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Finding Peace
@finding-peace
6 months ago
11 posts

Hello all! I don't know were to begin. I recently decided to change careers and, as a result, am back in college. I am not working and the age of 30 I find myself with more time on my hands than I know what to do with. Perhaps it is because of this I often find myself reflecting on my life. I have come to the realization that I am an ugly person. I have hurt a lot of people, not on purpose, but I still have hurt many, many people. Most of the time it is because they are my friend and than I realize that they are draining me, not good for me, or manipulate me emotionally. Once I come to this realization, which often takes me months, I cut all ties to them physically. Emotionally is another story. I feel so bad that I have to this. I ponder if it was the right thing to do a lot. Well, I have done this many, many times. I have left so many people behind that I know hate me. I try to tell myself it is a good thing but it feels like a lie. I am trying to come to terms with the things I have done, trying to figure out who I am. I hope I can find peace here. Thank you for reading this.


updated by @finding-peace: 08/26/17 07:20:57AM
Hermes.V
@hermes
6 months ago
104 posts
Hello finding peace.
You know what they say, life begins at 40.
First off, you are not an ugly person. Like gemstones, its hard to see how pretty they are before you cut and polish them. Having said that, every gemstone is beautiful but once cut and polished. That's much like how people are, some are quite polished and some still need to be polished.
The thing about the beauty of gemstones is not the gem itself, but how it interacts with light. Likewise, a 'beautiful' person has a way of interacting with life. When you shine intense light on a polished gem, it sparkles. So too it is with polished people, they sparkle in the intensity of life. So, just remember, you are not ugly. Perhaps your past actions seem ugly, this is true, because it is a reflection from an unpolished self. If you just polish yourself, you will see how beautifully life can sparkle through you.
Rene''
@rene
6 months ago
1,194 posts
You are not a ugly person to begain with. I have cut all ties to a lot of family and friends because of the same reason. Like the saying goes. Don't look back at the past.. your not going that way. You need to start the healing process and decide where you go from here. On my spiritual journey, it has brought me to a point of solitude. I stay to myself a lot and dealing with old emotions I have pushed to the side for years. I'm stronger than I ever been now. You have to forgive yourself for what wrongs you think you may have caused and move on. They lived though it so let's make sure you don't keep beating your self up. Try to stay positive and think about the new person you are becoming. The future is bright and yours for the taking.
igor
@neverquittter
6 months ago
11 posts

i think it it can be pretty common for us empath getting lost while trying to get settle with life.

First of all, you are not what you think you are, those are just impression you have cause you think you're doing it wrong. But are you really doing it wrong?

If your heart is coming to realization some companies are bad for you, you maybe should stay with your heart, i know exaclty what you mean, i ve been doing this for long, i start with a relationship or a project then i start letting it go cause it just doesnt feel right.

Some thing i learn about this, we empath are very sensitive, some people do not have a bad intention into our lifes but just arent in our path(it doesnt have anything to do with us), same thing jobwise...so if you dont shield and dont energize yourself is easy to get lost into their objectives, and drained, blank...

The thing i tell you is balance. whenever your heart feels like seeing someone go, when you feel like leaving say bye. try to find places and people and activities you like to share more time with..

whenever you feel like being lonely, enjoy yourself... and be very calm, no hurry...you got a whole life to explore!

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
6 months ago
476 posts

@finding-peace:

You were given some excellent comments to your post from the three ahead of me. I will try to add a few thoughts without being redundant.

I understand where you are coming from with wanting to remove people from your life that drain or manipulate you. And I would agree that since you feel so deeply, it probably is best to part ways with the manipulators as they are probably narcissists and can be damaging to yo. But if you find yourself parting ways with everyone you will soon find yourself pretty lonely.

I at many times over the years just wanted to be alone and found myself being irritated by just about everyone. Like you, I just felt that my job and relationships just drained me. There was just constant exhaustion and irritability. And I found it hard to find any joy in my life. It was not until I learned about grounding that I was able to get back to being my old self enjoying most of my relationships.

We empaths are sponges as we soak up everyone’s energies and take in the good, the bad, and the ugly. At a certain point you, the sponge have soaked up about as much as you can take. You're maxed out and feeling anxious, exhausted, irritable etc... That's when you know it is time to expel all that energy that you have absorbed so that you can feel better, feel normal, and be more comfortable around others. I'm not sure if you know about the subject of grounding. If you need some help with that please let me and others know.

I did want to say that some of my favorite people in my life can be a bit taxing at times and drain me. They aren't bad people but are very emotional and love to come to me to feel better by unloading their stories of struggle & drama. They feel better after being with me and I feel worse and tired. But as empaths that is what we do. I know I have to put a limit on how much time I spend with those types of people who need me to remove their "stuff". And I know when they leave me that I need to do some grounding to get me back to normal. 

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
6 months ago
11 posts

Hermes- Thank you for that beautiful post. I need to remember this. I feel like an unpolished gemstone. I know I have beauty in me but I don't know how to show it. I am often told that when I walk into a room peoples moods change for the better. I see this a little spot of my gemstone being polished. I always feel better when I can make someone smile or laugh. At those times I feel truly beautiful.

Rene- Thank you so much. I thrive when I am around people but at the same time feel drained. I want to interact and be around others but it is hard sometimes. People have always found it easy to talk to me and I love to talk to people. However, this can start to weigh heavy on me because people open up about their lives. I don't mind listening but the intense feelings I get often make me want to retreat and hide from the world. Sorry I don't know why I am telling you all this. I don't want to burden you. I will say I am at the point in my life where I am planting seeds for a wonderful future. It will take awhile for things to come to fruition but I look forward to better days. :)

Igor- Thank you so much. I am exploring my life. I found I was unhappy in the work I was doing and decided to make a career switch. This means going back to college. I am only in my second term but I am already so much more happy than I was. I often follow my heart and when my 'gut' tells me someone is bad for me I will avoid them. Lately I feel my gut has been failing me as I grow close to people only to find they are using me. That is when I cut ties with them. I hate being used. I will continue to explore my life! :D

Hop-Daddy- Thank you so much. I do feel like a sponge that is maxed out. I get major anxiety doing things I enjoy. I also find myself worrying about every little thing. I have many, many health issues I am dealing with right now, most of them from worrying so much. I would like to know more about grounding. I have heard of it but I am unsure if I am doing it right. I often feel like people are draining me. I feel like some are sucking me dry. Those are the people I cut ties with. 

Thank you to everyone! I am shy and I was really nervous posting this. Thank you for all the feedback and making me feel welcome. :)

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
6 months ago
476 posts

@finding-peace:

I suspected that you may be new to this. You came to the right place for help. We have all been where you are.

The grounding is key, to keep you from losing your mind. And having physical ailments from all of this is really common until you start practicing grounding to get those feelings and other people’s energy out of your body. When you soak in all that you do each day it has nowhere to go and will eventually impact your physical as well as mental health. Grounding is an empath's way to flush out the energy and vibes back out of your body. When you get good at this you can actually feel that negative energy leaving your body. You will go from a heavy and down feeling to a light and happy feeling. And some of the higher level empaths can actually ground out someone's stuff right there while they are spending time with a person who is dumping stuff on them. I am not yet there myself but that is my long term goal to be able to ground on the spot.

Grounding in part is doing things that you really like to do to repair your soul. The common thread for most of us empaths is that we love the outdoors and spending time with nature. I find solace hiking in the forest or swimming in the ocean and come back recharged. But for many of us we live in cities or are strapped for time. And when that happens I practice meditation and take salt baths to expel all this unwanted energy from me. The below link will give you a place to start on learning about grounding. And then feel free to come back with questions. 

https://theknowing1.wordpress.com/panacea/

Another topic for another time is that I would recommend carrying protection stones as they will limit and shield some of what you are exposed to each day. Carrying protection stones plus regular grounding techniques can really improve your well-being. 

empphire
@empphire
6 months ago
19 posts

For me, sometimes separation is the only way for everyone to stay happy. I've also felt extremely drained when around people for a long time, even if they're close friends. When this happens and the other people don't pick up on this or think I'm just being lazy or antisocial, I sometimes imagine lashing out at them. Being an empath, I know exactly what makes them tick, and I know can easily turn their good day into a miserable one. Luckily, I don't act on this. (The only times I've done this is when I was extremely stressed and drain, and with my one of my sisters, who I still love and who still loves me.)

But this does highlight the problem that sometimes, you just need to get away before all the negativity or drain happens. Consciously or unconsciously, if I don't feel like the relation is beneficial for both of us, I end up drifting away. I used to wonder i this made me a bad person, or if there was something wrong with me, as this happens A LOT. I feel like I am betraying them in a way, as if I was being a fake friend the whole time. But I've realized that cutting people off is sometimes for the best, because harboring anger, hate, or other negative thoughts or feeling a drain from someone is not a good thing for an empath. 

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
6 months ago
11 posts

Hello all! Sorry I haven't respond, been a crazy busy week with lots of homework. 

Hop-Daddy- Thank you so much for the awesome information! I actually am really drawn to stones. Have been since I was a child. There is one I found that helps calm me. I forget its name but when I carry it I notice a huge difference when I am at school. I have been going to a therapist and he keeps talking about mindfulness. Is this another way to ground? I am so thankful for your help! 

Empphire- Thank you for sharing! I often find myself getting angry and snapping at people I love over really silly little things. I hate that I do that and I makes me loathe myself even more. I try to forgive myself but I can't seem to do that. I feel I deserve everything I get. Everything bad that happens I deserve. I feel like everything is my fault. When I am in a friendship I always apologize for everything even if it isn't my fault. Sorry I am rambling. Thank you again for sharing!

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