Empathy or projection?

sasha.w
sasha.w
@sasha-supertramp
3 months ago
79 posts

Do you have ways to tell one from the other?

What I mean is, for example:

Let's say I'm giving consultations and meet a new client over coffee. I immediately dislike them like hell, and just want out

The person isn't unfriendly, impolite, or ugly. Perhaps slightly inauthentic or something like that (who isn't), but no objective signs that would deserve dislike, disgust, or panic. 

Does this happen to you?

How do I tell whether I'm picking up on their energy or just projecting random things on them?

By "projection" I mean seeing something in them that is my own issue rather than theirs, without being conscious of it. E.g. perhaps I'm trying very hard to be a modest person (despite actually having a huge ego), but they are so openly boastful that it just instantly boils my blood and I perceive them as Hitler.

Or perhaps it's even simpler, let's say they're incidentally wearing the same perfume as my sadistic school teacher decades ago, so without realising it I replay the old emotions and cast them in the role of the monster. 

How do you tell?


updated by @sasha-supertramp: 03/11/18 02:04:25PM
Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
709 posts

@sashaw:

We empaths are pre-wired to dislike fakers and narcs. When I run in to people like that, they are such a turn-off that I can't stand to be in room with them for more than a few minutes. I always get angry and what to to put them in their place. It's an involuntary response for me and the vile feeling that narcs give me is hard to keep under wraps. So there is that. I wonder if you just disliked his energy and fake persona? But I do find as an empath that I can project some very strong energy and ruin an environment if I am upset. I remember one time hanging up with a psycho client being completely enraged by the way I was treated. And I walked in to a grocery store to grab lunch and people there were jumping out of my way as if I was parting the red sea. Despite trying to put on a happy face, my lingering anger was seeping out and made people uncomfortable around me.

Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
899 posts

Hi...as an empath..like the others say...your going to pick up energy from people that instantly hit you in a negative way...like hitting your funny bone...you want to laugh and scream at the same time...but the bone we hit is energy...and it makes me know instantly that something is wrong with this person...again...they are not doing or saying anything wrong...but the energy is SCREAMING at you...SOMETHING IS WRONG!...now...for the most part narcessist's will be acting 'normal' ...they do NOT want to be found out...it takes awhile to understand what's going on because it's so startling to have this reaction...but it's real...and you can be sure it IS correct...you are NOT projecting anything at them...you are RECIEVING energy...and reacting to it...you can't help it...anymore than I can...i have to get out of their presence asap or I'll be either punching them or on the floor in pain...depends on the energy...lol...it happens a lot...I encounter someone I instantly react badly to...and at the same time I get a pain in my chest as if something attached to me.. which it has...and it feels like something injecting me with bad energy and draining me of good energy at the same time....the anger and confusion I feel is coming from that connection and I hear it all...I have to get away and remove that energy connection that was made or it will continue without stopping....that  soul cord must be removed...or they can continue to drain the energy from me....then I have to rest....it feels so traumatic in my energy...and I'm so tired after....it' a very real thing...


updated by @womanwhowalks: 03/09/18 04:52:51PM
Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
3 months ago
114 posts

Sometimes people will say something that reminds me of someone in the past that hurt me somehow. I get miffed. Maybe a little upset. Then I forget about it and go on. That person didn't intend to offend me and it's easy to let go of. In that instance I know it was my own emotion and I see it as something else I need to forgive and get rid of. I hold no ill will toward that person because it was my issue to deal with.

The other night, I was in a very crowded cafe. My daughter was playing with a jazz group. I watched through the window so I could relax and enjoy it. I had a nice conversation with a woman waiting for her daughter to come pick her up. I was in good spirits, feeling fine, until after the performance. I went back in to help my girl pack up her instruments. I brushed up against a table that moved another table were a woman was sitting with her phone in hand with her arm resting on the table. I felt that reaction from her and immediately said "I'm so sorry please excuse me". She gave me a half-hearted smile. Not a big deal, yet I was so angry at this woman. It just pissed me off. She didn't accept my apology! I had to deal with that anger on the way home. Some people have an unreasonable reaction to a small slight. Most people wouldn't have known what they did. I tried to make it right. 

We all have our shit to deal with. This woman's reaction was way over blown, but she didn't show it outwardly. It was internal. Anger slaps me upside the head when it happens. People think they keep it to themselves and can feel some very strong emotions when outwardly the hide it. I always think it's me at first, then I realize it isn't. I had no reason to be angry. 

The back and forth movement of this negative energy can get rather intense. It's confusing and hard to understand. It can build up to the point where tables are flipped and noses are broken. I have to recognize it and stop it before I'm the one flipping tables. I'm the one that deals with both my anger and theirs. If I don't watch out I can project it back at them and it just builds and builds. I see it as my responsibility to dispel the energy before that happens. I'm the only one in the room that sees whats going on. 

The only way I know the difference between my emotion and someone else is to ground out before I enter the room. Bring nothing in with me. That way I know it's from them. I try not to judge it or analyze to much until later. Some people carry around some messed up crap with them and don't even know how it makes them feel. They get used to it. They learn to hide it so well we are the only ones who feel it. We are not used to it, so it can feel dramatic. 

Forgiveness is something we have to practice on a daily basis. If we don't, we can project our crap on to others just as they do and we know how it makes us feel. I don't want to do that to another person. They could be sensitive to it. Knowledge of good and evil is a heavy responsibility. I still do it anyway, because I'm human and I fail. I don't let that guilt fester because I can be forgiven. I ask God to take it from me. The unconditional love from the source of all love gives us the grace to make mistakes. Thank God I don't have to do it on my own.

crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
3 months ago
114 posts
I also get the same thing. I call it seeing a person's true self. I have been working on only reacting to what they present to the world as a way of protecting my own energy. I make a mental note that tthis person is not healthy for me to be around. I then begin drawing boundaries depending on the situation. If I can remove the person from my life that is my first option. If not I am vague and polite, engaging them only for as long as needed and then I remove myself quickly and ground that energy.
I have found that a combo of black tourmaline and jet allow me to be around those people without completely pick up that energy. If I continue to hold the combo in my hand the rest of that energy starts to leave my system. My goal is to learn to be around narcs if I have to without letting them inside.

Also when I hold that combo I can feel the energy more clearly and tell the difference between their energy and mine.
sasha.w
sasha.w
@sasha-supertramp
3 months ago
79 posts

@everyone, thank you for all the thoughtful replies. gives me plenty to think about. 

@zacharias thanks a lot for that extensive reply. just like you say, i also want to make sure that i don't end up judging that someone has a "bad energy" and avoiding them when in fact it's one of my own issues. although, i guess that's a legit reason to avoid someone too, if otherwise i'd blow up. but still, i like to know the truth. 

also as you say, i think it happens for me that i feel another person's anger or "being triggered" (when someone kind of loses ground/gets pushed buttons inwardly) and sometimes i can't tell whether that's because i actually got angry or triggered, or i'm just echoing back what i received. 

that kind of thing happened a lot to me, and think it has ruined several relationships – where these loops just don't stop and grow sort of out of control. that happened a lot before i knew i'm an empath. i just got into these anger/trigger loops with people but i had literally, honestly no idea what i am even angry about (and ended up overanalysing and coming up with every type of reason of course, but i was somehow never convinced it's the real reason).

i basically thought i must be heavily traumatised or sth. to be that easily triggered (which doesn't seem to be the case at all). now i'm thinking maybe it was because i was angry as long as the other was angry, AND i was probably angry at them for making me feel that way. 

the grounding before entering a social situation seems like a good thing to practice. i'll try to pay attention to that. 

i actually keep having this issue with my father. i start getting tense and trigger-able as soon as we're in the same room, and i keep wondering whether it's because i'm still holding old hurts – or whether it's empathic in nature. it does feel very physical, it's like suddenly my whole body and skin gets "itchy", like it's vibrating with some kind of red, buzzing energy even though the lid is on (but it's just waiting to blow up). and my dad is like that, he does hold a lot of old pain and anger inside and can sometimes get triggered by random remarks. so i'm trying to decide whether it's me holding old hurts or just "me becoming him" / feeling like he does inwardly as soon as i enter the same room. 

so it kind of matters to me, on the fence between psychoanalysing myself whether there's anything that i still have an issue with, or accept that i am simply sensing his energy and it's very unpleasant to me and somehow practice "damage control".

Nea
Nea
@nea
2 months ago
215 posts

It's also possible you're sensing a person's view of themselves, and you need to see beyond the obvious and feel their soul.

What is important to remember is that you don't have to feel them or know them, and that you don't owe them anything. What I do in situations like this is taking note on how the encounter makes me feel and don't judge what I feel or sense in any way. What you sense or feel doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't control how you behave, it just means your human, the details you can figure out if you want to.

In essence, I don't try to judge anyone based on what I'm sensing, but at the same time I listen to what I'm feeling and try not to stay close to anything that will effect me negatively unnecessarily long. After the encounter you can make sure you're not carrying things around that aren't yours.

sasha.w
sasha.w
@sasha-supertramp
2 months ago
79 posts

@nea, thanks for the feedback.

Nea:

What is important to remember is that you don't have to feel them or know them, and that you don't owe them anything.

ya, that's what i've also come to see, however it's true i end up forgetting that. thanks for phrasing it so clearly. 

Nea:

What I do in situations like this is taking note on how the encounter makes me feel and don't judge what I feel or sense in any way. What you sense or feel doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't control how you behave, it just means your human, the details you can figure out if you want to.

In essence, I don't try to judge anyone based on what I'm sensing, but at the same time I listen to what I'm feeling and try not to stay close to anything that will effect me negatively unnecessarily long. After the encounter you can make sure you're not carrying things around that aren't yours.

that sounds like a very balanced view. i don't think i deliberately judge people based on the impressions i get, i do think they may misread me and feel judged (or whatever) though, because i avoid people from who i feel radiate something disturbing. but i guess that's just how it is. 

the judgment is a major point ... sometimes there is more i get from the energy, e.g. it's not just simply unpleasant, but very specific e.g. energies related to violence or something being wrong with sexual boundaries or serious mental imbalances (though the latter come in many different forms some of which i don't feel i need to avoid). these were verified in some instances where i literally saw the person just for a few seconds so (i guess on a conventional view) couldn't really have known. i guess in these cases the line between just getting the automatic thought/sensation and judging someone is thin. got to reflect on that. 

do you get that too? i.e. automatic "readings" that tell rather unpleasant things (some also say pleasant things obviously)?

Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
114 posts

Yes, judgment is something we seriously need to avoid. I've heard it said that we shouldn't judge anything at all. We humans are just bad at it. I think we tend to take on more negative energy through our judgment. 

I don't want to be judgmental. I want to be understanding. So why am I still trying to judge? I see it as a method of self protection. I would like to get to the point of not feeling the need to protect myself at all. That takes the practice of allowing "bad" people close and not engaging in fear or feeling anxious about what could happen. I can do that if I allow those feelings to flow through me without taking them on as my own. That means not trying to figure them out.   

sasha.w
sasha.w
@sasha-supertramp
2 months ago
79 posts

@zacharias ... hm ... i guess also it depends on what you see as "judging". e.g. is simply disliking someone judging them? to be honest i wouldn't expect that i'll ever be able to avoid that. then there's the more elaborate version of active moral condemnation -- i guess that is something that can be avoided with awareness and self-reflection. 

and i think you are right that unpleasant stuff "sticks" more when it's judged ... 

Zacharias "]

I don't want to be judgmental. I want to be understanding. So why am I still trying to judge? I see it as a method of self protection. I would like to get to the point of not feeling the need to protect myself at all. That takes the practice of allowing "bad" people close and not engaging in fear or feeling anxious about what could happen. I can do that if I allow those feelings to flow through me without taking them on as my own. That means not trying to figure them out.   

hm. i assume that in that ideal of not needing self-protection you mean energetically unpleasant people, not actually dangerous people. 

i think this is very difficult. i practice that to some degree with energies -- when i just seem to catch some "from the ether" or from people -- and as long as i am in a relatively stable, grounded state, that method of not engaging in any self-protection actually seems to help in neutralising them. it's almost like a neutralisation method that works when i'm up to it. doesn't work though as soon as i'm a little bit off. 

i haven't tried it on people. i guess i'm more scared of people than of stray energies or spirits. have you?

Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
114 posts

Yes, disliking someone is judging. I hate to say that since I dislike everyone. I don't like people, they make me feel creepy! I don't want to feel that way. Some are better than others, yes, but they all eventually show me something I don't want to see. I want to tell them not to be that way. If I did they would get really creepy. So I'm stuck. I can't change them, but I can change myself. I can change how I react to them, or even learn to not react at all. 

I have a story. I always have a story. There's a narc at church. He talks to much. I worked with him for a while because he needed the help. Since he's an old vet I wanted to help him out. I knew he was lying to me. I knew he was selfish. I knew he was dangerous. I thought I could deal with him but it got frustrating. The insults I could brush off, but when he didn't pay me for my time I had had enough. I confronted him about his behavior and he went nuts. He started talking about me to the people at church. Telling lies and generally being a narc piece of shit. Instead of letting it effect me I did the opposite, as an exercise. I stopped judging him. No I can't be his friend. He'll just take advantage and put me in an unwinnable position(I can't beat him up cause he's old and feeble). I could go to the elders of the church and explain what he does. He would get angry and leave. That's what he does. I want him to stay, cause I would like to see him change. So every time I see him, I walk up to him, I shake his hand, listen to his bullshit stories and tell him to have a nice day. He no longer has any effect on me. I owe him nothing, he owes me nothing. We have no connection any more. I can honestly say I'm not angry and I understand why he is the way he is. That doesn't mean I have to like what he does, but I don't really care. I just wanted to take that power back that I gave him. The power over how I felt. The last time I saw him what I picked up on was true sadness. He wants me to be his friend. He feels he ruined our friendship. That is a big step in the right direction for a narc. I could see his sadness without feeling sad myself.

To me energetically unpleasant people ARE the dangerous people. I would rather have a knife fight with Chuck Norris than a conversation with a insecure soccer mom. Only because of how they make me feel, or do they? I know now I give that to them. I give them power over my emotional state. I don't have too. I owe them nothing. I'm pleasant to everyone. It's how I protect myself. That doesn't mean I need to figure them out or help them out. That's where judgment comes into play. We want to fix what we see is wrong with people. So we analyze and take these emotions on as our own. If you judge nothing, you take nothing. 

Nea
Nea
@nea
2 months ago
215 posts

@sasha-supertramp I read people alot, and I think the problem is that it is quite automatic, which really doesn't paint the whole picture, and it's blended in with alot of other information, feelings and even prejudices of that person. I'm just starting to try to understand that part of me that does read people that way, and I don't really have all the answers. What I do know is that I need to trust my instincts, but in an open, non-judgmental and cautious way that is built on love and not fear. Now that I've started to get a handle on the energy I pick up from others, I can eventually start to learn more about how I read people and what happens in that noggin of mine.

star love~pritha~ dancing love-
star love~pritha~ dancing love-
@star-lovepritha-dancing-love
2 months ago
14 posts

Well I am an old member on the site. Things have shifted for me a lot since I was a member here 5 years back almost. My aura is calmer now.

What I would like to tell you is that being an empath and understanding living as one is only a part of the journey. 

If you dislike someone, and you are reactionary towards them, then the focus should be brought back to self , to develop more patience and understanding and opening the heart chakra. Developing reaction means a lot of resistance in the heart and your being, as you are holding back. This is not the most conducive to a spiritual well being over all. Once you work enough on yourself, your energy will automatically dismiss what you do not need. It will not be of the mind, but something on a deeper more subconscious levels and you will be in peaceful states and instead of you being the angry one, others will avoid you at once if your frequency isn't aligned with the interests of your purpose. 

Bring your energy back to yourself, focus on self, opening the heart and having a peaceful mind. Then the right people will find you :)

All the best on your journey ahead. Emotions are beautiful. They don't have to be hard all the time because they are not meant to be, unless one makes allowance for it. Those spiritual boundaries take some time to develop. Being an empath is only a part of the process, and a stage of spiritual development.

Many smiles and blessings your end ~ 


updated by @star-lovepritha-dancing-love: 03/16/18 12:28:38AM

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