Conflicted

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RKDN
@rkdn
2 months ago
2 posts
Hi everyone,

Been great to read some of your posts and I feel like I may be repeating some of them in mine, but I need to speak from me in hopes of hearing some information that will fill some missing pieces.

I've always understood people...been able to read them and know what makes them work. The more I get myself and learnt how I worked the more other people became like systems to me. Each one has a unique soul operating it but they are all working off of the same blueprint. This allowed me to connect with them, I've had some really tough experiences and through those I can relate to almost anyone suffering. I've suffered with depression before and still struggle with insomnia and anxiety, the problem I have is that I'm very open to learning and progressing myself but the more I do the more I see the blindness and ignorance of so many others. I have worked with spirit before and sat in circle, but I went along to observe, I was encouraged to go up and give some other people in the circle some messages so I did (feeling crazy) and always managed to get things through, everyone was really excited about me doing it but to me it felt superficial. I didn't want it to be a performance and a part of me didn't trust myself. I have two sides of me - the harsh one and the emotional one. Which thanks to a post on here someone else mentioned it being normal. I can feel truth and I can only speak truth. I know things before they happen and I feel who people are. Sadly people have become tediously predictable, I feel flooded with people who obsess over themselves, who lie to themselves and others, who ignore any responsibility over themselves and I'm losing compassion fast. I still see so much good in people but I find it easier to do this with strangers than my friends. I know I'm connected, I've always felt it and animals and children always connect with me and people always feel safe around me to turn to. I'm just worried that I'm becoming resentful or tired of people and I don't know how to change it but I'm scared of what I'm letting it do to me. I don't want to dismiss people around me that are in their own holes. I guess the hardest thing I struggle with is believing I'm an empath - please understand I say this next bit from the harsh left side of me but I wonder if it's just a self obsessed desire in me to be unique or different to others, is it really about being tuned in to something others aren't or is it just that I need to be better than others to feel of value? I feel like I need to work out the system of an empath which is crazy right because that's about my own need of control, but I can't fully grasp it and understand it so I feel lost in it. I hope this makes sense to you how it does to me and I'm so sorry for a long post, I've been searching for somewhere to speak for so long and coming across this forum has been so helpful.
updated by @rkdn: 08/19/17 07:18:36AM
Angel
@angel
2 months ago
603 posts

I think what you are seeking is feeling your own individuality. Most Empath's has a clear or crystal soul, which turns us into chameleons. We channel other people's energy and in a sense become a part of that energy and that energy becomes a part of us. We also spend so much time helping and connecting to other people and often push away time to get to know ourselves. I think this contributes to that feeling you are having. Basically, you've become so many different people, but all you want is to just be you. But who are you?

Now is the time to get to know you. I would get a journal and start writing...about anything really. Your hopes, your dreams, your anger, your spirituality, your job, who you would like to be, what do you like to do? If you look at the journal as e-mails to a stranger, these are some of the questions you may ask them, and you can come up with some of your own. Take some away in the quiet somewhere, somewhere you feel some peace and quiet and start with some basic questions like the one's above. These questions will start generating other questions and will help you go deeper within yourself. This journey in life is about self discovery and you've been so busy discovering everyone else, it's now time to discover you. I wish I could be  bigger help but this journey must be traveled alone. You can post questions, get ideas and generate idea's, but this is your time to discover who you are, not only as an Empath, but as a beautiful individual soul. Just as you build a relationship with a new friend or date, treat yourself with the same openness, respect and intention. You can also ask your angels and spirit guides to help you. I wish you many blessings on your path.

Raindancer
@raindancer
2 months ago
27 posts

Wow, lots you are saying and asking. Is not so easy to get to in clear terms sometimes. 

I am sorry that you have had experiences that have you in any way more cynical.  If around people who only blame and take absolutely no responsibility for their own actions, it can be draining and the empathy for them can be shaken.  There are legitimately times when others do make a terrible difference in how we act and legitimately so.  Then it is our responsibility to get better influences.   For those who do not even assume that responsibility it can get tiring.  If that not as empathic part of you comes forward the more you are around hostility or people who drain you, maybe it is called safety.  We all need that at times.  Some people are unsafe temporarily and they will try to understand your need for safety if you ever explain it to them.  Those who won't may not be in that temporarily unsafe category but maybe there pretty often maybe? 

If people have become predictable to you, are you around many who can really flow with their feelings much?  In that i don't mean impulse ridden people who do things that are flagrantly inconsiderate and often painful to others.  I mean those who have both impulse control yet enough feelings to not be too robotic with everything (have their feelings with them) may have some spontaneity?  Not sure if getting at all to what you mean by people being predictable or not.  For me, i have known the impulsive people harmful yet predictable.  The truly spontaneous yet considerate ones who are not so predictable and that being a good thing, i haven't known enough to be honest.  I hope you get to know people who surprise you in good ways. If it is more that they lie to themselves and others and that itself is too predictable, i hope you get to know more who at least will try.  Many don't want to face themselves or uncomfortable old feelings they need to face to change and they act by formula through much of life.  If that is more what you mean, good luck finding those who try to listen to that which is around and that which is inside.  We all flub at times on being fully honest with ourselves, but some are much better than others at hearing and taking it to heart when approached with the right care and honesty. 

For that sitting in a circle and finding some of it superficial, things being too ritualized can get pretty cognitive and that can be when some think they are in touch with something whereas they are putting themselves into some state where they are battering any true empathy down.   It's too much that California guru thing or so i call it.  That you have suffered and have your own feelings is more important than any ritual.  Ritual and empathy are pretty opposite aren't they?   Having some guru or group tell you how to do it isn't as much as first of all you having you and your feelings.  So on what you said about that, yeah get you on that i think.  Maybe groups can do things where the group can strengthen empathy, yet i wonder if it would be by letting ritual go and letting feelings flow.  Does that sound too hippie?   Sorry if so.   Hmm, putting that in other terms.  If you planned a smile, is it the same as a spontaneous one?  How can you "plan" empathy?  Empathy is a reaction, not a plan.  

Good luck with answers, both intellectual and emotional ones.  And good luck with finding people who can sometimes surprise you maybe not with the big stuff, but are heartfelt enough that you may not be able to predict where it goes as much as that it will usually go well. 

RKDN
@rkdn
2 months ago
2 posts
@angel thank you so much, I really am going to try doing that with a journal, I used to when I was younger and it was so beneficial. I think you could be completely right, I'm neglecting myself and that isn't healthy and it also doesn't help me help others to the best of my ability. Thank you so much!

@timchavez love is the key is my new mantra! Thank you!

@raindancer thank you so much, nothing sounds too hippie at all! I do need better influencers but most of all I need to learn to let go and be around others who do the same, let things flow instead of pushing or dictating. This is actually so interesting because I can hold on to things and I feel crushed when others try to push me in a certain way too.

Thank you so much everyone for helping me on this post. I know it was a long one but sometimes getting it out inspires you in great ways. So happy to have found this forum and if any of you ever want to unload to me I will always take the time to read and listen! Your support and kind words mean a great deal! X
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 months ago
764 posts
Hi...another thing to think about is how you take care of your own energy...disconnecting energetically is also a good idea when your feeling overloaded....periodically I cut ALL cords of attatchment along with the roots...psychic links etc to people...i went through a period where I severed all energy connections AND didn't see anyone until i felt i was feeling i could handle it again...and i still do that...i have to...just to be able to heal from the overload...if you haven't cleared yourself of these connections then it would be a good idea to get started...I think you'll find that you'll become more balanced and be able to discern YOU from everyone else....you'll also notice how quiet it is once you get the hang of it...I think @angel is right....it's time to take a step back and focus on you only...most of us had to do that too....it's the only way to find yourself and STAY being yourself...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 08/11/17 01:20:42AM

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