Help finding my path

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mommy4
@mommy4
last year
28 posts

It all started as a child I have a love for nature and it's healings,  animals (I've always had more than one animal ranging from cats (I always have had at least 2 cats),  dogs,  Guinea pigs,  and fish ( I currently have 2 cats,  1 dog,  2 fish tanks full of about 8-10 fish that are actually my mother in laws but in my household,  and 2 Guinea pigs). I'm a warm person loving and motherly.  I have 4 children at the age I am now which is 24 years old with my kids dad same father but him and I have hit some troubles and are working on our relationship.  But anyways as a kid I was always the outcast fro my naturally auburn hair and I was a chubby kid. I've been trying to find my path because my mother was adopted and Ive never know that sid of my family. As a kid I had a dream that came true the next day.  My dream was someone got into a car crash... That's it didn't know where or who or if anyone was hurt.  The next day my mother and I got into a car crash luckily no one got hurt in our car or the other car. And normally I don't ever  remember any dreams except maybe 3 in my whole life.  I had a dream last night about a Egyptian man on a small white horse and I rode a full grown white horse.  In the end I helped him find a big white horse like mine. So,  I've thought of maybe I can have glimpses into the future or something.  But then I took notice that my emotions base off of others. I can tell when I'm being lied to. My kids father has always told me he can see stars in my eyes and that I have a unbreakable bond that keeps people interested in me. Everyone wants to talk to me,  ask my opinions,  and his draw to me is so strong that even when I've done some horrible things (without meaning to in a way I didn't listen to my gut instinct which results in bad energy for me)  he cannot leave or feels that I need his help and only his I will possibly listen to more than I would anyone else's. I've been in a spiral of bad energy and I'm trying to fix it.  I think I'm really confused and don't know which power I have.  My belief in my empathy power is also confusing because of my bipolar.  I don't know if I do have a power or which one it is because of my mixed emotions and thoughts.  I don't know if I'm just being silly in thinking that I can help people like the Charmed Ones or if I'm just a normal person thinking that I maybe powerful because of my roller coaster of emotions from my bipolar. I'm just ultimately trying to find my path.  I enjoy witchcraft,  I try,  I study,  not sure if my spells have worked.  Some there is a possibility that they have but I know it takes practice and patience. I'm not here to offend anybody.  I'm just trying to find my path and I have a almost natural draw to different people and studies etc.  My kids father even asked me when I was sort of doubting myself in my head and thoughts so I stopped practicing and studying and everything without telling him.  He comes home from work one night and out of nowhere asks me,  "why did I quit my studying a of witchcraft and stuff? " I responded,  "you noticed that I stopped? " he said,  "yes that's why I'm asking you why have you stopped? " I said,  " do you think I should continue that it's possible that I'm onto something that I actually have a gift? " he said,  "well I told you in the beginning that if you like it I will support you and anything is possible is the way I see it. " so he noticed even when I was doubting myself and rethinking and he has always been supportive but this time I think he knows or thinks something about me that I cant always see in myself and that's why he's encouraged me to keep doing what I seemed to love but I'm stuck. I don't know which or if I have any power that maybe Ive not used enough or I've somehow blocked out of my mind and I'm at a halt.  I need some guidance and help to find my path and I hope by joining this community someone can help me because in my overly stressed mind and body I have some fight but I need to know how to approach my new path and I want to help people and myself.  Witchcraft and finding my power is something I enjoy and it actually makes a lot of sense.  So thank you for accepting me and reading my story and if you can help and choose to help thank you  for all the help.  Blessed Be


updated by @mommy4: 02/22/17 05:12:08AM
Renee
@renee
last year
137 posts

Wow it feels like you are on a roller coaster of a ride with so so many different things going on and like your mind is just going to explode! Without meaning to offend, is there any possible way you are able to step back from ALL of it, the witchcraft (not 100% sure of what type you are practicing) , the needing to find your path, dreams, wanting to help etc and just take a bit of time to find your centre and calm your energy? No one else is able to "tell you" what your gift is only you. If you can quieten all of that need and expectation of what you would or shouldn't be doing I'm sure you will find the answers in yourself... there's a lot of difficulty in making the choice to sit in the absolute unknown - of embracing the negative space between activity, making a decision / acting on that decision, but if you are able to just stop and be in that moment, find your calm your direction will appear.... also, without being condescending, you are only 24 with 4 kids! That's a massive load! (I'm 33 with 5 kids and only worked out I was an empath at 28, prior to that I was struggling with depression anxiety and suspected bipolar..... ) But at 24 you've stumbled across the notion that your an empath... you are miles ahead of so so many! Try not to rush the process but just allow it to come to fruition on its own.... and breathe... all will come xx 

Renee
@renee
last year
137 posts

Although it may help to just observe... so without a need to understand, when you remember dreams, write them down. When you cross syncronicities, make note of them. Acknowledge that you've received the message even if you don't understand it. But other than that don't try to push for too much more just yet? 

mommy4
@mommy4
last year
28 posts

Thank you for your response. But last night I had something happen to me that could've only got its power from the full moon.  I had made contact with my Spirit guides and my recently deceased grandfather.  He told me that he gave me my dream the night before with the horses and that he's pretty sure I get my gift from my mothers side but with my dads side having strong determination and all being Irish and German it's overpowering to me.  After making contact I was so lightheaded, dizzy, went into like staring into space, started sneezing quite a bit and so I was almost freaking out.  I had my fiancé assist me to the bath tub to soak in a salt bath with honey and lavender scented bath salts (thank goodness for Calgon take me away)  and I had to ask my higher powers to tune my powers down and it all seemed to melt away.  So, in the end of last night our only night with a full moon I got my answer. I've just got to choose if I want to use it or not. Last night was a good yet nerve wracking experience. I got my answer but it's a lot to take in.  I felt so relieved since I had the unnerving feelings since my grandfather died and over that year or so I wasn't listening and bad luck followed me around in a way (no more people died but it was a lot of negative energies)  and my grandpa had been wanting to talk to me. 

Lotusfly
@lotusfly
last year
410 posts

Hi Mommy4,

With bipolar, or any mental illness, it can be confusing what the gifts are. I suggest to work on healing your symptoms so that it will be clearer to you. The reason it's hard to separate illness from gift is because the trauma a person experienced (all mental illness is a result of trauma) clouds/distorts a person's perspective. But it can clear, and that is through healing the past.

But you definitely have gifts, it appears. It's harder to see them than someone who lived a supportive upbringing, because the person may question themselves, due to lack of confidence/self-assurance, but it does not change the fact that you are special.

Study/practice that in which you enjoy for the pure fact that you enjoy it, not that it brings results. Obviously you enjoy your pursuits, because your fiance noticed you were different when you weren't partaking in them. So they help you. I can imagine it would help a mother of 4 to have her own interests outside of motherhood :)

All the best~

mommy4
@mommy4
last year
28 posts

Thank you lotusfly you have encouraged me a little bit but I'm stuck also on pursuing my beliefs as a self healer such as more meditation and more yoga not to mention the time to do it more than I already do to reduce my bipolar or do I take a slightly quicker approach and get back on medicines for a little bit. I use to take medicine but then I started putting 2 and 2 together and I didn't like most results when going back on medication. It's all so stressful and confusing. Got a lot to think about

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