I'm still not exactly sure what that means. All I know is that my wife does things no one in their right mind would do, and she will not stop no matter what I say to her. It's as if she can't help it, yet she is aware of what she is. She may not actually believe she is a narc, but as least, she no longer argues about it. I see her agreeing with me as part of the manipulation. The lies and manipulation have no logic behind it. This puzzle of a person is beyond my understanding. You would think I would know her after 25+ years of being together. I can't figure out what motive she has other than to break my will or drive me away. If you want to know a person, find out what motivates them. It's pretty easy normally, but when it comes to my own wife I can't get my mind around it.
No, she is not in any way a genuine person, although, she does have moments of clarity. She had one last week. I saw her true self for about a minute. Once again, I see this as part of another manipulation. It was a way of making me think there is still hope she can learn to be genuine. It worked for a time. Then I had a conversation with my Aunt.
My cousin is married to an extreme narc. He has completely withdrawn from her and his family. Being a man of honor, he won't leave her. She has controlled the entire family for years by holding her own children over the heads of their grandparents(My aunt and uncle). She threatens to take them away or simply tells the kids lies that they fully believe. She gives her kids anything and everything they want and breaks their spirits with ridicule. She completely controls them and turns them against the rest of the family and their father. She gets violent! My aunt and I had a very long conversation comparing my wife to her daughter-in-law. They are the same! They do the same things. They think the same way. They are in such denial, they both tell blatant lies that are so transparent EVERYONE knows it's a lie, yet they believe they are fooling us. What arrogance! Well, after five hours at the kitchen table we all came to the conclusion that the main issue is severe insecurity. They are both motivated by the fear of seeing themselves for what they truly are. They can't accept it. My cousin is also an empath. Like my uncle. They are two of the most compassionate men I know. They have both given up trying to help her.
My wife has caused the death or disappearance of many of my cats. Well, last week I came home to my dog tied to a post choking on a leash she had slipped around his neck. Not a to a collar. The leash was acting like a noose that tightened as he moved. I first heard what sounded like a dying turkey and felt his anguish and confusion. Then I saw what she had done. He had peed on the carpet again. He's old and he can't hold it as long as he use too, so she was punishing him. The reason she gave me for doing this was that she subconsciously didn't want me to go to my brother's funeral. I had hoped she wouldn't try to stop me from going. She did this as I was about to get ready to leave. Can she not understand why we have to go to funerals? I went anyway.
For years now, I thought I could somehow get through to her. I know now I can't and have given up completely. She reads my email and my posts on this forum. I hope she reads this one.
updated by @zacharias: 04/09/19 12:07:11AM