Thanks all for your comments/advice
Trust I suppose is the issue for me in this case. I feel like a selfish person if I say no? No doesn't come easy to me and yes when people try to explain themselves out of a situation it does seem to make a person seem more tense and does make the situation look worse.
I wouldn't want them to take it personally if I said no, I'm the same also in the sense I work hard for stuff I have, I've always been told I waste on things when I know i dont, this is related to my second career it's all I have I can't actually afford to just let things like that slide, it's the only bit of independence I have left. I guess when kids are full time in school I hope to work but then comes the hassle of babysitters/timing/meals and household stress.. ex wouldn't be helpful at all unless it benefited him in some way
My therapist said I needed control back in my life from people who taken that away by complaining about and making me feel like I don't prioritise my commitments. I'm human end of the day, not merely as strong as I may make myself out to be. It's one of my pass times and how I cope with stress since it's something I like to do out of love. Now every time I'm gonna look at that equipment I'm just gonna be upset and sad, then I start telling myself I'm a bad person for thinking in such ways
This person helped me get back into my work though I'd decided to fully just pack it in, they kept calling every other day to motivate me and I felt bad, I didn't even know how to say no to that, I did hint a few times though it didn't work because everyone except me just sees I'm throwing my life away, and I'm making excuses to say I'm fine even though there are genuine struggles that hinder how much I'm capable; I hate that people will always compare a person's struggles with someone who may be in the exact same situation, that's something I never do and I hate when people compare me, everyone is unique to they're mental stamina and will power, everyone is unique to the good and bad in they're life, everyone is unique to they're own circumstances. This is pretty much how I've been most my life, it's the only way I know how to 'be' by letting other people put me down and making me feel like I have no will power, for anything, that negativity as much as I try dismissing it registers somewhere and I guess knocks everything from my self esteem, self worth, the will to live on and carry on
It is upsetting and people should have the common sense themselves. I can't believe they asked you if u wanted Ur blender back?! That's insane!
That's just it, people who struggle and work hard and who have succeeded and lost at any given stage in life value those things more whatever they may be. And its awful when people don't recognise that in others.
I never look to anyone with an occupation and think oh they mustn't be struggling because of what they're possible earnings could be, yet at the same time I know lots of people who will look to my occupation try to calculate my earnings and when my partner was together and think it's ok to assume whatever it is selfish people assume and take advantage or for granted
It's a pathetic world we live in at times. And the opposite also applies. Sometimes.peoole can get in thoughts that seem selfish because they're just trying to protect themselves or others from vulnerabilities we don't always see or anticipate it understand.
People will do so much petty shit nowadays it's actually unbelievable.
I feel like I've just gone off there but I needed to for the sake of my own sanity
Thanks @so_exhauseted-from_users , @womanwhowalks