Inner Male--- Key to Empathic Breakthrough

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Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

Imagine a map that starts with an X on "You are here" --childhood naivete --- then you travel down a highway of cultural and social expectations and adventure-- then travel down whitewater rapids through male/female relationships in marriage workplace kids politics. Next you are here, on the river bank, nearly dead. The sun warms. And you find a small dirt trail back up to the main road.

I walking down some road. I am naked and lost in an exposed sort of way and feeling the proverbial female victim. I am so oppressed by my experience of males that I am triggered at male energy of any kind (either I want to compete with it or run or have sex with it). 

These last months I was on a journey to find my female voice, my female strength and I found it... but something was still missing. In all this peace, and acceptance, and calm and restfulness I felt a crisis I didn't want to to name or acknowledge--- because it scared me. I wanted to keep things peaceful and feminine and blue and Yin. and then when I really hung in there and stayed mindful... really mindful... not adopting someone else's mindfulness... but my own... I started to hear that I was carving off parts of myself. I was cutting out the parts of myself that felt like the voice of the "abuser" etc. to the point that even requiring anything of myself felt abusive. Example, I would want to clean a room of the house and if I felt any resistence, I would simply honor that. Let the weaker part of me or yin part seek water and refreshment etc. and force nothing. I had weeks of this-- total allowance toward emotional self-care. I walked the dirt road through a natural wonderland. 

Then today on my walk I had a complete unexpected breakthrough. It came about as a result of really listening to the various perspectives in my head. And asking what do you feel? What do you need? How are you trying to get it? And then I would listen to another perspective.

I realized that I have put so many protective guards up (and understandably so) that I have not been honoring the inner male-- I don't mean I'm having a gender crisis or a sexuality crisis (no judgment, just not what this is)--- I am having a spiritual crisis--- that is that I am trying to force myself to "heal" my trauma without recognizing the masculine needs or yang balance---- 

I need to stand up, dust myself off, compete for jobs again, I need to earn money, protect my family, feed myself and my kids. I need to stave off distraction, get organized, and do some conquering of evil and fear etc. And I need to do this with the support of my feminine self. I have been "judging" and ridiculing and avoiding anything that smacks of Yang or masculine energy in my life--- because those who seemed to hurt me were in Yang mode or even were male physical bodies, but I am feeling like the problem is that I have been seeking this balance, this yang, in others--- instead of recognizing it in myself AND HONORING IT--- not fighting against it. 

This place of protection for the Empath-- the one who sees and honors what she sees-- needs the protection of the inner Yang--- she has been out there in a confusing world picking up on every energy out there and projecting some of her own. 

I would love to know if other Empath's have encountered enlightenmnet on the male/female continuum or what you think about this concept. 


updated by @jenstone: 03/12/17 03:27:38PM
Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

I wanted to add that prior to this "awakening" about the inner male, I meditated on and studied alchemy for 5 to 6 hours; I talked with spiritual advisors (real people); and I prayed to Universe/God the way I understand. Then I went into my backyard and stood there. I heard the sound of tiny kitten. I walked into a pretty dark area with shadow etc. and reached into the dark ground and pulled up a tiny black cat no bigger than my hand. I brought her inside, nursed her from a tiny bottle. She was like a miracle, licking my nose like a nipple. Then I put her outside and left her for maybe 15 minutes and she was gone. This experienc lasted through the days and nights for 48 hours. When she was gone I felt such a loss. I don't really want a cat, but I felt a spiritual connection with her. I looked for ideas of what a black cat can mean. It was amazing, and that's what got me on this spiritual trail of the feline female being a messenger for what eventually presented to me-- which is not AT ALL what I set out to find! Neglecting the inner male! The black kitten was the kind of female I needed to deliver this message in a non-threatening way. Sensitive individuals are able to receive healing in this way. 

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

Hi Jenstone,

Sounds like you have received your sign. Even though you might have not wanted a cat, sounds like you have been presented with one. Is she still around? If you feel that you have a connection with her, take her in and love her. She will in return give you much needed solace, energy, grounding and love. if you have never owned a cat and need some guidance, PM me with questions. You will find that they pretty much can take care of themselves, and they come out of the womb potty trained to boot ;) Cats are true zen masters and they will convey that peacefulness to you. The color is symbolism more than personality. My soul mate appeared as white, sadly I lost him 11 years ago after 18 loving years, bless his little soul. He helped me though some really tough times. I cannot wait to meet up with him again. We had that spiritual connection that you spoke of.

Blessings

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