Best Method to Heal and Move on????

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Jodi Hill
@jodi-hill
last year
89 posts

It's been over 2 years since my ex husband left me and only since last November since we divorced. He committed adultery pretty much the majority of the 14 years we were together which I basically found out when I found pics of him and another woman on his phone. He is no longer with the woman he was having a relationship with for over 2 years but now with another woman from Indonesia and he sent me an email telling me they are having a baby and he's getting married to her and there's nothing I can do about it. rubbing it in my face of course. He was over there for 2 weeks and when he came back to the states a few weeks later she told his she was pregnant and he's the father. According to my daughter he wanted the woman to have an abortion or put it up for adoption cause he say's he's too old and she said at her age she wasn't planning on taking care of and raising another baby but she is catholic and it goes against her religion.

Every one keeps telling me I need to move on cause it's apparent that he sure has. I know I have to move on but it's so hard and I still find myself crying when I think about the day I had to stand there and watch him destroy everything in my home which I have pics of all of it and the police wouldn't do anything cause they said it was community property. then the man said he hoped my car blows up with me in it when I was going to work on another day. then not long after that another day he had me holed up in a room and was boarding up the doors with boards and screws and said that before the night was done I was going to the hospital and he's going to jail for it. This is the kind of stuff that is still in my head every day and it's so hard to get it out. My sister for whatever reason is still on his facebook page and seemed not to care at all about my feelings and made sure to tell me just how beautiful his new woman is that she is tiny with long black hair and more.. I cried that day too..

I'm finding it very difficult moving forward with my life. He just threw me away like garbage and went after a woman who is in her 30's and he's in his 50's and so she's younger, thinner, prettier, able to have children, and from a different country.. I feel so ugly and old and useless. Is there any solution out there to get past this cause most people that have never gone through this seem to think it's so easy to just move on with your life...


updated by @jodi-hill: 02/26/17 02:03:04AM
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

sorry to hear about your troubles.

Yeah, in my experience emotions can be sticky things! My mind can often resolve a situation quickly, but getting the emotional body to follow suit often takes more time....

A few things:

- I have long ago decided that I do not want to suffer anymore - full-stop! Andy negative emotion I have I had over to the Divine for healing, or ground them off, into the Earth!

- What really helps me relationship wise is to have realized that I am individualized divine Spirit. As such I am whole. I do not need anyone, anything to 'complete' me. I am single, but happy that way, as no more desperation to need to find a soul mate to be 'complete'... If you do not feel your wholeness - you could use an affirmation/ prayer like - 'I Am whole! I am complete! I am beautiful! I am individualized Divine Spirit! And I thank the Divine for perfect healing help to fully feel this!

- What we are is eternal! Yes the illusion of ageing in these bodies can be very convincing, but if you e.g. close your eyes and concentrate on your Soul Star (2 finger width above your naval), you might feel your eternal nature better!

- Use decording exercises with your Ex. I.e. cut all energetic cords. His energies are likely still feeding off you suffering (for/ about him), so cut those connections. Several times if need be! You can also use a simple prayer, such as - 'I forgive myself, I forgive him - I let go in love and I thank the Divine for perfect (relationship) healings! Amen!'

- If you have not already read up about narcissists, sociopaths, brainwashing and mind control. Not all might be relevant, but finding out of the 'psychology' of such a bad relationship can help rationalize things.

- From what you describe - You are very strong to have survived all this. He sounds like a very confused man, perhaps you should rather count yourself 'lucky' that your paths diverted, than feel jilted?

I'm sure you'll get there

Love and Light!

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I often wonder what it feels like to be in love. Oh yes, I have loved and still love but I have not "loved" like you do this man. Even though he's not worthy of your love , you love him to pieces. He has done everything but put a sword though your heart, and you still love him and see hope. Now, your trying to put yourself back together without him. Two years has slipped by and you haven't moved on. I don't think he is the problem here anymore. He is your daughters father and you will forever be connected to some degree but it's time to take care of yourself. Get MAD, it's ok to be mad as hell. He can't do anything about it now. He's gone. Then, forgive him, not for his benefit, but for yourself. Until then, his memory is going to haunt you. I have a friend that is going though what you have already survived and I just want to shake her and tell her" look at you, your beautiful smart and deserve so much better than that "! And you do too. No one deserves this. But revenge isn't an option , it's a waste of energy and time cause there is nothing you can do to hurt him like he had hurt you Except to forgive him and walk away. It's not that he has won, refuse to play his game anymore. Your daughter is watching you and how you are handeling this situation and you are her role model. Let her see, it's ok to walk away from a awful situation. It's ok to clean a chalk board and start over. She is your and his daughter and is not going to be used as a go between to hurt each other.But this is only a logical opinion because I have not walked in your shoes, but I have felt deep pain and that's not a good feeling. Not for so many years. Bless your heart. The only way I see is to cut them cords of contact. And then cut them cords that binds you to him. Tell your daughter you are in a state of healing and you don't won't to hear anything about him and you want her to respect your wishes , only take his calls if it has somethings conceding your daughter. Anything else, hang up. Don't open his emails, delete them. Do not respond to his kindness on his good days. He has made his decision and there is no going back or changing it. Take care of yourself. Love and light.
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I'm still waiting on thishttps://youtu.be/Ll2H3TIt0PE
Jodi Hill
@jodi-hill
last year
89 posts

He is NOT the father of my children. he was their stepfather. He moved next door to my daughter in Florida to cause more problems for me and because his own children want nothing to do with him cause of everything he's been doing. My daughter is naive and so he's always been able to suck her in to his lies and deceit. She is the only one that keeps dealing with him anymore. but no I have no biological children to this man.

4peace
@4peace
last year
187 posts

Hi Hon, I totally agree with Goodenergyhealing. Your ex is a narcissist through and through. They are attracted to empaths. Definitely cut cords.

You are so much better than what you think you are. I'm almost 50 so I understand the whole getting older thing. But I also think I'm getting better too :) My body may sag and droop, but my mind is awesome, even on those days when my back and knees are killing me :)

You need to learn to be comfortable with you. You do not need this man. Say to yourself "I am free! I can learn who I am now!" Learn about something new, take a class or pick up a new hobby. All the affirmations mentioned above are really good, so do those too. Learn about and practice loving and healing yourself. It's a lot easier said than done, but it can be done. You deserve it!!!

Peace

Jodi Hill
@jodi-hill
last year
89 posts

thank you. I am trying to be me. I've always been in a long term relationship so being on my own is something for me that is a bit challenging. I feel lonely alot of the times. I don't really have much contact with my ex anymore. He is now currently in yet another new relationship since we split. I think this is the 3rd one now in the last 2 years but this one is from Indonesia and she's in her 30's. He's almost 55. According to him, she is carrying his child and he's getting married. of course he had to email me to throw it in my face. but I will be visiting my grand kid's in a few weeks and they live basically right next door to him for now and I have this really strong feeling that he will attempt to start his crap with me even though my daughter and her husband assure me that he will leave me alone they don't know him like I do.

Lele
@lele
last year
2 posts

Hi Jodi,

I read this and your earlier post.

My wish for you is to find a way to cut all ties with this man and everyone and thing that is connected to him. Including your sister. (yikes! What a betrayal it must feel like that she continues to engage with him and talk to you about it after his abuse and overpowering and threatening you!)

It may take you a long span of time to recover from the trauma of the relationship. Until you do, any continued contact, directly or indirectly through these other connections may just feel like a continued and constant revisiting of the abuse and re-traumatizing emotionally.

I hope that you have some kind of support in your life. Some person or people that understand how much TLC you need in order to heal. If not, are you able to find a part of yourself that understands that and can you find ways to show yourself some tenderness?

I hope that you can find the space to heal, feel what you need to around it, and come home to yourself. It sounds like you've been in the trenches a long time.

There have been many long periods in my life in which I was unable to connect with any beauty or joy. Lots of self-compassion was and still is needed to begin to and continue to heal from the trauma and abuse I lived through.

I hope you find your way, sister.

Sending you peace and vibrations from the heart.

Ecila
@ecila
last year
898 posts

In addition to the excellent advice already given I would just like to add that the best revenge is for you to be happy. Other than that, you must find a way to stop thinking about him. It's not easy but can be done. There are many websites and some books on how to stop obsessive thoughts.

A few books you might check out:

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You


Women Who Love Too Much (I think I read this one when I was divorced)

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