OMG! Holy anxiety today!
I have a baby shower to attend this Saturday. When I was invited I felt the anxiety deep in my stomach right when I received the invitation. A bit of history before I begin: So the girl who's having the baby is a friend. We're not super close, but we're friends & have always gotten along. She's close with another girl who will be there (I'm sure). This other girl gives me the weirdest vibes! When I first met her we hit it off & I really liked her, but as time progressed I saw more of who she was & it's always made me extremely uncomfortable. If we hadn't hit it off so well I probably wouldn't care that she'll be there but I CARE more than I wish to express. So when I got sober I was unable to drive (this was roughly 5 years ago). About a year into my sobriety I met the girl who is now having the baby. We consistently met on a weekly basis & got close. Then the girl who I'm not comfortable around came along about a year or so after the girl who's having the baby & I started getting together weekly. So this was about 3 years ago. Time has gone by as you can see... I hope whoever's reading this is following. Okay, so I get fake vibes from the girl I always get uncomfortable around. I get vibes that she doesn't like me, I pick up on intense insecurity. Just icky icky feelings that I really don't like to feel. I'm selfishly dreading this baby shower. I know that I'm going for the girl who's having her first baby. I want to show up for her & this ultimately isn't about me. But I cannot shake my anxiety. I do believe that deep down I have distaste for this girl because of the feelings I get from her. I can't hide that. I don't act out on it publicly of course, I'm a nice person so I keep it all to myself. I've helped this girl with things in the past & I just get the 'user' vibe from her as well. Like she uses a person until she gets what she wants & then when she's done that it. It's like you're not human after she's done. It's FUCKED UP! So yes, this is me feeling copious amounts of anxiety about showing up at this baby shower. All because of one person that I don't care to be around.
Have any of you ever been in this situation? If so, what did you do? I mean I know it's only going to be like 2 hours & I don't have to have intense conversation with her. We probably won't even talk except to say hey. The feelings I get are those that I felt years ago when hanging with all these girls. It def reaffirms that I did the right thing by slowly pulling away. I started networking with other women/men that I felt more comfortable with and now all is well. I don't feel the same weirdness. It's great, I guess I just feel like I'm walking into the past a little bit & I'm extremely uncomfortable.
I want to know if anyone identifies with me? Am I picking up on some of her feelings? What's mine & what's hers?
updated by @stugglebunny: 08/06/18 12:25:55PM