I know it's hard though. Myself. I would let them go and see how long they can do without me. No calls or visits. Let them worry awhile. Lord knows we do our share of worring. My two live very close to me and I can't go to town without going though the third degree. But it hasn't always been they great. They have played on my Empathy when they were teenagers.
It seems they have learned how to play you. Have they witnessed someone treating you the same way in the past ?
I truly believe the universe does everything for a reason. Maybe you need to be along for a while to heal yourself but you were refusing so it's making the time for you.
I know it hurts your heart and I'm so sorry. I've had my heart reaped out a few times also. Sending you love and Light.
I have felt hostile and resentful towards my parents since I was a teenager (I'm 35), and I'm just getting over it. Parent-child relationship is a hard one. Yes, blame towards how the parent raised the child tends to be involved. But once the child becomes a parent and has a family of their own (something I'm going through now), the child becomes more compassionate towards their parents, wanting to mend the relationship (what I'm also experiencing). It's only natural to place blame when you're still considered a child, and no matter how old you are, you will always feel that way until you have a child and family of your own. At least that is what I believe
So if your children have not already gone through this, there is definitely hope that their view of you will change, if not with the coming of a family but with time. Some people seek to make amends and forgive people from their past so they can have a happier life. I hope your children do this with you. Just keep in mind that they are on their own journey and will do it at their own pace, so giving them distance when they want it is good.
Hope that helps some
The reason I ask is that if you're anything like me, you may have a habit of pointing out what's going on with people. A lot of people don't want to face the way they are, and they find it difficult to have it pointed out to them. Your kids grew up knowing they couldn't hide anything much from you, and they may now be hiding stuff from themselves.
I have that issue in reverse to an extent. I point out to my mum that she's being a hypochondriac, for example, and she doesn't want to hear it. She wants to believe she has medical conditions when in fact she is just obsessive/anxious.
In general I think we as empaths reflect back too much to some people who don't want to face it. The reason I asked the question is that I wondered whether your kids have things about them they don't wan to face. If so, you can make ground quickly by simply asking "inane" questions or the like, like regular folk I think a lot of us don't bother with inane stuff because we think everyone is comfortable cutting to the truth, because it's obvious what the truth is (but that's to us, not to everyone).
So that's what I was wondering.
There's no such thing as a perfect mother, but "hate" is a two-way street. You will not be able to repair your relationship with your kids unless THEY work with you 50/50. It sounds like you're the only one making an effort. I'm so sorry that your heart is breaking, but kids don't always turn out the way you raised them. Sometimes you have to turn your back on them for a while until they realize what they're missing from their life. In the meantime, take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who like you and enjoy your company.