Sigh. I also recognize the examples both of you just gave, Renee and nikki3. People are predictable in our strangeness, lol.
Another one that really gets to me is when others will put up with numerous people who treat them horribly, put them down, walk all over them, take advantage, lie, cheat, mooch, yell at them, and treat them like dirt in general, but the minute I disagree with them on the tiniest little unimportant thing, they drop me as a friend. It makes me feel about as low as you can get, to be worth so little to people. Often, these people have been telling me they love me, I am a "dear friend', I am "like a sister", I can "never lose them no matter what", etc. right up until I say something they don't agree with.
It has taken awhile to dawn on me, but I think maybe I am interpreting this wrong, and they really feel so badly about themselves that they think they deserve the awful treatment they get, and just use whatever it was I disagreed with them about as an excuse to get rid of me, since they feel I see through their act, whatever it happens to be. They feel they can't live up to what I expect, even though I keep that to myself, since I know I have no right to expect anything from anyone. I guess I am pretty transparent in letting them see what I wish I could expect, since I've even been told by two people that they felt like they were good people until they knew me, and that I made them feel bad about themselves just by being who I am. Their answer to my "making" them feel bad was that I should be less of a "goody two shoes" and "make more mistakes" and "be more human". The idea that I should be less than I can be made me angry, so you would think seeing me blow a gasket would satisfy them, but no, I'm still not nasty enough I guess. It's actually funny to me now.
I could have more friends than I could handle if I would put up and shut up and play those games. I have standards, and know from experimenting that I am better off alone than to lower them. Being surrounded by the wrong people makes me feel lonelier than being alone. When I was younger, probably the age of most of you, I had a small tight group of very close friends. I had to move for health reasons and have never fit in where I have to live now. I seem to have a bunch of casual ones instead, most of whom I rarely or never see in person. Casual is just not who I am, so it's hard.
Can any of you relate to my example above, where "friends" willingly accept awful treatment from others, but the slightest disagreement, even on a relatively unimportant subject is not acceptable when it comes from you? I wonder what I am doing wrong here to be so unvalued.
Oh I know this one, from both sides. You are the light bringer to those who are standing in the dark. It takes a massive amount of constant negative self talk to allow yourself to stay in the dark being mistreated and abused (I know I allowed it for 10yrs) and when those loving friends and family would come looking for me holding the lantern that light was so freaking bright it was painful. There's a lot of fear associated with it. It means going against everything you know to trust that you could have a better life, that you are in fact worthwhile, and that means questioning you've ever known and believed. It's difficult to step out of your comfort zone and sometimes your comfort zone is a dark and dangerous place. It took me a long time to step out, and the adjustments and learning to trust that life can be safe, and stable, and good and ok has been a really long road. However I now have children who have spent their entire lives in that darkness, who do not trust anything good and I am finding it so very difficult working out how to get them to slowly move out of it and allow themselves to be happy in the light. I'm also now on the other side standing in the light while a lifelong friend has retreated into the darkness, knowingly allowing herself to be mistreated, accepting abuse, having watched me go through mine but now trying to justify hers with - it's not that bad, it will get better, he will change...
it is so hard to be in either of those positions. I just made it clear to her that I will always love her and am here when she is ready, but until then I can't be around to see it.
I have those close to me who also know that from time to time I may slip back into that self defeatist space and to just allow me to explore it and resolve it and then move out on my own.....
i would suggest that it's not that it's not acceptable coming from you, but that you are on a bit of a pedestal for them. Or that they are struggling with the light you bring and therefore take the excuse to stop the friendship. In their own time they will see.