is, but not so much how close I am to the person. If I see someone may have cancer, I feel just as much obligation to tell them whether I know them or not. I am wondering how you all feel about this, so thank you very much for your honest opinion....my husband agrees with you 100%. :-)

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 weeks ago
1,064 posts

@cheshire-cat :


Great topic and a tricky call on what to do in these situations where you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. I imagine a psychic who can see someone's future death deals with the same type of challenge on what to do.


I will say that I do believe that we all have challenges and tragedies in life they we must learn what to do. It's part of our life path. Having a psychic guide you away from anything harmful seems like cheating a bit. However, I do see some circumstances where it would make sense for you to use your gift to intervene (like to help someone avoid physical harm). And of course, if we can't help people, then what's the point of our gifts. Maybe the answer is that you have this ability and must use it wisely and sparingly?


updated by @hop-daddy: 11/12/19 12:21:07PM
Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
3 weeks ago
1,441 posts

Hop-daddy,

    Yes, physical harm like the liver cancer I mention above, but what abut mental harm like the suicide that was not prevented when I did not speak up? His wife told me it would not have mattered, that once he made up his mind, nobody could change it, but I could have tried at least. For me, mental harm has been harder on me than physical and as you know, I've had both to deal with. It is really hard to draw a line for sure, which is why I am asking for others ideas.....

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