emotion

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strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
one month ago
17 posts

I had an intense 'feeling' dream last night.  

There is a woman I met the first week in my sobriety.  Her name is Mikki.  She is a bit older than I, but I've always connected with people older than me.  She saw right through me in a matter of days.  It was an amazing thing to experience with her.  I liked to come off hard & unapproachable before I got sober, because I felt so much intense pain.  I felt it was a weakness.  But this woman saw through it all & she was the first person to call me out on it.  We were connected through our souls for sure.  She ended up leaving the place we met to go to a long-term treatment facility.  I'll never forget that morning.  I was so sad as I sat & watched her leave the facility to go to the mountains for treatment.  All my separation anxiety had come back so fast to me during this time, because I wasn't drinking or drugging any of my feelings away.  She told me where she was going, but I didn't think anything of it.  When it was my turn to leave the facility, I didn't have a plan.  I went to my mom's office & broke down.  I told her I needed help or I was going to die.  I know this probably sounds dramatic, but it's the truth.  If I didn't get sober then I believe in my heart & soul I would no longer be existing in human form on this earth.  Mikki was at the long-term treatment facility, so I told myself that if she could do it I could.  It gave me great hope knowing someone I knew was there.  I'm so glad she decided to go, because if it wasn't for her I don't know if I would have made it.

I type all this because in my dream last night she was so vivid.  She was as soft & warm as she was in person.  I was able to release, to cry & to feel my feelings without fear of vulnerability.  It was such an intense feeling that it woke me up.  I instantly felt sad.  I attempted to contact Mikki so we could connect.  She is a woman who if we haven't spoken in a year it doesn't matter.  We always pick up where we left off.  Anyways, I laid in bed for a while, then got up to shower.  I cried & cried in the shower.  Do y'all ever wonder where all the feelings are coming from?  I know in my heart that a part of them are mine.  Then there's another side of me that is sure I'm feeling things for other people.  I truly feel/believe that I have to release emotion for others or I'll get stopped up & extremely confused emotionally.  A lot has happened this week.  My Dad didn't call me back yesterday about plans for the weekend.  This isn't a new occurrence, but it still almost always upsets me.  He has issues & is sick.  The feelings start out as feelings for my pain, then they turn into feelings for his pain.  I'm feeling a lot for people around me lately.  It's so hard to see so clearly into another person.  It feels like a burden sometimes.  I know it's a beautiful thing, but I'm struggling with it today.  

Thanks for being here everyone.  I don't know what I'd do without this place sometimes. 

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one month ago
785 posts
Hi...i think what your experiencing is your soul healing....during our life and previous lives we experience a lot of things....if there's trauma we store it in our energy and body...the energy your releasing as emotion are the unreleased emotions connected to our traumas...all the hurts and unexpressed 'junk' ....you've carried....and the thing is...its only energy connected to memory...at this point it doesn't matter where it's coming from....it's just good that your getting rid of it...cause its taking up space...i've gone through it too...the release of negative energy is intense and scary...but it's also a sign of spiritual healing....cleansing your soul so it can shine brighter....and because your soul is connected to your body...the physical body can start to relax and heal as well...once all of your own pent up emotions are taken care of and the healing process is dun...you'll notice how good you feel....it takes time and patience with yourself to do this....one thing that's helped me with my own healing is cutting cords of attatchment you have to the people who've caused you pain...or it could be coming from a person connected to someone you know....the pain you feel may not always be yours...learning how to cut those cords and clear your energy of unwanted connections to other people will help you in figuring out what emotions are yours and what is not...it made things much easier for me..if you've had run ins with narcissists you will want to pull out those at the root these cords will be 'stuck' in very deeply...it takes time to do this as there's a LOT of people you've encountered through your life...and even from previous lives that haven't been cleared....so there will be a large build up of energy not your own linked to you through these cords....getting rid of those will enable you to know what traumas and energy are yours to deal with...and not someone else's confusing the issues...anyway...i'm glad your getting yourself back on track...just keep plugging away at it...its definitely worth the work...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 10/15/17 01:12:21PM

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