So I'm really struggling...

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Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Hey everyone, 

I've been having a really hard time. SO... being INFP/INFJ I haven't dated much in my life, but now this guy I'm actually attracted to wants to go out with me every weekend. I'm happy about this, don't get me wrong, but he hasn't defined our relationship (he's only called me a friend and he says "hanging out" rather than "dating"). Anyway, this would be alright but now I care too much about him for this to end well. 

I keep hinting that I'm different, that I'm rare, that I'm empathic, but I don't know.. I just keep feeling the strangest energy from him. Like maybe he likes me against his better judgment, he's judging me for not having more friends, he doesn't understand me... I'm kind of afraid that no one will ever be able to understand me anywhere near as well as I understand them (most depressing thought ever since I REALLY want to get married). He sometimes seems surprised by what I say but I know for a fact he's guarded but he won't own up to that even with his energy (except over email). He doesn't react much on the surface to what I say (I always thought the right guy would do this...)

I just don't know what to do now. I think he's guarded because his best friend/girlfriend broke up with him and he's really afraid of that happening again, but I should probably face the fact that healing has to be his own journey. Based on what I've written, what do you guys think? Should I get out now and save us both? 

Why do I feel like crying when the relationship isn't even over? Am I taking on his sadness? I'm just hoping those on here with romantic relationship experience can help me out :D 

Some reasons why I feel like staying:

I'm attracted to him

Sometimes I'm energized by him and other times drained/energized & drained

I think he might be an ENFJ (a compatible personality type)

I think he's *sort of* warming up to me and becoming less guarded. 

I think he has empathy/emotional intelligence underneath his brick wall

We mirror each other (I'm pretty sure he would even admit to this)

We can send messages indirectly

When the energy is fun/happy it's pretty awesome


updated by @kit-kat: 03/27/17 03:57:13PM
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
last year
507 posts

Kit-Kat:

It's obviously hard having relationships as an empath. It’s hard for you and is also hard for the person you are in love with as they may not feel comfortable knowing you can basically read their mind/emotions. You feel the other person's stuff while you are trying to sort through your own emotions and analyze if the relationship is going in a good direction. For me, I read people's emotions pretty well except when I am in a relationship. In a relationship I think everything is so strong that I tend to misdiagnose the other person's insecurities as a dislike of me or a disconnect in our relationship. I don't know if you are like that. But what I do now days is I remind myself that I don't read relationship energy well and can over analyze and at times accidentally sabotage things. In a nutshell, I have found I need to be calm and tone down my analysis of the other person and just be loving and let fate take over and see where it goes.

I also wanted to note that while some women are open and curious about empaths, I think most men would have a tough time accepting and understanding early on. And them knowing you can read their emotions could scare them off. I would say let your relationship get going a little longer so he gets to know you before you share your secret. Others may disagree. But I think men can't very often handle this topic and may think you are crazy and run for the hills. But if he falls in love with you, I think he would be more open to the news at a later time.

Overall, I would say dive in to the relationship and see where it goes. We all deserve to be happy and in love.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts

Hi....sometimes it's better to step back a bit....if he's been hurt he will need to heal before he's even close to being ready for any kind of relationship.....nothing you'r doing or saying is wrong...as an empath you know if the energy isn't completely honest from another person than there's an issue....your ready for a relationship... he's not... i'd refuse to see him for a couple of weekends.....to see what comes of it....sever all energy cords from him and yours from him and see for yourself how you are without that link there....because he's still linked to his former gf at the energy level and other people that you will be receiving thru those links and cords from him...if his energy doesn't match his words then he's not being truthful...to himself or to you.....

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

This is the feeling I'm getting so take it with a grain of salt.  I feel you are the healing energy he is looking for but your intuition is already telling you this.  That's why he is taking you in doses.  Not committing but staying close.    My question is who will you be to him when he feels healed? A friend , a lover or the love of his life ?   

I have found that , when helping a person heal, we actually get to feel that pure love in their heart and it feels sooo good.  I have felt it so many times.  A hurt persons love is like a peaceful dreams on a big fluffy pillow  while they are healing.   They trust our vibration and lets us in until they are healed and then we have to snap back to reality and realize it was not a physical attraction but a spiritual one.    I'm not saying this is your situation but this is my experience.   A pure heart  is so additive

i can't  say either way what you should do except follow your intuition.   And if it is throwing red flags then there is a reason for it.     But is these red flags being threw due to his intentions or yours?  

I know as Empaths , we always stay a thought ahead of others.   If they are thinking of the color yellow , we will be describing the shade of yellow they are thinking of instead of just the color yellow.    

I feel your unsureness and I think that's pretty normal but if it is hurting you then there is something unsettling about it.   I'm blunt though.  I don't like being kept in the dark.  I would have to ask him "aye" what's going on here?  Am I your first thought or your second.  Am I your buddy or am I your someone special.    And if he thinks you are rushing things then he's not feeling you as much as your feeling him.   But..like I said..I'm blunt and I just don't like living in the unknown.    

Im so sorry your going though this.  You have so much love to give.     I hope things turns out the way you are dreaming of.   ❤️ 

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
309 posts

Dating a man who's guarded is just as hard dating a women who is guarded.  I for one am guarded, and can relate on his level to an extent, but also welcome a relationship if I'm into them because I too want to get married.  But not everyone really wants that too.  As for the wall he has, he's protecting himself and that fear to have the wall come down puts him in vulnerability to get hurt, so hey why not let's keep it up.  Until he can heel and learn to trust again it will always be up.  I say if you really like this and things are going great, give it time.  I wouldn't tell him yet your gift as it can scare people away.  that is something to discuss later :)

Plus, I just dated a guy with a big wall.  One of the nicest, sweetest, gentle man I've met in a very long time.  He to has been burned by multiple women in his life.   He told me how he was letting his guard down around me etc, and I thought I was too.  But the trust, omg it's awful.  I didn't realize I had it that bad.  Either way that trust issue got in the way and I couldn't take it anymore and ended it.  Then I realized I'm an idiot.  I want to make amends, and just feel dumb.  I wasn't patient with him or myself.  But, i to would have my moments of crying spells dating him.  I didnt know if it waa him or me!  So, just be patient with this guy if you are already feeling something special about him.  People who are guarded always act weird, I do! :)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Hop Daddy:

Kit-Kat:


It's obviously hard having relationships as an empath. It’s hard for you and is also hard for the person you are in love with as they may not feel comfortable knowing you can basically read their mind/emotions. You feel the other person's stuff while you are trying to sort through your own emotions and analyze if the relationship is going in a good direction. For me, I read people's emotions pretty well except when I am in a relationship. In a relationship I think everything is so strong that I tend to misdiagnose the other person's insecurities as a dislike of me or a disconnect in our relationship. I don't know if you are like that. But what I do now days is I remind myself that I don't read relationship energy well and can over analyze and at times accidentally sabotage things. In a nutshell, I have found I need to be calm and tone down my analysis of the other person and just be loving and let fate take over and see where it goes.


I also wanted to note that while some women are open and curious about empaths, I think most men would have a tough time accepting and understanding early on. And them knowing you can read their emotions could scare them off. I would say let your relationship get going a little longer so he gets to know you before you share your secret. Others may disagree. But I think men can't very often handle this topic and may think you are crazy and run for the hills. But if he falls in love with you, I think he would be more open to the news at a later time.

Overall, I would say dive in to the relationship and see where it goes. We all deserve to be happy and in love.

Wow, what excellent advice... Thank you so much for taking the time to read what I wrote and reply <3 I've actually found I have a similar issue of not reading romantic relationship energy well. I wish that were different! (I think it's so cool you mentioned that, though, because I've realized it in the past and didn't know if I was the only empath who felt that way!) But at least at the pace he's going I have plenty of time to think every week haha. Well, I suppose I'll find out if my empathy has scared him away soon because I've probably already gone way too personal on that one. Oops! lol. If only I could backtrack. His guarded energy brings out my honesty in truckloads.. It would be nice to find a way to stop being so painfully honest. 

But anyway, you may be right about me mistaking his insecurities. And I love what you said about letting fate take over. That thought is so comforting... I deeply believe everything happens for a reason, so I must've been meant to tell him everything I've told him. Typically I feel restrained from telling people anything about me being empathic, but somehow I feel that I can trust him even if he doesn't "love' me romantically.

It's funny how hard it is to describe my relationships with my family and life in general without discussing empathy in explaining who I am. Empathy is like my life force & I sort of don't feel like I make sense without it. Also, being an INFP I'm supposedly the hardest type to get to know, so I've probably been trying too hard to be understood. Man, relationships are kind of like jumping off a high dive for me! :) But worth it, like you said..

Love & light to you, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Karen2:



Hi....sometimes it's better to step back a bit....if he's been hurt he will need to heal before he's even close to being ready for any kind of relationship.....nothing you'r doing or saying is wrong...as an empath you know if the energy isn't completely honest from another person than there's an issue....your ready for a relationship... he's not... i'd refuse to see him for a couple of weekends.....to see what comes of it....sever all energy cords from him and yours from him and see for yourself how you are without that link there....because he's still linked to his former gf at the energy level and other people that you will be receiving thru those links and cords from him...if his energy doesn't match his words then he's not being truthful...to himself or to you.....

Thank you for your kind reply <3 Your perspective is so healing and beneficial! That's interesting advice to not see him for a few weekends. He might take that wrong, but I'll definitely consider it. I'm way more ready for a relationship than he is, I bet, but he's 33 and I'm 23 so he needs to get going if he really wants a larger family like he says he does. And if nothing else, being his friend, I want to help him on that path.

Yeah, that's so crazy that someone can be an honest person (he is honest in his words) without having honest energy. This is all so secretly fascinating to me haha. 

Severing these energy cords sounds like a good idea at this point, actually, even if I decide to still hang out. I like how you phrased that, esp. with regard to his former girlfriend. I do perceive that he wants to be over her but that he still has love drenched in pain for her. Pain that I don't necessarily want to take on. But I do believe he's worth it..

Crazy decision making here! But thanks again for your help..

Love & light to you, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Rene'':

This is the feeling I'm getting so take it with a grain of salt.  I feel you are the healing energy he is looking for but your intuition is already telling you this.  That's why he is taking you in doses.  Not committing but staying close.    My question is who will you be to him when he feels healed? A friend , a lover or the love of his life ?   

I have found that , when helping a person heal, we actually get to feel that pure love in their heart and it feels sooo good.  I have felt it so many times.  A hurt persons love is like a peaceful dreams on a big fluffy pillow  while they are healing.   They trust our vibration and lets us in until they are healed and then we have to snap back to reality and realize it was not a physical attraction but a spiritual one.    I'm not saying this is your situation but this is my experience.   A pure heart  is so additive

i can't  say either way what you should do except follow your intuition.   And if it is throwing red flags then there is a reason for it.     But is these red flags being threw due to his intentions or yours?  

I know as Empaths , we always stay a thought ahead of others.   If they are thinking of the color yellow , we will be describing the shade of yellow they are thinking of instead of just the color yellow.    

I feel your unsureness and I think that's pretty normal but if it is hurting you then there is something unsettling about it.   I'm blunt though.  I don't like being kept in the dark.  I would have to ask him "aye" what's going on here?  Am I your first thought or your second.  Am I your buddy or am I your someone special.    And if he thinks you are rushing things then he's not feeling you as much as your feeling him.   But..like I said..I'm blunt and I just don't like living in the unknown.    

Im so sorry your going though this.  You have so much love to give.     I hope things turns out the way you are dreaming of.   ❤️ 

Rene, you're so sweet <3 Thank you SO much for your reply :') Being someone that puts herself in others' shoes 24/7, I've forgotten how good it is for someone to do that for me (accurately). But you reminded me of that & I'm super grateful! That actually increased my self-esteem a lot, too (reading what you wrote) because if I'm similar to you in that way then it's only natural to wish more people were like this.. if that makes sense. It's a complex emotion :) But the world needs more compassion.

The way you described this relationship is highly accurate, which is incredible since there was so much left unsaid in my post! You're so right that helping someone heal feels super good... I just don't want to push my own needs to the side; but I know I need to see potential here, too. He's certainly worth fighting for, and yet he feels uncomfortable with almost all of my innocent, not-too-personal questions lol It makes me uncomfortable asking anything.

That's good advice about following intuition. It seems that's what this comes down to. I wish I had a clear answer, but at least I know that will come in time. 

Thank you again for your compassion <3

Love & light, 

Kitkat

Oh & in case you have time/want to answer - I guess the question I'm left with is: I can tell that I'm more than a friend in his eyes (and I'm pretty sure that he knows I know that), so how can I define the relationship without it seeming completely weird?

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

:gr_26 gr-alert gr_spell gr_disable_anim_appear ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace" id="26" data-gr-id="26">TigerLily"]

Dating a man who's guarded is just as hard dating a women who is guarded.  I for one am guarded, and can relate on his level to an extent, but also welcome a relationship if I'm into them because I too want to get married.  But not everyone really wants that too.  As for the wall he has, he's protecting himself and that fear to have the wall come down puts him in vulnerability to get hurt, so hey why not let's keep it up.  Until he can heel and learn to trust again it will always be up.  I say if you really like this and things are going great, give it time.  I wouldn't tell him yet your gift as it can scare people away.  that is something to discuss later :)

Plus, I just dated a guy with a big wall.  One of the nicest, sweetest, gentle man I've met in a very long time.  He to has been burned by multiple women in his life.   He told me how he was letting his guard down around me etc, and I thought I was too.  But the trust, omg it's awful.  I didn't realize I had it that bad.  Either way that trust issue got in the way and I couldn't take it anymore and ended it.  Then I realized I'm an idiot.  I want to make amends, and just feel dumb.  I wasn't patient with him or myself.  But, i to would have my moments of crying spells dating him.  I didnt know if it waa him or me!  So, just be patient with this guy if you are already feeling something special about him.  People who are guarded always act weird, I do! :)

HiTigerLily :D Thanks for replying! It's been awhile since I've been on here, but it's always great to hear from you. You have such an insightful perspective on this.. Maybe only those who are guarded can truly understand his side of things. I may have blown it on the whole telling him about my 'gift' :/ but I guess we'll see if that messes everything up. If it does then this wasn't meant to be anyway, right?

Thank you for sharing your experience with that guy, too! Hopefully you can find a way to reconnect with him? But in any case, your description provides so much understanding for me of guarded people. The weirdness has definitely been going on between us! :) I've read online that guarded people are typically super sweet, romantic, tender-hearted people deep down, so that really keeps me going. 

One of the hardest things is that I don't think he is aware of how guarded he is. Either that or he's an excellent actor! He's practically trying to teach me how to have best friends (lol) and yet he won't let me get very close. Wouldn't he have to be the opposite of introspective (I highly doubt this btw) to not have a surface-level awareness of his guardedness? haha (can you tell I overthink things a little?). 

I'll definitely try to be patient, like you said, and hopefully things will get better :)

Love & light to you, 
Kitkat

bunnigirl
@bunnigirl
last year
169 posts

Romantic relationships are real hard for empaths and I can see that you are very thoughtful and connected to everyone you come into contact with as you have responded to everyone's post. :)  I still don't have the ability to  NOT get scrambled up in a romantic relationship but I go for it anyway... was that a double negative? :(  anyway...everyone we come into contact with on a romantic level, I feel, has something to teach us as we continue our journey.  p.s.  i now want to go back and get my exact details of the personality type that you shared when I took that test myself.  :)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

:gr_10 gr-alert gr_spell gr_disable_anim_appear ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace" id="10" data-gr-id="10">bunnigirl"]

Romantic relationships are real hard for empaths and I can see that you are very thoughtful and connected to everyone you come into contact with as you have responded to everyone's post. :)  I still don't have the ability to  NOT get scrambled up in a romantic relationship but I go for it anyway... was that a double negative? :(  anyway...everyone we come into contact with on a romantic level, I feel, has something to teach us as we continue our journey.  p.s.  i now want to go back and get my exact details of the personality type that you shared when I took that test myself.  :)

:) Thanks so much! <3 I totally agree that not getting scrambled up in a romantic relationship is practically impossible for empaths... and that there's something to learn from all people we go out with. I think of it the same way :) That's funny about the personality typing haha I definitely recommend it.. I probably got a little too obsessed with it, actually, but I can say it's helped me become a little more self actualized. 

Love & light to you, 

Kitkat

mommy4
@mommy4
last year
28 posts

OK for starters... I think you need to just come out and tell him that you are emphatic and also in the same sentence tell him how you feel about him but tell him in a way that he will accept it better. Because one you've been hinting it to him isn't the same as actually telling him so his wall may have been helped because he feels you haven't fully been honest with him and him coming from a broken relationship honesty is probably something he's looking for.  You can go about telling him by asking him how he feels about empaths, psychics, etc. And listen to his response.  Then base your response off of his.  But,  ultimately ask yourself this... If you don't tell him or if you tell him and he responds in a negative way how will bring in a relationship with him end well?  You shouldn't have to lie or keep a secret to be with him.  Your not being true to yourself.  When I first told my fiancé I knew there was a good chance he would be open minded about it because he likes "different" opposed to what's considered normal.  He's different himself and that's why I believe we are together and have many differences and adjustments and him and I kind of go hand in hand.  You need to have someone who's like you or at least accepts you and your gift.  Because we are left with the fear of not being accepted in life so you need a support system to help you progress. If he gives off the vibe that he will accept your gift when you tell him go for it but if you get a feeling of uneasiness or he isn't supportive of you then at least for now stay friends if he wants but if you want anything to happen you've gotta tell him because at whether he likes it or not it's a part of you he can support it or be closed minded. But, when in a relationship honesty is the foundation.  I've been with my fiancé for 8 almost 9 yrs. And recently I've told him about me being a empath because I'm new to finding it out myself but I've learned through my relationship if there isn't honesty then how can you say you know someone?  Because overtime secrets unfold and it can change everything. Take this into consideration and Blessed Be

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

mommy4:

OK for starters... I think you need to just come out and tell him that you are emphatic and also in the same sentence tell him how you feel about him but tell him in a way that he will accept it better. Because one you've been hinting it to him isn't the same as actually telling him so his wall may have been helped because he feels you haven't fully been honest with him and him coming from a broken relationship honesty is probably something he's looking for.  You can go about telling him by asking him how he feels about empaths, psychics, etc. And listen to his response.  Then base your response off of his.  But,  ultimately ask yourself this... If you don't tell him or if you tell him and he responds in a negative way how will bring in a relationship with him end well?  You shouldn't have to lie or keep a secret to be with him.  Your not being true to yourself.  When I first told my fiancé I knew there was a good chance he would be open minded about it because he likes "different" opposed to what's considered normal.  He's different himself and that's why I believe we are together and have many differences and adjustments and him and I kind of go hand in hand.  You need to have someone who's like you or at least accepts you and your gift.  Because we are left with the fear of not being accepted in life so you need a support system to help you progress. If he gives off the vibe that he will accept your gift when you tell him go for it but if you get a feeling of uneasiness or he isn't supportive of you then at least for now stay friends if he wants but if you want anything to happen you've gotta tell him because at whether he likes it or not it's a part of you he can support it or be closed minded. But, when in a relationship honesty is the foundation.  I've been with my fiancé for 8 almost 9 yrs. And recently I've told him about me being a empath because I'm new to finding it out myself but I've learned through my relationship if there isn't honesty then how can you say you know someone?  Because overtime secrets unfold and it can change everything. Take this into consideration and Blessed Be

Thanks for taking time to reply! <3 you="" g=""> make some interesting points.. Well, right now I feel restrained from telling him how I feel about him, but I already sort of told him I'm empathic, so you must be right that that was meant to be :) 

I like your ideas for bringing up the topic of being empathic! It's such a tough one for me to be specific about; but that's so true that people's opinions of supernatural abilities are very telling about whether or not they're accepting of people like us. 

Yeah, I shouldn't have to lie to him to keep the relationship. I guess I'll just keep upping the honesty and then see what happens! That's awesome that your fiancé was so open minded. I can only hope to find someone like that who will accept me for all that I am... Guarded people need honesty more than anyone else, so I think your advice is highly applicable. I'm sure he brings out my high levels of honesty for a reason :) 

Love & light, 

Kitkat


updated by @kit-kat: 11/16/16 06:52:29PM
Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

Try this.... get tuned in to your own station on the radio dial. That's you! Every once in awhile when you are feeling lost or not well-reciprocated in your understanding if your partner, try this mind image which another empath offered me and it really helps. Imagine a dial on his forehead, and a dial on your chest. Every once in awhile, turn down his volume (don't do this out loud of course, just in your mind) and then reach for your own knob and turn yours up a little bit. One of the best things we can do to grow as Empaths is to learn how to stay present in the moment. Sometimes we evaluate how we feel when we are away from the person, especially if you are an introvert. But wouldn't it be great if you could find out what's going on emotionally/spiritually right while you are immersed in the space and time together with him? It's hard to do, but I've been working at it. It makes things ever slightly less intense in terms of the experience I have of the other person, but overall I last much longer energy-wise and I'm leraning how to "tune in" to what's going on within myself in real time. The answers are within you! Only you are there to experience your experience...so listen to your wise mind. 

mommy4
@mommy4
last year
28 posts

Your welcome I hope all goes well for you. I do that with some new insights you will accomplish your goal.  Stay true to yourself and you will know who the right person is to tell about your gifts too and it will be comforting when you find that person who accepts you for you. Blessed Be

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Jenstone:

Try this.... get tuned in to your own station on the radio dial. That's you! Every once in awhile when you are feeling lost or not well-reciprocated in your understanding if your partner, try this mind image which another empath offered me and it really helps. Imagine a dial on his forehead, and a dial on your chest. Every once in awhile, turn down his volume (don't do this out loud of course, just in your mind) and then reach for your own knob and turn yours up a little bit. One of the best things we can do to grow as Empaths is to learn how to stay present in the moment. Sometimes we evaluate how we feel when we are away from the person, especially if you are an introvert. But wouldn't it be great if you could find out what's going on emotionally/spiritually right while you are immersed in the space and time together with him? It's hard to do, but I've been working at it. It makes things ever slightly less intense in terms of the experience I have of the other person, but overall I last much longer energy-wise and I'm leraning how to "tune in" to what's going on within myself in real time. The answers are within you! Only you are there to experience your experience...so listen to your wise mind. 

Thanks Jenstone! <3 That's great advice!! I definitely need to try that :) Thank you for your sweet reply... I totally agree that being more aware of myself will probably help!

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Just want to say I <3 you guys and I'm so grateful for your friendship in my life... A lot of times I feel super alone, but it always gets better when I come on here :)

Pisces_Aquarius
@pisces-aquarius
last year
10 posts

This is going to be a long post. Be warned lol

I knew I was an empath since I was twelve. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian community (borderline cultish) where my experiences would be considered "devilish," so I kept secrets and followed the expectations the church laid out for me. The church was essentially my family.

I married a man who was everything he was expected to be, but he was narcissistic. I didn't realize this because I was 18. He was 25. Empaths are naturally drawn to narcissists -- some of us don't know this. He was a fun energy most of the time, but he required a certain amount of attention and things to go his way. After we got married, this need for attention became abusive. I stuck with him, trying with all my heart for 11 years. We had 4 kids together. I sacrificed so much of myself that I lost most of myself. I was so drained all the time...drained, and then had negativity thrust on me almost every day. This drainage manifested into physical illnesses.

Adrenal exhaustion.

Memory loss.

Weight loss.

Stomach and intestinal ulcers turned into bleeding ulcers.

Heart palpitations and chest pain.

And so much more...

My blood eventually had the consistency of molasses and I was warned on two different occassions, 6 years apart, of the likelihood of a stroke. I had a "warning stroke" when I was around 21 or 22.

When I finally left him(somewhat recently), I tried to stay compassionate and respectful to his feelings, because as a narcissist in need of that attention and control, he had a hard time accepting that he was losing both. His own suppressed issues manifested to physical problems..but in a different way -- he turned dangerous.

Just as I thought my life was falling apart and that I had lost myself, I met someone online. I don't know how to explain what I felt. He left a review on amazon on something I wrote and his energy caught me. Nothing "special" or out of the ordinary was written, but that energy reached out to me. I hadn't even seen his face! So, I clicked his name and something about him drew me to him. It turned out we were a part of some of the same writing groups on Facebook, so I friended him. We didn't really say anything to each other for nearly a year. When we finally did start talking, he asked me, "do you feel some weird energy here?" It was crazy to me that he would be able to feel what I was feeling so we started talking on a deeper level. At this time, I was finally separated from my husband, but the situation was still dangerous for me. I was scared every day and having serious physical ailments coming from the anxiety. 

This "new guy" was quite literally living on the entire other side of the continent so I didn't think we'd ever be able to meet in person. We did, however, have a crazy connection across the continent. He would have visions of what I was doing and how I felt. Typically at times when I was lonely or scared. We could sense when the other was holding our tongue on a topic we didn't think we could handle talking about, and we'd be able to push and support each other as we opened up about it. It was a connection I had fantasized of having with someone since I was a kid, but assumed it was only in stories.

We soon discovered what we had was coined "twin flames." Not soulmates -- twin flames. He is in almost every way the male version of me. We think the same, have had several almost identical experiences, the same goals and values in life, even the same parenting style.

When I had come to a point of pure powerlessness, I broke down and wept. I spoke -- out loud -- to the Universe/God in that moment, and I asked for help. I couldn't do it anymore and I wanted myself back. Within days, things started happening around me that set everything in place.

If I would have ever known this was possible to find in life, I would not have ever bothered with relationships and I would have prayed a lot sooner. Though if I had to, I would wait thirty years to find this man again. He does not drain me in any sense of the word, but instead, he fills me with positivity and hope. I enjoy every day, night, and the time in between. He's helped me rebuild myself from what I thought I lost through my marriage. I'm me again and I love life again.

Anyone who drains you is not good for you. Think seriously on your inner self -- will he continue draining you or will he fill you with life? Will you eventually drain until you have nothing of yourself left? Or will you be able to fill your own cup before he drains you again? Is that the life you feel you want to live?

Good luck! I hope it all works out for you!

Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

Kit Kat, your gratitude is lovely. What a gift you give when you acknowledge and thank each person who posts a response to your struggle. Thanks for keeping good energy flowing. You are a dream! 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Pisces_Aquarius:

This is going to be a long post. Be warned lol

I knew I was an empath since I was twelve. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian community (borderline cultish) where my experiences would be considered "devilish," so I kept secrets and followed the expectations the church laid out for me. The church was essentially my family.

I married a man who was everything he was expected to be, but he was narcissistic. I didn't realize this because I was 18. He was 25. Empaths are naturally drawn to narcissists -- some of us don't know this. He was a fun energy most of the time, but he required a certain amount of attention and things to go his way. After we got married, this need for attention became abusive. I stuck with him, trying with all my heart for 11 years. We had 4 kids together. I sacrificed so much of myself that I lost most of myself. I was so drained all the time...drained, and then had negativity thrust on me almost every day. This drainage manifested into physical illnesses.

Adrenal exhaustion.

Memory loss.

Weight loss.

Stomach and intestinal ulcers turned into bleeding ulcers.

Heart palpitations and chest pain.

And so much more...

My blood eventually had the consistency of molasses and I was warned on two different occassions, 6 years apart, of the likelihood of a stroke. I had a "warning stroke" when I was around 21 or 22.

When I finally left him(somewhat recently), I tried to stay compassionate and respectful to his feelings, because as a narcissist in need of that attention and control, he had a hard time accepting that he was losing both. His own suppressed issues manifested to physical problems..but in a different way -- he turned dangerous.

Just as I thought my life was falling apart and that I had lost myself, I met someone online. I don't know how to explain what I felt. He left a review on amazon on something I wrote and his energy caught me. Nothing "special" or out of the ordinary was written, but that energy reached out to me. I hadn't even seen his face! So, I clicked his name and something about him drew me to him. It turned out we were a part of some of the same writing groups on Facebook, so I friended him. We didn't really say anything to each other for nearly a year. When we finally did start talking, he asked me, "do you feel some weird energy here?" It was crazy to me that he would be able to feel what I was feeling so we started talking on a deeper level. At this time, I was finally separated from my husband, but the situation was still dangerous for me. I was scared every day and having serious physical ailments coming from the anxiety. 

This "new guy" was quite literally living on the entire other side of the continent so I didn't think we'd ever be able to meet in person. We did, however, have a crazy connection across the continent. He would have visions of what I was doing and how I felt. Typically at times when I was lonely or scared. We could sense when the other was holding our tongue on a topic we didn't think we could handle talking about, and we'd be able to push and support each other as we opened up about it. It was a connection I had fantasized of having with someone since I was a kid, but assumed it was only in stories.

We soon discovered what we had was coined "twin flames." Not soulmates -- twin flames. He is in almost every way the male version of me. We think the same, have had several almost identical experiences, the same goals and values in life, even the same parenting style.

When I had come to a point of pure powerlessness, I broke down and wept. I spoke -- out loud -- to the Universe/God in that moment, and I asked for help. I couldn't do it anymore and I wanted myself back. Within days, things started happening around me that set everything in place.

If I would have ever known this was possible to find in life, I would not have ever bothered with relationships and I would have prayed a lot sooner. Though if I had to, I would wait thirty years to find this man again. He does not drain me in any sense of the word, but instead, he fills me with positivity and hope. I enjoy every day, night, and the time in between. He's helped me rebuild myself from what I thought I lost through my marriage. I'm me again and I love life again.

Anyone who drains you is not good for you. Think seriously on your inner self -- will he continue draining you or will he fill you with life? Will you eventually drain until you have nothing of yourself left? Or will you be able to fill your own cup before he drains you again? Is that the life you feel you want to live?

Good luck! I hope it all works out for you!

Thanks so much for your very thoughtful reply! <3 That is incredibly amazing that you found someone you consider your twin flame!!! I don't hear about that every day :) (I'm hopelessly romantic so that concept appeals to me a lot!). Wow, I'm so glad you shared your story. Narcissists can be so disguised.. It's so sad to think of empaths stuck in that situation of marriage with them.... I can't handle that. But I think it's always great to be warned since love is vulnerable, and it can be naive as well as gullible <-- mine is no exception haha. 

And thank you for your wishing me good luck! I do think it's cool how when our energy lifts so many more good things come into our lives, and all of the positivity from others along the way helps a ton, so it really means a lot. 

(& there has been lots of improvement in my relationship now that I've gone on here and read yours as well as others' posts!) 

Happy Thanksgiving, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Jenstone:

Kit Kat, your gratitude is lovely. What a gift you give when you acknowledge and thank each person who posts a response to your struggle. Thanks for keeping good energy flowing. You are a dream! 

Wow, that is super sweet of you to say... <3 I always hope it can be a sort of gift when I reply (I always want to give more though, haha)  Thanks SO much! :D It really does mean a lot to me that I have this community in my life.. I love all of you!! 

Oh and you all have helped me tremendously in deciding what to do in this challenge - Turns out I was rewarded for not only being honest about being empathic but also for hanging in there when things seemed wrong. Our last date was the best date I've ever been on and this week I found out he's INFP personality type. To me this feels like we're exactly right for each other, despite the huge age difference...

Anyway, there's so much to be thankful for :)

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