It's been almost 2 years since you wrote this post. I hope by now that your life has settled down for the better.
I had a hard break up about 6 months ago. I was with my BF in a turbulent relationship for 6 years. He has OCD. For the most part, I could overlook his need to recheck things repeatedly, always having to drive certain ways and certain roads, prepare the same meals over and over again...these were the little things.
The big things involved his need to control me and my life. He put down my personal decisions to return to school, to my decisions to support my daughter, to take my own trips, to how I handled my work stress and spent my money. His approach was to be harsh, critical and he used put downs. It took me a long time to figure out why I was crying and nervous around him so much of the time.
When things were good, we had great times. We'd travel together, do home repairs together, the yard work, cooking and movie watching. There were times of peace, tranquility and love. That is what made it difficult to break up. This is what I felt guilty about for months.
In the end, I know I made the right decision. He can't help wanting to control what is around him...including me. I had to take a stand for myself, and do what was best for me. And, that meant opening my eyes enough to realize that the daily little nagging habits he had wore on my nerves. It took me getting away to see how many times I held my breath around him, felt confined and restricted, felt angry and sad and like I was the one who was always compromising. We did not speak for 5 months. And then, his father just died, and my heart went out to him.
Over the past 6 weeks, we've texted, emailed and spoke briefly on the phone. I can now say that I can be a bit of a friend to him and support him from afar. I have strong boundaries set up for myself, and I know that I can protect myself. This brings me peace and comfort. I can now say that we are casual friends.
I wish you healing and peace,