Lately I've been noticing how often other people find a way to channel their emotion towards me. I'll give a few examples, but I have to start off with these people don't seem to notice that they're doing it. It's like the emotion just comes towards me and they don't seem fully aware that they're letting it off on me. It's weird...
ALSO, I wrote this all out and I feel better after writing it, but I would hate to be spreading all the negative emotion I'm picking up (you'll feel it throughout this most likely). I hope I didn't mess with anyone too much the same way I've been messed with. I would hate if it just spreads to another person....
1. I play video games with people online, right now that's the only friend group I really have, and when something goes wrong while we're all playing together, I tend to be the one blamed some how. One guy will always find a way to blame me for him being triggered (Millennial term for "upset" in case anyone is unaware of what it means), another will find a way to assign blame of us losing a game or something towards me, and everyone tends to just let their anger off on me. There are times that I genuinely mess up, and I own up to that, but the majority of the time, the emotion is just coming to me from the 3-5 other people, and I no longer play because it is completely ridiculous.
2. My family always direct their bad emotions towards me. This has been happening since I can remember. The most current events happen mostly between my parents. One of my brothers will mess up and it will upset my parents and my parents will find a way to start a conversation and all their emotion will come out on me. Its a very unpleasant and uncomfortable experience. When I avoid the situation by not allowing them to start the conversation with me, they find a way, whether its that day, or within the next few days, to blow up all that emotion they've been holding on to on me.
Right now I'm really struggling because everyone I'm associated with seem to be completely emotionally unaware, and far from being self-aware. They live in their emotions too much and while it's very interesting to see how they follow their emotions, and how they're often times directed towards me, it really sucks, and right now I'm really down because 1 I dont have any close friends or anybody close that I really connect with who I can just be myself around and have nerdy conversations about whatever with, and 2, I feel like everyone is constantly mad at me. They're usually not, but all their negative emotions are always finding me. Most of them are associating these negative emotions with me now and it's driving me crazy because I literally doing almost nothing wrong and then I become this emotional scapegoat. I've always noticed this, and I'm curious if any of you do too. I'm close to becoming a complete recluse and not talking to anyone, life is becoming very hard lately, especially since I haven't been in a good place to begin with. I don't think I attract these things anymore than usual, but they're just hitting harder than usual and I've come close to losing it on several people several times.
Wow I think I invested a lot of emotion into this too.. I hope I didn't push it on anyone too much, I do feel better after getting down though...
updated by @loconnoro: 03/07/18 06:14:38AM