Life just keeps getting more and more strange. My reality is twisting into a place where people do stupid things to me and it's perfectly okay. Literally. I have lost count with the amount of crazy, asinine, unbelievable, foolish things people do to me that they have no moral implications with.
EG #1: I fell in love with a friend who I've been seeing for 2 years on and off. I just found out 2 weeks ago that she's been in a relationship for 8 months with someone else, officially making me the side piece. I'm a biscuit, y'all. A biscuit, fries, cole slaw. That is what I've become with this news. I feel betrayed and as a very spiritual man, I feel like I broke God's law somehow even though I had no clue I was being duped. Just before that, she told me that she cares about my well being and doesn't wanna see me hurt. I am SOO glad I chose not to profess my love because when I tell you I was this close to doing so, I was THIS close to doing so. I would have made a fool of myself. It's been more than 2 weeks since I last heard from this person which in itself is unusual. I would hear from her every day to every 2 days. Haven't heard a thing since. So I guess I've been thrown away.
EG #2: I was out sick from work for over a month. A skin condition I caught from someone, most likely from work as I work around a lot of homeless people who help out by using skills they have. Or it could have been on the buses I ride every day to work where someone is always coughing behind me or sneezing. Anyway, I caught a skin condition that broke me out in a full-body rash. My face looks like I am alien in nature. I have spots. Light spots that appear to be going away but then kinda not. Moving on, I am dealing with severe anxiety issues and it resulted in having my first panic attack. I felt like I was having a heart attack and was so scared. I called 911 and was told my heart was fine but I need to go to my doctor and tell him about my symptoms. 16 days later at the doctor, that's when I found out it was a panic attack.
In addition to those two things, I was in severe pain for over a month as I live with a chronic pain condition. I did my responsible duties and called out sick. I also sent emails to the people in charge and got no replies. I dealt with all this for over a month and when I finally came back to work which was on my day off, I couldn't help but notice every trace of me was erased from my office, including my hours, files, personal compilations that I made for the company to celebrate volunteer and staff appreciation, which was my idea btw. My name was erased from the In/Out board, in addition to my desk drawers being re-arranged. My ex friend who was also the boss greeted me with a very sarcastic greeting "Oh, look who it is. It's Jonny". I didn't appreciate her tone so I had nothing to say in response to that. The 2-3 times I came back to work after being sick, she was unusually quiet around me and giving me the cold shoulder as if I had did something wrong.
I emailed the main boss and asked him directly why my office appears to have been cleaned out of all things me. I got no response. I am so tired of people ignoring me like I am some thing to be ignored, but when they need me, that's when they know I exist. I worked in admin for 9 months so I know that when he's on the computer, 9/10 times he's on Facebook. So I'm not buying the "Perhaps he was busy" line people often tell me. It appears I was fired without being told I was fired. Mind you, this was a volunteer job so no money lost. My volunteer jobs are long term. Usually working 3 days a week. But it was a job I invested 9 months of energy and time into. I was out sick and this is the treatment I get. Fired. If it was a paid job, they could get a lawsuit brought against them. You don't fire people because they are out sick. Reminds me of 2009 when I was in the ICU because school had stressed me into an almost fatal pain crisis. I called my math instructor from my ICU bed and told him I wouldn't be back for the rest of the semester. He failed me over the phone. Technically, I pass or fail once I take the exam. He failed me for being absent too many times even with doctors' notes which all professors tell you is the only thing that will excuse you from excessive absences. For all he knew, I would be back in 4 days. I fought the board to be able to take that final and I won.
I get treatment like this normally. It's not once in a while, it's basically everyday and I don't know how to live as a human when my life is anything but human. I see the truth because of my nature as a whatever I am and it's hard to hide it from me. But that's not always true as I didn't see that I was a biscuit for 8 whole months. But I knew I wasn't the only one in her life. My intuition told me so. As for the job, it took that day that I came back after a month to see all the changes. I picked up on it quick so I knew what was going on. BTW, I didn't give them the chance to tell me I am no longer needed. I just chose not to show up again. If that's the respect they gave me, I'll give it right back. I was so hurt because, yet again I invested time in helping people because that is my nature. It feels unnatural to not help someone and I get used up and tossed away like I am scum under someone's shoe. Right now I am focusing on my art business which I've neglected for 3 years because I was so busy doing volunteer work. It's time I worry about me for a change. I wouldn't think the world is collectively selfish if they would stop showing me that when dealing with me.
updated by @the-importance-of-being-jonny: 08/04/18 03:13:44AM