Your current partner...

Aiden
Aiden
@aiden
3 months ago
45 posts

I know as an Empath, I will constantly attract narcissists and those who need healing. Being more aware of all of this now has enabled me to process my very strong attraction to these individuals but I'm also aware that this person may not exactly be the best for me. It is a bit of a struggle  because the attraction and emotions are SO INTENSE. I recently experienced this with someone I'm currently "getting over". Let's call him Juan. 

A little back story: I never make a big deal out of my birthday. I hate being the center of attention and never remind anyone that my birthday is approaching. The most i will do is a dinner with some friends or just go to my moms to cut a cake. Nothing fancy. This year, my birthday was right before labor day so a weekend getaway seemed fun. I felt like i NEEDED to travel this year. On my actual birthday, the plan was to go to the beach, have some food drinks then just head back to the room. We crashed hard when we got back to that room and napped for about 4 hours until i randomly woke up around 1am. Normally, after a day like that, i would not have the energy to do anything else including going out again that late but i wanted to  keep going. I felt like i HAD to go out dancing and was filled with energy.

We head out and on the way there i turn to my friend and tell him " i feel like I'm going to meet someone tonight". I have never said that before and don't ever go out expecting that i will meet or even approach anyone as i can be very shy and reserved. I see someone I've interacted with in the past at the club who I'm not particularly fond of so i literally grab my friend and say LETS GO before he sees me, we run downstairs. I get downstairs and as i am walking through the crowd, i am stopped by a guy. He is all flirty with me, then his friend is also in my face flirting as well. Then a 3rd and 4th. They were all there together and somewhat intoxicated. I look to the side, and see Juan who i could tell was with them but he was more reserved and seemed a little down and distant. I asked his friends "who's that?" and am INSTANTLY attracted to him. I literally felt an energy move through me and knew that i was not going to leave that club without at least speaking to him or exchanging numbers. I approach him and he's very quiet but answering my questions. I find out that he is also there celebrating his birthday that day but it was mostly his friends who forced him to go out. He didn't particularly want to be there. They were getting ready to leave and one of his friends says to me " here take Juans number " grabs my phone and proceeds to put a number in my contacts. Something inside me told me to confirm with Juan if it was the right number or not and surely it wasn't. His intoxicated "friend" put his own number in my phone instead of Juans. I also found money on the street after that entire interaction which i never do, so in my mind i felt like this was my lucky birthday lol. 

We spent the entire next day together and it felt as if i had known him for an eternity. There wasn't that  " getting to know someone" stage that i usually go through and feel with new people. He felt so familiar and everything felt so effortless and comfortable. We laughed, we danced together in his room, sang happy birthday to each other, he even made me dinner. I literally felt like i was spending a day with a lover I've been with for a long time as opposed to someone i just met the night before. We also have such specific similar interests when it comes to music and the arts which is so rare for me to find in others. What blew my mind the most was that he had a small alter for a specific deity in his room that i also have in mine. I have never encountered this!

I also learned that he is extremely depressed and unhappy with life. He is a "starving artist" who feels like he is no where near where he needs or wants to be in life. He is also a total HSP/Empath from everything he told me. I had to hold him in my arms as he cried at one point which was hard. Saying goodbye was also difficult and he was pleading for me "not to leave him" which broke my heart but i had a flight to catch back home. Despite everything we experienced in knowing him for less than 48 hours, I was on the highest high i have been on in years. I rarely meet anyone who can bring so much emotion out of me. This lasted weeks where i would just think about him constantly, look at his pictures and smile. I would picture our lives together and even purchased some new luggage as i was totally prepared to fly to see him whenever possible. I really felt like the universe set this all in motion because it was suppose to grow into something really beautiful but then that didn't really happen. This hurt so much at first. The distance was certainly a factor but he also really loves being alone and i simply just don't feel like a relationship is what he wants or needs right now. I care for him enough to give him his space but the healer part of me feels like i need to do more.

So a few months later, we talk here and there and i try to give him some encouragement and uplifting but I've accepted that it isn't going to develop into anything more for now. I'm finally ok with it but I can't help but wonder why it seemed like the universe set everything up the way it did for me to meet him but for nothing to really come out of it except for an amazing day together. It seemed so perfect but for what?? How was i able to make a comment to a friend that night about meeting someone then actually meeting someone who I'm so energetically drawn to? What is the lesson in all of this? Maybe there is no lesson and it was simply an amazing birthday weekend. I also tend to think there has to be something more or greater in everything which makes it hard to just view it as just another encounter. 

I also want to mention that I am never attracted to the ones who seem to have it all together. I met someone last year who was essentially the "perfect guy" and i knew it would be a healthy relationship but i didn't feel that spark or fire. Not even half of what I felt with Juan in knowing him for a day. It's as if i can energetically feel like they don't  "need me" and I have other souls on this plane that need my help and attention. Yeah I could be with him and we would grow together but it felt kind of flat... 

How did you meet your current partner? Was it an instant connection and intense attraction or did it grow into it? Did you know you would end up with them? Were they at a low point in their lives when you came along or vice versa? Do you feel like you settled at all with someone because they seemed like a good match as opposed to feeling spiritually and emotionally connected? Did initial settling perhaps grow into a relationship where you were connected in a way that wasn't present in the beginning? Thank you all for taking the time to read this and responding.

Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
3 months ago
62 posts

I have been thinking about this special subject a lot these last days. I am questioning all my relationships right now, and so I do with my current partner. We've been together for a long time and we are a really good team, but I am beginning to miss depth and passion, a feeling that increased I think over the last months or so, as I am going through a development process right now.

I asked myself what was attracting me to that person and I came to the conclusion, that, perhaps, it was the missing of this intensity of feelings that attracted me initially. It felt safe and calm.

Some years ago, I was totally unable to hug people or kiss them on the cheeks, even close friends, it was totally overwhelming by then. When I touched a person emanating intense emotions, I sometimes lost orientation alltogether for some seconds. Now I can handle this better and I begin to miss something in my partnership.

I discovered that most of my family members have narcissitic traits and I am now panicking on the possibiliy, that my partner is like that too and I just don't want to see it. I'm trying to get more closeness into the relationship and talked openly to my partner about it. He sometimes feels to me like he's switched off, but when I got on my train home this morning (we are currently living apart) he looked as if he was starting to cry any moment. This is all so confusing and I totally don't trust my own judgement. What if "safe and calm" really is the absence of emotions (his or possibly mine)? Panic.

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
974 posts

@aiden:

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you may have a bit of what is known as a Florence Nightingale syndrome where as a healer, you are attracted to broken, hurting people. You said yourself, the people who you meet who "have it together" are not that interesting to you. But yet there is an energetic connection with people who are full of problems in their lives. I have a brother who is just like you who has had a long history of only being attracted to wounded and dysfunctional women. And it always ends up in drama and disaster for him. So I am familiar with this.

From your screen pic you look to be fairly young. I think what you are going through with this attraction to wounded souls will disappear with age as you gain more life experience and discernment as an empath. You sound very in touch with yourself and understand how and why you are attracted to people like this. And that's a very important first step. Because once you understand yourself and your emotional behavior, you can work on rebuilding yourself over time to not be as attracted to wounded people.

You of course know that both narcs and damaged people will find you and be very attracted to you as an empath. They are like moths to the flame with us. You mentioned having particularly high energy that night, and how many men were attracted to you. Your healing energy was very strong that night so that's no surprise that you had many people lining up to meet you. I think there was a very good chance that your high energy was pre-planned by your higher self and spirit guides as a bit of a learning test. I would say they are showing you more evidence of how powerful you are as a healer. But they want you to be more careful with who you share your intimacy with because takers and narcs can severely damage a healer like you by getting in close in a relationship, sapping your energy, and turning your life upside down. I believe this was an important lesson that you were given because as a healer, people like that will stand in the way of your life path and happiness.

On a final note, I find that most emotionally damaged people are energy vampires. They usually have a litany of dramatic stories all through their lives, and a general pattern of bad luck. But as you dig deep with a person like this, you will often find that they subconsciously both attract and cause the drama in their own lives and are really their own worst nightmare. Some of these people can be helped by your healing energy. But unfortunately, most will take and take from you, but never change their ways. They will continue a pattern of behavior that creates bad outcomes for them for the rest of their lives. We all know people like this. And while it's okay to be friendly, don't let these energy vampires in close where they can attach emotionally to you and bring you down with them. This is why my advice is to really avoid partnering with these types. There is no end to their drama, and you will literally feel your energy weakening while you spend time with them. I actually get dizzy and nauseous when people like this drain me. And once you enter their world in a relationship, you become part of their drama, and become near destroyed as an empath.

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
974 posts

@chrisis:

What makes you think your partner is a narc? Is he draining, manipulative, or hurtful to you at times?

Assuming he is not a narc, he sounds a bit guarded and closed off emotionally. In our society going back 30-50 years we were raised as boys to not show emotion as it is weakness. It is a little different today, but if you were raised in the 70s-90s, you were likely raised in a "boys don't cry" world. So that has caused so many men as adults to have difficulty showing emotion or vulnerability. I wonder if that may be what's going on with your partner? He may be struggling with allowing himself to show vulnerability and heightened emotions around you. And in turn, you don't feel completely connected with him.

If I am correct, I think your partner may benefit from counseling where he can learn to rewire himself to be able to open up and be more vulnerable and emotionally available with you.

JoniG
JoniG
@jonig
3 months ago
43 posts
Happy Birthday first!! Second, I am 58 years old, have been married 3 times (to narcs) & am very happily single. I STILL struggle with intense attractions. I like you wonder why certain people would be presented if there wasn't meant to be "more". I don't think The Universe tests us. I understand not feeling attracted to the safe partner. Obviously, I am in no position to give you advice since we share many of the same struggles...You never know, especially being an artist AND an empath, he may just need to be really in control of his energy. You, and all of your right energy probably knocked him off guard...like he did to you! I wouldn't give up. This may turn into exactly what it felt like! I would relish the feelings he brings to you...those certainly don't happen every day!! I would lovingly enjoy each memory & project no expectations on the future...but, wouldn't close the door either!! Best of luck on your journey, it sounds like a truly amazing experience...and, at the VERY least, one you will have & cherish for the rest of your life...wow, life is SO grand!!! Happy New Year!
Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
3 months ago
62 posts

@hop-daddy

you're probably right. as I said, I don't trust myself for the time beeing, I'm currently a bit paranoid.

Aiden
Aiden
@aiden
3 months ago
45 posts

@hop-daddy

I did initially view that experience as a test and a lesson to be learned. After the initial elation, I felt damaged for a while when things didn't go how i expected. I felt kind of used, unworthy and confused at how someone could go from sharing so much of themselves and literally begging you to stay to nothingness afterwards. I felt the best with him that I've felt in a while (in regards to emotional connections with others) but also the worst I've felt in a really long time.  I did a lot of meditation and talked myself out of all of the low vibrational emotions and self talk and realized that he simply isn't in the best place right now for a serious relationship and it has nothing to do with me. 

I completely agree with your take on energy vampires. I would say that I certainly recognized this in a lot of people this past year. I realized that the healer part of me also enabled this to an extent as I just naturally ask questions and constantly want to help but I rarely see any change in the individual. They just keep doing the same thing over and over again and I finally decided that I've had enough. It's interesting because most of them could sense and commented on my sudden detachment when they would vent to me. I stopped asking questions and engaging like before and they literally look at me or have said "that's it?" They want more from me but I'm no longer giving them what they want. I'm putting me first and focusing on those who really do want change. 

@jonig

I love your take on this as well! I believe i absolutely did knock him off guard. Upon first meeting him, he seemed a little suspicious of me kind of in a "who sent you" type of way but he quickly warmed up and became comfortable. I totally get what you mean about relishing the feelings. Today I can smile and even laugh at the day we shared together which feels good. I haven't completely closed the door as we do talk once in a while but I no longer have expectations. Expectations is definitely what messed me up in the beginning. Happy New Year!

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
974 posts

@aiden:

You sound like you have a really good handle on that situation as well as your own empath boundaries. You're handling it well by limiting time and emotional connections with those in your life who are vampires or takers. I do the same. There are plenty of people out there who are ready to accept healing from an empath and really change their lives and life path. For the others who continue to be in a vicious cycle of their own making, they have to break the cycle and fix themselves before anyone can really help them. And that's really hard for the vampire types because they simply love the drama. It's part of their identity.

And great job putting yourself first. All empaths are particularly bad at putting themselves first as part of our giving nature. However, accounting for ourselves and our daily needs is a necessary step in our advancement and well being.

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
3 months ago
481 posts
@ aiden I'm sorry I do not have any great advice on this as I'm single lol. for a period of 5 years I dated. I met about 100 men from online dating. I had met some where that attraction was so strong, but nothing ever came out of it. There were many that I met that were broken too, and after experiencing a point in my life where I was broken and working on me to fix it, I wasn't up to fixing them. Some of those broken ones got really mad when I told them I didn't want to see them anymore. One was so bad he kept sending me harassing texts. There was one man I had met and right away it was the whole "where have you been my entire life I've been looking for you" there is quite a story on that one I will not get into now.
I'd really like to know sometimes of those many I met where the connection felt great they would just leave or do the ghosting. I 9ften wondered wonder what was wrong with me that they didnt like me. Now I could care less. I'm fine being single and going to enjoy life, and if I met someone come join the ride of life.

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