Still trying to figure this out

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CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
I've always felt like a freak/outsider my whole life. I used to chalk it up to my parents actually being weird - they are fanantically religious and were unreasonably strict with me - but now, I wonder if it's also to do with being an Empath.

I'm also wondering, how do you tell if it's your own insecurities vs negative feelings from others. This is typical, but in my world of suburbia, I often deal with bitchy, jealous, competitive women. After my daughter's sporting event, we all went to lunch and by the time I left, I felt super negative and sad. I felt like an outsider, which I almost always do. Literally, there was one open seat in the long table and yes, it was next to me. I want to work on my own issues, but I also want to understand how being an Empath affects things. I had a long drive home afterwards and I tried to visualize the negativity going away and my daughter and I sang a lot and had fun. But the cloud was still there. I got home and immediately went on a run and again tried to visualize the negative energy flowing out of me. I do feel a bit better now.

If you've read this far, thank you. I am just curious how this works on a daily basis for you all. I don't want to feel like I'm at the mercy of these positive and negative energies from others. I want to see this as a gift.
updated by @calmidwester: 07/07/17 09:47:25AM
Warden
@warden
9 months ago
9 posts
I feel like this often. I find it strange too. I have all these people who tell me they want me around or how awesome I am but I never believe it. I see that they often forget to include me in things or do it on purpose with excuses like I thought you were busy or I didn't think you'd be interested. Even my family has done this to me.it hurts and is a hard feeling to get rid of. I have resentment towards a few people because of this and I'm having trouble letting it go. So I do the think you're alone in this.
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
@warden Thank you for sharing. I simultaneously feel like the Morher to all of my siblings - I am the oldest - and the odd one out as I am the only one who is really into spiritual things.

I guess it's a journey and I'm trying to be better about letting things evolve. I so want answers and direction immediately, but I know that's not the best way to experience life
Warden
@warden
9 months ago
9 posts
I'm also the oldest and odd one out! As I believe in things and am more free spirit and also the only girl. I have 4 brothers. Always nice to hear I'm not the only one that feels like this.
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
9 months ago
410 posts

I think it's a combination of factors. It's possible your insecurities pushed people away so that someone didn't sit next to you. It's also possible it's just a coincidence that no one took that seat. Or they could be doing it to spite you for whatever reason. The thing is to not worry about it or let it bother you because that only creates more separation between you and others. People pick up on insecurity like they pick up on fear, empath or not. It's a rudimentary feeling that is related to survival, so many people can sense it.

I suggest working on self-acceptance and authenticity. That way, you'll be fully you and will attract those to your life who treasure and respect the real you. No sense in trying to keep around those who are not in the same vibration as the true you :)

As a side note, I am the black sheep in my family and have worked hard at accepting myself despite what others think and say and do. Being genuine and happy with yourself is the reward and most important to a happy life. It is well worth it. Don't worry about rubbing others the wrong way or being too much or different from others. Eventually your life will mirror you and you will be surrounded by the things and people that are best for you!

CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
I know you're right @lotusfly. Easier said than done, but I am becoming more aware. Thank you!!
Mythical Spark
@mythical-spark
9 months ago
8 posts

I've pretty much always felt this way myself all my life, like I'm an outsider or that I'm just a peripheral part of any group that I may have been in, even with those who most would call 'close' to me, as in family or friends, and it's often cited as a common trait by empaths.

It's something that I share with my mother and she's said that she's felt the same way during her lifetime as well.  I'm unsure that she's an empath herself but I'm told that empaths usually run in families.

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
502 posts

@calmidwester:

I honestly don't know an empath who hasn't felt like you did. Not to worry. You are toatlly normal and are one of us. First and foremost, it is hard to be out in public as an empath. You could be picking up vibes from the collective in that whole restaurant or area. And then at your table alone with jealous competitive women, that's your worst case scenario for an empath. Well, maybe there are things worse than that (like funerals, or a cancer ward). But as an empath you are likely strongly opposed to the fake and negative personalities that were at that table. That's very hard to sit through and to me would feel like a grave injustice watching those women at work jockeying for position. Between that and all the negative that they must have put out, my hat is off to you for being able to make it through the whole meal without having a panic attack. 

Remember, we are sponges. And you absorbed a lot of bad stuff at that table. By singing and enjoying nature afterwards I think that was a decent step to get some of that out of your body. But as you eluded to, you didn't get it all out and didn't feel much better. That's where some of the grounding ideas that I sent you in another post come in to help you clean up after an event like that. If you don't ground yourself after a situation like that it could take days of anxiety and depression to get that out of your body on its own. But you can speed it up considerably if you do some grounding techniques. Just remember, in time you will get a better handle on this and will be stronger and better prepared to handle a luncheon like that.

Quick question. Did you have any protection stones on your body or in your purse during the luncheon?

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
502 posts

@calmidwester:

One more related comment that I wanted to mention. I know right now you are feeling weak and not in very good control of your life due to your recently discovered empathy. You are not alone. We all have been there. But you found the right place to come to ask questions and learn how to master things. And at some point soon you will gain control and come out strong and in better control as you flip your energy. You do this by limiting the negative you take in, grounding it away, and living your life in better happiness and love.

So side-note to what you are going through and perhaps something for you to look forward to down the road:  As you probably know by now, narcissists have a very interesting attraction to empaths. It also goes both ways for some (although I personally detest narcs). But based on what you described there were probably more than a few narcissist people sitting at that lunch table. Now that I am in a good place and have a better handle on the negative I let in each day, I would have the narcs at the table self-destructing without me barely uttering a word. What usually happens is they get very drawn to me and if there are multiple narcs they will make fools out of themselves trying to compete to impress me. Simply put, I make them very uncomfortable and insecure just by being there. I think it has something to do with our empath high vibrational energy that they find intoxicating. And these are obviously very vain people who normally bow down to no one. And like I said, I normally hardly say a word and the narcs are all eyes on me trying to win me over. My wife who is not an empath says it is the damnedest thing she has ever seen. It happens all the time. It's literally dinner theater. But this only happens if I am in a good happy high energy place. If I am low energy from a tough couple days the narcs would still be uncomfortable around me but would shoot me dirty looks in more of a bullying type of way. So you really have to be choosy with where you go depending on how you feel.

I know it sucks to be out at these things. And despite the little bit of revenge comedy I get as noted above, I would normally rather be anywhere but at a luncheon like you described. But from asking around, what I experience with narcs from a position of my strength is very typical empath-narc behavior. At some point you will have that to look forward to.

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
502 posts

@mythical-spark:

Empaths most definitely run in families. And even if they are not awakened empaths you can spot empaths in your family who exhibit all the traits: Over sensitivity, anxiousness, quiet introverts, hating crowds and going out in public. Struggling with sleep disorders etc...

weary_soul
@weary-soul
9 months ago
4 posts

Sometimes being an empath is difficult. About feeling different than everyone else, well it comes with the territory. The past few years I have found myself less trusting and more comfortable being by myself.   I have sat with my thoughts about the unique differences in me. A few years ago I research how different than most I was. See I am empath with strong syntetate abilities(anothers words I feel colors or see music), ambidextrous and a high Iq. The thing is there are numerous categories where I am in the less than 5 percent of the population. After a few months I came to the conclusion that even if I am different, I am still human and the gifts I have are just that, gifts or parts of who I am. About those who will avoid or steer clear of you, it is their own insecurities. I have a high paranormal psychic ability mixed in with those other things. Sometimes without realizing it, I say things that mean something to someone. Even those who claim they are interested and ask question have been freak out by things i do or say.   Especially if you reveal something negative is going to happen, people will push you away. I do believe that it is the combination of these things as well as the longevity that I have been demonstrating those things. many times I do not even realized what it is I am doing. There also is this, I am not sure if anyone else can relate to this but at times I noticed my mood, my emotions being transferred to others.I have experimented a little with this to see if what I was observing was happening. Yes it is something I believe empath can do.  Generally it may be something you want to explore as there are ways to stop from transmitting negative emotions to others. If you feel uncomfortable in an environment, you could be transmitting that uncomfortable feeling to others which would without them realizing it  cause them to move away from you. There is also this which I have brought up in my mind when I felt certain emotions emitted from others that was extremely negative, is that people do not experience one emotion with another. Emotions are mixed. However if you are less trusting or feeling insecure you may be picking up only the negative emotions from others. As I said, many times people are feeling emotions that have nothing to do with us that we pick up. This may be what you were feeling. Competitive people experience a lot of negative emotions that have nothing to do with the people in their environment. a competitive empath can be destructive towards another empath. When I was in counseling grad program, I ran into another who claimed to be an empath. Who knows maybe He was, He knew I was an empath before i even knew it. A few of the PHD students under him came to me to convince me to drop out. they said Because I was an empath, this professor ,who claimed he was an empath, said I would not be a good counselor and would be destroy cause of my level of being an empath. Then throughout the program the man did everything he could to have others torture me. At the time I knew very little about what it meant to be an empath. I could not figure out what it was I did wrong to this man that he attack me or had others attack me so viciously. It was confusing, at time he would go out of his way to be nice or kind then he would do things say things to embarrassed OR humiliate me. It was so bad that some of the students threaten my physical body and push and  hit me with chairs or doors or from behind. Now I believe this man was an empath because he pick up on me being one early on. Second there was this really strange connection we had when we came into each others proximity. I think the man was competing with my empath abilities. I guess  he had hard time even realizing that not only would I not admit to it at that time, I had no idea what an empath was. The competitive spirit wanted to destroy me so my empath skills would be suppress I guess, it led to a hatred of me without even knowing who I was. I don't know why but I do feel that might be some of what was going on with you in that environment. As some with the empath ability are not so moral and will use the skill to their own advantage or popularity while others will be a little fearful of the ability. In a competitive environment that can cause isolation of one who also has the same abilities. There are ways to counteract those things. One is not to take it personally as the emotions you are feeling may have nothing to do with you. Second try to counter negative with positive emotions by thinking about something even if it is unrelated that brings memories of happiness. Try to find something positive to say to someone. It could be something simple like I like your sweater where did you get it. Asking questions on how to do something or about something someone is really into will help you to merge more with the group.

CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
@hopdaddy and @weary-soul

Thank you so much for your posts. They are super helpful and comforting.

Re: the crystals. They arrived after I got home that day, so I didn't have anything with me. I did let them sit out in the sun on Saturday, which hopefully cleansed them. I put the rose quartz, tourmaline and obsidian by my bed. I have one other tourmaline that I intend to try to carry around with me. I wish I had had it with me at her competition and the subsequent lunch!! I think I need to spend more time with them!

I have already had more periods of time where I can look back and see a lot of positives from being an Empath. I feel like I am luck to have this group and my counselor who actually know that this is a real thing and how to deal with it. I'm almost even feeling excited for the new path I'm on.

I need to work on the grounding techniques for sure. That's next up. Thank you again!!
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
9 months ago
726 posts
Oh how I can relate to your situation. Same issues but different scenarios. I have gotten to the point in my life that I am choosing not to expose myself to those kind of situations, rather happy being myself and not being around the negativity of some groups of people. If that means saying no to a gathering or two so be it...especially if you know it might put you in a bad funk. Sounds like @hop-daddy, @lotusfly, and @weary-soul have pretty much covered what I would suggest or mention. Sounds like you've got a great arsenal of crystals. I don't leave home without mine. Your not alone
Blessings
updated by @cat-whisperer: 03/05/17 07:12:22PM
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
Thank you @cat-whisperer! It's actually very comforting to feel 'not alone.' I think I am going to feel much less guilty about saying no to gatherings and other things going forward.

@hopdaddy, re: rock salt. Is it literally just a bag of rock salt or is there a special type made for bathing? If I google it, it mostly ends up taking me to Himalayan salt. Just want to get this right!
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
502 posts

@calmidwester:

I was curious if you had the protection stones on you during the competition and lunch to see if you noticed a difference. They should make a difference once you find the right protection stone combo for you. Everyone is different but I notice about a 70% reduction in anxiety when I keep them near. They have really changed my life.

As for salt, a lot of web sites out there recommend Himalayan or sea salt for empaths to bath in. But that gets really pricey. Rock salt works just fine and is what I use. You can pick that up at your grocery store in the baking aisle. Most stores carry Morton's rock salt (Wal-Mart usually carries them as well). The only salt they say doesn't work is table salt since it is too processed.

CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
Ok @hopdaddy, you will not be surprised that I randomly - ha - thought, let me check the forum and your response had been logged 37 seconds ago.

And, since you mentioned the stones... I put them by the bed and last night I got the best night's sleep I've had since I can remember. Maybe I found just the right combo? I had a good weekend and my overall outlook has been much more positive. I also, as I mentioned, spent time outdoors and did a fair amount of meditation. It sure felt great to wake up and realize that it was just getting light out and that it was not 12:30 or 3:30am, the times I typically wake up.

I am thankful for your detailed advice and for the support of everyone here. It has enabled me to shift - fairly quickly - to a more positive frame of mind.

Here's another question for you all... could I be connected to my oldest daughter in such a way that's I'm feeling some of her physical symptoms? This past week she twice mentioned that her face was itching and mine was as well at the exact same time. I also routinely get left shoulder pain and I think it could be linked to hers. I am 99.9% sure she's an Empath, but she's on her own path and I'm trying not to dump a lot of info on her because I think she needs more time to be able to accept it.
updated by @calmidwester: 03/06/17 10:55:55AM
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
502 posts

@calmidwester:

Remember, there are no coincidences. You may have sensed that I was messaging you. Wink

I'm glad the stones worked for you. After dealing with so much anxiety, it's great to feel better, right? And it is no coincidence that you slept better. The stones are helping you relax and draw the negative out and away from you. Salt is also excellent for that. And your time with nature definitely played in to your ability to feel better.

If you are interested in finding out what others have mentioned as their favorite crystals and stones take a look at this post:

http://empathcommunity.eliselebeau.com/community/forum/new_posts/27513/what-are-your-favorite-crystals

And as for you feeling your daughter's pain, it is very common for you to have all sorts of connections to those in your family. I personally don't normally have the physical empath skill. But I do with my wife and kids when they are hurt or don't feel well. 

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
9 months ago
726 posts
@calmidwester
Yes I do believe that the connection with blood family is much stronger that those not blood related. Especially in the physical sense. I cannot tell you how many times I have had physical issues just to find that my Dad is sick...and he lives several states away! Also have that connection with my son. With him I have to be very careful, he carries a lot of negative energy that can be felt even though he lives two counties away. His energy makes my stomach do flip flops :/ if he is having a bad day
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
Wow @cat-whisperer, that's interesting. I definitely have that issue with my daughter. I hope that with my knew knowledge, I can work on not being so affected by her moods!!
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
502 posts

@calmidwester:

How old is your daughter? My empath daughter is 13 and is a Scorpio. And she fits the Scorpio personality description to a tee. And she has since birth had the unique ability to turn the house upside down in a total sh*t storm when she is having a bad day. Since I pick up on energies so easily I can literally feel her change the energy in the house to one of anger and anxiety. Her emotions are very powerful at this age. We have a pretty good relationship but she's a handful at this age. She is very bonded to her mother but absolutely wears her out on some days.

I wonder if you go through the same? I have heard from others that it is challenging to be married to or live with other empaths. I think our high vibration and over sensitivities are too strong when around each other under one roof.

CalMidwester
@calmidwester
9 months ago
108 posts
@hop-daddy

She is 25 now. Tell your wife - or don't lol - that 13-14 was the worst year ever. We are super close and it's a roller coaster, but even she cringes at her behavior back then if it happens to come up.
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
502 posts

Good for you. At 25 for you she is probably well on her way to adulthood. For my daughter, we kind of knew we were in for some dicey teenage years. We just take it one day at a time. 

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