Cutting the Cord???

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Cara
@cara
2 years ago
6 posts

I have a situation. From birth my mom has been extremely attached to me. I have another sibling but she has been dependent on me and no one else. Within the last eight years my dad left her, her father passed, and her close sister moved away. She has no friends and is completely emotionally disconnected from people. She is also a chronic thinker, worrier, and suffers from anxiety.

At times I feel as though she is sucking the life out of me. I know that I allow this to happen but have been unable to protect myself no matter what I do or try. I'm wanting to move on with my life, which includes leaving her but I don't want to hurt her in the process, I'm not sure if she would be able to mentally handle it.

I do things that I necessary don't want to do in order to not hurt people but this is to the extreme. I feel as though this is a toxic relationship but I'm not sure what to do and being an empath amplifies things. I need to cut the cord. Any suggestions would be helpful.


updated by @cara: 03/13/17 07:03:53AM
Kaitlyn Brokaw
@kaitlyn-brokaw
2 years ago
216 posts
I am so sorry to hear this! Well, I think that she is way too dependent on you, too much for comfort. She needs to learn how to take care of herself, and the only way she's going to learn that is if you do cut the cord. It should be good for both of you. But, don't lose complete contact with your mom, she loves you and having you lose all contact would break her mother heart. Just a call here or there, visits for holidays. But again, it is your life and I can't really force you to do anything. Whatever you feel is the best way, do it. Even if it does turn out to be a huge volcanoe blocking the road, you will both learn something. Or maybe, you should just try to explain how you feel to your mom. I think that would be the best way for both of you.
Cara
@cara
2 years ago
6 posts

Thank you for your perspective, your story truly resonates with me and I hope the best for you and your daughter...I truly do. I did leave out that my mom was also in an abusive relationship and lost a baby at five month gestation due to the abuse, my brother, before she had me. All she ever wanted was to be a mother and wife but her marriage was horrific but she always felt as though she deserved it.

I've always wished for her to be able to see herself as I see her and to know her worth and to truly learn to love herself and stop giving her power away to her abusers by continuing their work. I do understand how much I mean to my mother. We currently have a family business so we are always together but with my career change I wont be around as much and want to make it as easy as possible for her. Thank you so much for your story, it really helps reiterate compassion.

What could your daughter have done differently that would have enabled her to create space without hurting you but still maintain the relationship?

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