Breaking up

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Karen
@karen
3 years ago
28 posts

By significant other and I are breaking up. Not because we don't love each other, but because he suffers from PTSD. I've begged for months that he get treatment but he refuses. So I had to end it. It's hard to explain what living with someone with PTSD is like...it is not pretty. As he was packing yesterday he said if I let him stay he would call the VA right then. But I know he wouldn't follow thru. He had months to do that...he had an appointment once and cancelled it. So after many discussions with people familiar with PTSD I have to let him go. I can only hope that he will hit a bottom and will seek treatment for himself and not because I want him too.

But it's been very hard on me. I am feeling not only my feelings but his as well. Double whammy. Yesterday I was so bad. I was shaking...then he came in the house and told me that he was so scared he was shaking. I hope I am doing the right thing.


updated by @karen: 07/01/17 11:52:42AM
Janett Niemi
@janett-niemi
3 years ago
86 posts

Karen:

Chuck said it very well.

Even though Empaths are about helping others, sometimes we need to sit back and ask, "This is my life. What do I need to do to best serve myself?"

I am sending you love and courage to do the right thing-for you!

-janett-

inlanddan
@inlanddan
3 years ago
387 posts

Just like anything else in life's struggles we need to remember we can not really help others. All we can do is encourage them to help themselves. I am a PTSD survivor myself. It is a very hard thing to overcome. I feel very sorry for him and for you. I think you are doing the right thing for both of you. Unfortunately there is a lot of hurt involved but in the end it is about healing for everyone.

Evolving
@evolving
2 years ago
46 posts

Hi, Karen!

It's been almost 2 years since you wrote this post. I hope by now that your life has settled down for the better.

I had a hard break up about 6 months ago. I was with my BF in a turbulent relationship for 6 years. He has OCD. For the most part, I could overlook his need to recheck things repeatedly, always having to drive certain ways and certain roads, prepare the same meals over and over again...these were the little things.

The big things involved his need to control me and my life. He put down my personal decisions to return to school, to my decisions to support my daughter, to take my own trips, to how I handled my work stress and spent my money. His approach was to be harsh, critical and he used put downs. It took me a long time to figure out why I was crying and nervous around him so much of the time.

When things were good, we had great times. We'd travel together, do home repairs together, the yard work, cooking and movie watching. There were times of peace, tranquility and love. That is what made it difficult to break up. This is what I felt guilty about for months.

In the end, I know I made the right decision. He can't help wanting to control what is around him...including me. I had to take a stand for myself, and do what was best for me. And, that meant opening my eyes enough to realize that the daily little nagging habits he had wore on my nerves. It took me getting away to see how many times I held my breath around him, felt confined and restricted, felt angry and sad and like I was the one who was always compromising. We did not speak for 5 months. And then, his father just died, and my heart went out to him.

Over the past 6 weeks, we've texted, emailed and spoke briefly on the phone. I can now say that I can be a bit of a friend to him and support him from afar. I have strong boundaries set up for myself, and I know that I can protect myself. This brings me peace and comfort. I can now say that we are casual friends.

I wish you healing and peace,

Evolving

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