what is wrong with me??

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Jodi Hill
@jodi-hill
11 months ago
89 posts

there has got to be something very wrong with me. My daughter who is 30 years old has blocked me from her facebook page after sending me a text message telling me that I am not to call or text her anymore that she is done with me and that I need help and it will not come from her and she's just been really nasty to me. My son who is 28 says he didn't have a "real" family growing up and tells me he doesn't have time for me. Both of my children have in the last year or so told me they have no time for me and that they have their own lives. I went through a horrible breakup/divorce from my ex husband which I spend the last almost 3 years trying to get over and on top of that I lost my stepson earlier this year unexpectedly. 

 Both of my children live in Florida as do my grand kid's. I, for the most part almost never get any phone calls from my son and when I send him a message he tells me he's busy and don't have time. My daughter most of the time when she called me the entire conversation would be her gossiping about other people that she works with or lives around and their lives that doesn't concern me even though I've told her time and again. She say's it's my fault she can't have a proper relationship with her own husband, which I still don't know how that is my fault but both of my kid's blame everything that goes wrong with them on me. 

 Anymore, I believe truly that there is something actually wrong with me as to why my own children hate me so much. both of my parents tell me that my children are very disrespectful of me and that I need to just stop worrying about my kid's since they don't seem to care at all about their own mother and to just leave them be. somehow that seems like the wrong thing to do since they are my children and they already feel badly towards me but neither one of them want anything to do with me so I don't know what to do anymore..


updated by @jodi-hill: 07/29/17 09:38:23AM
Rene''
@rene
11 months ago
1,194 posts
I can only tell you that you are a mother and an Empath. It's has always been my fault..everything is always moms fault. I wonder if our compassion toward our kids makes them brats. Lol. They will be back. I have had falling outs with my sons and they have told me they hated me just because I am Mama..not their best friend.

I know it's hard though. Myself. I would let them go and see how long they can do without me. No calls or visits. Let them worry awhile. Lord knows we do our share of worring. My two live very close to me and I can't go to town without going though the third degree. But it hasn't always been they great. They have played on my Empathy when they were teenagers.
It seems they have learned how to play you. Have they witnessed someone treating you the same way in the past ?
I truly believe the universe does everything for a reason. Maybe you need to be along for a while to heal yourself but you were refusing so it's making the time for you.
I know it hurts your heart and I'm so sorry. I've had my heart reaped out a few times also. Sending you love and Light.
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
11 months ago
410 posts

I have felt hostile and resentful towards my parents since I was a teenager (I'm 35), and I'm just getting over it. Parent-child relationship is a hard one. Yes, blame towards how the parent raised the child tends to be involved. But once the child becomes a parent and has a family of their own (something I'm going through now), the child becomes more compassionate towards their parents, wanting to mend the relationship (what I'm also experiencing). It's only natural to place blame when you're still considered a child, and no matter how old you are, you will always feel that way until you have a child and family of your own. At least that is what I believe :)

So if your children have not already gone through this, there is definitely hope that their view of you will change, if not with the coming of a family but with time. Some people seek to make amends and forgive people from their past so they can have a happier life. I hope your children do this with you. Just keep in mind that they are on their own journey and will do it at their own pace, so giving them distance when they want it is good.

Hope that helps some :)

Snap
@snap
11 months ago
103 posts

Do you mind me asking, what do other people say your kids are like? Are they decent people? Are they generally OK emotionally? Are they respectful of others? Are they busy and/or overly busy? Do they have good relationships?

Jodi Hill
@jodi-hill
11 months ago
89 posts

Thank you all for your comments. Both of my children have children of their own. My daughter is married but the marriage is not a good one. He degrades her and calls her horrible names in front of her kid's all the time and her 8 year old son has behavior issues. My daughter is not happy but refuses to do anything about it except to blame me for her problems. She would call me names on the phone and send me messages calling me names. Hang up on me and not talk to me for a few weeks then never apologize for the way she treats me and instead just calls one day and acts like nothing ever happened. 

 My son is divorced. In fact, she divorced him one year after they married telling him she didn't' love him. He's a single parent, works hard and dotes on his daughter. He even goes to church. He hates drama and he never calls me on the phone and I can't talk to him about my job or anything that has to do with me as he deems that as drama and wont' listen to it.

 I had a horrible break up of my marriage and even tried to hurt myself and for the last few years all I have wanted was death to come to me. I have been trying to get through this as this is the first time in all my adult life that I have been single and alone and my ex husband had been cheating on me for many years then destroyed my home, threatened my life then moved to where my daughter lives cause he knew he could lie his way into her life and ever since he's been there my relationship with my daughter has been non existent. He is only the stepfather but she lies for him and defends him even though she recently told me that I did not lose anything when he left me as his health has gone downhill and he's a mess and she tells me about his new woman who lives in another country who happens to supposedly be pregnant to him then when I get upset about it she yells at me and tells me I need help and not to contact her anymore. This is what she's been doing to me for the last 3 years. How she treats me and talks to me since my ex moved down there near her. 

 On the other hand, my son has had nothing to do with the man since he left me. It's just very upsetting being treated like this from your own child.

Rene''
@rene
11 months ago
1,194 posts
I know it's painful. Sounds like everyone is caught up in there own painful experiences. I think that's your answer. They are not avoiding you but they are trying to get a grip on their own life themselves and are both in pain. Your the Empath mother that is trying to heal and fix everything and everyone but still needs to heal herself. Maybe your feeling into it and taking the blame like all Empaths do. They may say they don't have time for you but mean "mom , I don't know what to do, I'm hurting so bad I can't deal with everything right now". I have learned the hard way for letting my kids work their own problems out because I spent so many years fixing all their problems. Once they reached adulthood they had no coping skills because I did everything for them..even all the worring. Just a thought
Jodi Hill
@jodi-hill
11 months ago
89 posts

My daughter has Bi Polar but refuses to take her meds. She's also gifted and refuses to use it and has shut it down. My daughter is not very respectful to anyone. She use's foul language like it's her total language. she swears at her children all the time and screams at them. My mom tells me I need to leave my kid's alone cause they have no respect for me and never have. My daughter works part time and has 2 kid's under the age of 9. the youngest is 3 and still not potty trained which she keeps putting off and blaming everyone else as to her daughter not being potty trained. Her husband doesn't want to be bothered with the kid's and he smokes dope constantly. They live next door to the father and mother in law of my daughter's husband and the father in law does drugs just as much and both mother in law and father in law are always yelling at my daughter for the way she treats her kid's and the way she talks to people. I don't know what happened to her but I did not raise her that way although she was spoiled. She has been a tale teller and has a big problem with lying since she was a little girl

as for my son, he is divorced but he has worked the same job since he was 16 yrs. old. he owns his own home and has mass loads of friends and he is a great dad and spends almost all his free time with his daughter. He's always been a very outgoing friendly person even when he was a little boy. 

 My daughter seems' to think that I am trying to run her life and tell her what to do which I am not. She calls me up complaining to me about her marriage and most of the conversation is her talking about her co workers and the neighbors around her and her in laws and their business. She can't seem to keep to her own home and out of other people's business and she seems to think I want to hear about it which I've told her I  do not. I don't know how to help her anymore. She tells me she is a grown woman and to stay out of her business but yet calls me for advice. I give up..

Snap
@snap
11 months ago
103 posts

The reason I ask is that if you're anything like me, you may have a habit of pointing out what's going on with people. A lot of people don't want to face the way they are, and they find it difficult to have it pointed out to them. Your kids grew up knowing they couldn't hide anything much from you, and they may now be hiding stuff from themselves.

I have that issue in reverse to an extent. I point out to my mum that she's being a hypochondriac, for example, and she doesn't want to hear it. She wants to believe she has medical conditions when in fact she is just obsessive/anxious. 

In general I think we as empaths reflect back too much to some people who don't want to face it. The reason I asked the question is that I wondered whether your kids have things about them they don't wan to face. If so, you can make ground quickly by simply asking "inane" questions or the like, like regular folk :) I think a lot of us don't bother with inane stuff because we think everyone is comfortable cutting to the truth, because it's obvious what the truth is (but that's to us, not to everyone).

So that's what I was wondering.

Visitor
@visitor
11 months ago
303 posts

There's no such thing as a perfect mother, but "hate" is a two-way street. You will not be able to repair your relationship with your kids unless THEY work with you 50/50. It sounds like you're the only one making an effort. I'm so sorry that your heart is breaking, but kids don't always turn out the way you raised them. Sometimes you have to turn your back on them for a while until they realize what they're missing from their life. In the meantime, take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who like you and enjoy your company. 

Jodi Hill
@jodi-hill
11 months ago
89 posts

Just want to say thank you to everyone who replied. I will keep my finger's crossed that one day my daughter will come around but knowing how she is I can never expect an apology from her cause she never does. 

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