The narc spell

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
7 months ago
409 posts
I know we discuss much about the narc empath relationship. I'm just bothered by it tonight.

The narc I'm dealing with has a way about him. I can't even look at him or talk to him anymore without feeling in agonizing emotional pain and want to vomit. I'm feeling really bad for him and feeling bad I say not nice things about him. Why am I feeling bad??? I didn't do anything wrong but say he's needy, greedy, I call him an @$s hole. I wouldn't say these things if he wasn't so manipulative and take advantage of me. I know, im still in the wrong for calling him names. Now, my strong personality kicks him and I set him straight. Then he goes dormant for a bit, and then starts again. I work with him. Yuck.
GuitarHeroGod47
GuitarHeroGod47
@guitarherogod47
7 months ago
28 posts

You're feeling bad cause it's a narcissist your dealing with who have the tendency to abuse people. IDK if it would be a good idea to stay in a situation like that. I was there before, with my roommate although it wasn't too bad, but the apartment complex sucked(another reason I left). During that time being his roommate, it was actually really great to honest, cause of narcissism and seeing things like it's a movie, but in a good way. But nothing good is ever free, and I spent the next half year recovering from that half year I spent in the same apartment. You feel like you're not worthless(a bit extreme, just kind of feeling down about yourself) right? Cause of the narcissist's self-assured energy right? That would be about the only reason to stay there, It's up to you what you wan't to do. The thing was that my roommate sort of had the tendency to not let me heal much at all which was why I left that situation, and one of his old High-school friends took my place there. That could be the problem, and if so you should change that, and work hard to not let yourself be put into a situation where you can't take care of your well-being. 


updated by @guitarherogod47: 02/24/18 12:07:46AM
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
7 months ago
409 posts
Yes I do! I feel I cant do my job right. I'm making small errors were I normally wouldn't before. I have an awful feeling everytime I go into work. A few weeks ago after I was out of the office, I came back feeling great and thought I could just let things go. This week happened and my coworker on Thursday said, from emails I sent to her, that he needs my attn and a pat on a back. She also laughed at them because of how ridiculous he is. Then on Friday, he did it again. I decided again to not give him my energy and question why he's doing these things, and so he started walking behind my desk again. I put up mirrors on my desk to see who is behind me. When I did that, he noticed and walked the other way very quickly.
GuitarHeroGod47
GuitarHeroGod47
@guitarherogod47
7 months ago
28 posts

WTF, he was scared off by a few mirrors. That's silly, that makes very little sense.(it's like he's trying to cover up the fact that he's a narcissist). But honestly narcs aren't as great as they think they are, there are several people who aren't narcs who will highly overpass them in just about everything. They're just people who have a good understanding of emotions, or people who work really hard or both. HARD WORK! Might want add self-control to the list.


updated by @guitarherogod47: 02/24/18 11:15:24AM
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
7 months ago
409 posts
Apparently, I got the impression he doesn't want me to know that I know he's watching over my shoulder. I know his staff doesn't like him, and I get a sense he's trying to get me on his side. With the run in I've had with him, I don't blame them. He was away for 2 days this week and his staff even said they feel better when he's not there. It's honestly very dumb and childish, and this is work. I don't have time playing games. And I don't have time setting up my desk and be paranoid at who's watching me . It makes me nervous and I create errors. My friend thinks he's attracted to me and does all this so I give him attn. Honestly it's really dumb, and I can't believe someone has time to do this in their day.

Any advice anyone can give me I'm willin to listen and try. I don't know what to do anymore. I've called him out, I tried being nice and work with him, I tried talking to his staff, and at the end of the day I'm just always feeling bothered.
GuitarHeroGod47
GuitarHeroGod47
@guitarherogod47
7 months ago
28 posts

You probably won't be able to really stop his behavior, and if you confront him about it, your probably on cause more problems. I would recommend just trying to be strong and going with the flow, not against it. Like don't think I really am not happy right not about this, get worked up over the thing you presently cant do anything about. Instead just breath and meditate like say to words you like(1 syllable), and say the first word for 8 seconds(hold it out), and focus on the sound of the word in you your head, and the say the other word for 6 seconds, and keep doing this until your in a relaxed state. I would actually recommend learning how to relax and use that to combat the stress, if you can relax, and see the events in you head right in front of you than you can reduce the stress you feel about the situation. Like if you can see all of the responses and triggers by him(in a timeline) causing the reaction within you than you should be able to coordinate dealing with them more effectively and seeing them more so in context and relation to time than just something that your dealing with without much awareness and foresight. If you can plan ahead like that and see the responses you are going to feel, you can mentally override it and instead of just letting it be out of control take charge and stay in the moment and see that you can deal with it without any effect on you at all. Pretty much get to a place where you are able to deal with all of your problems(heath and stress management), and when something would have stress you before, it might not at all. Hopefully this made sense. Good Luck.

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
7 months ago
409 posts
Thank you! This makes so much sense!! I planned on today documenting all the things that have happened thus far, as unfortunately I lost sleep over it too much before. I'll use this going forward. And you are right, if I show less stress or how much it doesn't bother me hopefully he'll back down. At least I hope so :)
Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
7 months ago
876 posts

@tigerlily

The narc-empath dynamic is an interesting one. Many times narcs are flat out intoxicated by us. And they are very good manipulators, as many empaths can attest to. Most empaths can attest to having at least one really bad narc lesson that they had to learn from. The narc will worm their way into your heart, suck out your emotional energy like a vampire, and then will toss you to the side as they abruptly end the relationship. And that's a dark hold for the broken empath to crawl out of at that point. This dynamic happens the same in almost every case, even in non-romantic situations.

I personally have enough on my plate as an empath. I'm not interested in anyone who wants to lie, manipulate, and take from my energy. Not to mention that I can do without the drama. I am empathetic with most types of people. But I never feel sorry for the narcs. Maybe I should feel bad for them, but they are the big fakers and liars in our society. And just crossing paths with them makes me feel repulsed and angry.

I would say for your office guy, just block him out and keep your distance from him. He wants in your energetic life. He would love to attach to you romantically as that is a deeper stab for a narc. Don't let him in. And I would just politely make it clear that you don't want his friendship. 

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
7 months ago
409 posts
@hop-daddy

This guy is not backing down and reported me to my manager.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
7 months ago
964 posts
Narcessist's will ALWAYS have that kind of effect on you...no matter what you do to try and minimize the effect it has on you...this guy and people like him will ALWAYS be the way they are....I'm constantly amazed at my own reactions when I come across one....and I have to accept...even though I don't like my own reactions....I will AWAYS react the way I do...and I DO feel bad because they have the kind of energy that in the end drives people away...and they actually LIKE being that way...lol... I don't understand that mentality....and it sux that I have to take extra steps to clear it all up and take some down time to heal because I too can't stand being around them....so..this guy who's bugging you...be nice because it's the work place...but take the extra steps at the end of the day to clear it....at the end of the day it's all about energy...I know it's difficult to work around people like this...until you move on or he moves on...it is what it is...an unpleasant part of your day that you have to live with but it CAN be handled....
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
7 months ago
964 posts
TigerLily:
@hop-daddy

This guy is not backing down and reported me to my manager.
Why did he report you?..

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