I was wanting/needing some advice on how to be in a relationship and NOT respond to your emotional baggage??
Background - Ive been with my partner off and on for 8yrs, we have 3 children together + i have an older child from prev. relationship. When we first met he was in a very very dark place (so was I but I guess mine wasn't as dark as his) and literally no one was giving him the time of day. Over the years we have been through so much, so much hurt, so much pain, but have I have felt an intense love towards him. I gave him what he needed throughout the beginning years, which was simply an ear to be heard, a shoulder to cry on, a person to "see" him for the amazing guy he is. I helped him to get to "a place of relative normalsy" basically to a point he could walk into a counsellor and they wouldn't send him to an institution.... He has since worked so hard at becoming an amazing person, fantastic father, wonderful partner and a great provider.
I have always been an empath, but have only recently found the term "empath" and learning that I'm not crazy and not alone. I have talked to him so many times about "absorbing others emotions and feelings and thoughts" and he has always reassured me that he "understands" (although he will very rarely comment or discuss it rather just listen to what i'm saying, he also doesn't like it too much or is fearful/annoyed by it) and doesn't think I'm crazy. We have had many discussions about the spiritual and share very similar beliefs. However, I am always plagued with this feeling that there is "something" standing between us... kind of like the "big white elephant in the room" and I struggle with understanding whether this is something that he has done that he is lying about, or something that is more spiritually based that he has no idea about and therefore does not yet exist for him, or is something that he can feel but is just blocking it. The "something" I feel is that he doesn't feel that intense love that I feel for him, not because of me, but simply because he doesn't feel that deeply due to all the hurt and pain he has felt in his lifetime and that he guards himself from loving.
So many times I have caused arguments with him because I jump the gun and say there is "something" there, "something" going on. How do I catch myself before this happens so I don't ruin our relationship and how far things have come? How do I not freak him out and make him feel like this is all just too much to handle?
I have so many other things going on due to this empathic ability that i am beginning (yet again as it's happened before) to feel as though I'm a drama queen, or making it up something or like its just waaayyy too much for me to handle....
Thankyou for any advice insights provided.
updated by @renee: 05/15/17 06:51:30PM