Do you give advice?

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Renee
@renee
last year
137 posts

Hey, Just wanting to get some general feedback about giving people advice in the general public - people your connected to, not strangers, but not necessarily close people. do you tend to give it or not if they haven't specifically asked "do you have advice for me?" yet are whinging/debriefing/freaking out etc to you? This isn't specific readings or info that may be picked up as i steer clear of giving that, but the general - oh you need to ground/cleanse/release/shield/cut cords even just "hey have you heard the term empath, do you want to check it out and see how it fits?" ..... whats everyones take on this? Do you say it or no?


updated by @renee: 04/01/17 03:13:33AM
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

I usually have a don't ask don't tell attitude about it. The only person I know that knows I am an empath is my husband. Sometimes I will try to give him advice...but he usually doesn't heed it, but on occasion he will. His ego gets in the way, lol. But with anyone else, I keep things to myself. If asked I would offer, but since no one really knows, I keep quiet.

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

I wanted to add...in the past when I had warning signs about things (Kate's post prompted my recall on this) I would totally be disregarded. On one specific occasion years ago, I had a friend that befriended someone. I warned him that this person was not as he seemed, but my warnings went ignored. Long story short, this person caused my friend to get shot. Other occasions when major red flags have popped up, my warnings would go ignored, so now I just let karma happen, because people don't listen anyway.

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

For myself, it's differs from person to person.  Some I may if I'm asked after feeling them out but my advice is usually just giving them something to think about.  I have learned from experience you can bluntly tell someone what kind of danger they are in but they still choose to stay in the presence of the danger.  So now I only givin suggestion when asked.  Most of them cannot or will not except the truth or what I see or feel as the truth.  It's not what they wanted to hear. Some just wants to tell someone there tragedies but don't won't help. They enjoy the drama or the challenge to change someone or life in general instead of cutting cords per say.  

Then you have some that ask for advice then doubt your abality and knowledge.   "I think I will ask some one that has better intuitive skills then us" is what I was told one time.  It was because I would not give them a silver lining but there wasn't any to give.  

Most people already have the answers or advice, they refuse to see or feel it .    They are afraid of change    

So why ask me then!   Lol  

 

mommy4
@mommy4
last year
28 posts

I find that mostly the people who want help will tell you without even knowing it and it make the conversation flow better.  They can come to you about anything any problem they are facing just come to you as a person to person not person to empathy.  If that makes sense and I find that after I talked with them they return in the future telling what happened and how much my advice helped them. Like,  someone said in previous  comments my fiancé is the only one who knows I'm a empathy.  I'm trying to tell my lifelong friend but haven't found a way that I myself and her to discuss it.  But it will come in time if I feel she should know. So,  take it slow because most of empaths just want to help people and maybe they aren't ready to accept our ways of life and they may reflect negatively if you try to shove it on them. Patience is a virtue.  Blessed be :)

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts

I did this all the time!  I was always saying you should and shouldnt, etc.  It was called out to me once about it, so now I try not to do it anymore.  It still happens from time to time and I catch myself and say "shoot I did it again" lol.  

Now, I think I'm so exhausted from people and actually trying to focus on myself that when they do ask "what should I do"  I get immediately so tired I'm like "I don't know"  lol.

Renee
@renee
last year
137 posts

Thanks for the feedback and yes I am most definitely with you all on avoiding giving specific info, I learnt this the hard way all through my teens and early years never really knowing why I knew something's and would just blurt it out. Never went down well! However in general most would come back with in a few weeks and go "oh hey, sorry about that, you were right though"..... I now avoid it like the plague even if asked I will very rarely give too much of my insight... however this was more so just the general stuff, the release that, cleanse that, etc etc most of my close friends and family know I'm an empath, I'm most definitely not the only one in my family there are a few of us, and I'm surrounded by empath s so in general it's pretty cool to go - yep cleanse/shield/release/ground - we all get it. But it's the non empaths and empaths who I don't know if they know they are empaths.... the general consensus when I've asked elsewhere has been as you have each said - avoid unless asked about specific info, but general could be mentioned and they can do as they please with it. Am just interested in getting as much feedback as possible.... 

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

I stay away from 'empath speak'.  If I 'feel' like I want to impart advice to someone who seems to be looking I ask first "Do you want my advice?".  I wait patiently for an answer - it's their choice - I don't want to give advice to someone unless they are open to receive, if they ask for it, they obligate themselves to listen.  If they say yes or want to know what I have to say I use layman's terms.  Very rarely I will throw a 'term' out there to see if they are receptive but 99% of the time I just use words that are normal and understood by most people in general.

Renee
@renee
last year
137 posts

I walked into a friends house today and found there were no - crystals, dreamcatchers, feathers/bones/shells/candles, drums, Wands/staffs singing bowls, herbs, smudging fans, mandalas, yoga mats, shakti mats, altars or images of gods/goddesses and found it to be an extremely strange experience. I haven't been in a house like that in forever as everyone I am connected to is highly spiritual and therefore empath talk or anything spiritual is the norm for me. Life is not life without spirituality of some sort. So I guess it's just a bit strange to not be able to speak about such things..... I don't understand it and find it a little difficult to converse without any reference to any belief system... 🙁🙁

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
last year
502 posts

I struggle with this as well. At work it would hurt my career if people knew I was an empath and even understood what it meant. So I don’t volunteer this info. But people seem to find their way to me anyway at work when they are having problems. They just think I listen well and give good advice. I think so many people in life want a short cut so if you go about giving advice you'll have people lining up to talk with you. And when things don't go well for them post-advice, then they may turn on you. As someone else said, I think most people can find answers on their own as its right in front of them but they choose to ignore it. I usually jump in and give strong advice to people who are devastated and on the edge of total despair. They are desperate for direction and are more open to taking advice and following through.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
last year
1,185 posts

I have a different attitude, so I thought I'd throw it in for people to ponder.....

What about when you can see that someone has a serious illness, but can be saved if they act fast, but will kill them if not? Do you tell them then, and just not attach yourself to the outcome, or try not to?

What if you pick up that someone is about to commit suicide? Do you tell one of their close family members? 

What if you see clearly that a good friend is developing the same dementia that killed both her parents? Early intervention can slow it way down for many people. Do you keep quiet?

I've been in all of the above situations, felt like you all did, and kept my mouth shut in the first two cases. Both people died just as I'd foreseen, and I've never forgiven myself, so my policy after that has been to speak up. I do not care if they think I'm nuts, if they end the relationship with me, if they bad mouth me, etc. I feel I have to.

The third example happened after this change in policy, and speaking up thus ended my longest and closest friendship, since she took my caringly expressed request that she be evaluated by her doctor as an "accusation" of having it for sure,  and a lack of accepting her as she was, such inappropriate anger and denial being a sign of dementia also. 

You are correct many people do not want to hear. I've lost other friends over this. I just can't live with myself if I do not say something. The deaths of those two people who changed my mind about speaking up will haunt me forever. The wife of the suicide told me he was stubborn and nobody would have talked him out of it, when I told her what I'd seen after his death. However, the woman in the first example was spiritual and open to such abilities. I had just met her and was afraid she would think I was nuts if I told her I thought she had liver cancer. Now I don't care what anyone thinks. 

I also find telling people to be a good way to root out liars in your social circle. I had one long time friend panic when I told her, insist I was not an empath but a sympath, though she knew nothing about such subjects, and distance herself, all because she was afraid I'd pick up all the lies she'd told and the selfish acts she was ashamed of. I'd already picked those up long ago and accepted them, but she couldn't deal with her act being found out.

Isn't there anyone like me who feels we get such info on purpose to help and must use it?

I know the price can be high, since I miss my old friend every day, but the price for not talking is higher, at least for me.

Namaste,

C. Cat

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

Cheshire Cat:

I have a different attitude, so I thought I'd throw it in for people to ponder.....

What about when you can see that someone has a serious illness, but can be saved if they act fast, but will kill them if not? Do you tell them then, and just not attach yourself to the outcome, or try not to?

What if you pick up that someone is about to commit suicide? Do you tell one of their close family members? 

What if you see clearly that a good friend is developing the same dementia that killed both her parents? Early intervention can slow it way down for many people. Do you keep quiet?

I've been in all of the above situations, felt like you all did, and kept my mouth shut in the first two cases. Both people died just as I'd foreseen, and I've never forgiven myself, so my policy after that has been to speak up. I do not care if they think I'm nuts, if they end the relationship with me, if they bad mouth me, etc. I feel I have to.

The third example happened after this change in policy, and speaking up thus ended my longest and closest friendship, since she took my caringly expressed request that she be evaluated by her doctor as an "accusation" of having it for sure,  and a lack of accepting her as she was, such inappropriate anger and denial being a sign of dementia also. 

You are correct many people do not want to hear. I've lost other friends over this. I just can't live with myself if I do not say something. The deaths of those two people who changed my mind about speaking up will haunt me forever. The wife of the suicide told me he was stubborn and nobody would have talked him out of it, when I told her what I'd seen after his death. However, the woman in the first example was spiritual and open to such abilities. I had just met her and was afraid she would think I was nuts if I told her I thought she had liver cancer. Now I don't care what anyone thinks. 

I also find telling people to be a good way to root out liars in your social circle. I had one long time friend panic when I told her, insist I was not an empath but a sympath, though she knew nothing about such subjects, and distance herself, all because she was afraid I'd pick up all the lies she'd told and the selfish acts she was ashamed of. I'd already picked those up long ago and accepted them, but she couldn't deal with her act being found out.

Isn't there anyone like me who feels we get such info on purpose to help and must use it?

I know the price can be high, since I miss my old friend every day, but the price for not talking is higher, at least for me.

Namaste,

C. Cat

Yes, CC...I feel the same way however, as I mentioned previously in this  post, whenever I have mentioned warnings they have all gone unheeded....one particular case wound up with dire consequences for the person warned. It makes you kinda give up in a way because people ignore the warnings or act like you are totally crazy. I guess I have gotten jaded from so many warnings being ingnored.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
last year
1,185 posts

Hi Cat Whisperer,

     I do understand your feelings and if I know somebody is the type to jump into the pool without checking to see if there is any water in it first, I let them have their desired drama, but I also try not to make myself available as a crying shoulder afterward, since those types tend to be bottomless pits of need, and I need a nice boring life now to keep on keepin' on. My overstimulation bucket is full already.

     I wish I had the URL to an article I read so I could give it to you.  It helped me to understand that I don't need to give up giving out the info, I just need to give up being attached to the outcome. The idea was that any time you are attached to the outcome of any advice you give, over time it will make you crazy. Outcome is not your responsibility. I still have trouble with this, but keep reminding myself it's not my job to fix people. My job is to get the info out and work on fixing myself, which is hard enough. Of course, that is only how I feel, and I agree it gets very frustrating to be ignored. It makes me wonder why we have these gifts if everyone is just going to ignore them, and meanwhile they make us into nervous wrecks. Only speaking for myself here, since I am one! It's a conundrum and I can see both sides.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

@CCat absolutely! I agree with you, if you feel the need to speak up by all means do so at whatever risk. I think you should go with your gut. My previous answer was in general because everyone 'wants' advice, although mostly it's not really advice they want but confirmation they are right so their opinions or decisions can be justified. In life threatening cases i think you have to make a choice you can live with. Go with your gut feeling as much as you can because it's usually right. I don't believe though that we receive this info for a reason, i believe that we see, it's a gift. I don't believe it's a magic that pops up only when we are to say or do something it's just there all the time. We are to determine whether we need to act on something or not based on our intuition and urgency of the matter. 

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