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Jodi Hill
3 years ago
89 posts

Last year I found out that the man I married and had been with for 14 years had gone on a Russian dating/marriage site and met a woman and started on online relationship with her then eventually ended up physical. I found out by accident when I picked up his phone and saw pictures of the two of them together on a trip he told me he was going on that was business with his job. When I confronted him about it he laughed in my face and said he has been dating her for over 2 years and that he wants a divorce from me and so on. Then he tells me that he broke it off with this woman after a few months of having this discussion with me and agreed to work on our marriage but he had lied and was lying to both me and this woman. On top of all this while he was still married to me carrying on this "relationship" with this Russian woman he was also having internet sex with other women. I finally filed for divorce but recently withdrew it telling him that I'm not paying for the divorce and since he committed the adultery he can pay for it out of his own pocket. He tells me that he is in a hurry to get divorced from me so he can bring this woman over here for good and marry her and make her legal.

This has all be very painful for me to deal with and what makes it even harder is the fact that he packed up what he could in his car and we lost our house to foreclosure and I was forced to move out and am now living in my dad's house which is a very depressing negative scene and my spouse drove to Florida where he claimed a job awaited him which by the way he no longer works at and that woman just so happened to end up there with him for a week before having to go back to Russia. When he lost that job he ended up over at my daughter's home asking to stay at her father in laws who lives next door to them and the man said yes so now my spouse who betrayed me is living next door to my daughter and interacting with her and my grandkid's and my daughter knows full well what he did to me and the pain he has caused me but yet she allows him in their lives and has recently told me to not contact her anymore cause she don't want in the middle of this but yet she would call me talking to me about what he's doing and saying down there including that she was allowing him to sit in her home on his computer talking to this Russian woman.

I now have no relationship with my daughter as she has apparently chosen this man over her own mother and prior she would sit on the phone and tell me I should be glad to be away from him for doing what he did to me and that "just sit back mom cause Karma will get him" and so on but now defends him and accuses me of being hell bent on destroying his life instead of worrying about my own. She tells me to get over it and move on with my life but knowing he is down there with them it is so hard for me and making matters worse is she chose him over me and defends him and seems to treat him like he did a good thing by causing me so much pain.. I just dont' know what to do or how to feel about this whole situation. I have no support system here physically so I'm trying so hard to cope with all of this on my own. The only thing I really have going for me is my job and even that is hard some days to deal with when I have the issue with what my spouse did to me and that my own daughter has betrayed me..

updated by @jodi-hill: 05/27/17 03:28:49PM
3 years ago
731 posts

Hi Jodi,

Here are my thoughts:

1/ As rough as the whole situation is, did you really want to spend the rest of your life with a liar and a cheat?

2/ Don't give up on your daughter. Phone her once a week (or whatever seems right to you) to ask how she and the children are? Politely refuse to discuss him?

3/ You have your job. Concentrate on making it work. It gives you a starting point.

4/ Do something nice for yourself (and someone else if you can) every day. Ithink it mightmake you feel better.

5/ Decide that you will spendYOUR ENERGYonYOU -and your future.

6/ Enjoy your FREEDOM.

These are just my thoughts. I wish you well, Jodi.

Jodi Hill
3 years ago
89 posts

thank you everyone for your replies. I am trying hard to NOT think about what he did to me but some day's I wake up and it's just there and then it puts me in a foul mood and I start to cry. I just will never understand how someone like that gets away with hurting other's so badly. He no sooner left for another state and got a job and will be moving into a place of his own shortly in order that he can bring his Russian woman over for the holiday's to spend with him. My daughter seems to think he's an amazing man only due to he send's her text messages telling her how he doesn't think it's right how her father in law talks to her and her husband does nothing about it. She doesn't seem to care how badly he hurt me.

I read back through all of my journals that I had kept for 14 years just to realize that this man had been messing around on me for most of those years and although I was keep a log of that and my suspicions it appears my eyes were closed to it all until I found those pics of him with that woman on his phone is when it all blew up. I have my job as stressful as it is but it's what I have right now. It just angers me that he walks around with his head held high as if he never did anything wrong while I still hurt from everything he did to me and knowing he is in a "relationship" with this other woman who knew he was married but carried on anyway with him and even went so far as to go on my facebook page and call me horrible names making fun of me and I'm about to end a year and start off a new year alone with nobody to share my life with..I have never been one to like being alone for very long and for me it's been many months of loneliness and I hate it..I tried telling my mom that the longer I am alone and have no soul mate to share everything with the more upset I become..

I'm just not sure how to get out from under it all to move on. I do know that I did nothing wrong to warrant this man to do what he did to me. If he was so unhappy he could have left at any time instead of putting me through years of this stuff. How does someone like that keep getting away with it? How do I learn to trust again and open my heart to allow another man in when I fear that it will happen to me all over again?

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