Am I just in the wrong field? Wrong job? I just don't get it? Or has the world really turned into catering to brown nosing? Or is it just back to the fact that we as empathy somehow just keep loosing to the narcs.
updated by @tigerlily: 09/01/18 11:12:40PM
The same thing happened to me in work situations, my last one being the worst. Lots of hoping for merit-based promotions in a 'helper' position with a large corporation which I never got (promoted everyone up over me who I trained in), with a narc boss who was looking for brown-nosing. I spent 7 years at that job until I got a heart flutter from the stress and decided to give my notice. I have taken some MS Office courses since then and will be getting my Accounting degree finally. Right now I'm going to think about me - take care of me. And an Accounting degree is not what I want to do especially, it's the experience I have with it in my background. If I could be doing something else, I would, but need the paycheck as a single mom with a daughter in college. Empaths don't really fit well with narc bosses. I found this out the hard way, although they go to great lengths to hide it before you start working with them. They generally use you as the office verbal punching bag and the person at the 'dumping desk' where they assure everyone else you can do the work they say they can't do. I'm hoping for a more easy-going, less ego-driven, merit-based boss this next time. It was a lesson for me. I can't really change myself. To be a brown-noser instead of doing merit-based work, as an empathic, doesn't really work for me. It's like lying. When the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving, as they say, I left.
I was working in a Hospital for almost 4 years and recently quit because of the negative environment i had to deal with for the last 2 years or so. My narc supervisor seemed to "like" me and would give me tons of extra work, telling me that she can't count on anyone else to do it. Yet no promotion. I was very well liked by everyone where i work yet promotions were given to others who were not exactly the kindest or most genuine. They promoted someone who treated almost everyone so awful with physical threats and racism. Some employees were brought to tears. Everyone would come to me to vent of course and would leave me so drained that i broke down myself one day and started crying during a team meeting. Not because I was personally ever disrespected but because i would hear, see and feel how others were being mistreated. Another employee emailed the CEO about the negativity in the office which led to my supervisor putting on a teary eyed production of her own saying how she feels like she let everyone down. Several people have complained about this one employee before and she did nothing. I saw right through her BS and i was just disgusted and my face turned stone cold.
After that i knew i just had to get out of there. I was the 8th person to quit in the last 3 months. I realized i was an Empath last year and the more i learned about what that meant the more I felt compelled to be doing something more purposeful in my life. I think i also got too comfortable at that job and lost sight of my purpose and what I know i am good at. I have decided that it would be in my best interest to work for myself and be my own boss. It's hard to imagine working for another organization as i can see through all the shadiness that goes on and the abuse of power. I am a little nervous since I have always worked under others but I am super excited as well. I just feel that this is the path I need to be going down and it feels right.
I think they are using you and know they can walk over you. They are taking your kindness for weakness.
Such a shame. They don't know what they are loosing.
Just awful that they do take advantage, and I agree. This one I just didn't see coming, but I think I was naive and felt relief to have things off my plate. I'm going to keep pushing back.
This was the very first thing I ever asked for advice on here for - and I'm so glad I did!
It sounds like you are dealing with the situation well, for me when I was in a similar situation I became so unhappy I felt like I was turning into a different person.
But I took a step back, really thought about what I wanted to do and why I was so unhappy - I ended up leaving a job I'd worked really hard to get, and the industry I studied my MA for - and I don't regret a second of it!
I am so much happier now I'm probably unrecognisable to my old colleagues!
Anyway so I guess my point is just to keep doing what you are doing, standing up for yourself, and if you are still not happy and feel unappreciated listen to what your instincts are telling you. Hope things improve
Everyone has given you pretty good advice. I just had a few things to add. First off, we empaths are generally the "steady-eddie" reliable people in a work environment. It's easy for us to be taken for granted. In your case I wonder if you are so good at what you are doing that management doesn't want to upset that department by promoting you? It's like playing Jenga, if you yank out the main piece the whole thing crashes. Maybe they'd rather keep you there to keep a good thing going?
Secondly, I think your life path plays into this. We empaths should all know there are no coincidences. There is a reason why you are still working there and are doing what you are doing. At some point you will get promoted or perhaps decide to leave to work elsewhere. But if you can separate yourself from the feelings of being passed over, ask yourself are you otherwise happy with who you are and what you do at work? If the answer is yes, you may just be exactly where you should be (for now).
The last thing I want to touch on is the topic of manifesting good things in your life. Has there ever been a point in your life where you had the Midas touch and everything was going exceedingly well for a period of time? Or maybe you've noticed a friend or co-worker pretty much get everything they want in life and be really happy (even when most people would say they don't deserve it)? I don't know if this fits you and your situation. But I know from my experiences with myself and other empaths that we deal with so much negative every day that we can easily get mired down in the negativity that we deal with. And that tends to block good things from coming to you. Manifesting is really the art of clearing your mind, stop labelling and judging things, and allow good things to come to you.
I wonder if maybe you have a little of all three of the above going on? If so, I hope my comments help. I'm actually going to post a topic about manifesting later. I think it is a topic that is very important and really isn't covered much on community sites like this.
I agree with you. I do believe I'm being totally used. More problems have risen, and I'm being looked at to take the lead. I have another meeting with my boss to discuss things. She actually just admitted the other day what is and isn't my duties and working to remove them.
I have often thought about that, my life path. I think I'm off of it. When I first took this job years ago, I got such a bad feeling about it. I got sick. Now years later looking back, it's been stressful. However, I did learn more about people from it. But the stress is taking its toll and my health has declined.
I work in such a toxic negative environment it's hard to be positive. I still try everyday. I feel chaos all around. It's not like that thick pea soup feeling of tension, but more like pillow everyday. I often think have I absorbed this much negative energy that is why my car battery keeps dying? Mechanics can't find anything wrong. The lights tend to flicker more, and of course my computer at work keeps freezing up and our IT dept has no idea why.
I need a sick day.
I think you'll have to decide when it is time to quit work. I had a similar situation where work was brutal and as the manager I was the complaint department and got loaded up with everyone's petty complaints about each other. I was ready to quit but took some time to rethink things and reorganized the office by having to fire a couple trouble makers. And then I worked really hard on meditating and grounding to flush out the negative. And while work is still work, I'm no longer needing to quit and start over elsewhere.
A poorly managed work place can often fall into disrepair and that is particularly hard on an empath because you not only have your own bad feelings there but you are picking up on everyone else's. In my case I had to fire some very talented people who were narcs and sociopaths stirring up trouble. But the office has been such an improved place since. I wonder similarly if your boss makes changes and takes some of the responsibility off of you if you will see significant improvement? And in the meantime, practice grounding more often to try to get that negative out of you. It kind of seems you're dealing with that as well (which could explain the mechanical trouble).
I know right now things are poorly managed, they are making decisions more on the line of quick fixes. When the reality is, a restructure needs to happen. The narc of a an upper manager doesn't see that or understand that. Yet again, it's me constantly fixing the issues and managing. But like you, you knew that and took charge and made it better for everyone. That is also what I know to be true.
After the past few weeks I'm more eager to leave, and a friend at work told me about another opportunity. I guess I just have fear thinking that why I'm looked upon for that is because of the "helper" in me. But it can pose good money. Which I'll need because it looks like I may have broke down my car
Good luck with everything. You will know deep down inside when it is time to move on and won't need anyone's advice at that point. It sounds like you are already moving in that direction. And surprise-surprise, a good work opportunity at another company has appeared. That's Good Karma!
Fate is an interesting thing that is changing continuously and is often hard to interpret in real time. I have myself taken too long to act on what the signs in my life were pointing too. And then missed out on an opportunity. Or I acted on something that I thought was a life path sign and it didn't work out. But years later upon reflection I can usually see that things worked out one way for a reason.
My best guess for you is that it is time for you to leave as it is not good for your mental and physical health there. The opportunity for a new job that dropped in your lap didn't work out. But it had you pursue it to a degree and mentally consider leaving that company. That wasn't meant to be but it had you processing in your mind the thought of getting out of there. Act on that and start interviewing for other opportunities. I'm sure you will find a comparable job where you can succeed and be happy.