Angry Empath?

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
3 months ago
425 posts

I've been told recently by a few friends, including my therapist that I have anger issues.  At first I took it personally, then a few more times I got kinda more mad.  Omg, im an Angry Empath!!!  That is what i thought.  And "am i turning into a narc!"  I get it, we don't live in each other's shoes, and we have to watch for the narc that want us to feel sorry for them.  Where this anger is coming from it appears to be multiple people, at work and in friends/family.   I do notice I close my heart and shut down.   I've been feeling it more so from a friend I haven't spoken to in a week.  When I think of her I get upset.   The best thing I've done recently is lock myself up at home and talk to no one but my cat.  And do things for me.  Then I'm happy again and love life, and it starts over again.  When I feel strong enough to push that anger from those aside, I feel like 5 more come at me with their anger/frustrations and I feel like collapsing.  Today was a great day for that.  Ahhh!  Sometimes think my strong personality is not able to combat that.  Then again i have to isolate myself.  I feel so bad that my one friend who gets it, i always blow her off to do something.  I know ill be no fun.  But I know I should do things with her.  The chest pains are coming back and I dislike those very much.  (I'm fine, Dr's ruled out everything but say anxiety)    Is it just me, or does anyone else get these angry moments?  Is it part of living in a big city too?


updated by @tigerlily: 09/06/18 12:44:03PM
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
968 posts

I think we can all identify with being an angry empath at one time or another...its called...being human... so ya...I sometimes think it's definitely coming from another source...I pick up so much from other humans..then there's the spirit aspect or better yet my chair in the drivers compartment that never shuts up...you....are...fine....identifying where the emotions are coming from takes a bit of practice and patience...


updated by @womanwhowalks: 07/23/18 11:27:09PM
Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

So, I also have anger issues. My father is a narc, so growing up around that is not only bad for development, but sometimes I find myself showing those kinds of personality traits.

One tactic I use is to top and identify the source. Is this me? Is it someone else? If I don't have a reason to be angry, I assume it is someone else and try to locate the source and work from there: shielding, leaving, disconnecting from that person.

Side note: never just shut off or shut down.

Another tactic I use if the anger is coming from within myself: Ask myself if this is going to be an issue or if this will still make me angry a year from now - or even, a month or week from now. If yes, just deal with it, if no, breathe and continue to another tactic.

If the anger is coming from within myself and this situation will make me angry, still, in the future it needs to be dealt with in an adult manner. Going somewhere to think and calm down is always the best option.

If the anger is coming from within myself but is "irrational" or is not something that will still make me angry long term I use the "wheel" method. I imagine the emotion I am feeling to flow into, within myself, and then out. If that is not enough, I can envision the anger moving in a "wheel" into, through, and out of myself. I will do this for a long as needed when the feeling fades away. It is healthy to accept your emotions.

I find it harder to deal with and work through my emotions when I "reject" or "resist" them. I let them flow through me and accept that these emotions are normal and healthy to feel.

Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

I forgot to mention that my significant other said something that has always stuck with me and continues to ring true:

"People only get angry because they don't understand something."

I have spent a lot of time thinking this over and find it to be true.

Computer problems? Angry because I don't understand why the computer is acting this way.

Angry because i don't understand someone's reaction/view point.

Angry because I don't understand--

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
896 posts

@tigerlily:

You're not a narc, this is a common problem with empaths where we start expressing the energy that we take in. Right before I found out that I was an empath, I had constant anger issues. I was very over sensitive with a short fuse. And this has popped up from time to time since living as an awakened empath. So based on your comments, and the comments of others here, this appears to be a common phenomenon for empaths.

I think the reason any empath feels angry and irritable is due to the need for grounding and energy balance. Each day we go out to the world and take in negative energy. That's what we do. We get filled up with that low vibrational energy. And if its not grounded out it will start spilling out of us as expressions of anger or depression. So what I do whenever my outward behavior changes to anger, complaining, or depression is I take that as a red flag that I'm filled up on low energy and need to ground. I then take the time to do some meditating with a salt bath and try to fit in some physical exercise. All of that clears me out and balances and me and I am immediately calm and no longer "Mr. Short Fuse". See if you can achieve similar benefits by doing the same thing.

Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

Hop Daddy:

@tigerlily:

You're not a narc, this is a common problem with empaths where we start expressing the energy that we take in. ... So based on your comments, and the comments of others here, this appears to be a common phenomenon for empaths.

I think the reason any empath feels angry and irritable is due to the need for grounding and energy balance. Each day we go out to the world and take in negative energy. That's what we do. We get filled up with that low vibrational energy. And if its not grounded out it will start spilling out of us as expressions of anger or depression...

You're 100% right here and I didn't even think about this angle, either. My method of grounding is very different, though. I will go to the gym and lift weights and feel vastly different after. Some people take walks in nature or stand in grass with bare feet.
My favorite methods of grounding are more like "what connects you to the earth?" or "what connects you, mindfully, to your body?"

crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
3 months ago
200 posts
@tigerlily
I've been in the same boat with the anger. Sometimes a sudden surge will hit me and I have to step aside for the moment.

I agree with everyone about the need for grounding. I have found it to be very helpful. I also agree about there being many effective methods. I find that whatever connects me more deeply to myself helps me. I like fasting, salt baths, Crystal's, and meditation. I'm also starting to look into chakra work. Still very new but looking like it'll be another good tool for grounding.

IMO you just have to find what works with who you are as a whole.
I like to use tools like visualizations as a way of gather together a list of my needs. Once I have a clearer understanding of what I need I get a clearer understanding of myself and my energy. Then my anger, while still present, is not so overbearing to the rest of my personality. Instead is feels reasonable and I can react more calmly. Whether that means walking away or speaking up.

I do this by visualizing a happy space and list the reasons I have created this type of space. More often than not that list can translate easily into needs, both fulfilled and not.
Narcs don't worry about becoming narcs. Nor do they worry how their anger is affecting others.
Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

crystalsage "] Narcs don't worry about becoming narcs. Nor do they worry how their anger is affecting others.

That is beautiful and really encouraging to me, being born from a narc I am in perpetual fear of becoming like him and mistreating my significant other or the people around me. Thank you

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
896 posts

@chezarey:

I don't understand why God or the Universe matches empaths with narcs so often in families. But it's pretty common and is especially difficult for the empath. If your father is a narc that must have been particularly tough for you. While growing up with that energy you as an empath could not help but spill out or project some of that anger and confused energy you were taking in from your father. At the very least it probably left you most days feeling anxious and overly sensitive. You have probably noticed by now that you are a much calmer and happier person when you are away from him and not connected to his energy.

A quick tip on to all on grounding yourself and pushing out unwanted negative energy. If you are doing it correctly you will get this light as a feather feeling when you are done. It's similar to feeling light headed except I don't feel dizzy, I just feel light and really happy and energetic. And it makes sense if you think about it because when you feel bad from low energy you feel lethargic and heavy. And when you ground and raise your vibration, you feel light, happy, and energetic.

Physical exercise and walking in nature is always a good thing. But it's really hard to get enough grounding from that to really feel cleaned out, balanced and light. I find that exercise probably takes out 25% of the negative, and salt baths probably another 25%-40%. But its really this energy removal meditation that I do for about 20 minutes that flushes out the rest of the bad energy tank (for me). It leaves me feeling light and radiating happiness. And when I do that I notice that my ability to lift the energy of those around me really multiplies. I can see it right before my eyes. 

Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

Hop Daddy:

I will try a salt bath at some point, I am sure. I have disconnected all cords to my father and only speak to him once or twice a year when I am home. My mom is a highly sensitive empath who has not yet escaped his clutches. It is insane how the universe pairs us. I have dated a narc before too, and barely made it out. Of course, my father loved him and dislikes/distrusts the empath I am currently with.

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
896 posts

I don't think I've ever heard of an empath turning into a narc so don't worry about that happening. But, that doesn't mean that empaths can't leak out low energy when they are overwhelmed by what they are taking in from their environment. In fact, its very common for empaths to be tired, surly, bitter, sad etc... as a response to low energy around them being absorbed and sinking their vibration. I deal with monitoring this very thing every day so that I can do my best to keep happy and enjoy life.

My suggestion to any empath who is frustrated with constant moods and feeling low would be to keep a journal of day and time that you start feeling grouchy or off. Start noting what people or environments could have contributed to this. Try to ground yourself as soon as you can. Chart when you ground yourself and how effective it was and what did and did not work for making you feel better. And then just keep a running chart on how often your environment brings you down, and how quickly you can recover with grounding. This will really help you understand how often you need to do self-work to get your vibration back up. I find for myself on a normal week I can go about 3 days before I start feeling off in between grounding exercises. But last week I had a rough week on many levels with a lot of drama with my wife and daughter. And I had to ground daily that week just to keep ahead of the volume of energy that I was absorbing.

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
896 posts

@chezarey:

I can relate. My father-in-law is such an extreme narc who takes great pleasure in hurting and manipulating people that I think he may be a sociopath. And he cannot stand me. And I take personal pleasure in that my empathy makes him comfortable because I can see through his mask to see the real him (very insecure underneath). And he knows this at a soul level and it drives him crazy. I think there is something also to an empath's vibration that gets narcs so jittery and uncomfortable because I see this type of reaction from narcs all of the time. So if your narc Dad can't dislike your significant other, take that as validation that you're with the right person! Wink

Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

Hop Daddy:

@chezarey:

I can relate. My father-in-law is such an extreme narc who takes great pleasure in hurting and manipulating people that I think he may be a sociopath. And he cannot stand me. And I take personal pleasure in that my empathy makes him comfortable because I can see through his mask to see the real him (very insecure underneath). And he knows this at a soul level and it drives him crazy. I think there is something also to an empath's vibration that gets narcs so jittery and uncomfortable because I see this type of reaction from narcs all of the time. So if your narc Dad can't dislike your significant other, take that as validation that you're with the right person! Wink

I do take it as validation that I am with a good man, now. He does get jittery because I have always been able to see right through him. When he is home and my mom and I call each other (we call to talk at least once a day) he will constantly bother her until she gets off the phone with me. It is so bad she will only call when he is sleeping or at work. I think your father-in-law and my father are very similar - possible sociopaths.

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
896 posts

@chezarey:

He sounds like a classic narc. It bothers him that you may be influencing his wife against him. He's paranoid about that because he has worked hard to keep her under his control and manipulation all of these years. And also narcs can't stand when they are not the center of attention. It probably bothers him every time your poor Mom is on the phone because that means she is not available to him. It's always all about themselves with narcs.

But good for you for being fully aware of what is going on with him and how it impacts you.

crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
3 months ago
200 posts

@hop-daddy and @chezarey.

My mother is the narc in my life and I have a few close relatives who have strong narc tendencies.

I still have not gotten to the point where I can talk to my mom. I try but the backlash is so severe it's never worth.

As a child anytime I was doing well she would work had to mess things up. That energy is still in her and strongly directed at me.

She's 2,000 miles away, i talk to her on the phone, the next few days are horrible. It's also the reason I haven't moved back home yet. I want to be strong enough to stand her energy.

I was afraid of becoming her for a long time. One day I just decided to embrace it, only because for me the faster I run from something the quicker I get there. After doing that I realized that there will always be some part of her in me, I did grow up with her. However that does not mean my intention toward life and others has to be the same.

I am not her, how I respond to life is proof enough of this. Now if I could just keep her energy from drowning me without being halfway across the country, that'll be interesting.


updated by @crystalsage: 07/24/18 01:09:25PM
crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
3 months ago
200 posts
Also when I do talk to her I have a strong list of boundaries set in my mind.
Whenever she crosses a boundary I give her a polite but firm warning that I will only give her one more chance and then I'm hanging up the phone.
It almost never works in the sense that she is not willing to show me this kind of respect. She says she's my mother and the bible says that means she can treat me however she likes, when she's being nice I should count myself as lucky. When she say that I tell her I love and respect her but I am now getting off the phone.

I guess I can't full say it doesn't work, she hasn't called to say something mean or hurtful for a while now, of course this also means she no longer calls.

Fir myself I am learning that sometimes that is the result when asking for respect. Some do not realize how you have felt. Some will blame you for standing up for yourself and stop talking to you and that is okay.
The bottom line is self care. What does it take for me to live a happy life?
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
968 posts

Another thing to recognize is that a lot of your self doubt once you recognize what's happening as an empath is actually coming from your energy connections to other people...its not you at all...knowing that makes it easier to recognize and to maintain surety of you and what you are sensing at any given time....before you start anything doing some self healing would help you to recognize the difference between you and other thought forms you pick up...clearing your energy of all soul ties and roots will take out a lot of unneeded junk from your energy field...healing any outstanding issues that are yours...and you do know which they are...will go a long way in boosting your confidence and knowledge about what's happening with you...and as you go you'll developed the needed skills to survive being an empath...we are all here to help you as much as possible ...our energy field is the 1st line of defense...repairing it will also make things much clearer...


updated by @womanwhowalks: 07/24/18 01:46:57PM
Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
896 posts

@crystalsage:

You're on the right path with how you are handling your narc mother. What's interesting is the yin & yang relationship of empaths and narcs. Empaths have immense compassion and respect for others. While narcs only think of themselves and have a general attitude of no respect and go through life with a me first and  F@*K everyone else mentality. The two are directly opposed to one another. 

Anyway, when you're a kid, your parents control you and can treat you however they like. There is rarely any justice for kids being raised by narcs until they are old enough to move away. But as an adult, respect has to be earned. If she doesn't respect your very normal wishes for respect and boundaries, then I highly suggest that you cut her off.

I ran into this with a close narc relative of mine where things would get ugly with her on the phone and I'd just say I don't have time for you in my life right now when you treat me like this. I'd then tell her that we need a break of several weeks or months between communications. Narcs usually go bananas at that point in a conversation because they are obsessed with control and manipulation. When the control switches back to you with respect ultimatums they will predictably get even uglier and nasty at that moment as they try to wrench control back from you through guilt, manipulation, and outright rage. I would at that point just tell her that she needed to think about how she disrespected and insulted me. I'd say I'm going to hang up now. Don't call me as I won't be answering it. I'll call you in a few weeks in hopes that you are better able to speak to me with respect. And then hang up.

This type of dialog worked out pretty well for me. And this relative now understands that there are consequences with me where I will cut her off if she acts like this again. I don't know if you would be comfortable doing this with your mother. But one thing to keep in mind is that we empaths are way more powerful than narcs. In fact, they really crave a connection to our energy, whereas they don't really give us anything that betters our lives in return. And they try to dominate and enslave us with manipulation and intimidation. And in a lot of cases, that power control relationship that the narc fosters in a parent-child or husband-wife relationship does work for them. But as an empath we all finally come to realize how damaging to us that relationship is as they are living off our energy and holding our vibration down. Once you are ready to break free of that you can either break ties with that person forever and sever ties, or you can take the control back and set ground rules for your relationship going forward. And if they can't behave, put then in time-out and check back with them in three weeks. It will drive them crazy, but they will learn that you hold all the power and that they have to play by your respect rules. And lastly, in some cases the narc becomes so nasty as you take the power back with respect rules that they are just impossible. They short circuit like a 2 year old being told no cookies today. And that's when you say your good-byes and cut them off permanently or at least for a very long time.

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
3 months ago
425 posts
Wow!! This is all great advice and great to hear it's mostly not me. Thank you.

I have no idea where to begin. I already sense that people at work are angry and those close to me. I try to be as positive as much as I can, as I learned that has helped. But after a while I'm drained. But if they are already consumed in the negativity all they want to do is push it on me. I have helped many people fix and repair things in life, but i have been backing off at that. And I think that's what is making them more angry. And quite frankly, it's upsetting that so many people don't want to fix their own stuff. Classic empath stuff right? The narc at work continues to do this, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's the devil!! Lol. I know now putting him in his place is what seems to help, but professionally it's hard on me. That challenge is definitely there. I'm so grateful to have an empath as a boss.

The narc empath relationship, I read much about this. From trying to teach them empathy, to past life karma. My father and I have quite a history. And through past life regressions, I understand more. He has many narc traits, but yet I'm amazed at how he knows how I feel. He can be such a @%&! At times, but then call me and say "I had a dream you were very sad and struggling, is everything ok" That's exactly what was going on in that moments in my life! He is angry a lot too, and does a lot of things that contradict his beliefs because it benefits him. But always has this need to protect and control me, and I always argue with him on this. But then I get thrown for a loop when he shows care when I'm at a low, like he just knows. I have no idea how to classify him LOL.
crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
3 months ago
200 posts
@hop-daddy
I have had to get comfortable setting those boundaries with my mom. She the type that will bleed you dry if you're not paying attention. In order to be healthy I have to put her in a different category from mother.

@tigerlily.
It could always be several different things. Life is full of shades of grey. My mother can be really caring. The way I can tell the difference is when my mom is nice to me during a time of need, she expects me to praise as my savior before I'm even able to completely get through.

For me it is the people who are around during my time of need simply because they are always around. I am cautious with those who seem to always show up when I'm down, but never seem interested in my life when I'm doing well.
Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

TigerLily: He has many narc traits, but yet I'm amazed at how he knows how I feel. He can be such a @%&! At times, but then call me and say "I had a dream you were very sad and struggling, is everything ok" That's exactly what was going on in that moments in my life! He is angry a lot too, and does a lot of things that contradict his beliefs because it benefits him. But always has this need to protect and control me, and I always argue with him on this. But then I get thrown for a loop when he shows care when I'm at a low, like he just knows. I have no idea how to classify him LOL.

Be extra careful with that kind of behavior as it is another mental manipulation tactic to establish control and can very easily cause you to develop stockholm syndrome.

Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

spiritualskies: This is a really interesting thread, and some stuff I've noticed around what people have shared and expressed, here's one I forgot to mention on the topic of anger, humiliation, sometimes were humiliated by what we know of ourselves, or others put us through it or some happily put themselves through it. Have we ever wondered if god put us through it purposely? To test? in order to build someone in strength? Because he knew that it would be nothing one day, that you'd grown and heal from it, that you'd become the greatest version of yourself? That your status in a real/spiritual sense is much higher? Just something that randomly came to me..

I wholly believe unfortunate things (things that make us angry, sad, etc) happy to us for a reason. The reason may be past (or current) life karmic debt, or a lesson we are meant to learn to become our most complete selves.

Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

spiritualskies: What does it mean to be our most complete selves? I know what it means for me, but what does it mean for others?

The answer is going to range from person to person. It is like asking "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

My answer would be something like, the most healed, strongest version of myself. There are sides to my personality that I am not yet ready to deal with/face. There are also memories of my past I have not worked through and healed from yet. My most complete self would be not only physically strong and healthy but also mentally and emotionally strong and healthy.

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
3 months ago
425 posts
@chezarey I don't have stockholm syndrome. But it would make sense with how he is, if that makes sense. I call him out on his crap, I tell him when he's wrong, and I'll walk out and won't talk to him for months. I've told him to also cut it with his mind games, and to not do this to his own daughter. He yet then says "I can't believe you talk to your own father like this" and it's easy for me to say "you taught me to watch out for what manipulators do, and here you are doing it" That's why I can't figure him out. He cares in those ways like others do when you are sick/tired/sad/etc, but he's also very good at trying to convince his way or the highway lol. Sometimes I wonder with him if this how narcs break into empaths through soul evolution or something. If that makes sense.
Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts
@tigerlily

Just thought I shoukd throw the warning out there.

I have heard of empaths 'gone wrong' who essentially become narcs. I used to work with one of these and, in my opinion, they are worse. I think they are different from narcs and become 'energy vampires'. Instead of using their energetic abilities to do good -helping ease pain, or empathizing eith someone- they will suck out the good energy from people and push negative emotions onto them. Empaths who aren't shielding are easy targets, because they're already open.
Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
896 posts

@chezarey:

You brought up an interesting side bar topic. I don't personally think empaths can convert to narcs. However, empaths can become pretty nasty when their vibrations are lowered for a long period of time. I can admit to that personally happening to me. And when that happens they empaths start mirroring narc behavior from someone else who is close to them. You can see this happen when an empath is stuck in a controlling relationship with a narc.

Chezarey
Chezarey
@chezarey
3 months ago
48 posts

Hop Daddy:

@chezarey:

You brought up an interesting side bar topic. I don't personally think empaths can convert to narcs. However, empaths can become pretty nasty when their vibrations are lowered for a long period of time. I can admit to that personally happening to me. And when that happens they empaths start mirroring narc behavior from someone else who is close to them. You can see this happen when an empath is stuck in a controlling relationship with a narc.

Yes, this has happened to me before. I was in an abusive relationship with a narc, trying to hold a relationship with my narc father, and working for a particularly nasty narc/energy vampire, all at the same time. I still retain the ability to "steal" energy from others, but I think it is a survival mechanism.

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