Relationships, by their general definition, are probably the hardest thing for me. It sure takes a lot of time before I can open up to someone in the intimate sense. Maybe it's because of the way that I know energy can flow between me and another person and I take responsibility if I can't control it or correctly interpret the "messages" i get (or transform into a psychological bully), secondly because of this inner struggle for getting it right and not screwing it up. Weirdly enough, there haven't been many people that left me with the "there's such a weird link between us" feeling. Deep in there I'm not even curious to mess around. Instead it's like this persisting hope and belief that when I will meet the right person I will feel it. What puts me at odds is actually the people around me: bit desperate for this feeling of attention and love I would say, so much that their relationships become just superficial connections. I'm happy to say that at least I have heard or seen happy and positive relationship cases from people closer to me.
Regardless of my own little hurtful experiences or anything that left a mark on me, I'm the type who will try to meditate on it and fix it, not go to someone else for pity or, I don't know... (there are many deeper things about myself I have never even spoken about to my parents. I'd feel guilty to let them know I was hurt by certain experiences and people when they wanted me to be happy) Going back to it, I don't want to form anything that doesn't have a spiritual or a bit of a fated feeling to it, or that doesn't awake my admiration ^^ It's pretty simple actually. I just feel at odds with the "average person's requirements" of our society honestly, when they are redirected towards me or if I am asked to do the same. I just wish to grow as a person and correctly understand my inner needs, and follow my intuition, not what others or society, as I have the luck to experience it at the moment, tell me I should go for.
updated by @kate: 03/17/17 04:30:43PM