advise needed, has anyone dealt with this?????

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strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
10 months ago
17 posts

OMG! Holy anxiety today!

I have a baby shower to attend this Saturday. When I was invited I felt the anxiety deep in my stomach right when I received the invitation. A bit of history before I begin:  So the girl who's having the baby is a friend. We're not super close, but we're friends & have always gotten along. She's close with another girl who will be there (I'm sure). This other girl gives me the weirdest vibes! When I first met her we hit it off & I really liked her, but as time progressed I saw more of who she was & it's always made me extremely uncomfortable. If we hadn't hit it off so well I probably wouldn't care that she'll be there but I CARE more than I wish to express. So when I got sober I was unable to drive (this was roughly 5 years ago). About a year into my sobriety I met the girl who is now having the baby. We consistently met on a weekly basis & got close. Then the girl who I'm not comfortable around came along about a year or so after the girl who's having the baby & I started getting together weekly. So this was about 3 years ago. Time has gone by as you can see... I hope whoever's reading this is following. Okay, so I get fake vibes from the girl I always get uncomfortable around. I get vibes that she doesn't like me, I pick up on intense insecurity. Just icky icky feelings that I really don't like to feel. I'm selfishly dreading this baby shower. I know that I'm going for the girl who's having her first baby. I want to show up for her & this ultimately isn't about me. But I cannot shake my anxiety. I do believe that deep down I have distaste for this girl because of the feelings I get from her. I can't hide that. I don't act out on it publicly of course, I'm a nice person so I keep it all to myself. I've helped this girl with things in the past & I just get the 'user' vibe from her as well. Like she uses a person until she gets what she wants & then when she's done that it. It's like you're not human after she's done. It's FUCKED UP! So yes, this is me feeling copious amounts of anxiety about showing up at this baby shower. All because of one person that I don't care to be around. 

Have any of you ever been in this situation? If so, what did you do? I mean I know it's only going to be like 2 hours & I don't have to have intense conversation with her. We probably won't even talk except to say hey. The feelings I get are those that I felt years ago when hanging with all these girls. It def reaffirms that I did the right thing by slowly pulling away. I started networking with other women/men that I felt more comfortable with and now all is well. I don't feel the same weirdness. It's great, I guess I just feel like I'm walking into the past a little bit & I'm extremely uncomfortable.

I want to know if anyone identifies with me? Am I picking up on some of her feelings? What's mine & what's hers? 


updated by @stugglebunny: 07/05/17 03:33:16PM
bunnigirl
@bunnigirl
10 months ago
169 posts
Hi there. I read your post a few times. So you care more for this girl you are uncomfortable with. I personally would halt and not go. The reason I say that is you had said you are sober for several years so why go towards a so called flame when you can get burned. Sounds like your gut knows the answer and it is giving you anxiety because of it. She could be a past life karma which coukd make it strong but it doesn't mean to sacrifice yourself as you are worth more to you. The part about what feelings are yours or the other person that still confuses me! I know other people on here can definitely help with that but elise has info on here for impaired empaths and I follow it.
Calla Lily
@calla-lily
10 months ago
11 posts

This has happened to me countless times over the years.  My guess is that it's your intuition telling you that this girl is someone you shouldn't be around.  As you have expressed, there is the 'fake user' vibe with her.  As a 'user' she will undoubtedly be on the lookout to take advantage of or compare herself to others - perhaps the insecurity thing with her you are feeling.  I think you are probably picking up on 'negative intention.'  You have the need to be there for your friend who's having her first baby.  Sometimes we can't avoid social situations for various reasons.  But from what you've said, I think it's wise to keep  your distance from this person while you are there.  -  Oftentimes if we'd have a department lunch where I used to work (bad place - bad situation), I would get these feelings of anxiety and outright dread that day, before we went.  Like "I'd rather have a poke in the eye than do this,' feeling.  And it was because I knew I would be forced to socially interact with people who were like the girl you're talking about and I couldn't avoid them by being busy at my desk.  A lot of times, people that are users or narcissistic people will use social situations to stick you or create situations you are not anticipating and all of a sudden you find yourself in a 'hot seat' not of your own making, sometimes trying to defend yourself. The sneak attack. People like this need an audience to perform in front of because this is where they play out their little games.  My advice would be if she says or does anything untoward to put you in that spotlight, be prepared to have a neutral comeback, or don't say anything at all, therefore forcing everyone present to make their own conclusions about what she just said.  As an empath, I get very strong vibes of negativity whenever I'm around a narc or a fake user.  In retrospect I understand now why these vibes happened to me so often when I was younger and it wasn't until I had some up close and personal run-ins with this type of person that I finally figured out why those negative vibes were happening. Intuition is a very handy tool. ;-)

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
10 months ago
17 posts

Thanks @bunnigirl for your response, but I have to go. I would feel worse if I didn't because the need to show up out of self-less reasons is larger than the need to steer clear bc of the uncomfortable feelings I may or may not pick up. I like the idea of 'past life karma'... never heard of that before. I'll have to read more about that :)

@calla-lily - Intuition is absolutely amazing! I agree soooo much. Thank you for your response. Part of this place that I love is that I get to come here & spill & then people like you respond & I can identify so much. It helps me to not feel so alone in my stuff. I appreciate your shared experience. Thanks!

Hermes.V
@hermes
10 months ago
104 posts
@strugglebunny
I can understand why you feel deep anxiety when thinking about meeting this 'user'. I also understand that you 'have'to go. First though, we have to rephrase that, we should say that you want to go, despite the signals you get, because its the right thing to do. This simple rephrasing keeps you out of the victim mindset. This is important because 'users' always have the feeling of being the victim and they use it to justify what they do. As an empath, be careful you do not unwittingly absorb this, this is the trap they uncounsciously set, so don't fall prey. Also watch out for feeling of conflict, or a need to explain. Never explain anything to a 'user'. Instead, be mindful of your inner feelings, be alert and watch out for alien feelings intruding in your 'space'. Make a tactical retreat if you have to.
Also, before going, send energies to the situation. If you know Reiki, send reiki energy to this future situation. You can also clean the situation beforehand using ho'oponopono. Or maybe say some specific prayers. All these are very effective. Also watch out for their anger / agitation, be careful you don't absorb that. Anger is very intoxicating, and may ruin your chances of escape.
So, all the best, hope you get through this safely.
updated by @hermes: 02/01/17 02:16:44PM
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
10 months ago
17 posts
@hermes -- the victim comment is something I needed to hear because you're right, I don't HAVE to go I do actually want to go to show up for another. Perspective is everything right? I'll def take your advice & pray before... thank you.
TigerLily
@tigerlily
10 months ago
309 posts
The moment you said you have horrible anxiety and going to the shower, well, I've had this to countless times. :) I never listened to mine and something always happened, not bad, but that uncomfortable bad, awkwardness from the vibes/energy there. I really didn't need to read furthur, but....

I understand you want to go for your friend and you should. But I also understand about that other one.

The mad anxiety is telling you something, and I think you should listen to it and figure out what it means. Maybe go, see for yourself what it means. You may have this anxiety again in other situations too. Learn from them. Then, a year or two from now you will keep learning and discover more about you and the feelings. It only grows stronger, but hey that's a good thing too :)
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
10 months ago
17 posts

@tigerlily -- I've learned something already & I know something will come out of this situation. I'm feeling much better about it today. I over-all have a bit going on this week that's causing some emotional distress to begin with so add this to it & BAM!

I always had these uneasy feelings around this one particular person & at the time when I had these feelings I was unable to drive. I was getting my life back together, so I basically forced myself to go along with them when they'd have dinner & what not so I felt apart of knowing that I didn't really want to be present. I have to listen to that. If I don't want to hang out with a person then I shouldn't force it. If it's easy then okay, but when it seems forced it's just un-natural. So just between yesterday & today I've learned that even 3 years ago my feelings were on point & to trust my gut/intuition. It's truly a gift : ) 

TigerLily
@tigerlily
10 months ago
309 posts
Right? I used to for years have that feeling and not understand what it was. I'd say the past 2 years I'm trusting more, but that damn logical side of me gets in the way alot. And then I don't trust it, and sometimes it's just stuff in the air I guess where I just feel "off"
Hermes.V
@hermes
10 months ago
104 posts
Hi @strugglebunny
I'm curious to know, how did it go?
TigerLily
@tigerlily
10 months ago
309 posts
I'm curious too!! :)
Visitor
@visitor
10 months ago
303 posts

I think it's up to you. Personally, I'm not above lying and saying "Oh gee, I've got the worst stomachache. I can't make it." Then give her a nice gift after the shower, in person. Or if you're feeling tough, stop by for an hour and then have a reason to leave early. This friend of hers is obviously toxic to you, and I wish I could give you some shielding tips (alas, I'm lousy at doing that). But your friend is important to you and you shouldn't completely snub her. 

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
10 months ago
785 posts
Hi...if you really intend to go to this party...there are a few things you can do to protect yourself before you go....carry or wear a few crystals that can absorb or deflect these vibes....I like selinite...or blue or black kyanite anything you have that can give you extra strength...etc...i'll also smudge myself really good if i'm going somewhere really not good for extra protection....I do that a bit less now since I have the crystals...my motto has always been....short and sweet and then retreat....give yourself maybe an hour tops to hang out and open gifts etc....then leave....when you get home take a nice bath with epsom salts to clear yourself....and relax....you might try clearing yourself before the party of any etheric cords and psychic links that may have attatched to you and your energy from this not so nice person....that will also close her off and away from you at the energy level....and take yours off her as well....I do a periodic clearing of EVERYONE so I won't be drained constantly....anyway....it's nice that you go and socialize a bit...even if your a bit uncomfortable....just don't over do it and you'll be fine...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 02/08/17 01:37:38AM
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
10 months ago
17 posts

@hermes & @tigerlily

I had so much anxiety y'all!!!! I went with a friend, thank God! That helped so much. 

Once I got there I felt the height of my anxiety/fear, so I was just feeling my way through the whole thing. I walk into the door & the first person I see is the one specific girl I was dreading seeing the whole time. I hugged her & asked her how she had been. Mind y'all, she is pregnant & insane right now. Overall I chatted with people, was social, felt anxiety, and showed up for my friend having a baby (which was the most important part). The thing is you guys/gals the girl who the shower was for has two really good friends who don't even like each other. So I could feel the tension. It was so awkward. I ended up having a cordial conversation with the one girl I didn't care too much for & was actually able to process it all & let my feelings go after the shower. It was healing to say the least. I've realized how much I've grown since I got sober when I met all these women. They have all helped me on my journey & I love them for that, even though I don't necessarily like all of them ;)

Life is really cool. I used to run from these feelings instead of simply walking through them. I mean 'simply' lightly because it doesn't FEEL that way when we're doing it, but afterwards the reward is always one of uncertainty. I never know what I'm going to gain/receive out of situations. What's even better is I never know what I'll have to offer if I don't show up. I thank y'all so much for being there for me to lean on before I showed up at the shower. It means a lot to me!!! <3 

Deborah Craig
@deborah-craig
9 months ago
73 posts

I Agree with@bunnigirl..For so long I didn't listen to my gut,but Il give you an example when I said the gut is always right.....I met 2 wonderful clients who were becoming friends with me..They couldn't be nicer....my gut at one point said stay away and I did..It didn't make any sense to me but I stayed away because of my gut feeling..The gut is always right even if it doesn't make sense.

Deborah Craig
@deborah-craig
9 months ago
73 posts

@karen2 I never heard the term Smuding oneself..How do you do that?

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
9 months ago
785 posts
Hi...smudging is a way to clear ones self...there are many different ways....I use a traditional aboriginal smudge....sweetgrass ceder white sage and a pinch of tobacco. ...some ppl use only sweetgrass....or ceder or just sage....but I like to use it all together....I find it has great power....I put the ingredients into an abolone shell....light it with a wooden match....wait till the flames go out. ..then wash the smoke over the entire body...starting with the head...when I have an extremely bad time I do a complete body smudge...from head to toe....sometimes i'll simply light it and let it fill the room...I use it to clear the house of negative energy....or when I have a spirit that's needs a bit i'll light it for them...it calms me down t calms my pets down....it calms the spirits down.....after I smudge i'm always so relaxed and it feels great....lol...some people don't like the smoke....but I love it...you'll also need a feather to direct the smoke to where you want it to go....I also use it to cleanse my crystals... sometimes I light it for protection before I go to sleep or have after I have bad dream...I use it for many spiritual things...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 02/27/17 01:00:01AM
TigerLily
@tigerlily
9 months ago
309 posts
I'm really happy you had a great time :) I'm happy that you brought someone with you :) Maybe your gut/instincts told you to bring that friend?

I've started reflecting back on the past year and a half and my "gut instincts" and when I did this, alot I remember didn't make any sense at the time. Now fast forward it completely does. It's especially hard when the gut says no to somethibg that you desire and would cherish. But as I JUST learned, when I passed it up, the next day something better came along. I couldn't believe it and I still think about it. It really was very very hard passing up the first thing because it was such a great deal and didn't think I could find better, and the very next day I found better. The universe did step in and prevent it, as I was defying gut and thinking it was stress. I think this recent experience alone has made me fully be 150% inclined to follow it.

Moral of story, follow gut. No matter how difficult it may be to defy it. The universe sometimes has an alternate plan to point you in the right direction. :)
Raindancer
@raindancer
9 months ago
27 posts

Yep, follow gut.  If you are more around people you find more authentic who are not users or such that is a big change.  We all have times when we need to clear out something old and our gut level reaction may be about someone in the past and the new person we aren't giving a fair shake, but when it comes to people feeling fake careful. People who are faking may have an agenda where they want to use people for all they have.  One thing i also learned was about people who are authentic but are 'rebel rousers' and have fights all the time calling each other nasty stuff based on even trivial stuff.  DO NOT have these types around when something important comes up or be ready to really regret the results.  Why didn't i listen to my own gut on that?  Anyhow, you sound content with your newer direction. Best to you having caring friendships where people cover each others backs rather than stab them and people care more to make peace where possible rather than foster totally unneeded wars with too many casualties.   You sound content with your current direction.  Good!

Deborah Craig
@deborah-craig
9 months ago
73 posts

Thank You @ tigerlilly

Deborah Craig
@deborah-craig
9 months ago
73 posts

Thank You Karen2

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
9 months ago
785 posts
Deborah Craig:

Thank You Karen2


Your quite welcome...😊

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