I am very ill, and I don't know why

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Enterich
@enterich
last year
1 posts

I guess I've known for a while now that I am an empath. Sorry if this discussion sounds off, I can't really talk to people right now, that is, Ishouldn't be trying to. This is already going to get upsetting and I know that, just please remember that I am not a leech, and I would only ever use these powers for good. But I am a bad person by nature, but I have the power to become good, and that's what I want, but I can't do it like this. I guess I'll cut to the chase; I have only ever really existed between two things; physical and emotional pain. I've never felt what happiness is, really; I've only ever been upset or in pain, and as sick as it is, I now enjoy being upset. I draw life from it, and I'm so sorry. I often cannot feel anything for myself most of the time, I have to feel something from others. That isn't to say it's always like that; sometimes I can feel sad by myself. But other times there's this thing in the way, I like to call it the Headache. My entire brain hurts physically, and I can't feel a thing. I can't do anything either. I can't draw, I can't write, I can't talk to people...it's hard for me to talk to them anyways, and my entire purpose in life is to write, and just feel emotion and be empathetic. I can't write and interact without emotion, and I can't feel emotion without other people, either that, or the Headache gets in the way. I know it isn't like a normal headache; it's stayed for months before, until I was dropped back into a constant stasis of stress, and when I have tried to do something like vent, my god am I punished for it. I can't move if I do, and no emotion is actually released. It just caught up with me again (writing this I'm starting to feel something, but I know as soon as I stop it's coming right back again. I can actually feel it creeping up right now). I don't want to be an emotional vampire. That's not right. But anything is better than this pain. I can do good; I have taken pain away from my friend before, just by touching her, and no matter how bad it hurts to withdraw, I never farm people; I try to resolve their awful emotions instead of just absorbing them. These things I cannot do at will though. So I suppose I'm asking advice on several things; how do I access emotions of my own, how do I get rid of this Headache, if there is a way, and how to I begin to heal people at will? I don't want to be a vampire, I don't think I should be evil, I really want to change the way I'm wired. Please, I need some sort of advice if you can offer it.


updated by @enterich: 03/25/17 07:05:19AM
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I guess my first question is do you meditate ? And if so , do you ground yourself? Even though I knew I was different from others all my life I also had a anger problem. Where others would cry or hide from everyone and everything. I fought. I would get so a very because everyone was so needy. I was pulled in so many directions I would just want to hide. That is until I found this forum. Now I'm more level. And it's because I learned to ground. It was the beginning of my journey. Not saying I don't still have my moments but I know to find my center and that's were the good me lives. They have some information on how to turn this down slowly on the introduction on this forum or some of the more experienced members can direct you to them. We all have been there and understand where your at at this moment. And these folks here are wonderful. Don't be afraid to ask questions or just post your feelings because we do it also. If you need to talk just message me and I will help all I can. This will pass. And your whole world will change when you learn how to somewhat control it. It will be more of an enjoyable journey. Tomorrow is s new day. You just have to learn to bring the light to it. Peace
Enterich
@enterich
last year
1 posts

I know this is going to sound stupid, but it's hard for me to. I can't focus very well, but it's something I'm working on. But I have no idea how to ground myself (I honestly didn't know that was part of the process). It's gotten to the point that I honestly want my family to be afraid of me. But I know that's an evil thought process, so I just try not to pursue it. I'm sure if they knew any of this they would be. Thank you so much though, and I'm sorry it took me so long to respond to you. Thank you.

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I'm so sorry also. I didn't get a notification that you had replied. You don't have to meditate to ground. You can ground in nature. Getting outside (hard to this time of year). Setting in woods or In your yard handling rocks, animals, anything to connect with the earth will help ground you Huggjng a tree (I know it sounds strange ) or anything like that will help. Yes, meditation helps me the most but I bought my first grounding stone today.It sounds like your a healer but you must take care of your self before you can help anyone else. I don't know what your belief system is but sounds you need to learn to cut the pain cords after you take pain from people or let it flow though you and out of you. You can't hold their pain in you. Before I learn to cut cords I was doing the same thing and I was so messed in the head. I feel physical and mental pain from people and animals and I was a total nervous wreak. There are slit of good healers on this site and I have found if you post on the blog or activity page more people seems to reply. I'm not sure why.The part where you said you want your family to be afraid of you, it's so they will stay away from you so you won't "feel" so much? If so, it don't work that way. Your an Empath, and until you learn to control the feelings your taking in, you can't stop it . Some of the feelings your feeling could be from complete strangers.Last week I had stopped to talk to a young mother to be that's unborn child had died and she was waiting on the doctor to induce labor. I touched her arm and her grid was so strong and ran though me, I could not get out of the building fast enough. I couldn't breath well and started having heart pains and I do not have a heart condiction. I went home and cut those cords of her pain. So see, we have to learn these skills to live somewhat of a normal life and once we do, we can help others.I have to tell you once you learn to control it you will also feel the good vibs and they are wonderful. I Sure you have some skills you haven't decovered yet because you feel so much. We are put here , I believe , to help others. Even the ones that has alrady passed on.I didn't know either, when learning or putting a word with my abalities, Empath, that there was a whole world of things waiting on me to learn for my journey. To tell you the truth I didn't have time to stop to meditate everyday until one night I sat down after the house got quite and found a Guided meditation on YouTube that was only 10 min. I tried it and even though I didn't know what I was doing, it worked so I started doing it every night cause I felt so much better and calmer and I found other meditations now I'm a meditating freak. Lol. I have also learned I am not responsible for making everyone happy and I cannot solve all of the worlds problems.But I started out by typing in "meditations for Empaths and it so happened to be a grounding and protection meditation. It helps clear my mind and gives me a few min of peace. The peace I needed. I hope I have helped a little because I took up a lot of your time with this long reply. Im sending you some light with love and peace of mind.
Enterich
@enterich
last year
1 posts

Thank you, I really do appreciate it. I'm going to start looking into one as well as initiate some further attempts into meditation, especially in a natural environment, but before I do if it's okay I would like to message you? I have a concern that I don't want entirely public, and I hope if it's okay I could voice this to you?

Enterich
@enterich
last year
1 posts

Nature is the one thing that has granted me complete and utter peace at times, if only for a little bit. I hope to reconnect with her someday soon, I just haven't had the time. Always been called by commercial and urban concerns like my schooling and this awful financial situation. I just hope that she knows I'm trying.

About family, it's mostly because I don't want to feel those emotions anymore, but it's also because they torture me and sometimes willingly. It's, hard to know what they're intending. I'm beginning to really hate them, not because of the emotions they can't help, but how they're directing it towards me. Like wanting to dominate me, if that makes sense. It's like, knowing that their intentions are predatory, not just isolated to themselves, you know? I want them to fear me so that I guess they won't feel the need to do that anymore. But it is also so that I don't have to have this horrible frustration from them, too. (I've tried resolving that too; it's becoming apparent that it's no longer my fault because I have prostrated myself before them several times, and they just want more, and hate me now because I just refuse. So this awful, vengeance instinct is here, and I just want them to shake and avoid even thinking of me, like it does to me now. But that is evil, and I really shouldn't want that.)

Cutting the cords of pain, allowing it to flow back through...I know a couple of people who used to do that, but they don't talk to us anymore (they hate my landlord, and I am guilty by association. So, although we are facebook friends still, they would never actually speak to me. In fact, one of them has taught his daughter how to curse us all, which is beyond awful parenting. I mean, he could've at least tried to himself and left his poor daughter out of it, but no. He has to poison others, even his own children. I'm sorry, I'm just, disgusted, you know?). I wouldn't begin to know how, but I have to assume that that ability would come with the grounding and meditation, wouldn't it? I'm sorry, I know I'm really ignorant and that must be frustrating, but please know that I am trying. But if the video helped you, then I am definitely looking for it. And yes, you have helped me a lot and I do appreciate it immensely! Thank you, both for taking the time to write this out and for sending me this light. I want to know I appreciate it, and I'm sorry if I rambled at all in this response.

The Lioness ~*Q*~
@the-lioness-q
last year
126 posts

Hi Enterich,

I would first like to say how sorry I am that you are going through hard times and know that I understand how you feel. In regards to your health, I sense that you are not currently eating correctly and this is affecting your health and has lowered your brains ability to adequetly deal with your daily stress intake. I am very much into hebals at the moment and have a sense that you need more iron in your diet. You need to eat more spinach and watercress and such. Also for a faster fix if you are having headachs there is a plant that can help with that if only during the moment of pain. It is called Glechoma Hederacia "Ground Ivy"-- the picture is down there below.

1170_discussions.jpg1171_discussions.jpgIf you can find this plant which should be easy as it is a common grower you can take it and dry it for 10-14 days and when you experience a headach you can crush it in your hand and inhale plants scent. This is known to take away headachs. Its the scent of the crushed leaves that takes the pain away. This Plant is very powerful and I've had much personal experience and usage with it.

As for your family Im getting the impression that they need some good ol' family training. I think that they are used to dealing with you in this way because they are feeding off the high level of energy you as an empath are giving off. Everytime they are dealing with you they are getting a power surge off you which for a non empath can be addicting, even though they dont understand why, they want to keep coming back for more. I would really consider trying to change the tone of your house hold. And attemptto make peace.

Bing
@bing
last year
547 posts

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Wilburhawes85
@wilburhawes85
last year
4 posts

Please don't take this as a judgement. but reading what you had to say it sounds like to me that your not fimilur with yourself and you spent most of your life maybe mirroring other people and there energys. and If you want something in life well theres always hope on getting that just sometimes you really have to work hard on it. and maybe do your own research on the tools you need to be the person you wanna be. doing a lot Of meditations helps you find your true self but making sure your not distracted by people and there energy.

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