Emotional eating

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
2 months ago
456 posts

Doe anyone else feel they emotional eat when the energy from others is consuming???  Or is this just me and my charkra went out of balance?

   Of course it's this narc at work I've spoken up b4.  I know that I should do this and that.  But honestly, this is childish. If I step up and talk about it he'll blame me again, but I have documentation to support it.  If I step back, he thinks he has the power and starts his manipulative tactics. Its no win.  But at the end of the day, its not about winning, its about the right thing to do.  Feels like we as empaths should come together to figure out plan's that have worked to make this planet a better place.  I honestly want to tell him to get over his karma and stop talking it out on me.  But diplomatically since it's work.

JoniG
JoniG
@jonig
2 months ago
41 posts
I totally use food to soothe myself at work....if I'm having a particularly stressful day, I really feel the need for carbs...or more specifically, peanut M & M's!! They don't allow booze so.....lol
Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 months ago
1,378 posts

Yep, it's the carbs when things get hairy! They raise serotonin and make me happier and calmer. I do try taking Natural Calm magnesium powder first, but can't take enough to do the job sometimes. Dark chocolate especially calls to me....it raises levels of all the happy hormones: serotonin, dopamine and GABA. If I am very stressed though, I lose my appetite. Joni's post just made me start craving a peanut butter cup, lol. 

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
2 months ago
456 posts
The chips do it for me, I get a temporary release of the bad energy. But then it comes back. I'm going to bring my obsidian stone to work. It's quite large and try to meditate out the negativity at my desk.

Here's to hoping I don't throw it at the narc....kidding
Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
2 months ago
944 posts

I totally crave carbs and sometimes candy when I get overwhelmed with energy. In fact, I have read that a lot of empaths tend to be a little over weight due to emotional eating. I think some empaths even say that carrying a little extra weight has some protective elements to it. But I don't quite understand why or how that works? Perhaps the act of eating something that makes you happy helps off-set or neutralize the heavy unwanted energy that we take in? Like a form of grounding.


updated by @hop-daddy: 10/11/18 12:14:49PM
Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
157 posts

At work I live off candy corn and M&M's I get out of the little bowls on the secretary's desk. She knows I'm a junky and keeps them filled for me. I don't eat sweets at home. I never made that connection till now. I always have to have sugar at work or around people. 

Narc's are always creating conflict. We avoid conflict. They are always looking for a fight they can't win, because if they win they loose. They want to drag you into a conflict. They work really hard at it at times. The best way I found to deal with them is not to react to anything they say or do. To have no reaction at all is to not allow the effect they want to see from you. The way Jesus put it was "Turn the other cheek" meaning refuse to be offended. Never show any kind of emotional reaction. After a while, the narc sees what he's doing doesn't work and moves on. They give up pretty easy. 

We as empaths have the power to defend to a great degree. We can't bring ourselves to attack others, but in defence we dominate. As long as we don't let our own emotion control us. 

Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 months ago
1,378 posts

@zacharias,

 I agree with what you said, though I've found that there are sometimes exceptions to the rule.  If the narc is part of the family and you don't give them what they want and/or keep showing them up in any way, sometimes they won't just go away. Instead, they will try to learn all they can about the things that are good about you, and then spread the exact opposite in the form of blatant lies to destroy you. This has happened to me and to a good friend, different Narcs, same tactics.

That can come back to bite them though, since some people they tell the lies to will like you and not like them, and will come and tell you about it. They definitely have weaknesses, one of which is that despite their lying, they cannot read other people, or tell at all when they are being lied to, so flattery can be used to control them easily, they are so desperate for a supply of attention. They can't keep friends, and have no concept of the loyalty involved, so they will go and spread lies to your friends, who will tell you what they said or did right away.

How do you not show any emotional reaction, especially being such a feeling-dominant person? That is the question for me. Studying detachment should help, but I can't seem to master it, despite years of meditation on it. Do you have any helpful hints on how you manage to stay detached? Many things work for me in practicing when meditating, but then one of them drives me right up a wall again, and I blow a gasket. I have tried admitting I can't handle it myself and giving it all to Jesus, but it is still going on. Can you always keep your cool now? 

For the carb cravings, you might try a magnesium drink like Natural Calm and use it to wash down a couple capsules of L-tryptophan. That would give you the same hormones as most carbs, though not as many as chocolate. Chocolate raises every neurohormone that feeds any type of addiction, so I hear you loud and clear on those M & Ms! ;-)

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
2 months ago
456 posts
You are correct on the no conflict. When the narc creates it with me, it fills me with such anxiety I shake. But I know if I keep backing down and don't say anything he'll keep doing it. At least this narc. When I began speaking back he backs down. It's a power trip on his end. I mean, he'll do it in different avenues and I have to call him out on each. Right now he's just trying to defeat in anyway he can, and each time I speak back. It's exhausting and the anxiety of it all really hurts my heart. Why such power and dominance is his karma. The potatoe chips help with the crunch from aggravation of his impotent confidence. I wish I can just back it down and ignore, but he'll keep coming after me and continue to put me down.
Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
157 posts

I realize how difficult that is to have no reaction at all. I remember times when my knees were shaking so bad it made my whole body tremble. The anxiety took control and I felt like I had no power over it. I still have to deal with it every day. The way I take power over it is to just not care what the outcome of the situation is. I have to give myself over to it. Do or die. Then I can walk thin ice without the worry of falling in. Not so simple for most. I understand. 

I had a boss not long ago that would give me these impossible tasks just to see how I would react. They were demeaning and meant to frustrate the hell out of me. Being an empath I knew what he was doing. If I had gotten frustrated, he would have made it much worse until I quit. Instead I just went along with it as though he wasn't messing with me. I never showed him any emotion. I stayed calm and relaxed and wouldn't let anything he said phase me. It's what is called a 'shit test'. If you react, you loose. Women do it to men in bars every night. They do that crap because they believe emotional people are weak. What they don't understand about empaths is that we have to deal with 1000's of emotions. They only have to deal with their own. If they became an empath for one day they would be balled up in a corner screaming and crying for it to stop. They are the weak, not us. This guy wasn't just a narc, he was a sociopath. The weakest of all.

A couple weeks ago I went to a funeral. I absolutely had to. I knew the man and his family. I wanted to be there for them. I knew what it would do to me, but I resolved myself not to care. If I had thought it would kill me I was still going to go. I have missed many funerals in the past because of fear. Yes, I was wiped out afterward, but I'm glad I went. I have a great boss now. She understands me. She has a daughter thats an empath. I just said I need to go home and take a nap, and she said "ok, thats fine, dont worry about things here". I'm very grateful for this job. It was the one God led me to. The others were jobs God used to forge my character through hard stressed situations. I'm grateful for those as well.  

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
2 months ago
456 posts
This narc I work with just wants to undermine, I'm a woman and he made that clear from day one. I went to HR about it, and he lost there. How he still has a job is infuriating to all who works there. So when he does his things, he needs to tread lightly, so no, I don't back down. Any form of it will be seen as retaliation from HR. But as an emapth, I can't stand the thought he does this to someone else. People have commented why he's being nice, but I can see through it. I do have his nasty documented as I won't speak to him in person. I have heard others put him in his place, actually on a conference call on Friday someone did. There was a period some time ago I felt bad for him, and he knew and took full advantage of that and ended up going to my boss many times. I've been looking for a new job, and hopefully will be getting another soon. :)
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
2 months ago
456 posts
@zacharias I do agree with you on the ignoring part. I do deal with other narcs, and I can ignore much easier. And yes it really does help.
Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 months ago
1,378 posts

@zacharias,

     Thanks for the pep talk, it helps. :-)

     Not being attached to the outcome is so necessary in other situations as well. When we do a favor for someone, we may be attached to the outcomes of being thanked and having them do something for us. That may not happen, and we get disappointed. I learned to let go of it intros cases, but also keep watching for a pattern of a person who never thanks anyone, and never does anyone good turn. I run from those, since they may be narcs and will drain me. 

     I have a two-pronged problem with this. One is that I am an INFJ, and the J is my strongest score, at 92%, which is freakishly high. For those who aren't familiar with the MBTI personality types, that means I am very much into seeing justice done, and I want life to be fair, which it isn't. I have problems with that too....I have a lot of questions! The other is that I have late stage Lyme disease, and it is in my brain. This results in a thing called Lyme Rage, which is simply awful. It is one reason why I am mostly a hermit now. I have about 1/2 second to get control of myself, or the rage is off and running and I do not even remember what I said later. It has actually helped in 2 cases where horrible neighbors were driving me crazy, and I was kind to them despite it for 4 and 12 yrs., respectively, until they finally pushed me so hard I went into Lyme rages. I scared them so much, they ran away from me and haven't bothered me since. I hate to lower myself to that level, but it did work and nothing else had. It's a sad comment that non-reaction only encouraged them. 

     I am very glad that you now have a great job with a good boss! That is rare and something to be grateful for. I will keep working on non-attachment, since I agree how important it is. I do think it is far harder for empaths to do though. My husband compartmentalizes things, which I learned in psych classes is a much more common thing in men than women. He just puts things he doesn't like away somewhere and locks them up and lets them go. If you can do that, you are lucky.  wish I could do that!

Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
157 posts

@cheshire-cat- You brought up something interesting that I've been trying to wrap my mind around. I took a look at the Myers-Briggs test to see what J was, which is judging or perceiving. I've heard it said that we shouldn't be judging anything or any one. Why? Because we are mostly wrong. We perceive a situation from a fixed perspective and we look for what we want to see based on where we are at. We don't see everything, only what is in our limited perception. We misjudge the rest. This makes us think we need to react. Reaction is always wrong. We are fallible humans and don't really understand what we want to happen anyway. We want to be right, we want to be fair and just, but we lack a true concept of what that is. 

Then, on the other hand, our judgment keeps us safe. Or does it? When we see what is inside a person we use that to predict future behavior. At that point we only see what we are looking for. We adjust our behavior to negate the effect others have over us. In this case, we react out of fear. I do it when I don't want to be around a certain person thinking they will drain me, or their emotional output is to strong. I want to be free of this. I would rather there be no effect so I don't have to think about what could happen. This is why I don't judge. Well, I still do. I should say this is why I judge less. When I feel weak and have deal with the overall effect people have on me. I just go away to be alone. If I don't care about the effect I can do what I want. I despise humanity because I'm affected. I want to be free of this too. All I can do is let things happen and not care. I can't control the spirit of others but I can control my own. By doing so, I rely more and more on my Guides and less on my pathetic understanding. This is what God wants from me. To rely solely on God to protect me. It allows me to give up worry. This is what freedom looks like. 

This goes back to emotional eating, as well as, other things we do to feel better in bad situations. If I could put away all my vices, I do believe God would step in and fill the void with Joy. He has many times before. I block it by doing things my own way. My reaction to being drained is to eat a bunch of M&M's to raise my blood sugar level enough to continue working. Problem is it isn't sustainable. It isn't the best way of dealing. I need to switch back to nuts for protein. I'm looking for a quick fix with sugar. I'm still in instant gratification mode. 

This job has had me focus more on grounding and meditating. I clean a preschool everyday. Glue, glitter, paint, and the energy they leave behind. I have to do a lot of grounding throughout the day. I have at max a two hour window where I can get things done before I have to take a break and go to the woods. I take naps in my van and eat carbs like crazy. There are five pizzas in the fridge of the church and I'm the only one who's eating them! I could be upset that I'm the only one who feels this crappy feeling of being drained and try to protect myself, or I can let it happen and be grateful that others understand a little of what I have to go through. It's my purpose in this life to clean up after them. That gives me joy. 

Cat, I have to deal with physical pain everyday to do what I do. Previous injuries are now permanent. In comparison to emotional pain, it's nothing. It's dealing with both at the same time that gets to me. Staying positive is hard when your sick and in pain. That is the most important time to be positive! It's how we overcome. We have to "Let go, and let God". Love you, Cat.

Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 months ago
1,378 posts

@zacharais,

  Lol, the MBTI is quite confusing to those who are not trained in the meaning of it's buzzwords like I am. "Judging" does not mean judging at all! It means you are a person who prefers order to chaos, a planner rather than spontaneous, a neat person who wants his or her ducks in a row. Being the Perceiving type means you are fine with going with the flow, are not a planner, easily adaptable and usually not as concerned with being on time as much as a J type would be. I very much wish the professions would stop using babble words to make  it impossible for others to understand basic concepts. It is ridiculous bid for exclusivity, rooted in pride, and as a former psychotherapist, I find it quite embarrassing. Most professions have their language of exclusivity, not just psych. I think the MBTI is a great tool for everyone,  but it does take some study to learn how to interpret it, and this kind of blurring of meaning is making it hard for everyone to have access to the good it can do. You might try taking "The Big 5" personality test, if you cannot relate to the MBTI. Or, you can try the Ennegram test. All are free online, and I think all are valuable in their own ways. Most free MBTI tests have a report they give you that interprets the scores.

   You are so right that nuts are a great snack, but most of them should be soaked for 24 hours and rinsed and dried before consuming, or they bind to any minerals you ate at the same time and take them out of the body undigested. Native peoples know this and laugh at the way we eat them raw. They soak, dry, roast and pulverize with a mortar and pestle. Then they bake them into flours and breads. That's a lot of work! Almonds actually taste sweet when they are soaked, so you might try them. Cashews should not be soaked, but I find they are addictive just like candy, so I avoid them. Another slightly sweet snack that is really good for you is dark chocolate, with at least 60% cacao. I worked in a bad office environment once and became addicted to peanut M & Ms. I had to quit cold turkey to make it stick. Chocolate binds to receptors that help pain, so that may be one reason why we go to it. Good luck! 

   I am also in horrible chronic pain, and have been for 32 years now. it destroyed my life and took away my career, forced me to move to a place I despise, cost me more than I even want to explain, since it will sound like I want pity. You are so correct that untreated pain makes people testy and negative, esp. if it makes it impossible to sleep. They have taken legal pain control away from those with real pain in the service of ending street addiction, which will not be affected. I am lucky if I get more than 4 hrs. sleep a night. I hope you have a better support system than I do, since the quality of your relationships with others is everything when it comes to happiness and also goes along way to help distract us from pains or all types. 

May God bless you with the best possible outcomes, C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 months ago
1,378 posts

@ zacharias,

My edits delete, etc. icons are gone!  Wonder where they went....

I forgot to say you did not mention how you came out on the MBTI. The INFJ type is only 1% of the population, but many INFJs are empaths, way above the amt. you would expect. There are previous threads here with surveys that prove this.

You mentioned despising humanity, and that is such a common feeling among us empaths. You do not need to feel alone in that. We also tend to feel guilty because we think it is bad to feel this way, but we can read negative things in others that most of them cannot see. I always remind myself of that when I hear the 3 ESFP friends I have say how much they love everyone! They are the type least able to see the bad in people, and I have seen them be horribly taken advantage of due to that. Knowing this helps me feel less bad about it, since I realize that if they had my personality, they would most likely feel just like I do. This is even known as the empath push-pull. We feel compelled to help people, but we can't stand them at the same time. To me, this is one of the two hardest things about being an empath. The other really hard thing is warning people of things, for example that a person is very bad and will hurt them, being ignored almost always, and then watching them become angry at me after they've been hurt just like I told them they would be, because every time they see me, I remind them of how foolish they were and they project their anger at themselves onto me. Ya can't win with people....we are all flawed. 

Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
157 posts

Wow, you kind of nailed. I went through the test pretty quick but I'm a INFP-T, and no I don't know that means. This what I got:

Mediator personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the Mediator personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.


updated by @zacharias: 10/17/18 11:04:05AM
Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 months ago
1,378 posts

Hi Zacharias,

I will give a very brief explanation, and you can probably find videos at YT that will explain INFP-T  in more depth later, if interested, or just use a search engine to read about it more. Your actual number scores are meaningful, as they show the degree to which you lean one way or another. For example, my J score is 92, which means I really don't like surprises and I am very organized. My F score is only 19, so I do use logic and factual proof almost as much as I use my gut feelings. You can also look up which types of jobs are best for your type, and which types make your best friends and partners. If you study the 16 types until you have the basics down, which doesn't take that long, you will find you can type others pretty well, and it will go a long way to explain why they think and behave as they do. 

I = you are more introverted than extroverted. You look inward to think about things, rather than trying to find answers in the external world. You need some alone time to recoup your energy, since interaction with people takes your energy rather than giving you energy. 

N = You see the big picture more than the details and are more interested in the future and possibilities than in the present and proven facts. You find connections between things that others may not see. You are highly intuitive.

F - You use feelings more than thinking to make decisions in life. You trust your gut more than logic, since you know there are many unseen factors in life.

P - You are comfortable with letting things happen as they may, are spontaneous, and enjoy surprises. You don't plan ahead much and go with the flow. You may not be very neat or organized, though being an empath, you may be an exception the the usual P type, since empaths tend to get physically sick in chaotic surroundings. You may have a flexible view of deadlines.

T = You are more moody than even-tempered and may react more strongly to emotional triggers than average.

I hope that helps! There is a lot more to learn. The MBTI is used more by companies to match employees  to jobs than for anything else. If you are looking for a change, it may help to point you to one. I have found it immensely helpful with one on one relationships that baffled me. 

C. Cat

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