Empaths & love..

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Ash2016
@ash2016
last year
34 posts

I'm still new to all this, but I've been thinking a lot about past experiences since discovering I am an empath. Since I was old enough to have relationships, I've always had a problem with male friends developing romantic feelings for me. I know that this is somewhat common in close friendships, but this usually happens to me with any male that I spend a lot of time with... at school, at work, etc... not just those that I am close to. It has even happened with friend's boyfriends and once with one of their husbands. They express these feelings to me and act on them.. every time it's described as there just being "something about me" and they claim that the feelings are so strong they can't shake them. I've had to end friendships or distance myself from people because of feelings that they couldn't put aside. So now I am wondering if that has anything to do with me being an empath.. have any of you experienced anything like this?


updated by @ash2016: 02/23/17 02:23:33PM
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

All my life! I remember having a huge group of friends in my early 20s, we all used to hang together and do stuff and go for coffee. One by one each and every guy took me aside with some reason why i was their soul mate, "it just feels right". Meanwhile i felt nothing for them... it was weird,  still happens but i don't spend a lot of time with bery many people any more. Although i can say on the flip side whem I'm crushing on someone it is very rarely returned. Seema my magic only works on those i don't want lol.

Aiden
@aiden
last year
32 posts

Same here! And it comes from males and females , older and younger.  I don't have a single friend who hasn't expressed an interest in me at some point. Sometimes it's difficult because I've had to end friendships because the feeling just wasn't mutual. And as Nikki said, when I'm crushing on someone, the feeling is rarely mutual, but then again I don't always express it to them lol. I encounter random people on the street always smiling at me or kind of just looking at me somewhat in awe. I think empaths naturally have a certain aura that attracts others. I believe since we are so good at being in tune with others feelings and making them comfortable, it makes them feel like we just get them and that we are "the one" when we are in fact just doing what comes naturally to us. 

Ash2016
@ash2016
last year
34 posts

It's interesting to know it's not only me that this happens to. I thought it might have something to with people being drawn to us. Like both of you, I have also had the feeling not be mutual with people I am interested in.. I think. But like you Aiden, I haven't always expressed it. I would always assume the feeling wasn't mutual because they didn't come to me like the others normally do. I will say that I've never been rejected when I have actually pursued someone... of course I'm only talking about initially meeting or hooking up with someone. I've had failed relationships like anyone else and have even been cheated on.. though, those people still express feelings they still have for me as well.

MaryAnne
@maryanne
last year
30 posts

OMG! Same here!

I was wondering if it had something to do with being an empah... 

My best friend says that there's something about me. The light seems to follow me in the pictures etc.

Few occations it has been REALLY awful too. You see I was sexually abused when I was 12-13 and I didn't even understand it and I was really shy and didn't know what to do with it and didn't have anyone to turn to.

Besides it wasn't really clear to me what he was doing. I think he was manipulatively smart about it...

I did tell his wife who HAPPENS to be my older sister... but that was years later and I was just surprised that she didn't notice anything.

She blamed me and said I should've said something then. Like it would've mattered back then. He was abusive to her too. Vocally. 

So he was the first to show interest in me. I think the empath powers started to get stronger in that age too. Meaning I felt like a crazy person...

And after that almost all of my male friends started to notice me and they thought they found their  soulmate or something. My little sister found it funny and so did my girlfriends. They still joke about my ''popularity'' eventhough other girls were jealous and thought the worst of me making me feel cheap. And nothing even happened with those guys!!!

The funny thing is... I NEVER felt anything to them. Not like that. So in the end I started to avoid them. I didn't give my time to them anymore. I didn't want to talk to them anymore like I used to. They were just hi, how are you doing-friends to me.

And if I really DID like someone...? Well. I was just way too nerveous to show them the real me and acted like a total idiot in front of them. They got over me like after a first date :p

Anyways. Enough ranting!

It's just good to know that there are others who think the same way I do :D

Aiden
@aiden
last year
32 posts

I'd also like to mention that I can usually also tell when a relationship is going to last or if the person I meet will play a significant role in my life in one way or another. I've been in 5 relationships and in 1 of the 5 relationships I just knew this person would hold a very special place in my heart and life even before meeting him in person (met him online). I just felt an energy I never felt before prior to us meeting and when we finally did it was just magical. It was my longest relationship and it was simply amazing. I was 18 but looking back I believe that he may have also been an empath. He was my best friend.When he moved away i was heartbroken but we ended on an amazing note. I still love him very much. 

Now the others, I never did get this similar feeling when meeting the others. I decided to go with it anyway because I know people can "grow" on you and it can't always be fireworks from the beginning unfortunately. I felt super hesitant about the other relationships and had a feeling that I wasn't suppose to be with the person for one reason or the other. I was right about every single one. Slowly but surely I began to uncover the lies and deception in them. Another thing I have noticed in relationships especially is that i  just know when something is off or if I'm being lied to. They would deny of course in the beginning but I was never wrong in the end about my intuition. 

Ash2016
@ash2016
last year
34 posts

@maryanne I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I also experienced the "popularity" and it caused trouble for me. Truthfully, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17, but I had a bad reputation for being promiscuous by the time I was 14 due to all the attention I received from boys my age. And sadly, some of them told lies when I didn't share their interests. Friends have also always went on about there being something about me.. they say I'm the easiest person ever to talk to and that I have a way of making them see things from a different perspective. So 2am phone calls full of tears have always been the norm with my friends! 

@aiden me too, me too!! There is actually one person that I have had a major connection with for literally my entire life. We're the same age and his family was always friends with my family.. so we really have known each other since birth. Anyway, other than one kiss when we were 16, we were never more than friends until life had led us down different paths for quite sometime and we reconnected in our 20s. I knew immediately that we would not end up together.. we have an undeniable connection, but I have always known that he's not "the one". If we slept in the same room we had the same dreams. Knowing now that I am an empath, I know that I might have been picking up his dreams.. but he is the only person I've even been aware of this happening with. He is one of the people I had to disconnect with because he actually became somewhat obsessed with me, as conceited as that sounds. He always claimed that he had been in love with me for his entire life. I will always have a deep love for him, but I was never IN love with him. I speak to him maybe once a year or so through emails to catch up, but only when he contacts me first and that has to be the extent of our communication because if I take it farther than that he misunderstands my intentions. Still, I dream about him from time to time. And every time I do I find out from his family members that he is going through something big.. marriage, a baby on the way, divorce, a car accident, an illness.. these are all things my dreams have been a prelude to. I've never understood why there's such a deep connection with someone I was never in love with.. but it exists.

Ash2016
@ash2016
last year
34 posts

Oh and @aiden I also meant to add.. I also always know up front what will last and what won't. And the feelings I pick up on have caused many problems for me where relationships are concerned because I can tell when something is off before the other person even realizes it.. and I can't keep my mouth shut when I do...lol

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts

I have had this too, and it's still a problem.  Alot of them even cock block new relationships for me.  That now I've learned to not even tell them anything.  I've never over stepped the boundary and got involved with those guys, but it's flipping annoying lol!  

I think it's because we care and show them support in ways their girl doesnt.  Men need support and many women don't give it I guess.  

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

Ash2016:

I'm still new to all this, but I've been thinking a lot about past experiences since discovering I am an empath. Since I was old enough to have relationships, I've always had a problem with male friends developing romantic feelings for me. I know that this is somewhat common in close friendships, but this usually happens to me with any male that I spend a lot of time with... at school, at work, etc... not just those that I am close to. It has even happened with friend's boyfriends and once with one of their husbands. They express these feelings to me and act on them.. every time it's described as there just being "something about me" and they claim that the feelings are so strong they can't shake them. I've had to end friendships or distance myself from people because of feelings that they couldn't put aside. So now I am wondering if that has anything to do with me being an empath.. have any of you experienced anything like this?

I , also , have had this happen a lot with both male and females, even though I'm heterosexual.   People often misjudge our kindness and connection with their heart. .  It's like we are big cotton balls that they want to cuddle.  They feel the comfort of our healing souls and want to connect.  Some people are inneed of love so badly they confuse passionate love with unconditional love.  Love is love. Passion is the only way they know how to express it.  It's not "Rene'" they have just fell in love with, by no means, it's our energy that makes us who we are.  

Bookworm
@bookworm
last year
85 posts

Rene once again I think you hit the nail bang on the head!  Wink

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

Bookworm "]

Rene once again I think you hit the nail bang on the head!  http://empathcommunity.eliselebeau.com/data/media/0/0/jrSmiley_7_smiley_image.png:style="height: 20px;" alt="Wink" title="Wink">

Hello, Bookworm,  I hope you have been well.   I was making sure you was talking to me due to their are two of us on here now, but the spelling is different.   Sometimes I get confused.  lol 😂 

Bookworm
@bookworm
last year
85 posts

Hi Rene (with one e!) Lol yes,  I meant you :) and I'm very good thanks I hope you are too! xx

Renee
@renee
last year
137 posts

Rene'':


Bookworm "]

Rene once again I think you hit the nail bang on the head!  http://empathcommunity.eliselebeau.com/data/media/0/0/jrSmiley_7_smiley_image.png:style="height: 20px;" alt="Wink" title="Wink">


Hello, Bookworm,  I hope you have been well.   I was making sure you was talking to me due to their are two of us on here now, but the spelling is different.   Sometimes I get confused.  lol 😂 

Aha yep I'm the other Renee (with 2 e's) ! Agree exactly with what @rene said up the thread about others being drawn to empaths... It's like we have a massive shining light that says "come to me I will see you, hear you, feel you and love you all the same!" 

Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

--I've also had the experience all my life of people becoming attracted to me in all types of scenarios, professional, married people, co-workers, strangers, women and men (and I am heterosexual)--- It's a running joke with lots of my long-time friends----I've had people chase me throught airports, had people kiss me within a few moments of meeting me, I've had several stalkers, I've met people overseas who try to contact me for years, saying that they "want more" of whatever that was. 

--Its not that I'm so physically attractive (I'm proportioned, I have average features, I don't wear much makeup).. I am beautiful because I look at people, and I see them! 

--Lately I read something in a book "Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore-- he wonders if, when we encounter one another in romance, that is one of the ways that the soul glimpses God/Divine/Source. Because where female and male are both present (and I'm not trying to exclude other loves just talking about this particular male/female connection) --- this is the complete platform for complete love---- He does a better job of explaining it. 

--In response, I've been altering my view of "attraction", altering my characterization of attraction. Maybe what people feel is the "arousal" of the Divine? If Empath's can pick up the other person, then maybe the other person is feeling that soul connection and it is interesting and amazing --- bc it's a glimpse of God? Then I don't take it so personally, nor do I take so seriously my own "attractions" to people. By seriously, I mean I don't jump to the conclusion that just because someone thingks he or she is attracted to me in the conventional sense (i.e. they want to have sex or pursue love or do something procreative) ---They just don't have any other slot to put it in. They do have these proctreative tingles but what if they are more general, more universal, and can be directed in that way. I've been finding lately that if I hang in there and just view the "attraction" like this.... I'm getting a different result. Sometimes, if its appropriate, I'm staying "present" and explaining this--- easier said than done--- and It's only mildly different, but different. I like the journey I'm on with this way of thinking... 

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

@jenstone - interesting idea, not sure I followed it completely but I think I get what you are saying.

If you add the fact that empaths attract broken people, then it's not too hard to believe that many will want to have a relationship with us because we make them feel whole like the many before us couldn't.  I'm finding I'm meeting a lot of guys my age who have been raked over the coals by selfish, needy, cold, abusing women.  They spend any time with me and they want to date. I'm like a breath of fresh air to them and they want to keep it.

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts

@ Nikki, how do you keep them?  Lol.  I'm the say way attracting broken men, it's very rare I meet someone who is doing well for themself.  And when i do meet not broken,  the attraction or their like towards me goes away.  I guess not many people appreciate or care for all the great things we do if they are not broken,  especially if they are not broken because they can  hold their own.  A's for the married men, yuck, they come to me too.  I have a few at work who have a "crush" on me, and when I'm out the married flirt with me.  It's annoying and I do feel bad if they get no support from their wives, but not my place to fix it.

Is it different if you are dating someone who is an empath themselves?

Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

Interesting.

Is any empath in a successful romantic relationship with another Empath? It would be interesting to hear more about this if so.... 

As far as being in relationship with broken people, maybe it's just that we are all broken in some way, laugh.... 

Ash2016
@ash2016
last year
34 posts

It is very interesting that so many of you go through this too. I also have always seemed to find the broken ones, but I think @jenstone is right.. we are all broken to some extent. Even when we seem to have it all together there are usually things we still need to work on. I've never been in a relationship with another empath that I know of, but I have noticed that my husband seems to pick up on my feelings now more than he used to. I'm not sure if it has something to do with me realizing I am an empath or what, but I find it odd that it has changed. It has been a really good change though.

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts

@ash, also very interesting you mention maybe we are all broken in our own ways.  Yes, people break us LOL.  Mostly how we are used by people to help them, it takes a toll on us as well.  But we don't go looking for other people to heal us, we try to do it ourselves.  

Now I'm more curious on what it's like dating another empath or having them as a close friend.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

I believe we all are or have been broken at some time, yes. I've been hurt quite badly and i know that, i recognize that, I've taken the last 4 years putting myself and my life back together.  i took the time to be alone, i took the time to help my son, i re- built my life. I see my flaws and I'm willing to work on them.

What i mean by my use of the word broken is people who are angry, bitter, emotional wrecks, they can't get past what their ex did long enough to see that not everyone is like that.  Like i can't use the word fine because it has other meanings along with everything else i say... i have to walk on eggshels or explain myself thoroughly or prove I'm not like the others but i can tell they don't quite ever trust me... but they want me around.  Or ones who just broke up and their mixed up emotionally and have family matters to sort out and kids to fix... they want someone to to take that support role so they don't have to make all the rules. These people are not ready for a relationship and have no clue why.  That's what i mean by broken.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

I've never dated another empath that i know of, but i think it would be a train wreck if they weren't aware and understood their abilities. 

I have for the first time that I'm aware of an empath friend.  I met her a month or so ago and it's been good to talk to someone about it in person.

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts

I was in 2 relationship similar to what you described Nikki.  And it actually broke me down, after that last relationship I haven't had anyone to call a b/f in 5 years.  I've dated and met alot of people but nothing.  Once I found out who I am, I was able to understand better why I attracted 1 man who destroyed me completely, and another who smothered and controlled me.  That time is over and I love me again :)

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

@tigerlily i think when we meet someone who has life going for him we get overlooked, at least for me, I'm quiet,calm and i don't stand out. In fact sometimes i don't think people remember i was there. I have to really put effort into being seen and communicate in a way that my presence is remembered.  It took me a long time to realize that and a blunt friend to point it out. Not only that but i was unapproachable because i rarely smiled or talked for that matter. If I'm into someone now i make the effort to be 'normal' socially for lack of a better word. 

I've been destroyed by relationships, i was very naive thinking people thought like me and had similar murals. I made bad choices, not sure my heart will even let me fall again. I want another connection but I'm so afraid of being hurt again it's kneejerk reaction to push then away, no one gets past. I'm working on that, i know part of it is me. 

Renee
@renee
last year
137 posts

Jenstone:

Interesting.

Is any empath in a successful romantic relationship with another Empath? It would be interesting to hear more about this if so.... 

As far as being in relationship with broken people, maybe it's just that we are all broken in some way, laugh.... 

Awww isn't this sad to wonder "are there ANY successful relationships" lol... I've wondered this! We attract the broken, we take all that one and we break ourselves in the meantime. I pulled some cards yesterday, relating to something else, however this was heavily on my mind and I pulled II Water - relating to intimacy - the messag was to be conscious of maintaining individuality and balance in relationships, not becoming absorbed by another, keeping other interests etc so I have hope!!! I also know a few other empaths who are in "successful" relationships - success being perceptions. They are not without their faults and trials, however, their partners are ver aware and open to the various aspects of being an empath. I also know some whereby it is a co-dependant relationship however they haven't quite noticed that yet and I'm not about to point it out! I think just like any relationship there will be ups and downs and it's learning to flow with that, have patience, trust, honesty, understanding, compassion etc ...... atleast I hope! I'm single after 10yrs so don't take my word for it! 

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