How to keep my mouth shut???

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Renee
@renee
5 years ago
137 posts

Hello all,

I was wanting/needing some advice on how to be in a relationship and NOT respond to your emotional baggage??

Background - Ive been with my partner off and on for 8yrs, we have 3 children together + i have an older child from prev. relationship. When we first met he was in a very very dark place (so was I but I guess mine wasn't as dark as his) and literally no one was giving him the time of day. Over the years we have been through so much, so much hurt, so much pain, but have I have felt an intense love towards him. I gave him what he needed throughout the beginning years, which was simply an ear to be heard, a shoulder to cry on, a person to "see" him for the amazing guy he is. I helped him to get to "a place of relative normalsy" basically to a point he could walk into a counsellor and they wouldn't send him to an institution.... He has since worked so hard at becoming an amazing person, fantastic father, wonderful partner and a great provider.

I have always been an empath, but have only recently found the term "empath" and learning that I'm not crazy and not alone. I have talked to him so many times about "absorbing others emotions and feelings and thoughts" and he has always reassured me that he "understands" (although he will very rarely comment or discuss it rather just listen to what i'm saying, he also doesn't like it too much or is fearful/annoyed by it) and doesn't think I'm crazy. We have had many discussions about the spiritual and share very similar beliefs. However, I am always plagued with this feeling that there is "something" standing between us... kind of like the "big white elephant in the room" and I struggle with understanding whether this is something that he has done that he is lying about, or something that is more spiritually based that he has no idea about and therefore does not yet exist for him, or is something that he can feel but is just blocking it. The "something" I feel is that he doesn't feel that intense love that I feel for him, not because of me, but simply because he doesn't feel that deeply due to all the hurt and pain he has felt in his lifetime and that he guards himself from loving.

So many times I have caused arguments with him because I jump the gun and say there is "something" there, "something" going on. How do I catch myself before this happens so I don't ruin our relationship and how far things have come? How do I not freak him out and make him feel like this is all just too much to handle?

I have so many other things going on due to this empathic ability that i am beginning (yet again as it's happened before) to feel as though I'm a drama queen, or making it up something or like its just waaayyy too much for me to handle....

Thankyou for any advice insights provided.

Sincerest Gratitude

Renee


updated by @renee: 05/15/17 06:51:30PM
Renee
@renee
5 years ago
137 posts

Thankyou so much for your thoughts on this Q, they do resonate deeply with me. I love recieving replies on here as i know they will be beneficial for me and in the same plane as i am on.... thankyou

I guess, in general, I have learnt to be at peace with the love I recieve from him, i look at it as "this is within his abilities to love", he is more physical, Its taken a long time but I'm ok with that. The problem is now that he works away from home, so he is away fro 4 weeks at a time. In the past when i would begin to "feel" this "something" coming through I would cuddle him, lay with him, whatever i took to feel that love from him. But now I cannot do that and it becomes really difficult when i can just feel that "something" and nothing else from him.

I actually had a really beautiful and strange experience right after writing this post, I had meditated early in the day and asked why we were together if there was this disconnection with us and was shown that our relationship was to heal alot of past hurts (which it has been and still is), i was then interupted and had to stop. Later in the night after writing this post I decided to meditate again and go back to this point, I asked if it was to simply heal what would come after, immediately i felt him hold me and had an overwhelming sense of warmth and love come through from him, I could hear him thanking me for everything and telling me how much he loved me as well as reassuring me that I was ok and he accepted me. I was overcome with emotion and just sat and cried with happiness and sadness at the same time.

Later in the evening (as we had had an argument and he had been refusing to ring or message me) i was sending him love and asking for a sign that he felt this love on a physical level, rather than just spiritually, within a minute the phone rang and it was him to tell me that he loved me more than he could explain!!! the whole lot was truly beautiful and the love that i felt was something that i had never felt from him in that way before.

I am trying to work my way through the survival techniques, however i am finding that I really do need to work constantly on them. At the moment when i ground or shield it will give me a small amount of time of relief, so i find myself shielding and grounding all day.... I need to work on strengthening it, i am going to look into some crystals that i can wear that may help in shielding.

I think I will definately need to speak with him about this as I really don't want it to ruin all the progress we have made. I will have a window of opportunity to speak with him in 4 weeks so will definately be bringing it up as well as just a general discussion regarding what is going on with me. I think this will help a great deal.

I do feel also that I need someone to be able to openly speak to someone about being an empath, however I have noone around me....hence why i am loving this website. My partner is open at times to discussing or listening, however this is few and far between. I have a sister who is very spiritual, however, not empathic, she is very closed off in general, very guarded and will pick and choose when she lets people in, so i can speak to her briefly about spirituality, shamanism etc but havent yet brought up the subject or empathic. Other than that, no one!!!

How long have you and your partner been together? I questioned my relationship constantly, and we used to separate very frequently, however I am a believer in divine timing/fate and found that we were never both ready to leave at the same time. The only time we were ready I then found out I was pregnant again and we were pulled back together. at this point i did suggest he leave if he wasnt ready for this, however if he chose to stay he had to lift him game and make the transition to be more inline with where me and the kids were headed. he very quickly made the changes to shift more towards us rather than his old way of living....

I do feel that 2 yrs on he is now beginning to open up a little bit to more spiritual beliefs.... but it is a lloonnnggg process. I do truly love him, so i feel this will need to suffice until we reach the next step...

Renee
@renee
5 years ago
137 posts

Hi Peter thankyou for your thoughts on this I do truly appreciate them. I too am a believer in our environment and experiences are a reflection of whats within. I have thought about what you have said and believe it to be a reflection of my ability to receive love or be loved maybe.

I'm not sure I feel the same regarding dropping to a lower vibration though, as I have seen his vibrations lift with me over the years, however as he is raising his vibrations I am continuing to raise mine so we are still not completely "insync". I'm a believer in Divine timing and divine fate, I do believe him and i are meant to be on this journey together at the moment for as long as that moment needs to last for the good and the bad. its just a matter of navigating our way through the muddy patches.

Thankyou for your insights and thoughts

blessings

renee

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