anybody else have this problem?

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ren mcquiston
@ren-mcquiston
4 years ago
16 posts
OK. So this sounds really bizarre, at least to me. Maybe I just don't understand what is happening. I keep running into this situation with various people in my life, usually friends with whom I spend a lot of time. They are my friends but nothing more. It seems like people become obsessed with me. To the point where they feel like they have a need to own me? Everything will be OK and then suddenly something changes in their behavior towards me. They want me to themselves or something. To the point that they start trying to get me to spend time with them only. They become possessive of my time and energy. Its even gone as far as them asking me to spend time with them without telling my wife of thirteen years that we're hanging out. That's usually the point where I turn tail and run. I've lost so many meaningful friendships this way that I've truly lost count. I don't have any desire to keep secrets from my soulmate and can't understand why this keeps happening. I don't think its a romantic thing at all. Simply a desire to possess me or what I am or the wisdom everyone says I possess. I really don't know what it is. I'm in the process of losing a good friend right now. My wife and I have had this particular friend for a little over a year now. He is also an empath, so maybe that's why I am so surprised. He and my wife have been at each other's throats a lot lately. They work together and probably shouldn't. I have been trying to stay out of their argument, hoping that they will work it out. But recently I had lunch with him and he told me that he's done being my wife's friend. That I'm the one he cares about. And we can hang out together when she's not around. And then he goes on to tell me that I don't have to tell her that I've seen him or that we hang out. Why on earth would I do that? It just seems wrong to me to keep my friendship with him a secret. Like I'm doing something wrong. This has happened so often with so many people I just don't know what to make of it. During my conversation with him I guess you could say that my Spidey senses were tingling. I felt like he was describing what was going on between him and my wife so that he intentionally looked better than her to me. That he wasn't being authentic with me or about anything really. And that he was trying to cause strife between my wife and I. I felt like he was trying to manipulate me into being deceitful. It was so uncomfortable that I don't have any desire to continue being his friend.So my question is, why does this keep happening? How do I prevent it in the future if that's possible and do any of you find yourselves experiencing this sort of thing?Please help. I'm tired of losing friends this way.
updated by @ren-mcquiston: 03/04/17 09:07:10AM
Gigi Miner
@gigi-miner
4 years ago
7 posts

Why does it happen? I can only guess - that these people like how they feel in your energy and want more. Think of it like a drug. And it's human nature to manipulate the information for their own benefit. Wish I could say differently, but there are few...and I mean very, very few folks who will be able to separate their own desires from any truth in a situation.

Trust your gut. do what you feel is best for you and your own sense of honor. It is a lonely path when you walk it with integrity. Even fellow empaths will subconsciously try to control things. We're stuck in these vessels. You really have to take on some heavy self-awareness to side-step all the mess.

If you can use these moments to help those trying to use you to get them to see what they're doing, maybe that's part of the path. Most won't want to see the truth of their behavior, so be prepared for some ill-received behavior on their parts. But, one never knows if being a mirror might help another soul take a step forward.

Peace to you.

ren mcquiston
@ren-mcquiston
4 years ago
16 posts
Thanks for the perspective. I think that you are probably right about the energies of other people being like a drug. Does that make me addictive? Lol. I also think that I have a responsibility to respond to my friend rather than just turn away. That sucks. I really don't do well with conflict and knowing my friend as well as I do, conflict is most likely what I will have on my hands. I feel manipulated and I should address that, not because I have a desire to fix him but because I need some closure maybe. I can't accurately describe how much this facet of my existence wearies me. Its always the same thing. It makes me feel like I really can't let people get too close to me. Just increases my loneliness. Ah well. Not really a surprise. Thanks for responding. Its good to know that I'm not alone in that regard.
ren mcquiston
@ren-mcquiston
4 years ago
16 posts
Thanks for the response. Glad to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this kind if thing. I have experienced the same sort of incident you described. At the time it just seemed random and bizarre but put in this sort of context, it totally makes sense. I suppose it is rather like being a siren. Never thought of it that way. :)
Gigi Miner
@gigi-miner
4 years ago
7 posts

Addictive. Yep, let's go with that 'cause it's way good for our egos. :) The conflict is tough. Give yourself time to think thru the scenario multiple times and ways. I find that if I think about it long enough, a solution will present itself that is both kind to the other and easier for me to deal with because I am badly affected by any conflict as well.

Pausing to let some guidance come is always a good idea. We forget that we havea right to work things out inside ourselves before we share with someone else (if ever). Over developed sense of responsibility I guess.

And, yes, the loneliness is palatable. You won't find many of your kind IRL. You either take flawed humanity as it is, knowing that there won't be too many who will be able to give to you what you give to them, or you just separate. It's a rough road, but you can use your gifts to change how you walk the path.

I find getting off the main road (metaphorically or for real) works best...fewer people to bump into and deal with and the added benefit of some different perspectives.

Hang in there. This too shall pass. :)

ren mcquiston
@ren-mcquiston
4 years ago
16 posts
Lol. Sometimes a good ego boost is just the right medicine...or at least a good laugh. Thank you for reminding me that I do indeed have a right to process my experiences before I share them. On the other side of this is, of course, my wife. I've told her everything that he had to say. I was really hesitant to do so, knowing that she would be hurt by it (something I try very hard not to do) but after some reflection I knew I had to or I would just become a party to his games with her. I try very hard not to play games with people...usually it turns out badly for everyone involved. I guess you could say he forced my hand. Needless to say, she was unhappy about everything he said but also unhappy with me that I took a few days to digest the experience. Thanks for reaffirming my right to do that. I really did not want to be drawn into the conflict and did not want to lose my friendship with him but even more than that, I did not want to hurt my wife. It came down to who do I care more for, my soulmate and the love ofy life or my friend.

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