Empaths and Boundaries

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Heavy Rains
@heavy-rains
last year
9 posts

I've always been a pretty sensitive person, and it wasn't until very recently some one suggested that I may be an empath. After some reading, I couldn't agree more with this thought. I'm having a hard time creating boundaries, as many empaths also seem to struggle with this. However, I feel resistance towards even starting to create a boundary. For example I understand creating boundaries will help me not carry things that are not mine to carry for long periods of time. However, I worry in creating boundaries, and not allowing myself to be effected by certain things, it makes me feel cold. Like, as if some how, allowing these energies and things that are not mine to carry to effect me makes me more understanding and truly sympathetic, or something like that. But also, I have a tendency to absorb so much, I get overwhelmed and depressed when in the present time, my immediate life and surroundings are not overbearing. What I carry distracts and almost inhibits me from being present, and therefore I can be emotionally detached at times because I get so overwhelmed from noticing things. Anyone experience anything similar or have any suggestions?


updated by @heavy-rains: 03/07/17 11:29:15AM
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

It is hard to create boundaries, especially for the people you love and want to help but gaining control is very import ..to m anyway.   I was pulled in many different direction everyday   I could not tell anyone "no".   I was very tired.  Very depressed from tiring their emotions around with me.   They would tell me their problems and they would feel better but I would take these emotions on and I could not handle it any longer   I was scared to tell them no because I was needed and wanted and feared loosing the people I love     I felt like I was doing them wrong   But....after I started say no .. they stopped asking me and now I have more time to myself and to heal     I sti help people but I put my health first   I can't help anyone if I can't help myself .    I do a lot of grounding and sending love to them and everyone   


Lol. Sorry for the spelling. I was half asleep. Lol
updated by @rene: 11/04/16 07:59:00AM
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

Like Rene, I used to have a hard time saying no, for the same reasons you have. I didn't want to appear cold and uncaring. It is hard to practice saying no and for a long time I even felt guilty for saying it. However, again like Rene...since I have been saying no, people are starting to respect those boundaries. It also gets easier to say it when you see that the result is being able to care for yourself. That is first and foremost. Also remember....No is a complete sentence. No explaination needed. You need to have these boundaries as an empath....you will be happier and healthier for it.

I also want to add, you can weed out the users in your life practicing these boundaries. The users will get standoffish and perhaps even a little angry when you tell them no. You don't need those types around anyhow. However, the people that love and care for you....they will still love you, but they will also have respect for you and your decisions.
updated by @cat-whisperer: 11/04/16 07:24:12AM
Heavy Rains
@heavy-rains
last year
9 posts

Rene'':

It is hard to create boundaries, especially for the people you love and want to help but gaining control is very import ..to m anyway.   I was pulled in many different direction everyday   I could not tell anyone "no".   I was very tired.  Very depressed from tiring their emotions around with me.   They would tell me their problems and they would feel better but I would take these emotions on and I could not handle it any longer   I was scared to tell them no because I was needed and wanted and feared loosing the people I love     I felt like I was doing them wrong   But....after I started say no .. they stopped asking me and now I have more time to myself and to heal     I sti help people but I put my health first   I can't help anyone if I can't help myself .    I do a lot of grounding and sending love to them and everyone   

Lol. Sorry for the spelling. I was half asleep. Lol

I totally get this! It is really hard to say no, but I have definitely found space in finding the strength to do so.

I guess I'm having trouble getting my point across. For example, some one doesn't even have to involve me in the situation, say if I see something on social media (which is both a blessing and a curse in itself) I feel really terrible for the effected party. Something will happen to them and I'll find it really disturbing, it invades my boundaries and effects my mood immensely. Images will haunt my mind for days and I find it keeps me out of present situations. But I feel for everything!!!  However, I feel like if I don't allow myself to have feelings towards what happens, and be effected by it, I feel cold. 

Emmy Long
@emmy-long
last year
484 posts

Perspective played a big role into being able to create boundaries. Once I learned how to view MY problems as different from OTHERS' problems, things got easier. 

I had to tell myself (and then internally enforce) that my feelings were mine to deal with. And others' feelings were mine to try to understand as I chose, but never to take on. 

You don't have to choose between listening to somebody and being their for them emotionally, and being cold to them. You can listen and let somebody know you understand and care, without taking on the burden of their emotions. 

What worked for me was opening myself up to feeling what they felt on a level that let me understand, but not being so open that I allowed myself to be so consumed by their pain. 

This took a lot of meditation and counseling. I learned how to feel what they felt, but a THEIR emotions, not my own. And then I educated myself on how to talk through a crisis scenario with a person to help them deal with THEIR OWN emotions, and then deal with my own emotions seperately. 

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

If you think of you saying 'yes' as enabling someone it can change your perspective on boundaries. For example your alcoholic friend asks you for a drink and you say 'yes, I'd love to get you a drink'.  Saying no sometimes is love, feeling, and caring.  Some people want your help because they are too lazy to do it for themselves and they know you will say yes, so you are actually doing them a favour by saying no.  Saying yes not only enables them but drains you - who wins?  Neither party.

Stop feeling like you are being mean and start feeling like you are creating health and justice.  Boundaries are healthy rules that you live by to maintain energy, happiness and quality of life.  They are not limiting rules that stop you from being a good person.

I have rules for myself when it comes to other people's needs, the main one is I say 'let me think about it' - once I walk away from the situation I ask myself "would this person do the same for me?" and my answer to that question is my answer to them.

Now, sometimes you get a feeling that you need to do something and not benefit in return, if your intuition is talking then go ahead and pay it forward.  We shouldn't always be looking for return benefit but we have to stop saying yes to everything and start saying let me think about it.


updated by @nikler: 11/05/16 02:07:35PM
Heavy Rains
@heavy-rains
last year
9 posts

Nikki3:

If you think of you saying 'yes' as enabling someone it can change your perspective on boundaries. For example your alcoholic friend asks you for a drink and you say 'yes, I'd love to get you a drink'.  Saying no sometimes is love, feeling, and caring.  Some people want your help because they are too lazy to do it for themselves and they know you will say yes, so you are actually doing them a favour by saying no.  Saying yes not only enables them but drains you - who wins?  Neither party.

Stop feeling like you are being mean and start feeling like you are creating health and justice.  Boundaries are healthy rules that you live by to maintain energy, happiness and quality of life.  They are not limiting rules that stop you from being a good person.

I have rules for myself when it comes to other people's needs, the main one is I say 'let me think about it' - once I walk away from the situation I ask myself "would this person do the same for me?" and my answer to that question is my answer to them.

Now, sometimes you get a feeling that you need to do something and not benefit in return, if your intuition is talking then go ahead and pay it forward.  We shouldn't always be looking for return benefit but we have to stop saying yes to everything and start saying let me think about it.

This is a great way to look about saying no and it's definitely something worth keeping in mind when I'm dealing with those over bearing energy suckers!!! thank you :)

 But what about things that don't necessarily come and ask you to say yes. For example, really holding on to feelings after witnessing something and being overwhelmed with sympathy for the other person. Like being overly sensitive to situations that don't directly involve me, but things I witness on T.V. or the internet. I want to be able to sympathize without feeling totally overwhelmed or drowned. Does that make sense?

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

@heavy-rains that is your empath ability at work.  Completely different thing.  There are several things you can do to limit and/or deal with those issues.

I personally won't watch movies where I know a kid dies, I won't watch horror movies, I just can't deal so I set rules for myself.

When I am watching something that I think might affect me I have a mental rolling screen that I put up and allow that image or feeling to fleet past my vision and I don't pick it up. I take the visual and 'pluck' it out with mental tweezers and throw it away so I don't absorb or deal with the emotion.  Sometimes I miss certain things in movies by doing this but it helps.  I also tell myself it's not real and visualize make-up dummies in my head while the scene is playing.  I don't engage.

Sometimes it takes me by surprise though, I watched the movie Mr. Right... wasn't that bad so I didn't really block... ended up getting out of bed at 5am due to being unable to put the images away and I kept dreaming about someone trying to kill me.

The movie something St. Cloud where the kid dies... after watching the preview I can't even look at the cover of the movie, I have to look away when I scroll past it on Netflix.

I think you should do some reading and studying on how to control your empath ability, discern what is your emotion and what is not, how to cut ties with people, block incoming emotions, meditate and wash out negative energy.  These are activities us empaths have to do regularly to maintain sanity.

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

It is hard to block what comes through the media. I choose not to watch a whole lot of tv because of this. The news....forget it, I turn it off. You are not alone. As Nikki stated, it's a part your empathness. Try checking out some of the tools here, there are also books out there to help.

Blessings


updated by @cat-whisperer: 11/06/16 07:18:57PM

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