Advice for possible Narcissist in my life?

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last year
151 posts

I don't want to gossip or anything, but there's a close friend who might be gay and I want to help him out. He hangs out with all guys and acts like a self centered narcissist around them and on Social Media, but when he talks and hangs out with me he seems different? idk it seems genuine and like there's a real connection and he isn't about himself and we have deep conversations like a real person. The only reason I'm not going to assume he's a narcissist is because there is a chance that he is actually homosexual, and that would be extremely hard on someone and force them to act a certain way or as "straight" as he can. When he talks to me it's just this free flowing conversation and he seems different. Idk I had to cut a narcissist out of my life and I feel nothing but anger towards that person, and I don't want that to happen to him, and we have grown a little distant, and I want to be friends with him because he's a genuinely good person from all of the experiences I've had with him, but I'm scared that if he is a Narcissist that I will regret that. I don't know, I've never met someone I can't read like him so this whole thing has been hard for me. Any advice? If you do think he is one, should I try to help him? I feel like I made a difference in his life with the way I treated people and Idk if that will possibly help him. 

updated by @loconnoro: 04/13/17 09:23:06AM
last year
1,194 posts
I don't know. I understand he try's to be too manly around men so the hint of homosexuality doesn't show , is that correct?

I can honestly say he feels comfortable around you so he can be himself and that's good. I think though if he is gay then why not confide in you? Unless he hasn't told anyone and isn't that comfortable talking about it yet.

If you just want things brought out in the open just ask him but if it doesn't matter , just keep being his good friend. Unless you are romantically attracted to him then I guess you need to know before you let your feelings get any stronger. lol

I know what you mean though..about being overly manly or overly womanly. It is hard to set and watch.

If he is being a butt to you around his men friends then that would be a huge problem for me.

Sometimes Empaths are those "go to " friends when no one else around. And I use to get my feelings hurt a lot when I their best friend when no one is around but in public I'm only an acquaintance.

I think you should just let him be who he needs to be unless he is hurting your feelings. Then I would talk to him about. No one like to hear their being an A$$ even when it's true. Lol.
last year
151 posts

I don't think he's "out" and I just want him to be friends but thank you so much for the response. He's never treated me wrong but I'm still hesitant to get close in case he will be like the other narcissists I've met. It's just a weird situation lol. Thank you!

last year
373 posts

have met a few narcs in my life, and there is a few gay ones about! I am not really scared of narcs though, if they do drift into my life I assume they seek healing on some level. I make sure there is clear boundaries, etc. and nowadays just laugh when they try to gaslight me or anything. If they turn nasty, I can still banish them (as least temporary).

One (narc) ex of mine I have been friends with for 13+years (after being together). Ones in a while he has a hissy fit, because he cannot manipulate me, and then tries to punish me by not calling for months - lol. He does have his kind and supportive times as well though. By now he is kinda like a troubled little brother.... His average persona has improved over the years....

Narcs can be pretty hard to read. They can be lovely for months at a time, and then suddenly the narc side comes through. I do not think that their nice times are all calculated and disingenuous though, it is more like they are possessed by narc energies during their nasty times... Well, there will likely be varying degrees..... Some narcs, once they have turned nasty, they do not stop anymore, and have to be cut off....

One way to recognize if someone has narc tendencies seems to be how they treat others, especially service personnel - like the cab driver, check out cashier, waiter, etc.....But exceptions make the rule, so another narc ex of mine was really lively to pretty much everyone for the first few weeks I knew him, before his monster energies took over....

Love and Light!

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