Who am I?

Curious Child
Curious Child
@curious-child
last year
89 posts

Hi, everyone!

I am new here and right now I really need your help to tell me who I am, because I got very confused about everything. My English is not perfect, but I hope it wont make you tired reading this text. I got a lot to say and share, yet will try to make my text as short as possible.

But before I start to bring events from my life to determine who I am in your opinion I want to point, that I am not victim, not seeking for compassion, validation, praise and so on. I honestly don't even know why I choose nick name like that. Its just first what came to my mind and I like how it sounds. I might craving a bit of attention. There is some emptiness inside of me, maybe because in my whole life there was no one I could just be myself with or open myself to. But now all I seek is understanding and truth. Also I want to note, that I am a man, grown up man. So telling all this is a bit uncomfortable for me, still truth is more valuable to me, than my masculine side.

Like many of you as I can assume -I was bullied a lot as a child. I was bullied physically, mentally and emotionally from my 1st to 9th grade. I was always a "white crow" among the people, weirdo, dumb, defenseless. In school I was always daydreaming and living in my own world, telling things that haven't touched subject anyhow of current conversations. I had no friends. There was moments where people came to my life, but mostly they betrayed me and switched side fast. After all who wants to be a friend with a lunatic? Up to the 6th grade I spend time mostly alone, looking at other kids running, observing people, listening what they are talking about in silence. Despite I was bullied -I was telling myself all the time, that I wont become like these other people. But still I got broken. I cant tell exactly when it happened, but I started to hate the world around me, evade people and hide myself home from everyone, doing some creative things like drawing, watching pictures in books or building something, playing my first small electrical piano.

I changed my school in 7th grade, which affected me more negatively. I was hoping that maybe changing school would get things better, but it did not. I was still bullied even there. My hate to people and world grew so strong, that I started to bully others myself. Not physically, but emotionally, in so called "passive-aggressive" manner. I felt guilt every time after I belittled or insulted someone, but just couldn't hold my negativity inside of me anymore and so I splashed it everywhere. I remember I even was even acting badly to children, which makes me feel guilt even now, makes me wish to make amends to them.   

What launched changes in me later? I think it was because some people, that bullied me most -apologized at the end of 9th grade. They even hugged me and I felt, that they are sincere. It somehow broke my template about world being cruel place full of anger, lies and injustice.

I went to gymnasium after that, but did not want to study. All I wanted is to be in peace and think, to look at things at other angle, because I started to feel, that not everything might be so terrible as I thought. In gymnasium people stopped to bully me, but still I was from time to time belittling people around me. Back at that time my first relationship started, where despite being very kind and caring for my girl -I was also very controlling and jealous. I think it was because of fear to lose her. But eventually we broke up exactly because of my controlling behavior. We talked with her peacefully. She pointed out at some of my mistakes I did, what was wrong with my behavior and I took these words inside. It was painful to hear them, yes, but I wanted these fears and bad sides of me to be gone.

 

It took years in solitude to purify myself and in the end instead of spreading negativity and anger, fears of mine on people -I felt strong pull to make the world a better place. Another reason to withdrawn was, that I always was emotional. I heard so much people saying "you are too emotional", "you are sensitive", "stop acting like a girl", "cant you act like a men do?". Because of that I spend 2 years trying to kill and dampen everything I feel inside. Become more straight and cold as other people around me. In the end my mask became almost one with me. It was not so hard to wear it, despite I was feeling differently inside. But one thing it did not change, that I started to care people, help them, heal them. I was helping my friend to overcome his drug and alcohol problem for 2 years. Solved a lot of conflicts in relationship of people I know. Helped single mother for years with fixing things and other work, that man must do. And many other things. Basically I became almost completely altruistic, which at one point attracted my latest girl in my life.

I wont write about this relationship much. Except that it went exactly like internet says about "Empath-Narcissist" relationships. She drained me completely empty, blamed me on everything and made feel all responsibility for all bad that happened to us. And in the end she told me, that I am narcissist, which made me immediately look into subject and find out that I was projected narcissism at me (or was it?). And also this is how I learned, that I might be an empath.

There is a lot of signs, that can point out of someone being and empath and I match almost all of them, except maybe one or two. I did a lot of personality tests, even paid ones and found out that my personality is 86% INFP, 80% INFJ and 66% ISFP. I was shocked how correctly this all matched me. But still something makes me doubt everything. I constantly ask myself, that what if I am still abuser and narcissist and just try to mask myself to look better? What If I'm just imagining things? And this is the reason I came here. To actually put a large fat dot in everything, in all my doubts and confusion.  To find peace in my mind, because other people I know and talked about this usually laugh, give me weird faces or just answer something like "No no. You are not narcissist" without pointing at anything what made them think so. I feel unsatisfied with answers...

So I guess to help you say who I am -I need to point at some experiences I noticed lately. The thing is, that usually I did not pay attention at them until I found out about empaths. And its been about one month since I started to concentrate on my senses.

Yes. Strangers do open up themselves to me. But they don't tell me their life stories. They usually, especially old people always complain me about pains they have in their legs, waist, back and shoulder, about their problems with liver and other organs. I think it has something to do with my hands, which I always was ashamed of. My mother always told me that I got healing hands as did many girls I did massage to. I somehow find out myself where people have pain by hovering my hands over their body and give massage to that place, which makes them feel good afterwards. My flat of the hand has veins seen trough skin, which make me also be ashamed of my hands a bit. But on other hand it makes them very hot and sensitive. So lately I decided to put them to good use and learn different massage techniques from books to help people.

I sense strange things, yes. Not so long ago in shop I felt extremely strong field going trough me. Then it happened again in about 5 minutes. It felt like some threw blanked on my head, except it did not hung on me, but went trough. It felt like some very heavy and strong force field gone trough my body from top to my waist. It made me feel extreme weight on my shoulders, weak in my legs and hands. Next day at work I barely could move them. They felt like made from rubber.

I feel weak around old people and pain around teenagers.

I behave frequently out of character. I can be with my mate and then suddenly act differently if we meet some of her friends, that I don't know. It feels like I cant control myself and my out of character behavior just comes out of me automatically. It made people say, that I am weird very often. Sometimes it scared them away, because it makes me look unstable. It takes a lot of concentration to actually remain myself around many people.

Places have very strong effect on me. I might talk to someone and our conversation is happy and wild. Then after we enter building or other entrance my mood and behavior can change in seconds. I can become quiet suddenly or start to behave out of character once again. I can become sad or opposite -too wild. The way I perceive surrounding changes from place to place. In one place I feel lightness and energy. In others I can feel like colors just gets darker, time goes differently, air is heavy and filled with darkness. Sometimes I get even images in my mind and sounds. Like clinging chains, running people in panic or very loud ticking of clocks, moans, cry.  Especially in places that make me feel bad.

I feel myself different around people. Someone can give me good feelings, others make me feel like I am surrounded by thundercloud or makes me feel, like I got some kind of interference in my emotions and mind, which makes me twitchy, shut down or start to act weird again.

My actions can also become weird. I do things that I should not do and was told not to do. Like at work. There is trasher where people put bad parts and I might just throw there good ones. Lately I noticed that it happens, when someone else is going to put something in there. Sometimes I was asked if I am feeling alright after doing that on what I cant answer anything or find any explanation. And this is just one of hundreds examples of this kind. Even my father asked me many times if I am an idiot.

I am also clumsy. I constantly hit my legs and hands at something. When I walk -I cant walk straight all the time. From time to time I feel like some force just pulls me to the side and I make few steps to the right or left. Even when I stand -I can just suddenly start to lean back or to the sides.

I also bought black tourmaline bracelet and necklace. And they help me, but also make me a bit scared. They make me feel somehow disconnected from world I got used to live in. I made some tests with them at work. Put them on for 2 hours and then took of for another 2 hours during break. And they really work, which made me happy and shocked at same time. When I wear them I smile a lot and overall my mood is better. But when I put them away -world changes. I feel like something "shrinks" around me. Some kind of thing and light field. And after that world loses a bit of its colors, becomes colder and I sense it differently. Also without my bracelet and necklace over time I start to feel pains in a middle of my chest. At first it feels like phantom pain, but if I continue to be without my crystals -it becomes very intense, like something is squeezing or wants to burst out from my chest. At the end of the day without crystals pain becomes so strong that it makes me bend down, wish to run home and hide.

There is much more to write, but I think I wrote enough for the start. I really hope you could help me with finding of who I am. Am I an empath or maybe just hypersensitive? Maybe I am narcissist? I'm not afraid of truth. If I am empath -I want to learn how to live with myself. If I am abuser or narcissist -then there is work to be done. You can ask freely any questions if there is some blank spaces or things that require more datails for you and I will answer honestly. Need photo for scan -I can send that. Since It all began from my relationship with her -I can also sen her photo if it will make things more clear. Anything to find out truth. I really need justified opinions and verdicts from people, that actually know what I am talking about. And I'm sorry if my text is a bit messy...My mind is just always busy with something and there is just not enough time for anything these days.

And thank you.

krosskelt
@krosskelt
last year
62 posts

Okay I think I get what you are asking.  First of all don't worry about labels so much, most narcissist are not going to stop and ask if they are or not.  If you are worried about it, even if you have some narcissistic tendencies, it means that you care enough to not be a full narcissist.  To me a sensitive and an empath are just slightly different breeds of the same animal.

Do you meditate?  I would suggest that you find some grounding and chakra opening meditations that work good for you.  For empaths and sensitives it is important to ground, then balance your energy.  Once you do that you will find that you are less affected by the energies around you.  Right now I feel that a lack in one area of your energy draws energy to you like a vacuum.  

Gems and crystals can help some people.  Shielding techniques can too.  I understand your feeling of being disconnection or a loss of a sense though.  I get this when I consume alcohol.   At first it dulls my empathic senses, but then I feel like a deaf bat in a cave that can't find my way out.  I have gotten so used to having that extra sense there to guide me in daily interactions.  Who is good?  Who is bad?  Who is sad?  Who is in pain?  These answers were usually given to me through my empath side and I don't have to give it much thought normally.  Again you should focus on grounding and balancing your own energies and not use the crystals and shields as crutches.  

We can loose sense of self fairly easily if we let other's emotions control us.  I think a lot of you difficulties have been ego in your way.  Look up letting go of ego.  It is an easy idea, but can be hard in practice.  Almost every time that I find myself unhappy about something, when it is my own emotion and not picked up from somebody/somewhere, ego is at the root of it.

Curious Child
Curious Child
@curious-child
last year
89 posts

Thank you for replying. Its really nice to hear something more than just few words about what troubles me. And I'm sorry for my messy text. I work at evenings these days and am constantly in rush during days and tired after work. That makes my thoughts and texts a bit chaotic and possible other things around me.

What I meant in my text is exactly what you thought, yes :) Thing is that I'm just very worried about having something bad in me. I'm still recovering from experience I had in my relationship I guess. I read that narcissist are very cunning and pretend to be a victims or act like they are good, unable to recognize their insecurities and flaws. Thing is that before relationship I was clean and balanced. After it I constantly feel myself wrong and poisoned. I am feeling a lot of blocks of some kind in me and fear if there is something that I cant just accept and get over. That is why I was hoping to find someone who senses people, to dig all that dirt from under my nails out so I can work on it. Overreactions, increased aggression, increased selfishness and things like that worry me much. It feels like I am unable to return to previous self and I run out of energy much faster than before. I try hard to struggle against these feelings inside of me, but I am not always succeeding in that, which leaves me depleted or guilty afterwards.

Yes. I think I was somehow narcissistic before, which makes me worry about it now. What if she awakened something inside of me, that I tried to destroy so much, struggling for about 4-6 years? I was not complete narcissist back then, but possessed some traits.

Right now I feel guilt for my selfishness, which I just cant remove. Since I found out about empaths, HSP and narcissists and everything related to them -I got obsessed with that topic. I found so many answers in it to my past and current life and many more answers still await. My eyes are on fire when I read and learn about all this. Its like a whole new world. Unfortunately this also made me lose  interest in many other things. I am constantly evading people around me, even my parents. And also what makes me feel great guilt is that I feel that I am abandoning some people that was so trusting in me being there for them in their times of trouble. Of course I explained to them why I am so closed lately, but not all of them understood that. Some of them even tried to make me feel guilty for that (they failed), which made me evade them even more. But its not my fault, that my time for answers is now, ? I still help people, but limited my circle to only 2 people in need, because I feel like I cant live without helping someone from time to time, but also need much more time for myself. Most of the time I am just with me. I don't feel like I'm ready to head out there. Part of me feels that I got right to think about myself so much now, but other part makes me feel guilty for that.

No. I don't meditate yet. I just started to read about it and how it goes. All that concentration on present moment, trying to imagine red dot and keep focus on it. As I found out myself -the middle of my chest that starts to hurt is so called "solar plexus chakra". Sometimes my heart chakra is also in pain, but usually it passes very fast. I will read about your suggestion in grounding and chakra working, thank you, but I need more time. I feel like my head will explode if I keep going at same speed rate. I think I need to give myself a good rest and distraction. Its been month or so since I rested my mind from self exploration and all this information stream.

Yes. I agree with you about crystals. Actually I was thinking to limit their use myself. I fear that I can get "addicted" to them instead to slowly learn to naturally clean and protect my energy. I think I should use them when I will feel, that I will be going trough hard day. Or for example take one with me at work so I can use it during breaks to ease up my condition or if I am feeling really bad. Or just to spend one clean day and get complete rest. I think its wrong to wear them daily, especially at period I am now.

I agree with you about ego. I still spin events from past in my head and cant get them out. Also I worry a little about future. But past is what haunts me most. Concentrating on present, where ego does not exist right now is really hard, but I try to do it all the time, even while I walk to work. Actually right now I am exactly reading about that topic. And meditation is said to be exactly tool to remove it after understanding.

I still don't know if I am empath or HSP...Maybe both. But now I think that does it really matter? Will it make difference in helping someone or how I feel? Maybe only will satisfy my curiosity.

Thank you again for your reply. I got used people always tell me "I feel so much better after talking to you". I am happy, that I can say this to someone else myself now. Your reply made me feel better and ease up a bit my worries, gave hope for understanding. Thank you again:)

krosskelt
@krosskelt
last year
62 posts

Ya again don't worry so much about labeling yourself.  In my opinion a HSP is just an empath waiting to become fully aware.  Blocked by something that is not allowing them their full sense of abilities.  

I don't feel you are a narcissist.  I think you just have some understandable situations causing you to be unbalanced, doubts, and insecurities.  We are also chameleons, which if we use it knowingly can help us blend into groups and crowds well.  But if we don't monitor it we can pick up mannerisms and traits of others.  One of the things about the narcissist empath relationship is the narcissist will gather empaths and press them into doing their dirty work and feed the narcissist's ego.  This happens a lot in teens and young adults.  A narcissist will become the leader of a group and gather people he/she can push their emotions on.  You spoke of being picked on then you became more passive aggressive.  This could have been a combination of conforming to the emotions you felt others express and your ego starting to try and edge in your own self importance. 

I'm telling you man.  Meditate.  Look up several youtube meditations and find one that works for you.  I tend to do the chakra clearing, grounding, and ones pertaining to spirit guides for guided meditation.  Celtic, classical, and mostly instrumental music is what I use for personal reflection and general meditation back ground.

A question about the people around you, or even the relationship you just left.  Is it possible that one of the people you are connected with is draining you?  Energy vamps are a real thing, but so is depression.  Either can cause some of the symptoms you have described.  Cord cutting can help reduce if there is an energy vamp, but only a professional can help if you have your own depression.

I'm nearly 40 now, and have known I was an empath since I was in my early teens.  I've developed some of my own techniques to help me with sense of self and determining what emotions are my own, and what I've picked up throughout the day.  At the end of the day, after my kids and wife have went to bed, I sit and sort things out.  Sometimes I'm on the computer, sometimes playing video games, reading a book, meditating, or maybe just watching TV.  The important thing is I'm alone, and the people nearest to me have settled into "sleep mode" with their emotions.  During this time I think about each emotion I am holding onto.  In my mind's eye I pull it out and look at it.  I ask myself "is this my emotion?  Do I have a reason to feel this way?"  If not then it belongs to somebody else.  Sometimes just saying it is not mine is enough for it to be resolved.  Sometimes I have to place it with the person it belongs before I can let go of it.  Yet other times I have to make a decision of if there is anything I can do to help that person so they can move past, before I can move past it.  If it is my emotion then I have to decide if it is one I want to keep, or how I can work past it on my own.  

I am working on a poem that would be fitting to this conversation, and I believe what your feelings are.  Since it is not quite done though maybe this one will do.

The Light

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine….

Something so simple yet profound.

In the darkness I am found.


I used to feel that I had no choice

That nobody would listen to my voice

Protect and shield was my way

Hiding from the pain of day

Quite certain this was my plight

To go about life with no sight

Fear and Anger lead my life

Causing not but only strife

Thinking I was alone and lost

One day I finally paid the cost

It was in me burning bright

Trapped there was my light

Knowing now that I am one

I feel it burning like the sun

I was meant to share it wide

Not push it deep down inside

We just have to give up the fight

Courage and love feeds our might

If you listen you too can hear

He will help you lose the fear

I am you and you are me

Together now we can see

Balance and faith we must gain

Then we can release the pain

We are here to be bold

Embrace each other in the cold

Curious Child
Curious Child
@curious-child
last year
89 posts

Thank you again for reply.

Yes. I don't worry so much about what I call myself anymore, thank you :)

I so agree about being chameleons. But isn't it also caused because of fear? I act in public places like everyone else. But doesn't it makes you feel anxious, especially when you are in happy mood? Isn't it something that causes to just use more energy on everything? I think I am wearing mask even here on forum, maybe because of fear or because I got used to it. Inside I am a child, that wants to shake his hands in different directions and walk with a bit jumping style, constantly singing some melodies silently. It sure makes me anxious if I don't release that positive energy the way I do. My only options now are when I am alone or with someone who accepts my weird behaviors (there is one person, but I fear to scare him). Last time I made him laugh, when I showed my happiness, when it suddenly started to snow. Best place is still at work, where I sense that people are not so judgmental, except few of them. There I usually walk and wave my hands like spaghetti splashing energy to surroundings and painting walls and floor with it. It makes people smile with partially resisting their smile because I think they don't want to look like they see me as fool. On other hand what puts me at ease is that they are childish themselves sometimes, making rallies across halls on pushcarts, when there is not much work. Still its not enough for me. I don't feel free with expressing myself. But the question still bothers me if I should keep hiding it and show only around people that don't judge it? And do you have similar experiences?

Thank you. I feel I don't want to return to that narcissist topic anymore. I feel like I can easily put it aside now. My mind is more at ease after your words.

I will meditate, thank you. I want it, but still am only at beginning of learning about it. I want to read and learn more first so I can do it correctly :) Yes. Instrumental music and especially celtic one is something I even normally listen a lot. Its very relaxing. Sometimes it makes my eyes to roll up and I feel like I will just melt into puddle from relaxation :3

There is 2 energy vampires in my life that still troubles me. One is girl I had relationship with, that turned me inside out. She always returned to my life talking in the way, like nothing bad happened to us, but every time I showed her resistance to her attempts to make me bend and dance under her hand claps -she overreacts and runs away. Not so long ago I wrote her everything, that I know who she is, how she works and can see intentions behind her words. Also made few examples to prove my words, that made her scare. Right now she disappeared from my life, but I fear that she will return again once my life gets better or she will remain alone and will again need someone to ease up her failures. I did not told her straight about who she is, because that would make her raise her shields so high, that it would damage a chance for her to heal herself later and realize her problems in future. The thing is that I still have her in my thoughts. I don't feel love or anything. I think its some kind of hope, that she will change. I wish her to get better and also that we would come to understanding of each other. Deep inside I know that it sure wont happen, but hope and faith holds me. I don't know how to deal with that yet.

Another person is once again a girl. I helped her to get out of depression she was in for 2 years. Made her go outside, talk to people, move in life again and do things. She recovered almost completely now. The thing is that she mistaken my care for love. She jealous me and constantly tries to get to me and make me hers. It really drains me. I told her, that I cant date anyone now and don't feel like I'm ready for love, but she does not understand that and keeps hopes up. Furthermore around her I feel interference in my emotions and thoughts, everything darkens, my intuition is on alert. I know that sense -it tells me that something is not right with her intentions. They are not pure. Basically around her I felt like something is attached to me and just takes my energy even when we just sit in silence. I told her later straight about everything that I wish now (solitude) and what is disturbing me between us. I tried to put it in soft form as well as I could so I would not damage anything we worked to get her out of depression, but still she got offended by that and tried to make me apologize for my words (I did not). I guess she is toxic to me too. I started to recover energy much faster since we started to see each other less, but I feel guilt for just going away in this manner. Although sense of guilt in this case slowly is releasing me trough my understanding and respect of my own needs.

I don't know how to cut cords yet. Just saw the topics about doing it with crystals for example. There is still so much to learn. I spend a lot of time getting to the top of what went wrong in my latest relationship, because I was left with complete blank pages. Now that I know about it -I slowly go the way of becoming aware, recovery and learning. I was in depression after she left me. In really bad one. Also visited psychologist 2 times. But we decided that I don't need psychologist services anymore, because of my strong ability to understand and nurture myself, strong will to do that.

Yes. I ask myself constantly same things, about ways I feel. Started since I began to pay attention at everything around me and inside me. When I feel something strong suddenly, like irritation or anger -I usually can make that feeling gone pretty fast. But mostly I cant even describe how I feel myself at the end of the day. It feels like a whirlwind and its hard to catch something single out of it yet. Unfortunately it took half of my life to realize who I am. I tried always to find some logical explanation to why I am like that. When people said something like "How do you always know? How did you guess right?" I usually thought that I am just good at guessing and nothing more. Further more I spend most of my life in solitude trying to escape everything I felt. Got even addicted to online games, but then let go of it easily myself, because did not want to waste anymore of my life. Because I wasted so much time running away from who I am -I am a bit afraid about time I have left and worry a bit about my future. I understand that its bad so I try to be calm about it, but its not so easy. But I'm trying to stay in a middle way.

Thank you for the poem! I will add it to my collection :3 It sure has a lot common with experiences I had and how things are now. Thank you. I like it. :)

I will get to meditation and cord cutting soon. I just prefer to do things in order to evade chaos. And good health to you, your wife and children :3

krosskelt
@krosskelt
last year
62 posts

Crowds do bother me, make me anxious, make me tired from combating everybody's emotions from affecting me.  I used to wear masks, and I suppose I still do at work.  I try to project positive joyous energy at work.  In a way using an emotion that you feel is one of your strongest can be a good way of shielding.  Some people do it with joy and some do it with anger.  Work is about the only place I wear a mask any more though, and that is only because I still have to deal with customers directly.  I am conformable enough around my friends and family to show my true self....well to a point.  I am very selective on who I tell I am an empath.  Even though I've known since I was a teen, I held onto it for 20+ years and have only told people the last few years.

The question of if you should hide or not is one you have to make on your own.  If you show it too much you can attract undesirable people who want to use it and you.  If I hide mine too much it feels like I have not been fulfilling my duty.

I think you are on the right path.  Don't rush it, or get frustrated because you don't feel your journey is moving fast enough for you.  Everything happens for a reason, it may not be clear to you in the moment or anytime soon, but at some point all the events in your life will make sense.  The pain you have been through, the difficulties you have faced, and the obstacles you over come are there to teach you something...sometimes the thing you are to learn is nothing more than patience.  Try not to dwell on the past or dread the future, and learn to live in the moment.  Keep reading and researching, it helped me so much.  

Curious Child
Curious Child
@curious-child
last year
89 posts

Thank you much for everything. For kind words, help, guidance, sharing and understanding. I think I got enough to continue for now :)

Best wishes :3

Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
977 posts
Hi...I will NOT call you 'abomination'...So I'll call you Sunny....lol...you are ungrounded...I have this problem too as my job requires me to drive all day...being in a vehicle for a long period of time with lots of other people tends to drain me...So when I get off the bus I'm exhausted...and ungrounded...one way I ground myself is imagine a cord of energy linking me to a tree....trees are GREAT to use to ground as their roots are ideep n the ground and strong...I clear my mind and send my energy link to the tree....if you stand outside close your eyes and picture roots coming out of the soles of your feet going deep into the ground....you can do this while sitting as well....I find the tree one better for me as I have some lovely trees outside my house....I'll link to one of them for awhile...the crystals you have are good for grounding...I feel good when I carry them as well....but you will need to cleanse them periodically so they won't get overloaded and drained....you want them to function at optimum level....i like to smudge my crystals and stones as well as give them a bath on occasion....sometimes I'll take them to a river or lake and wash them there...they LOVE baths and being smudged...crystals and stones absorb the negative energy to keep it away from us...so we must cleanse them....when I get new ones I'll wash them and smudge them to remove any accumulated energy from other people and environments they've passed through on their journey to me...and you can charge them by puting them in the sun or in the moonlight...I don't think your a narcessist either...narcessists have a specific energy that i can sense...you don't emit that kind of energy at all....So don't worry about that....
updated by @womanwhowalks: 12/16/17 02:47:49AM
Curious Child
Curious Child
@curious-child
last year
89 posts

Hi! Thank you for reply and help :) You can call me Sunny :D I honestly don't know why I chose this nick name. I haven't thought for long. It is a bit negative indeed, but does not bother me much.

Same was said by Krosskelt here, that I need to ground myself. Thank you for sharing your method I will try it today after I write this response.

I can only imagine how hard it can be in buss. Despite I use them as passenger for 20-40 min -even this makes me feel bad. It must be very exhausting spending whole work day In environment like that...

I guess I know the answer now why I was so pulled to apartment I am living now in, despite I must pay half of my money for it. I got cliffs and forest seen outside my balcony, walk 2 minutes outside and I got large lake, walk 5 minutes more and I got park with a lot of different love statues. Every day moon shines at night straight into my windows, but lately its covered by clouds. I love to sleep in a moonlight. Now I know why I got so attached to this place and it makes me feel so peaceful.

About crystals. Yes I read a bit, that they need to be charged or cleansed depending of crystal type. And you came just in time with your cleaning methods here, because I feel that mine need to be taken care right now. I was using them for about three weeks and feel like their effects are weakening. Usually I put them on my window still when I am home so sunlight and moonlight could charge and clean them. But lately it was so cloudy and no moon or sun is seen. That does matter, yes? I will try your methods today to clean them, thank you :)

Also wanted to ask if you can suggest something from your experience about raw malachite, spectrolite, amethyst and lepidolite if you will have time and strength. I will have these crystals as well next week. I read about their effects, but maybe you can share something more from your own experience?

Thank you for helping and good, restful weekends to you :)


updated by @curious-child: 12/16/17 08:05:34AM
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
977 posts
Hi....I have a couple of malachite....and quite a few amethyst....i don't have the spectrolits nor the lepodolite....i love amethyst....great to meditate with...one crystal I've come to love is called howlite....it's such a calm soothing stone...I recently bot a bracelet so I have more with me.....it's been really helpful to keep me calm while driving...I also love selinite....it's a very high vibrational stone and quite lovely....I have quite a lot of those as well....it's a happy stone and requires almost no clearing as it clears itself...So they say...but I still smudge and charge them....kyanite is good too forclearing blockages in the energy field and body....very high vibrations with this stone...I don't carry it with me very much as its vibrations bother me sometimes...but I wouldn't live without them now....lol...i'm still aquiring crystal even though I have baskets and baskets of them...lol...even if the moon is covered by clouds it will charge....the same with the sun....altho clear days ARE the best days for charging...lol...
Curious Child
Curious Child
@curious-child
last year
89 posts

Thank you for sharing this. I already looked at those crystals and stones, while was reading your post. Seems they are extremely useful taking into account how much crystals affect us. I will buy some with my next pay and also some smudge sticks :3

Thank you :) Right now I am testing malachite and spectrolite. I can share what I experienced if you wish :)


updated by @curious-child: 12/19/17 01:44:49PM

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