Lost

aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts

My bestfriend who I joined this forum to try to understand her better left her bf about two weeks ago who is a severe narcissist. She had been staying at her other friend's place the last week or so till the place she was planning to move into has been redone. Her brother-in-law and I had helped move all of her stuff out and into storage. 

Last Thursday the 31st my friend and I were good. We gave each other hugs and she kissed me on the cheek like she does often. We told each other we loved one another (as friends), all was well. Friday the 1st, things changed abruptly. Her demeanor was completely different. She wouldn't hardly say anything to me and I could tell there was something wrong and it's very unlike her to not tell me when something is bothering her. After I dropped her off that evening from work there were some text messages exchanged between her and I about the car I had bought a few days prior for her to drive so she had wheels. She didn't have any money and was trying to save up the rent and deposit for this place. I had full intentions of turning it over to her when she could afford it. I wasn't fully understanding what was going on so I asked her if I could call her.  She calls me a few minutes later. Begins to ask me what the plans with the car. Then told me that she was hearing from people that I had feelings for her and my motives were were to manipulate her onto leaving her bf to be with me. People had said things lole this in the past and we talked about it and knew it was all bs and rumors. She asked me if all the things I had done for her in the past financially and emotionally were to aim towards the goal of her wanting to be with me. I told her that was not true at all. I was just trying to be a friend and help her out because I know what it's like to be in that place in life. We had made clear early in the relationship that we were just friends and that was it. I would say we are very close friends. I don't know if he had got to her and took advantage of her state of mind and convinced her against me since I know he hates me. I know she feels lonely and I was going out of my way to help her and to be as supportive as possible.

Her and I would message daily before this all happened as well as go to lunch most days and talk about things. She would tell me how mean and disrespectful he was to her and would treat her like shit. How his kids would disrespect her. She would confide in me most days. Now there is almost nothing at all. I also feel like there was a trust lost or something. She has been communicating with him and also staying the night over at his house. This is the same guy would told everyone that he kicked her out for cheating on him with me. The same guy who would tell her she's stupid and everything that happens is her fault. He's very toxic.

So I am lost now as to what happened and if anything can be done between her and I since she is an empath. What could be going through her head? How could she be seeing things? What do I need to do? She won't talk to me about what happened or who said what. It feels like I lost my bestfriend to untrue information. What do empaths do in these situations?

What am I to her now?


updated by @aj86: 11/09/19 01:21:45AM
Matthew Elsey
Matthew Elsey
@matthew-elsey
one week ago
8 posts

How do you FEEL inside about her AJ. When you close your eyes is it her face you see? When your phone beeps does your heart jump just in case it's her?

The lies we tell to ourselves as Men hurt us the most.

If the moment she is in your arms you never want to let go, she is not just a friend.

Trust me I have been there. Her name was Emma she wanted to be friends so that is what I settled for, but I loved her from the first time she hugged me and kissed my cheek.

Good luck and Dare Greatly.

Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
As an empath I knew there was a narcessist somewhere around you...either you or your friend. If she herself is connected to a narcessist then you have a tough choice ahead of you because there isn't anything you can do for her at this point. It's HER relationship and she must be the one to end it. And when she does you can bet it's going to be messy and scary. As an empath I would keep my distance from her as she will be toxic as well. If she's the narcessist then she's setting you up to think she's the victim, when in fact you are. I would also do energy work to clear all connections to her and to her bf at the energy level. I myself can't stand being connected to one in any way. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. But if you want to get out of this in one piece, your going to have to break it off with her. It's the only thing you can do. And if you want I can help a bit with the energy work.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
Karen2:
Also...DO NOT GIVE HER THE CAR. take it back or keep it for yourself. But do NOT under any circumstances give her that car! She will be connected to you through that gift and you don't want any connection to her at this point.
Matthew Elsey
Matthew Elsey
@matthew-elsey
one week ago
8 posts

I agree with Karen, don't give her the car! This girl could very well be using your feelings for her to manipulate you. 

aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts
She is my friend, she is special to me but not in that way. I've never hit on her or made advancements in her direction before. Even one time when we were drinking with her other friend who I helped build a table for. I had seven shots and four beers in me and I still didn't try anything. I'm just so confused by all this and why it was so sudden. Literally over night. She hasn't made any effort to talk to me about it or tell what happened and why so sudden. I mean normally we would talk about this stuff facr to face. Not now.

She doesn't communicate with me hardly any now unless its about the car which she just gave me the title back and I told her I would reimburse her for the repairs she paid for. So the car is going to mine but I'll likely sell it because I only bought it to help her out so she had transportation. She was excited about it.

I never thought of her being a narcissist or anything. I feel she fits the empath profile pretty solid but I could be wrong I suppose.

My biggest frustration is the fact that it feels like I have lost my best friend due to a misunderstanding (assuming) and she just shut me off so suddenly. I mean how are you so open to someone for so long and then just switch and go the other direction? I can't comprehend it.

To my knowledge she hasn't went back to him but I know she has been spending some time over at his house and staying the night. I saw where he came and got new washer and dryer yestersay since she took hers out and we put them in storage. I'm assuming she is still going to move to this place she has been waiting on to get finished. She filled out the application the other day and all. Plus she said she might habe found something else for a vehicle so I'm assuming she still wants wheels where as she didn't when she was with him.

Lord this is so overwhelming! I feel paralyzed inside from all this happening like I was blind sided.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts

Some other things I'm trying to understand is Tuesday night we got off at the same time and as we're walking to the vehicles (she's been borrowing my jeep) after we talked for a couple minutes about random things she hugs me and tells me she loves me. We went to lunch the other day together. She paid. Yesterday she bought each of us a jar of candied jalapenos which we both love and she left them in our work locker. Last night she was laughing her ass off at some stuff I was joking about in text messages. Then this morning she made me a breakfast sandwich and brought it into work with her. She wrote out a note with it saying "Good morning" and left it on my desk. Around lunch time she brings me some magnesium pills that we have been taking to help out health. She also clocked out at my desk for lunch which she never does. I did send her a message a little earlier asking if she had interest in getting lunch but never got a response, she did tell me right as she was bringing me the magnesium pills just before she went to break that she had just got my text which isn't abnormal because we were really busy. Yet she don't come around my area like she once did and doesn't come say good bye to me either like before. This is the same woman who has always told me that she misses me when I'm not at work and that I keep her level and would call me when she was upset about something and would say she needed to hear my voice. Are these mind games she is playing or is she subconsciously crying out for help? Is she lost? Or am I missing something. It would be really nice to get some answers. It's never been about the money I've always loved her friendship more than money.


updated by @aj86: 11/09/19 02:29:27PM
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
Well...you'll just have to accept that that how nsrcessists do things. They say things that make you feel real safe and good...then wham!...they turn around and do or say things that are the complete opposite...its called gas lighting and it's meant to keep you off balanced and confused. That's it. No other motive other than to keep you in line so they can continue to abuse you and feed off your energy. That's all you need to know. You will never truly understand what goes through their minds. That's what you have to understand. Let me do a bit of energy work on you to help you disconnect from her. That way it won't be so difficult. I can do it from here.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts
So she's a narcissist and an empath?
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
No...she's the narcessist...and possibly you are the empath. Narcessist and empaths are attracted to each other. Empath want to fix them...and the narcessist lives to manipulate and destroy the empath or anyone they can get their hands on. You ended up here, she didn't. Although narcessists are VERY good at choosing their victims I sometimes think they do have empathic traits and abilities. Can I please remove her cord from you so you can get some peace and rest. I've removed her from me but I can really hear and feel her attatchment to you. It won't hurt either one of you. It will, however, calm you down and quiet your mind.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts
Sure...
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts

I'm so confused....And have so many questions...... She's the narcessist and I'm the empath? I never really thought of myself as such... I don't really see how she is a narc.

How do you remove a person from another? Are narcessists attracted to each other? Why would she have been with that dude? If narcessists like to control people and choose wisely who they do so to why would she want to stop doing such to me?

She seemed pretty authentic to me. Even when there were times I kinda tested her some to see who she was. Was I blind if so?

Why is she continuing to do some of the things she's doing? Did she get tired of me or something? Damn this sucks....


updated by @aj86: 11/10/19 05:05:18AM
Matthew Elsey
Matthew Elsey
@matthew-elsey
one week ago
8 posts

Hi Karen do you have any good reference's for cord removal. I am still a fledgling and this is my first attempt at communication and has got under my skin so to speak. Hugs Matthew 

Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
Hi @matthew-elsey Just Google cutting cords of attachment. There's lots of info on how to do it. But I've discovered that you cant just cut the cord to a narcessist. You have to pull it out by the root, or it will continue to cause you trouble. Follow the instructions on how to cut cords of attatchment but pull the cord out by the root. Its the only way to get them out completely. Once you get the hang of it it will go much faster. This whole world is full of narcessists, it's tough to keep up with the removal...🙄
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
@Matthew-elsey just for practice you might want to start with our friend here.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
I also like to have sage burning. It will help clean the wound left by the root removal.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
aj86:

I'm so confused....And have so many questions...... She's the narcessist and I'm the empath? I never really thought of myself as such... I don't really see how she is a narc.

How do you remove a person from another? Are narcessists attracted to each other? Why would she have been with that dude? If narcessists like to control people and choose wisely who they do so to why would she want to stop doing such to me?

She seemed pretty authentic to me. Even when there were times I kinda tested her some to see who she was. Was I blind if so?

Why is she continuing to do some of the things she's doing? Did she get tired of me or something? Damn this sucks....


She's NOT stopping...all that's going on between you and her right now is about controlling you or visa versa. Keeping you from truly thinking about what's happening. One minute she's nice to you , then ignoring you, she has you doing things for her, buying her a car?..I've never had a friend buy me a car nor would I want them to. Buying thing for others especially large ticket items could also fall into the category of trying to buy someone's love. So I also have to question your motive in all that you say.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
But I'm willing to help you out with a bit of energy work regardless. Just to free you up some.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts

Would you be willing to talk on the phone? I have some other stuff to say about this but it's a lot to type and honestly I think I need a female's brain on this to help me understand better. If I'm in the wrong I want someone to tell me. Since I'm not an empath the only people that might be able to understand what's in her head is an empath and possibly that person could help translate some of it for me


updated by @aj86: 11/10/19 02:44:00PM
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
You don't need a female brain to work this out. A Male brain can work this out just as good. I'm not emotionally involved in this. All I'm offering is to do is a bit of energy work to help you out. Why do you need me to tell you you're wrong?...there's no right or wrong. There's a narcessist at work here. That's it. I don't need to tell you you're wrong over the phone, I'll tell you here. So no. No phone. But I'm still willing to do some energy work. The offer is still on the table.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts
Ok, what's involved with the energy work then?
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
Nothing on your part. All I'll be doing is removing her cord connected
to you and yours from her. I'll do it soon. You may or may not feel anything. You may also want to limit your contact to her. Everytime you come in contact with her the root will reconnect. And you'll be back to square one. Unless you learn how to disconnect from her on your own.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts

I'm not arguing but I believe her ex has gotten to her. Another person I talked to earlier said she isn't herself either.

I realize this sounds odd of me to say but she isn't venting to me or telling me her feelings now.


updated by @aj86: 11/10/19 04:24:04PM
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
Yes..but this isn't about her right now this is about you and how it would be better for you to step back from her and rest. And give yourself room to breath.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts
I'm stuggling to stop thinking about things. It's what I do. I'm a thinker. Have had therapist tell me I am.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
And that's what I'm trying to tell you. Sometimes its something else causing you to over think things.
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts
Like what?
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,046 posts
Like being overloaded with cords and connections with too many humans. I have to clear my energy field on a regular basis so I'm not overloaded. Whatever connections you have are quite loud to me. Esoecially the 1st time we connected. You definitely need a huge clearing of your energy.Right now its not to bad
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts
How do I clear that?
aj86
@aj86
one week ago
28 posts

Why would her demeanor change so suddenly towards me? It's like my value to her changed in a moment without warning. I asked her yesterday if I did something wrong but she said "?no." Which that's not how she would normally answer that sort of question from me. Then I asked, "did something changed between us. Seems there is something not being said." She replied, "everything is fine one her end" which is also not how she would normaly answer that sort of question from me. She isn't very talkative now. Plus she gave me back the title to the car I bought which she was so excited about and said she found something else. I know something is up and something shifted. She isn't who she was a little over a week ago. You don't have full trust and faith in someone one day and lean on them for everything hug and tell them you love them then the next day asking them about your motives and expectations of the relationship for all the things you do for that person. Who does that? I know she's going through a lot right now but she's the type who needs someone to talk to at any given point. She doesn't seem to be doing much confying in me now.


updated by @aj86: 11/11/19 12:10:33AM
aj86
@aj86
6 days ago
28 posts

So I walk into work this morning. She says thank you for the text this morning thanking her for her service which she didn't respond to till she saw me (she served in the army). She immediately after says she has a surprise for me and I have to close my eyes. She excitedly pulls out some athletic tape out of her bag that she bought yesterday for my shoulder. (I have a shoulder issue). We converse a few seconds about how to tape my shoulder up. Then she has this burrito she's eating that she made with the candied jalapenos in it that we love and tells me to try it. I take a bite, and it taste great (we eat each others food all the time). She sort of acts kinda "normal" for a little bit. I don't stand around long because I have to get to my job. I come back a few minutes later when I realize I have blood on my new jacket and I go to ask her if she knows anything that will get it out. She knows what will and proceeds to help me get the blood out. While I'm opening the package she askes if I want her to get me a bandaid to cover the cut thatI didn't know how it happened.

I'm confused as to why she is not really communicating with me like she was and then doing these little things, some normal some not. Did her focus or mind shift? She claimed everything was find on her end but she isn't the normal self she was a little over a week ago. Women are so confusing...


updated by @aj86: 11/11/19 09:50:18AM
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 days ago
1,046 posts
Maybe your just too clingy...
aj86
@aj86
6 days ago
28 posts

I notice details and it makes me clingy?


updated by @aj86: 11/11/19 09:36:44PM
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 days ago
1,046 posts
Well....giving you back the car tells me she's not the narcessist. It means she's not using you to get things. It means she's exerting her right to live her life and make choices she's entitled to make. So ya...nothing has changed for her. It's you that's having issues. Not her.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 days ago
1,046 posts
What if she's just a nice ordinary person?..who likes you as a friend. You want something more....did you say something to make that clear and she said not interested?...you say it's clear that you are just friends and she's fine with that and you are fine with that. Yet you sound like a jealous boyfriend picking at her behind her back for her just being a nice person to you because in her mind she's NOT romantically involved with you. But is your friend. She's...not...doing...anything....wrong....period.
aj86
@aj86
6 days ago
28 posts
I understand that. I'm just confused why things suddenly changed for no apparent reason and no warning. Like she turned into a differnet person in the blink of an eye. We are friend, I think. It just doesn't make sense to me what happened. Maybe I'm not ment to know.
michelle
@michelle
3 days ago
245 posts
obsession

Love

Definitions

from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition.noun 
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

noun A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.from

The Century Dictionary.
noun In pathology, a constant brooding upon any subject, such as the thought of death, until the mind becomes dominated by that one idea.

noun The act of besieging; persistent assault.

noun Continuous or persevering effort supposed to be made by an evil spirit to obtain mastery of a person; the state or condition of a person so vexed or beset: distinguished from possession, or control by a demon from within.

from the GNU version of the Collaborative International Dictionary of English.
noun archaic The act of besieging.

noun archaic The state of being besieged; -- used specifically of a person beset by a spirit from without.

noun An excessive preoccupation of the thoughts or feelings; the persistent haunting or domination of the mind by a particular desire, idea, or image.

noun Any driving motive; a compelling goal; -- not necessarily implying a negative judgment, as does sense

3noun Something that causes an obsession{3}.noun The state of being obsessed.

from Wiktionary, Creative Commons Attribution/Share-Alike License.

noun A compulsive or irrational preoccupation.noun An unhealthy fixation.

from WordNet 3.0 Copyright 2006 by Princeton University. All rights reserved.

noun an unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation with something or someonenoun an irrational motive for performing trivial or repetitive actions, even against your will

Etymologies


--

I was abandoned by wolves and raised by my parents.

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