New to this and if anyone can relate..

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rock69th
@rock69th
last year
4 posts

Hey, first of all thanks for accepting me ..

The title says it all. im new to this information and now i reflect on all the things i did and all the phases throughout my life which i thought was VERY lucky "coincidences" . And i have no where to turn because even my parents think i should go see specialist. and im 35 m btw, lived in Indonesia and im happily married with 2 kids and they are the reasons why i need to stay focus , but its hard to focus when i dont exactly know whats going on.. 

i googled alot about empath for the past 3 days and its shocking to know many people are like me .. many quizes about being an empath on the net i almost get perfect score on every single one. so with every question my heart is lighten up abit and i can smile and relax knowing i may not be crazy after all..

so please bear the long post and see if anyone can relate or maybe give answer few of the things i couldnt find or may not interprate correctly. ( english is my 2nd language , pls pardon any typo or vocab/grammar errors )

1. since first day of school i never could play in the field with other kids, because i was a loner ( i thought i was ) and i rather spent times in library alone. this goes on throughout my schooldays. but i only studied till 10th grade and i dropped out becase i felt it was useless. plus i was lazy . i scored high on my 1-2 grade.. then lost intrest and always just do enough to pass .. till my secondary school ( 7th grade ) so i got a long pants uniform now . new thing and new friends. and i did well ( top 5 ) rank that year.,. fell to 10+ the following year and fall to bottom 5 by 10th grade again because i lost interest.. but only 1 subject that i scored very very high , the highest in the district or the country ( i studied in singapore btw) and that was History .. the subject that everyone hated so much.. i scored 90+,  and in school to get a 70-80 for basic subject is already very good. never knew why but i always liked history since ther first day i went to school and know there is a library , i will end up reading history books. doesnt matter if its WW2/WW1 topics, local history, medieval, or ancient chinese kingdoms , etc. so everyone and myself assume. im just lazy :)

so i wonder if anyone is into history and always want to know why it is like that? why do people did what they did and why do things in the world we live in now is the way it is ? yes its heartbreaking to see the as truth whenever i read and most of the times i will be gloomy and sad , cant take the images or story off my head for days and weeks. i somehow can feel or to be "sane" i will say "relate" to the person in the story.

2. knew it was meant to be and harldy every regret things, because i know its they to be.. unless i feel something that isnt right and i did it or didnt do anything to stop it. i will have a bad year thinking how i could have stopped it from happening by sticking to my gut feeling. 

ie. i was in a few serious relationship. 4 years, 2 years, 3 years, and 4 years .. well i always need a partner and couldnt stand without one or i go nuts :D .. but throughout all those relationship in the end we split in good terms because i knew it wasnt right. but never know why and coudlnt explain.. i then tell all my friends and family how i knew i dont want to get married, and i just dont want to be tied in knot for the rest of my life . but just when i stated that within a month i met my wife to be and we got engaged within a few weeks , married the following year . and i just knew from the first day i saw her that she is going to be my wife . that is the first time i ever felt "love at first sight" . things are not always pretty but we get through it and i know she is the one even thou she is the opposite of what ive been looking for . but now i know its for a reason. she given me many lessons in life ( indirectly ) on how to control my emotions and learn to control my urge to help everybody , and focus on my closest and love ones.  my life was  a mess before i met her because i always try to make everyone happy , and i ended up being the one bruised and battered ( many occasions literally ).

3. urge to leave everything behind ( not being iresponsible , in my case i couldnt go far ) and start hanging out with new friends, and most of the time i channel it to my hobby . so i start to find a new hobby, life without them will be dull and pointless for me as an individual. i;ll go crazy if i dont have a hobby. and the bad thing about getting a new hobby is i only have 2 mode switch ..crazy mode and dont care mode.. so everytime ihve a new hobby i'll be losing lots of money and time.. but the good thing is i will get to know more people and new friends.. and therefore i made it as if i have a new life. 

and its also hard to maintain routines, i am always good at starting something . i opened few business that are now handled byu my friends simply because i dont want to run them. i find exitement in creating new business and learning new tricks 

4. fascination with angels, it started when i started to live on my own. i bought an apartment. and homehow out of nowhere i wanted to get a tattoo and i know i wanted an angel tattoo.. so i got mine.. and that was the moment i met my wife .. 

after that i suddenly got the urge out of nowhere to be baptized as a catholic , and i wanted to change my name so badly. so i did.  and i make my 2nd angel tattoo .. and just a week after we found out my wive is pregnant.. we were already tried for 2 years with no succeess and we jsut give up and say let God decides for us and stop trying so hard. 

we are blessed with a baby girl who i named Gabriel because i wanted to use an angelic name ( again for a reason i cant explain ), and my son is named after a saint .. because we couldnt find a suitable angelic name for him.

ive experience  changes in my behaviour and lifestyle throughout time , again i dont know why but im sure its for a reason . to break apart things that are already good or to change something / someone . but i know i have to do it.. everytime i did it gives me a new insight on life.  and the last changes i made has brought me to some revelation and opening up some sense taht i ignored before or try to hide because the world demands me not to ..some of them are:

- wathing news its like watching a drama with script and for a reason i know why people did that on the news, or why its happening . But wathing a kid/animal being abused or getting injured is like being stabbed in the heart and i will have tears. which i will quickly rubbed off and try to get a grip before someone notices. 

- few months ago a face popped out of nowhere when i try to sleep, so real and so clear ..i jumped out of bed and in shock . 

- many times before i went to sleep, i saw my room is very bright yellowish like old lamp is turned on. but on refelct i looked up notice the light is off. but when i look straight again its bright again.so ussually i will just go to my pc and work and wont bother sleeping because i know if i try i'll have another sleepless night and aching back in the morning

- whenever i go shopping alone , i always get like a panic attack. cold sweats and look confused. many times mistkenly thought i was shoplifting or attempt to shoplift because of my behaviour. but if im with a dear company i wont be like that becase i focused onmy company . 

- when my kids are crying i know what they want and how they feel, i thought that was "empathy" .. and im not good with babies . i never change a diaper in my life ( yes im a bad dad )

- i know when there is an entity nearby and ussually after i get the feeling my baby will cry 

-  i can tell if someone i trying to cheat on a project or just simply bad news for the company, .. i had this since i can remember , i always asked my dad why he hang out with "bad" people .. and also mom.. why she want to be friend with that ugly person ( she says her friend is beautiful but i saw her ugly , i see many girls that my friend says are "hot" but i say "NOT" )  .. and i always get scoled for "making judment" on people. but in the end i always right . and most of the time they got ripped off. this makes it hard for me to make new "friends" . the friends that are close to me will always be by my side.. and some i know are "disposable" friends so i learn not to be bothered by any drama . (thanks to my wive's teaching) 

- during converstaion i couldnt stare at the person eye, if i do i will be in deep trouble. running a business is not good if we always want to give in to what people want, and somehow i know what they want. back then i always have a huntch in my chest about what they "may " want . but now i see flashes / images / dejavu like experience and that makes it hard and made me look studdered . this really bothers me alot.

- ringing ear and "vertigo" for months now since i've discovered somethings wrong with me. never relate the physical and "mental" condition together but reading on many people';s experience it started to make sense.. the ringing and vertigo comes and go.. i realized i get the "vertigo" or the feeling like im on a boat on very wavy water. or on a plane on turbulance. ( no headache, no vomit, and ive check with few nerve / ear specialist they say im fine ) only when im in the office.. i know many people want to "kill" me because i always know who is cheating the company's money and i exposed all the wrong doings. so the last 2 days i learn to block and being ignorance to whatever people may think or feel and i get very little turbulance . but however as im writing this , my ear started to ring like in a plane and goes on high altitude. used to be on 1 ear but now on both.. maybe someone can relate or explain? :(

- started to talk about people's problem and giving them solutions, some are subconciously and i dont know why i know about their problems but i just have words in my chest that just burst out of no where . and they are shocked on how i know those stuffes when i dont even know them that well.

this is a roller coaster ride, people started talking im crazy and should go to the shrink , but somehoe my "stubborn" self knows its wrong to seek help from psyciatrist.

there are may that i can ask but that may ended up writing an entire book. im sorry for the long post but its just the exitement, joy, confusion and curiosity all bundled into one. and i cant contain it this time and this writing is the only outlet for me.  


updated by @rock69th: 03/25/17 07:47:30AM
bunnigirl
@bunnigirl
last year
169 posts

Hi Rock.  A very warm welcome to you.  You are totally in the right place and it sounds like an angel guided you here to us all.  You have a lot of empath abilities.  When I was first told I was pissed because I didn't know what it meant and if I was only told YEARS ago I wouldn't have made the choices I made but it's never too late! The fact that you have found this site is amazing and a miracle.  I stumbled across it while trying to understand empaths, etc.  All of what you described is empath and maybe even more I believe.  I think us realizing we have this and I am told not too many people do by healers I am working with, that it will help us understand all the strange things and intensities of emotions and feeling sick a lot.  We just have to fine tune and shield ourselves till we learn how to sense when it is our emotions or physical pains and what is theirs.  This is the place to do it!  there is a forum post called impaired empaths and healing or something similar.  Elise gives 7 techniques and its amazing.  She started this community because she gets it.  I hope you feel a little less anxious and get comfortable in your new awareness one step at a time.  Life is a journey and I finally get that expression.  I didn't really like history at all, I liked math because it had nothing to do with people :) WELCOME!

Paul
@paul
last year
916 posts

Welcome to the group. There are mighty fine people here and they are willing to assist. I thank Elise for giving us this forum to communicate. Explore, there is all groups in just about all kinds of subjects.

Lotusfly
@lotusfly
last year
410 posts

Hi Rock69th,

I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially dropping out of high school, sabotaging things to try something new, always needing to be in a relationship (or rather, feel better when so), uncomfortable shopping in public alone, knowing what people need, knowing who are good people or not, and more. Just know that you're not alone, and I'm glad you found someone to spend your life with. And congrats to you and your wife on your children!

Many blessings~

rock69th
@rock69th
last year
4 posts

thanks @paul ,.. and thanks @lotusfly..  that really meant alot , that lifted so much burden in my chest .. thought i was going to be a deaf psycho..turns out something else.. so the past 2 days was crazy with many flashbacks and recollection of what i did and why i did it. all seems to connect.. i'll try elise's reading and see where it goes..

regards,.. 

rock69th
@rock69th
last year
4 posts

@hermeshenry

Thank you so much. Its only been a week since i read your post and it helped me alot. Seems all i needed was "faith" . Funny thing is i got "faith" tattooed yearss ago, guess the more i see the more i ignore the real meaning. 

To sum things up :

1. Ive tried "meditation" my own my and prayed, on first try i get my answers on what i should see ,what i would hear and how i should follow my intuitions . Seems all the "luck" and "coincidences" that had happened was meant to be. 

Plus the trip to outter space was nice. . At first.. i saw what i thought maggot/bacteria like thing swirling around my eyes i was in shocked. Even when i open my eyes they wont go away. Then not wanting to rouse my wife becauae ahe already went thrugh alot, i force to close my eyes and try to sleep again.

Then the vision changes when i saw a white and blue light on the center of the vision. I try to take a look and out of a sudden i saw planets, clouds etc like in star trek movies. Zooming in the planetary and space for a journey (and i promise you im not on lsd ) . For a few minutes then groups of shades of blacks , greys and whites rush through me. After few shades  then i realize those shades have arms and faces but then i just act i didnt notice them.

Next thing i saw was a square symbol of a humanoid bird' head facing left. Ive no idea what that was and still havent got a clue .  

2. I barely eats meat now. Dont know why i have hard time getting the meat down my throath. Even chewing it seems wrong. 

I also barely sleeps. I cant sleep unless im super tired. Otherwise i will see things i dont want to see

3. I understood what my dreams meant all these times. I always have reccuring dream and now it make sense on what the msg are. And i may know how i died on past life

4. Understanding the "knowing" inside that i always takes for granted thinking it was just a huntch or lucky guess. Now i have to thank for the wisdom and advises instead of taking it for granted. So i would have to choose who i should tell what i know or what l"think" to selected bunch or ill be stamped as a cocky "know it all" . Which thought i was . I cant seem to keep my mouth shut and it urges me to say somthing about someone which i dont event know that well. Ans some of the things are personal and from their reaction i know what i said were true.

Now i try to control thoses urges to speak out. My anger and emotions are in balance too. 

5. I realizes my other director in my other company and another close friend of mine are also empath and i talked to them about this and they are glad to knows they are not crazy as well. 

6. Special thanks to @hermeshenry for the advises. The gregorian solfeggio and ho'oponopono are exactlty what i needed . Need to refocus , acknowledge myself and stop thinking to much for everybody and what everybody will think of me.  No matter what people say or think i should always have respect for myself and believe i did the best i could and should have no regret. Just believe and have "faith" . 

7.understand that the angels protecting me will always be by my side even if i felt unworthy , they will always be there. And knowing the higher power do exist and what i think about all the religions all these times are basically true. 

Last 2 week was a journey . But im sure there are many to come and will look forward to it. But best of all. My "vertigo" is gone. If i can keep myself together. Ans the ringing still here. And yes i do listen to chimes , chants , birds, distant music or radio playing now. Its been there all along bu i didnt tune it correctly. Now the ringing is an early alarm if something bad is nearby. 

Thanks again people for the support. Specially to you @hermeshenry for the guide and answer for what I need .. God Bless.. 

#outoftopic

4th november my city had a big racial demonstration (google jakarta demonstrate 4th november) and barely slept last night . People almost went 98 on us minority and some of my friends are already got their cars stopped and damaged. Some report already leads to another racial riots. I knew this will happen again one day. But what i felt was strange strong vibration between frighten,  anger and sadness  (i live in an apartment ) i was in a mood swing badly and i juat locked my self in my office area and i felt my ears ringing so loud and my body starta to loae balance as if theres a 7scale earth quake. I almost fell down. So did i pick up the emtions of others nearby? Or was i just feint hearted? Haha. But i know im not easily scared after been through 3 major riots before. 

Btw the riots are after us chinese descend and here police cant do anything about it. So if possible pls pray for our people so we can get through it quickly and harmlessly . 

Thnks

DENNY

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