stuck in love

alijay
@alijay
one week ago
18 posts

A few years ago I fell in love with someone I met online, guess you could call it love at first sight, we drifted apart over some time for many reasons, I still love him, but need to learn to cut the chord, ive tried for months almost a year, I still love him very much and always will.. by far the toughest cord ive tried to disconnect from, what would you recommend?

So_exausted_from_users
So_exausted_from_users
@so-exausted-from-users
one week ago
36 posts
Time..
And respecting the fact that some people you will always love no matters what.
My estranged husband walked out and has put me through extreme mental abuse. Even the judge who oversaw the separation paperwork said this is one of the worst cases of domestic abuse she has ever seen. The strange part is that the majority of abuse all started after he walked out.
Now this man is my soulmate and just cause we are no longer together doesn't mean that we are still not soulmates. We have 2 beautiful children together and spent 17 years, 16 married together before he came home for summer holidays (at times he works out of town for long periods) to tell me he wanted a separation. This news distroyed me. He was my best friend, my other half, my everything. I went into shock that evening. From there over the next year and the abuse I came close to a mental breakdown. I loved this man so much, he was my everything and I was willing to do almost anything to get him back however I realized that there were major issues between us and the more time away from him I could now start seeing the mental abuse he was using in hopes I wouldn't take him to court to get support from him. I originally decided that it if we were able to fix things he would have to attend counseling. The abuse was easier to see when he was hurting the kids than when he was hurting me.
It took about a year before the abuse became to much and I realized that this person I never wanted in my life again. It took a few more months before I came to terms that I will always love the man he was and I will never stop loving that person.
As they say, time heals all wounds and I started to heal. I will never allow him back in my life but I will always love a part of him.

I know that this is an extreme story but u have to give yourself permission to grieve, that it is ok to still love them forever but they won't be a part of your life.

Time is your enemy and your friend.. as frustrating as it is to hear it does help. Find a class or something interesting to do so u can focus on that for a little bit of time.

I wish you luck
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
one week ago
409 posts
I can relate. Met someone, love at first site, all the synchronicities, dreams etc. I was originally really hurt and disappointed that more never came from it, and eventually contact starter to become far and few. I reached out a few months ago and he responded, but I think that was the time I actually felt it was time to let him go.

With what @so-exhausted stated, I agree with is "time." I think your soul may also know when it's ready to cut the chord. I still think about him from time to time, but the longing, urge, missing is no longer there. I did one night after that lost contact, b4 bed pictured our chords cut and I could see him floating away. B4 I could never do it, it was to hard. Guess it may not have the right time.

This man and I shared several lives together, which makes sense why I fell in love at first site. But my guide also told me earlier this that him and I wouldn't be together in this life and a greater one is coming. It took me months to accept that and I finally have. Honestly, it was hard for me to see what was better than him, but I'm trusting that.
I'm grateful now that I was able to meet him in this life, is how I see it. I've also been able to finally at a point in my life be OK and accept I'm single. Everything I'm planning and doing is without a partner in life, and when a new one comes....hey he can enjoy the ride of life with me :)
alijay
@alijay
one week ago
18 posts

Thank you both for your replies, I pretty much have on all that I could where time is concerned; 

just wish I had his strength sometimes to move on as quickly as he does, why are men so easily able to do this? as if they can leave you just as quickly as they fall for you? like we never mattered or existed, as if they found the one thing they were longing/looking for, only to have it then be so unappreciative of?

as much as this is a girly rant, id love to hear what men have to say? I know women can be like this too, and i have known some.. guess helping understanding the process, might help cut that chord Attachment for me one day..

I have only been in a couple of serious relationships, before I met him, so I do consider myself inexperienced as much as I know how to make em last, 

does anyone sense any baggage from it? like I feel like I want to move on, I feel ready to find someone new, or old? 

So_exausted_from_users
So_exausted_from_users
@so-exausted-from-users
one week ago
36 posts
Ironically a lot of my good friends are male even though I am female. When a guys heart is really involved they can't just move got. They break down and cry and hurt just as much as we do.. The difference is society has taught them not to allow their emotions and they are supposed to man up.
Even with the guy I am with we have some issues and he tries to pretend that our seperation doesn't effect him but when I finally got him to open up he admitted that when he thought he lost me he had a nasty depression that took over him. Luck enough we between being an empath and the bond we share I could feel he needed some help so I reached out to let him know I am still here.
Being able to finally talk to him about everything we understand so much more and realized that even though he needs the space we still both need each other in our lives.
We are back in separation but I know he is in so much pain from it and the way it happened. We will figure it out one way or another over time.

I know that this is a girls view on a guy feelings but an open conversation between us I have learned so much about a guys Thoughts.

Good luck with your healing
alijay
@alijay
3 days ago
18 posts
I thought I'd be upset about it, cry at losing him, try to evoke emotion or anything. But I honestly couldn't give a shit.

It's not the first time he walked out, I was just a fool for assuming this time he wouldn't. How many times he's done that been a piece of shit and I was just too sweet for him to handle, who needs a f* bag like him anyway..

I just find it oddly weird that from past experiences I'd sulk and cry.. now I feel I don't have to do anything, he can just be gone and know that I'll breathe and live without him just like I was before I met him..

And instead of me wishing I didn't exist because of the sheer awkwardness of some of it, instead I want to actually condition myself to believe that he didn't exist, why should I mourn over someone who couldn't have the decency to be real, to be honest, if he thinks what he has is real love, that was love based on the idea of me and of others he had created in himself..

I'm not bitter about it, not sad, not mad, not nothing, shit everywhere reminds me of him, but I learnt today that why should I drop some of my standards who couldn't drop some of his own for me, and why should I raise mine to prove I can get on without him, truth is dropping/raising anything would have shown that I ever cared, that he meant anything to me, he did for some moments but what I needed was a man not a boy who thought he'd figured out what love was all about..

Thank you for your support, and on that note I'm wondering if someone whose gay or bisexual has taught me this important lesson? Since I know fully well I'm not in my own energies but what this person feels about this male is quite spot on how I feel about this ex..

Having said that could it be external influences of thoughts/perceptions? Or could this person be experienced someone else's sexuality too but I'm aware? I'm a light worker so can help heal him perhaps?

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