Empath Parent/Empath Child Tips?
I personally feel part of my mission here is to love and support a very empathic child. My child actually re-awoke me to my gifts bc I had to understand and remember the childhood I blocked out to help my own child.
As a first grader, my child exhibits bipolar behavior, manic episodes, odd pains in her solar plexus, dissociation, holding on to traumas, tantrums about clothing and tags, extreme fear of my bathroom bc she sees things, testing limits to extremes (suicidal actions w/out knowing they're life danger if) and running away from any conversation that has to do with emotions. At first, I took her to a child therapist, but she acted like the sweet introverted angel that is her natural disposition...so I was told I was over-reacting. Shocker, right?
What I have learned:
1. Cut out tags and let her try on everything before buying.
2. Not hiding my own stress from her bc she takes it on.
3. No violent, overly emotional, or loud tv
4. Activity and sports...this is the only time she seems fully present
5. Help support her and let her know it's ok to be her and hug, love, and cradle her psyche
My challenges are not being able to:
1. Help her get out of her fear of being "weird"
2. Help her ground her during her 30-60 minute manic episodes which she
3. Help her understand her emotions that she doesn't want to understand
4. Help us stop buying new lightbulbs weekly and turning off the power in our condo (hey, there is some humor in this)
I'm doing my best, I know she is not mentally ill, so any & all suggestions are welcome. In sincere gratitude....
updated by @empathinboston: 08/04/18 09:21:54AM
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I have two teenage empath kids and had some interesting times when they were really young. It does sound like you have a child with high level of empathy. And that's really hard for a kid to take as they don't understand what's going on or how to control it. They just feel intensely. Eventually a doctor will probably try to get her on some bipolar or mood controlling drugs. And under the assumption that there is nothing medically wrong with her, that will just numb her to the world and won't really solve anything. You also have to keep in mind that your child was given this gift for a reason. One day your child's gift can be used by her (if she chooses) to help and heal people.
You noted that physical activity is when she is at her best. That is very telling as it is highly recommended for empaths to get outside in nature and exercise. Unknowingly, you are helping her ground out the emotions she is taking in every time she exercises. Definitely encourage and expand those activities while you are figuring this out.
Your daughter's situation sounds a lot like what we often get with new empaths on this website. They feel out of control and overrun with emotional build up from being who they are. We try to teach people how to get rid of their anxiety through grounding. Having protection stones on and around her is probably a good way to start. Below are two links that have some pretty good info. on how to get an empath to relax and let go of the negative that is causing all the anxiety:
I hope this info. helps. An improvement for your daughter really starts with you being able to help her ground out the negative energy.
Can you explain what the light bulb and power comment is about? I didn't quite understand that.
I should also add that as an empath it is totally normal for her to see ghosts. In fact, ghosts are drawn to empaths. We went through a tough time with my daughter getting approached by ghosts when she was young. And it terrified her. I've used protection stones to help keep her bedroom a little more clear of these entities. And I've trained her to understand that they cannot hurt her. But that is something that you unfortunately will have to deal with.
I also wanted to note that I have to monitor how active my daughter is with others. She at 13 is very social and wants to be out with friends all the time with sleepovers and things. And being around others all the time is very draining to her even when she is having a good time but can be really hard when you mix in some typical teenage girl drama. Good sleep and alone time to recharge is really important to an empath. For my daughter's own good we really make sure she isn't overscheduled.
For your younger daughter I would suggest the same thing. It is really hard for her to be out in an area with crowds of people (like stores and movie theaters etc...). She absorbs a lot when around people. You don't want to hide her from the world. But I would say when you do have her out in public, just make sure that is followed up with some quiet time at home where she can unwind/ground. And for a youngster grounding for her is probably just quiet time watching cartoons or coloring or something fun she likes to do by herself.
Just one paragraph from the relevant chapter in Thriving As An Empath:
First and foremost, CHECK YOURSELF. There is a good chance that if your very young child is suddenly moody or throwing a tantrum, it’s because they are picking up on your emotions, and they don’t know how to express what they are feeling. It is also important to take a moment to shield yourself if you know you are having an especially stressful day, BEFORE you step into your child’s space. Oftentimes when our child is unhappy, we as parents become uneasy, frustrated, or even panicky. If you have a young child that is sick or especially fitful on a particular day, remember it is okay to step away to regain your composure. In the case of an empath child, it’s not only acceptable, but it’s also recommended because your angst will only make their symptoms worse.
I've worked with lots of parents of empath children (I have two of my own). There are days when it is not pleasant to remember that they are reflecting who we are as parents but it is an essential starting point.
There are lots of exercises in the same chapter. Too many to include here. Feel free to private message me.
I can say from personal experience that it is very hard for multiple empaths to be under the same roof. But this is fairly common since empaths run in families. In my house 3 out of 4 of us are empaths. We each go about our day and then bring stuff from the world back and it can be a little tough to be together as we feel and upset each other. I practice and have taught each of them when they come home after a tough day to go do a grounding exercise and salt bath soak. It brings our home back to normal and helps them start the next day on an empath reset.
We are lucky in that my son, though gifted, grounds this house. But you are both right on the money about many things.
@hopdaddy - she picks out crystals - oddly enough clear quartz, amethyst and many more (every single one is eitger grounding or protective). A true case for "the crystal chooses you". I know we have many interesting years ahead, it is the momentum of the intensity I just want to take away from her. I do healing work with her - but we're so intertwined I take on both her emotional & physical pain. I'm hoping to hone in on my skills enough so the constant transfer of energy can chill out a bit.
I appreciate your support on the things I'm doing and additional advice. I feel like I'm not doing enough...but there is no magic pill.
Both of us need to be more grounded, so I will take that and implement it immediately.
Re: the electric comment, when our emotions our high and unbalanced, lightbulbs go out. We go through a lot of lightbulbs , or if I'm taking a video on my iPhone, the picture literally sways back and forth, tv's shut off...it's a joke to me now. Likely goes back to your grounding comment.
- bravo and thanks for being direct and helpful. Yes, you're 100% correct. And her gift to me was enlightening me enough to realize III was in trouble. Now that I'm balancing with many of the things you mentioned, it hadn't occurred to me to give HER salt baths, or exactly what I'm doing for myself. You just helped me realize I'm not connecting the dots with her as I do in the external world...seems like a major slip on my part. Thanks for that wake up call!! And yes, we are both exhausted after any episode. Numbing myself for 20 years and catapulting back into all the feeling has been tough, but beautiful. I can't remember what it's like to act like a robot...a life without feeling is not a life worth living.
If either of you have any ideas about how to help her understand that it's ok to feel, be different- please let me know. She doesn't know how to name an emotion and that just makes me sad. Seems to me the only thing I can really help with right now is getting myself as balanced as possible so the cycle is less intense. Is that a decent summary? I'm still all ears.
The salt baths really helped with both of my kids. I have them do that at the end of a tough day so they can neutralize that negative and feel calm enough to get a good night's sleep. My daughter wears an obsidian bracelet for protection while my son keeps a small pouch of black tourmaline, shungite, and black onyx in his pocket. I do the same. We've done experiments with and without protections stones and we are all so happy with the results that none of us leave home without them. Maybe give that a try for both of you. And for her it will hopefully give her a sense of what "normal and calm" feels like. And then you can increase the daily grounding for both of you at that point to get to having much better days.
Many of us empaths have either a lot of bad luck or electronics/mechanical things go wrong when we get filled up with a lot of negative energy. Examples are all of a sudden your car won't start, the toaster shorts out, or your cell keeps freezing up. I think this is negative leaking from us impacting our surroundings. With the two of you so close and anxious, there must be a lot of that power going on to knock out bulbs.
Please explain what you mean by bi-polar behavior and manic episodes.
Here's the deal, if your empathic, then chances are, your child is also empathic, ,however, such extreme behaviors make me wonder if your child is ADHD, as well. Yes, they have basic criteria for this disorder but some of the symptoms they DON'T tell you is that the impulsiveness can be extreme, they are prone to serious fits and tantrums, can be very violent during these fits, lie or "story tell" ALOT to the point of extreme stories that are meant for shock factor. (This is the worse, they can tell someone a story that is so outragious, that the person actually believes it. Like, I had a teacher call me up and yell at me, telling me I needed to give my daughter LESS chores because she needed that time to get her homework done and to have one of other 11 daughters to take care of those chores. Itold the teacher, first off, I don't have 11 daughters and you should know this because when my oldest comes to your classroom with my youngest, do you see bunch of girls lined up against your wall??? This knocked her back to reality and then told her that my daughter does her homework EVERY night, we place it in her backroom and my oldest doesn't give her backpack until she dropped off in class. So if you want your homework so bad, open her backpack and get it!" Trust me, I have story after story like this. They rarely diagnosis kids with bi-polar anymore and the symptoms of bi-polar and ADHD are almost identical. The only real way to tell the differance is that bi-polar cycle. It's like a roller coaster, where they start feeling good, a little hyper, and then moves into more euphoric feelings, extremely talkative, less sleep, then get's worse, more self destructive behavior, delusions, heightened impulsivity, hyper-awareness, paranoia with possible psychotic symptoms, then it peaks, and they can get very aggressive, abusive, mean, easily agitated, ect. They stay at this for a time, usually for weeks, and they average about 2 hours a sleep per night and always moving. Finally, the cycle ends and they crash. They will literally sleep for days on end, usually when they become suicidal, it's when they actually have a little energy, serious depression, ect. Then after a few weeks of this, they go back to a baseline behavior. Kids are inherantly moody, so it's very difficult to notice this cycle in children. But I would look into ADHD, because her central nervious system is already on overdrive, this may be what's making her more Empathic, since Empathic abilities often go hand in hand with a hyperactive nervous system. Bi-polar is treated usually with mood stabalizers and anti-psychotic, ADHD, usually with stimulants. If you already knew all this, sorry for repeating it. I will get to the point shortly
My daughter is ADHD and often acted Bi-Polar as well but her abilities are also alot stronger then mine, especially her Empathic and Mediumship. I always connected to spirits, but my daughter is a transmedium, well, was. The biggest problem I had was not knowing where her disorder started and her abilities ended. Her ADHD enhanced her abilities to the point of where it was really, really bad. Being a witch, I had to use more magickal resources in order to get her abilities under control long enough to understand the difference between the two and get her help for her mental disorder. She is older now and as it stands, her mediumship, she is still a sensative and can sense spirits but not a transmediumand no longer channels them. Her Empathic abilities are still present but it no longer devestates her. I taught her a few things about her Empathic abilities, such as hw to tell the difference between yours and someone else's. If it comes on strong, comes out of the blue and makes no sense, and your reaction seems more then what you would normally react to, then it's not yours. It's hard to teach a younger child this but I would suggest you keep a journal and when your child is acting "not themselves", then question it. You can also place a psychic shield around your child to buffer the energy they are channeling.
I would suggest your child get screened for ADHD, because if she is, it will not only make her abilities harder to cope with, but it will be a very difficult next 15 years for you, if she is not treated for it. If your not into magickal restraints, then I would suggest you work more on things such teaching her placing psychic shields around her, encourage her to talk about the feelings and things she see's, work on some meditation techniues, nothing difficult, like creating a "happy place" in her mind. Help her connect to her Angels or God, or whatever you believe in. If she is seeing things int he bathroom, she may be a Medium or she may just have't grown out of it yet, either way, if she can see dead people, you can train her to see Angels. You can also teach her to do healings on herself, something basic, white light, rainbow flowing around you, through body, ect. By bringing this type of light energy into her, will help her focus more on the "light" side of her abilities, whch in turn, may help her channel more positive emotions as oppossed to negative ones. You can also teach her to do some grounding techniques. The idea is really about control, and helping her to control her abilities. If she doesn't have any mental disorders, it should be easier. If she does, hopefully with treatment and medication will slow down her nervious system enough to where she won't be pulling so much energy and learn way's to control it when it comes. By helping you, you will also help yourself
I know this isn't the reading group, but have you looked into healing things, Reiki, or basic energy, EFT, something like that? You feel to have a strong connection to the higher realms, angels or whatever and have a strong healing energy about you. Might be something to look more into. Anyway's sorry it's so long, but I hope this info helps.
@hermes - thank you. As a hiding Empath for so long, we now take weekend beach trips. We just signed up (all 3 of us) for a mommy and me yoga class. As she loves being active and my son does too - I think that will be an amazing experience. Thank you for confirming.
One of my spiritual advisors is in such a community - though Christian, terming any religion as the power of who we are is hard for me to grasp in this part of my journey (however, I grew up in a strict Christian church, and with my thoughts today I would be sent to hell, and my family still thinks that of me, so that word itself may be a trigger). I imagine I will find the right way to connect when I have a better grasp of myself and abilities.
THANK YOU for all of this. I am totally distraught during her manic episodes & angry during her tantrums that I can't find any "intellectual" reason for. I need to check myself, as trevor mentioned to make this an easier life for her (and my son, but he's one grounded & confident little boy).
The secrecy is hard - as we all know. And going back once you are aware isn't really possible. But, you're right. The more you say, the more people look at you like you need to be institutionalized. And, that tip was perfect about not looking into her eyes. Because then I just get scared...lovely rollercoaster, huh? Yet, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I give gratitude every day for one big thing, and today, that gratitude is for you. Thank you. :