Accepting someone

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AlexisW
@alexisw
6 months ago
14 posts

Hi all. 

I am new here and have been reading through a lot of the post and I can really say you guys give really good advice and I already feel at home here. 

Okay, so here is my story. Four months ago my brother got a girlfriend and she came to visit for a week (they only knew each other over Facebook and this was their first meeting). When she got here I instantly disliked her and got a weird feeling that she is hiding something. I told myself it's just because it's my brother's girlfriend and I was usually like that at first with all his girlfriends but something just told me to listen to my feelings. After the week's "visit" she "lost her job" and my brother asked my mother if she can live with us. My mother didn't say yes immediately at first but agreed after a few days. 

Everything was fine the first two weeks, she was closed off and rarely talked to any of us. Then she and my brother got into fights, like daily. She got a job a month after living with us but never got pay, which I don't really understand, then the owner of the business closed the place after a week and she was jobless again. Anyway, the point of my story is that I am calm when she is not near me but anytime she is at home I feel like exploding, yelling at her to go away or just I don't know be rude to her that she can leave. I just know she is going to hurt my brother she has been lying since he met her and when I talk to him about it, he just can't understand that I cannot accept her into my haven, my home and allow her to disturb my peaceful and loving family. Ever since she got here we fight almost every day about small stupid things and she and my brother also fights about their relationship and trust. 

Do you have any advice for me on what to do? I am just completely hopeless and sad at the moment. 


updated by @alexisw: 09/20/17 07:59:34PM
sensi-sante
@sensi-sante
6 months ago
19 posts
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I would say keep as much distance as possible between yourself and your brother's girlfriend, but that's hard to do since she's living there.

Since you can't break them up, has your mother considered putting the girlfriend out? Your brother probably won't be happy about it, but she's become a cancer in the household. She will continue disrupting the household as long as she's there.
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
6 months ago
726 posts
@alexisw
First of all...welcome to the EC! I hope you have found a place where you can be real
What @sensi-sante mentioned about being a cancer in the family is oh so true! Toxic people will create toxic atmospheres any place they go. Like an energy vampire, they will suck the good energy out of everyone and leave nothing but hurt in their path. Your empathness had picked up on this...hence your dislike for her. It is sad that we can be an early warning system but one that no one seems to heed advice from. Below is a link that will perhaps give you some pointers on how to proceed in this touchy situation
https://www.powerofpositivity.com/9-ways-smart-people-deal-toxic-people/
Additionally, if you don't do it yet, I suggest that you get grounded and centered. Shield yourself as well to prevent her garbage from seeping into you (which sounds like it already has) There are a lot of different techniques to doing this. Check out Elise's Empath Survival Guide for starters
Blessings
updated by @cat-whisperer: 05/13/17 06:59:01AM
AlexisW
@alexisw
6 months ago
14 posts

Thanks a lot you guys. @cat-whisperer I will definitely check out the link and the Survival Guide. I mostly know how to shield myself but sometimes it just feels impossible. 

Well, luckily she moved out yesterday after a huge fight between her and my brother. Her reasons for leaving was that my mom and I are the reason that she is leaving. My brother and she are still in a relationship and I can feel that she is abusing the relationship and lying to him but there is nothing I can do about it. 

The situation in the house needs to adjust to her not being here but right now it's not really better, in fact, it's worse in a way, but I just hope it'll get better with time. 

Thanks for your support and advice

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
785 posts
Hi....you may also need to detach her energy link/cord from you...you can also detach it from your brother...when we encounter people we link or connect to them via an energy cord...the energy cord allows us to exchange information without speaking and we as empaths are quite good at interpreting those cords....so...she attatched to you when you 1st met her and her energy is not compatible with you...so you can remove that cord anytime you want...that should take care of some of the energy transference....just have a 'feel' round your energy and see if you can find it...there are a few methods of cord cutting on the net...so just Google cutting energy cords and something should pop up...that's my preferred method of dealing with these kind of pepole. ..cut the cord on a regular basis until she's gone....
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
785 posts
That cord will also have 'roots'...you should remove those as well....you should remove them from your mom as well...once they're attatched they get into EVERY nook and cranny...once she's gone for good...you should remove her cords from everyone in your house...you energy should even out after it's gone...
AlexisW
@alexisw
6 months ago
14 posts

@womanwhowalks thank you very much. I haven't thought about that. 

LoconnorO
@loconnoro
6 months ago
151 posts

This almost sounds like a narcissistic relationship... I wouldn't know unless I saw it but if she's bringing up problems about trust, she's obviously projecting the worst side of herself on someone else. I know how hard this is going to be before I even recommend it so I understand if you don't like what I'm going to say, but I believe she was put in your life for a reason. It sounds like she's broken and confused with her life, and as hard as it will be, I suggest allowing her to get close to you. Keep your guard up, and keep the focus on her, not you (tell her small details but don't get too personal if you can help it). Focus on her and try to set aside your feelings for her. Just let her talk to you about her life and things and see what she really needs. Everyone acts the way they do because of their past, most people don't know how to let go and live openly without restraints from guilt or things they haven't moved past. Just slowly get closer, you'll find her motive, but don't do the easy things and use it against her, help her out and be someone she can talk to. You have an amazing chance to do some good for someone, here.

Now on the other hand, if it gets worse, don't be toxic towards her and always be kind, but definitely keep a barrier up. Don't "avoid" her, but when she talks and you feel like she's lying, ask about it. Let her know you see right through it. But don't pry around if you choose this route. You'll end up hurting someone else and that is always the wrong thing to do, no matter who you're working against. Stay true and stay positive, and if she chooses to stay on a darker path of selfishness and lying, then eventually she will feel unsafe there.  But for the record I think this is a chance for you to help someone else and really build yourself in the process. 

Anyway you choose best of luck and blessings to you!

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