I am feeling an increasing number of selfish people around me and it amazes me. I have worn rose colored glasses, well ..forever. Always I gave people another chance and another chance, made excuses for their behavior, no matter what negativity they gave me or how selfish they acted. I have taken off my rose colored glasses and WOW!! Just earlier today someone called me to tell me that her lawn mower is fixed and she does not have to purchase a new one, that’s it, bye. Did not ask how was my day, any weekend plans. She is just one of many people I know that show no regard for me as a person. Is this because I am an empath? Also what confuses me is that these same people will listen to others but not me. They know lots of gossip but nothing new about me. I feel when I do try to talk and speak up that they just want me to stop talking. They just love when I listen and support them.
Selfish people or what ??
I hear you. There is a lot of selfishness in the world these days. Our current social media environment is really bringing out the worst in people IMO. But I tend to find that heavy gossipers are usually selfish narcs. They love spreading bad news about everyone as it makes them feel better about themselves. It sounds like you may be dealing with that.
You as an empath are a natural giver. You are probably always there for your friends and would give the shirt off your back to help them. Also as an empath you likely pick up on selfishness and detest it. That's why your friend’s behaviors are getting under your skin (it bothers you more than it does others).
Life is like the old saying that givers give, and takers take. The selfish (particularly narcs) are going to take, take, take in life. And when they are done taking everything out of you that they need, they will move on. You are already seeing that in your dynamics where your friend is ignoring your advice and moving on seeking others advice. Your friend already got good advice from you. But it's not the advice from others she is really seeking. She wants the attention and energy she gains by seeking out others advice and approval. In other words, she used you and moved on to get seek out more attention and feedback. It’s highly annoying and hurtful and is textbook narcissist behavior.
At some point those types of friends will either completely move on from you or you will do it yourself and cut them off. One of the best lessons I learned from another empath was to not let people use me and to be careful who I let into my life. And while implementing that advice I have cut narcs and really self-centered people out of my life. There is a lot less drama and much more happiness this way.
I also feel bad when sometimes i choose to do what s best for me...i feel jist cause i know they are wasting time i should do something about it..but nahhh keep it peacefull stay where peace is.. silence and move on..no empath is a super hero this is a human body!
I've spent a lot of years of feeling and observing that helps me justify cutting off narcs. Here's the thing, unless you can help a narc without allowing them to harm or disrupt your positive energy, then it isn't worth your time. It doesn't serve you. In fact, an argument could be made that a narc using you will get in the way of you helping others that really do need your help. For those who have been in close relationships with narcs you basically get sucked into an intense one-sided relationship where the narc cuts you off from others in your life. That’s the type of relationship you really want to avoid.
I also can't remember the last time I saw a narc really need my help or advice. They do come to me sometimes to vent and test the waters to see if I will “let them in spiritually”. But they generally don't take my advice. I can see it in their eyes as they have ulterior motives. And the comical thing is that most narcs that do come to me to talk about a supposed problem spend most of the conversation bragging about themselves. In my mind I’m always thinking “are you really needing advice or are you trying to convince me that you are the greatest person in town and everyone should just worship you?” That’s why at this point in my life I see narcs for who they are and avoid them. A lot of people call selfish narc type individuals energy vampires. They feel good and content by taking energy from everyone else. And they do this through their own selfish controlling means. I think eventually all us empaths learn to cut ourselves off from people like this. It simply isn't in your best interest and can be very damaging to you. I understand that it may be difficult to say good-bye to a close friend who is a narc. But I think eventually you will be faced with that decision.
Going through the same thing here. I feel like I am losing some of my giving nature because I am so much more guarded now, but it is absolutely necessary for me to be careful about who I get close to. I too feel bad about it, Tundra, so I have conflicting feelings and am struggling to find a balance.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. IME, as an old and exhausted empath, please don't keep letting these people use you until you end up deathly sick like I am. I truly believe I got the disease I have because I was worn down to a raw nub by letting all these folks use me and making endless excuses for their behavior. I always made up good excuses in my mind for how they acted, because I could not imagine ever acting the way they did. I was wrong. It has been hard for me to face, but these people do it on purpose. Save your energy for those precious few who deserve a good friend like you.
Thank you all for your thoughts about this, I really appreciate it!! It is giving me strength to redirect myself and focus on something more positive.
Sending you some good thougths C Cat, so sorry to hear you are ill. I totally believe negative people like them cause us health problems.
I think it's an empath trait, we are always there and people just become codependent on us. It really is up to us to set better boundaries, I haven't mastered it yet. But I have been saying no more, and that's hard really hard. It bothers me all day and I keep thinking about it because I know I can help them, but no one is helping me but me so I'm just trying to focus my energy on me.
I definitely relate to this. I feel like a lot of times I am often a designated listener in some people's lives. Many times they don't even like my advice, and they get mad if I try to share a different perspective. It's exhausting and I honestly don't know how to handle it. I've become so picky with who I even allow myself to talk to that much because I don't want more people pulling doing this to me. I'm usually indifferent to it, but lately it's really gotten to me...
the other human bbeing are too connected with themselves, trading energy and mutating accordingly to their own
As you can tell from just about every post on this thread, we all feel guilty about not doing what these people want us to do. It's hard to say no, but it's important that you do for their sake. If you allow selfish people to feed off of you they get the idea it's the right thing to do. Every time we give in to their will that idea is reemphasized. They can't learn that way.
It's better in the long run to get over the guilt. Find a way that works for you that alleviates that guilt without giving in. Your doing the right thing.
When I was young I thought everyone was like us! Honest,don't lie,hahaaa Lie! I can't get over how lying is so natural to people! I hate liars! Liars were always out of my life fast!..my oldest brother said I was a seeker of the truth! And he was right! If something is true,so be it but lie about something being true,oh no! @ loconnono, it must have taken 3 buildings to fall on me before I realized that the people who asked me questions and I gave my thoughts,really didn't want them..all they wanted even though they said they wanted change but all they wanted was for me to listen and especially at a younger age,I wanted to fix everything for everyone and they didn't want it! Once I realized that,I just listened and gave no answers....and people will try to manipulate us through fear or guilt that has been said...I have a friend who I grew up with but a few yrs back I was just honest and said don't try to manipulate me with guilt please because it pushes me away from you,not closer and it's great now......Yes, we must put ourselves first in order to be good to ourselves or others...oh,and some people I can see it it in their face when I say that and add it's not selfish to take care of yourself as in taking care of a sick person,you are not well who is going to do it! I remember when my energy went right through the phone and left me exhausted! And I havnt been a doormat in a long time! But Iv noticed when people have taken what they needed from you,and need nothing more they throw you away like a piece of garbage! This has happened to me...but I learned!
I spent so much of my life being seen and not heard. It's very sad to have to feel these feelings. Even though I'm more outspoken now, it caused damage. I'm very introverted these days. Just keeping to myself because I can't deal with those kind of people. Plus, I like being alone. So many people has come to me for help and healing but after they receive it, they are back to treating me like I'm invisible. I still help the ones I can but I find myself shutting down when approached by many. Maybe it's a coping skill or I have actually started taking care of myself before I do others now. I don't know.
The world is an ugly place and maybe we was put here to spread love. But the more light I bear, the uglier the world looks but there has to be a reason for our suffering and hopefully we are making a difference.
Sometimes as i meditate i can see clearly what is the attraction between us and narcs about so i d like to share my perspective.
As we grow older into adulthood and our light will shine more certain, we shure will attract more people and off course narcs.
They can come from everywhere, your next boss, someone you feel attracted to and so on..
When a narc spot us they will see us by our potential the more we open up to them, they will see how unpredictable we are, how rare we are, how smart ( off of intuition we move), so they will envy this or want to have it very much to their service... We as empath sometime can feel a bit uncertain of how to see ourselves through ego...and the presence of a narc will do this, you ll see yourself through your own ego, or you will be trapped in their ego...seeing ourselves through our ego is important so we can at least realize what the world is all about and what we can do for it...but for us empath we know that ego is not the ultimate truth and the self absorption will put us off track to help others or feeling free, we ll be missing something...so thats why is not the best combination for us...we are supposed to help and then leave, reassure ourselves alone of our own ego and possibilities without too much of self absorption
Looking back at everyones replies I have to say thank you all for sharing. I have spent the past 2 months since my post working on being more aware of my feelings vs what I am picking up from others. I am also rethinking how I deal with people, especially the narcs. Interesting what said, I have said to myself “ they are back to treating me like I'm invisible”. I am not invisible to them. They see me, how they treat me depends on if they want my help or someone to be rude to. I cannot understand what it is like to be blind anymore than I can understand what it is like to be a narc. But I can educate myself on being around them. No more excuses and justification for unacceptable behavior. I have done that forever, always blame myself or justify it some how.
I have include a link, I read it often to lift my spirits .