Is Anyone else the Emotional Scapegoat?

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LoconnorO
@loconnoro
3 months ago
151 posts

Lately I've been noticing how often other people find a way to channel their emotion towards me. I'll give a few examples, but I have to start off with these people don't seem to notice that they're doing it. It's like the emotion just comes towards me and they don't seem fully aware that they're letting it off on me. It's weird...

ALSO, I wrote this all out and I feel better after writing it, but I would hate to be spreading all the negative emotion I'm picking up (you'll feel it throughout this most likely). I hope I didn't mess with anyone too much the same way I've been messed with. I would hate if it just spreads to another person....

1. I play video games with people online, right now that's the only friend group I really have, and when something goes wrong while we're all playing together, I tend to be the one blamed some how. One guy will always find a way to blame me for him being triggered (Millennial term for "upset" in case anyone is unaware of what it means), another will find a way to assign blame of us losing a game or something towards me, and everyone tends to just let their anger off on me. There are times that I genuinely mess up, and I own up to that, but the majority of the time, the emotion is just coming to me from the 3-5 other people, and I no longer play because it is completely ridiculous.

2. My family always direct their bad emotions towards me. This has been happening since I can remember. The most current events happen mostly between my parents. One of my brothers will mess up and it will upset my parents and my parents will find a way to start a conversation and all their emotion will come out on me. Its a very unpleasant and uncomfortable experience. When I avoid the situation by not allowing them to start the conversation with me, they find a way, whether its that day, or within the next few days, to blow up all that emotion they've been holding on to on me. 

Right now I'm really struggling because everyone I'm associated with seem to be completely emotionally unaware, and far from being self-aware. They live in their emotions too much and while it's very interesting to see how they follow their emotions, and how they're often times directed towards me, it really sucks, and right now I'm really down because 1 I dont have any close friends or anybody close that I really connect with who I can just be myself around and have nerdy conversations about whatever with, and 2, I feel like everyone is constantly mad at me. They're usually not, but all their negative emotions are always finding me. Most of them are associating these negative emotions with me now and it's driving me crazy because I literally doing almost nothing wrong and then I become this emotional scapegoat. I've always noticed this, and I'm curious if any of you do too. I'm close to becoming a complete recluse and not talking to anyone, life is becoming very hard lately, especially since I haven't been in a good place to begin with. I don't think I attract these things anymore than usual, but they're just hitting harder than usual and I've come close to losing it on several people several times.

Wow I think I invested a lot of emotion into this too.. I hope I didn't push it on anyone too much, I do feel better after getting down though...

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
803 posts
Hi...yup....my mother was the same way when I was growing up....i spent my time trying to stay out of her way but it's next to impossible when you live with family....and being a child you can't really put up a defense because they're the adult and in control...so basically I had no choice but to take the bs....were empaths though so when they're simply talking they're actually screaming since we're picking up the under current of vibrations that are coming along with their words....its all energy....and it hurts both emotionally AND physically....and no...they DON'T and will never understand how it works because they're not interested....at least not at this time....so...you are NOT doing anything wrong....and it's ok to express your feelings with us as we know what your talking about....and I'm glad it helped you to feel better...we all need somewhere to express honestly even if it's negatively....which in your case has a POSITIVE effect to you because you got rid os some negative....lol....it that makes sense....lol
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
3 months ago
151 posts

it did lol. Thank you for the comment, I'm finally calming down from it all lol, today was a crazy day for me... Thanks! @womanwhowalks

Elsa K
@elsa-k
3 months ago
2 posts

Oh yeah, both of my parents do that to me. I think they've been doing it for so long that they don't realize how absurd it is. Until I went to therapy, I myself didn't think it was absurd until my therapist was like "So, why did your father called you to tell you that?" and I didn't have a good answer. A month ago, I finally told my dad that I can't be his emotional dump ground anymore. My mom still calls me to report anything that shook her though.Whatever they both can't handle, they start to call me since I'm not living with them anymore. It's a situation that isn't normal by any standards, empath or not, but I think my parents feel a certain "pull" to tell me sometimes. So, therapy can definetly help in asserting what's yours and what you pick up from other people. Also, just being aware and telling to yourself "It's not my problem, I don't feel that way, he/she is" helps sometimes. As for video games... probably take a break from the saltiest community in the universe. Just kidding. Sorry, couldn't resist. Can you mute it? Seriously, I do mute my parents on the phone sometimes and I occasionaly answer "Okay/yeah/ I don't know" or other key phrases -your choice really- it seems to do the trick, they're very pleased I'm validating how they feel and I don't hear their negativity. I don't pick up other's emotions (unless they're very dear to me) whenever I don't see them, hear them or come in contact with something they've poured a lot of emotion in. At the very least I'm picking up muted version of their emotions, sometimes it is very strong even if I'm not connected with them anyway. I don't know how it works for you but definetely mute it, if you can. Meditation helps a lot. Give your self ten minutes every day. Lock your door and put on your headphones for ten minutes. I guess just realizing that people have tons of stuff going on in their life and you're just their outlet not the source of the upset, is also helping. Key phrase here: You're not the problem. Try to take it one day at a time.

LoconnorO
@loconnoro
3 months ago
151 posts

thank you lol. I don't mind 1 game, I play it by myself without being on the chat with those other people and have a great time, or I play by myself and I talk with other people on both teams and everyone has a good time. The problem is I get on the chat (discord) and talk with them. One of them is a friend I've had since High School, and I want to support and help her, but she's been having a rough time lately and a lot of the time that emotion ends up getting pushed out from her to me whether it's by her being passive aggressive when everyone criticizes the TINIEST thing I do (this happens with my parents as well when I don't let them rant to me, they get angry and find other ways to let out that emotion on me). I've taken a break from the discord, and I don't play often anymore. It's just hard to watch how most people live in their emotions rather than experience their emotions. 

Thank you for the comment! I think I'm going to look into a therapist or someone who can help me without prescribing medicine. @elsa-k

(and you are right about gaming being the saltiest community, they get these massive ego's over being good at game behind a screen... it's frustrating to see, but at the same time kind of funny...)


updated by @loconnoro: 09/27/17 05:06:42AM
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
3 months ago
733 posts
Oh yeah.....I am my husband's proverbial whipping post. I totally get what your saying. The last incident was so bad I have found myself totally withdrawing emotionally from my marriage, sad to say. We can only take so much, and when people refuse to own up to their own bs you have to take a step back to find your center again. I understand that his job is stressful right now but that is not my problem. I refuse to have him make it my problem. Since the emotional shut down, it is now like oh I love you, oh I miss you, oh I'm sorry. This is just to reel me back in, I know this. I do believe he has narc tendencies, though not full blown (been there, done that). The problem lies in not having the guts to stand up to the persons that are the stressors so we are the safe targets. The other problem is the ego has a major stronghold on these people...they can't see the forest for the trees. You try to hold up a mirror and show then the error in their ways but they are blinded by that same ego. Sorry for the rant, it is still a fresh wound....still trying to heal from this. I hope I didn't spew to much negativity here as well as that is not my intention....it just struck a chord. You are not alone
Blessings
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
3 months ago
151 posts

Oh man I'm sorry. It's sad but at the same time good to know that there are other people experiencing this as I am. It seems to have to do with energy, whether we attract the negative like a positive side of a magnet or something, I'm not sure. It just stinks that everyone who responds seem to really struggle with this as well... Thank you for the response @cat-whisperer and best of wishes!

eri_ameonna
@eri-ameonna
2 months ago
38 posts
I experience this a lot. People always come to me with their problems, and I often catch myself worrying too much about their problems than my own.

Oh well, this scenario summarizes the career path I've chosen, but I don't think I can ever be ready to take in so much. It's a real challenge to keep one's sanity from all the craziness.
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
91 posts

Yes, when my wife is frustrated she takes it out on me. Other people have done the same so many times it has become routine. Many will question my motives because it makes no sense to them, and look at me with distrust and contempt. They project on to me the crap they do. They like to blame us and others for their emotional duress. Some people never grow up.

Soothsayer4
@soothsayer4
2 months ago
47 posts

I get that.  Often I am absorbing more than I am generally "expected" to and most folks just don't understand that, as an empath (or rather clairsentient) I am taking in not just the present full internal emotional experience of a person, but sometimes the recent past and perhaps future - or even an associated energy connection to another from that person.  It really hits home when someone close (like a spouse) is upset with me.  I just get the vibes in 4-D, and it sucks big time.  I didn't ask for this sensitivity, but I got it and that emotional vacuum that my persona sucks in like a bug light often draws in any emotional void, imbalance, and desperation from my surroundings - especially when I least want it to hit me, but man does it hit like a freight train! I think people "project" on you Zacharias, because you are that light they are drawn to.. even if someone is pissed off at you from some sort of survival skill you developed to get through the fate you have been dealt as an Empath so you can get through the daily bombardments of energy intrusions.  Regardless, the eternal absorber of all this junk becomes the dumping grounds of all others with an emotional void that can never be filled, like a heat-sink on a leaking capacitor.  Therefor some people really cant "grow up" because they never learned how to fill that void that we Empaths are so aware of with other people but can never tell them.  Awareness sucks sometimes, especially when we are so different than the walking dead around us - numbed and insulated with that virtual and superficial ego bubble of limited perception that is so obvious to us. Fun times.

Femonique
@femonique
2 months ago
62 posts

Yes.  I am the daughter of a Mom with NPD.  Childhood nightmare...  I can relate 1000%.  I am so sorry so many experience being the scapegoat, as they do.  It definitely sux rox!  

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